Chapter Twenty-Eight
Anastacia
“Are you sure that’s in right?” I ask, staring at the car seat uneasily.
“It’s in right,” Tommy says as he comes around the back of the SUV. “I used to install these things when I was stuck working the desk. Did hundreds of them.”
That puts my mind at ease.
“Oh, so you’re fine knowing he did it,” Grizz says, sounding offended.
“He’s experienced,” I argue with a smile.
Grizz rolls his eyes, and Tommy laughs. “She’ll be safe in there. You have a high-quality car seat, and a safe vehicle.” He pats the hood of the dark grey Toyota Highlander.
“I don’t know a thing about cars, but if you say it’s safe, I believe you.”
“Sure, believe him,” Grizz says, and I give him a little shove.
Well, I try, but he doesn’t move. He’s a wall of a man.
“Stop being jealous.”
“No,” he says with a grin, then pulls me close with his arm around my waist. His lips find mine, cold from the chill in the air, but his tongue is warm as it slides against mine.
I groan into his mouth, my stomach going crazy.
I want this man so badly. He pulls away before things get too heated. “Do you have everything?”
I nod, licking my lips. “Her bag is on the floor.” I carefully shut her door, so as to not wake her.
Grizz opens the front door for me, and I hop in, then he goes around the other side.
The car is already on and running, so it would be warm for Dorothea.
Two more car doors echo around us as Kelsey and Tommy get into his Silverado.
They’re coming with us to the Halloween party at the club house.
It’s late afternoon, which is when all the kids come by.
They have a full adult party afterward, which usually consists of people getting trashed, and I may have heard Grizz mention orgies…
but he assured me we’d be gone before that.
“This is going to be interesting,” he says as we pull onto the road. “Guys have never had a baby around before.”
“Are they going to be okay with it?”
“Fuck yeah, they are. We all are going to keep her safe. I told you that. We take care of each other.”
“Even if they don’t get to have their orgies?” I ask.
He barks out a laugh. “They have the bar for that, if they can’t wait until we leave.”
I watch the trees as we drive by. Some bare, some still holding on, and some that’ll stay because they’re here for the winter.
Grizz said it should snow any day now. I swear it went from being chilly at night to being like the arctic.
There’s something about it that I love though.
Something about the fresh, cold air. I haven’t experienced it in a long time.
I was locked up for so long that I didn’t get to see the weather much.
Winter always was my favorite. Snow is beautiful the way it blankets everything is touches.
“I used to love the snow when I was a little girl,” I say.
“Do you still love it?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. You can help me shovel.”
I swat at his chest, and he laughs again. “I’m kidding. No angel of mine will lift a finger to shovel snow.”
“What if I want to?”
He gives me a look that says really? and I can’t help but laugh.
“Maybe just snowman building,” I say.
“That, I will allow.”
“Oh, you’ll allow it, will you?”
“Damn right,” he says playfully.
I reach for his hand and have the strangest urge to tell him that I love him. The thought hits me like a freight train, and I quickly turn my attention back out the window so he doesn’t think something is wrong. It shakes me to the core though.
Do I love this man?
I don’t know. I’m not sure I know what love is.
Though… maybe I do. I know what I feel for my daughter. But that is a different sort of love, isn’t it? I’m not sure I know how to love someone who isn’t part of me.
There are a few bikes in the large parking lot, but more trucks. Grizz parks as close to the clubhouse as he can. It looks like a regular building. Something along the lines of a mechanic shop without the garages, or maybe a small warehouse.
From here, I spot part of another building further back, but I can’t see enough of it to make out what it really looks like. I assume that’s the bar.
“Some of these idiots still ride in weather like this,” Grizz grumbles.
“We were out riding not too long ago,” I remind him.
“Yeah, but it could snow tonight. They shouldn’t be riding in the snow. It’s dangerous.”
“Look at you caring,” I say, leaning over to kiss his cheek. He turns at the last minute, finding my lips.
“I care about you a lot, Angel.”
I hum happily, my heart flipping in my chest. “I care about you too, Grizz.”
He kisses me again, his hand grasping the back of my neck tightly.
There goes my stomach again, sending these warm pleasure signals right between my legs.
A soft tapping on the window pulls us apart, and I find Tommy and Kelsey standing outside Grizz’s window, smiling.
“Impatient,” he grumbles, shutting off the car.
I get out and go right to the back to undo the car seat, but I can’t get it unlatched.
“Let me help,” Grizz says gently, and I move out of the way. He pushes the button, pulls it off and sets her down gently. “You have to push before you pull.”
“I think she’s just too heavy for me to carry.”
“She is getting big,” he says, and I pout. “I’ll carry her in.”
He picks up the carrier like it weighs nothing and takes my hand with his free one. I hoist the bag up on my shoulder and shut the door.
I’m nervous about this, I won’t lie.
I trust Grizz, and I trust Tommy and Kelsey.
I know Snapper and Dr. Carter, and I trust them too.
But how many other guys are in here? Are they all good people, or are some of them terrible people like the Iron Runners were?
I tell myself Grizz wouldn’t be around people like that, but some people are good at hiding and pretending.
“Get the door, Tommy, would ya?” Grizz says.
He pulls the door open, and a wave of warm air hits us. Grizz steps inside, and I follow after him. Spooky Halloween music plays in the background, while guys chat loudly.
“Grizz!” One of the guys walks over to us. He’s as tall as Grizz, big, too, but not as big. He’s wearing the same cut that Grizz wears, the same one I saw Snapper wear. His hair is wild on his head, dark and curly. “This your girl?” he asks, looking at me with a smile.
“The fuck you think? I’m walking in here with another girl and a baby?”
He barks out a laugh, then offers me his hand. “Tank.”
I’m assuming that’s his name, so I give him my hand and say, “Anastacia.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you. I hear about you and this little baby all the time. Sorry I missed you at Community Day. Shit was real crazy. Oh sh—I mean, sorry. I shouldn’t swear.” He looks at Dorothea.
“She doesn’t understand words yet,” Grizz says, sounding affectionately annoyed.
“It’s okay, and it’s nice to meet you,” I say.
“Can I get you a drink or something? We brought all the bottles over from the bar…”
“Oh, I’m okay.”
“How about you, man?”
“I’m good for now.”
“Well, you let me know if you need anything. I’ll be around.”
I smile my thanks, and we make our way to the right, where everyone has put their jackets. Grizz helps me get mine off before taking his off.
Tommy and Kelsey have already found some people to talk to.
I recognize some of the guys from Community Day, but I’m not sure I remember their names.
I do, of course, recognize Snapper and Dr. Carter immediately.
Dr. Carter walks over to me as soon as he spots me, stopping in front of me with his hands in his pockets and a small smile.
“How are you, sweetheart?” he asks.
I glance at Grizz, who is unbuckling Dorothea.
“So good,” I say with a smile. “Moods have been all over, but I’m managing.”
“That’s normal… mostly.” He gives me a questioning, almost concerning, look.
“I don’t think it’s depression or anything,” I add quickly. “Just… confused about a lot of stuff.” I shrug. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m spilling this to you.”
His hand goes to my shoulder. “I’ve told you time and time again; you can talk to me about anything. I’m a doctor, and it’s what I’m good for.”
“You’re so nice.”
He gives me another smile. “I’m glad you’re doing well.” He lowers his voice, leaning in and says, “Come say hi to Kolton when you get a minute. He won’t admit it, but he misses you and would love to see the baby.”
I raise a brow. “Are you sure about that?”
He winks and walks away, stopping beside Kolton, who is watching me disinterestedly, but I’ve seen that look enough to know it’s all a facade.
“Hey, you okay?” Grizz is at my side, holding Dorothea.
“I’m great.”
“Good. Because I’m ready to show this beautiful girl off again.”
He kisses the side of my head, then walks off. And I swear, seeing him holding a tiny baby—my baby—really is messing with my ovaries.
I walk over to Snapper and Dr. Carter, since they’re talking quietly amongst themselves, figuring now’s a good a time as any.
“Hi, Snapper,” I say with a smile. “It’s nice to see you.”
“Hi, Anastacia. How are you?” he returns coolly.
“I’m great. You?”
“I’m well.”
“Really?” I say, pinching up my face. “Just well?”
He frowns and glances at Dr. Carter, who is holding back a laugh.
“Things are good,” he adds. “And I’m glad you’re great.”
“I am, thank you.”
I’ve thanked him every time I’ve seen him. It never feels like enough. I think he hates it, but I’m going to keep doing it.
“Did you want to see the baby?” I ask.
For a moment, he looks disgusted, but then it’s wiped from his face. Dr. Carter nudges him with his elbow. Reluctantly, Snapper says, “Yes, actually. I would.” It feels like it was really hard for him to say, though.
I grin and gesture for him to follow me.
“Your… boyfriend invited me over for dinner.”
“He did?” I say. “He didn’t mention it to me.”
“Likely my fault. I keep telling him I’m busy.”
I stop and look up at him. “If you don’t want to come over for dinner, you can tell him that.” He just stares at me. “Or… you do want to come but don’t want him to know that?”
He rolls his eyes, taking a sip of the beer in his hand. “I’ve just been busy,” he says quickly.
“Okay… well, you’re welcome over whenever you want. Both of you, of course.”
We walk the rest of the way to Grizz and Dorothea.
“Maybe… maybe this week,” Snapper says softly, looking down at Dorothea.
I’ve never seen someone look at a baby the way he looks at her. It’s not the first time he’s seen her, so it’s not that I’m used to the look, but I’m also not surprised.
It’s not disgust, but more like curiosity mixed with affection and a dash of fear
“Hey, Snapper,” Grizz says quickly, then goes back to his conversation with a man I remember they said was the Prez. He smiles at me, but they seem deep in conversation about something. Grizz is mindlessly bouncing Dorothea, who is sleeping soundly.
“She’s perfect,” Snapper says quietly. So quietly I’m not sure I was meant to hear it.
“Do you want to hold her?”
“God no,” he says, stepping back. “Sorry.” He gives me a sympathetic look. “I’m not there yet. But maybe one day…”
I huff a laugh. “Okay. Sure. Uh, is it okay if I talk to Dr. Carter about something?”
“Don’t call him that,” Snapper says. “He prefers Lucian.”
Snapper gestures for me to go over, so I walk to him. He’s speaking with Tommy, Kelsey at his side, their arms hooked together.
“You doing okay?” Kelsey whispers.
“Yes, I’m good. You?”
She nods fondly, looking around. “Yeah, this is… exciting.”
When there’s a lull in the conversation, Lucian says, “Did Snapper leave you alone?”
“No, I came to talk to you, actually.”
“I’ll catch you later,” Tommy says, and he and Kelsey walk toward the back table that is covered in bottles of alcohol.
I’ve never had a drink in my life, and I shouldn’t while I’m breastfeeding, but I’ll admit I’m curious.
“Is everything okay?” Lucian asks, keeping his voice low.
He hooks his arm in mine and pulls me a little ways away.
When I look up, I see Grizz watching us.
I give him a smile, and he returns it, bringing his attention back to their Prez.
Snapper is still standing there too, staring at the baby. I swear he wants to hold her but won’t.
“Everything is okay, but I do have a question.”
“Anything.”
“So, I haven’t been seen by a doctor yet—”
“I gave Grizz names,” he starts, concerned now.
“I know. It’s not his fault. It’s mine. I’ve just been nervous about it. You know, it’s a very vulnerable thing, and I just don’t feel comfortable.”
“There were women on the list,” he says softly, his hand coming to touch my arm.
“I know, and I should go see someone, but… if everything feels okay, that should mean I’m fine, right?”
He shakes his head. “Not necessarily. Likely, yes, but you just never know. It’s best to get a full exam done.”
I sigh, looking over at Grizz.
“There’s more,” Lucian says. “I can see it in your eyes. What aren’t you saying?”
“It’s nothing bad,” I say quickly. “I just… want to… uh, move forward in my relationship with Grizz.”
“Oh,” he says, sounding slightly surprised.
Like maybe he thought we’d already done that.
“Well, in that case, I highly suggest seeing someone, sweetheart. Getting checked is important, to make sure your body is ready for that. And please don’t be offended by this, but I also suggest contraceptives.
At least for a little while. Give your body time to heal before you have another child. ”
“Lord, I wasn’t thinking about that,” I say with a laugh.
He isn’t laughing though. “It’s okay if you do. Grizz is a good man. This club… they’re good people.”
“I have too much to deal with right now. Another baby? I can’t begin to imagine. Dorothea is enough work.”
“I can understand that. Look, how about I do some more digging for you? I have a friend who works in New Hampshire. Well, she used to. It’s possible she doesn’t any longer, but let me see if I can get in touch with her.
” His hand is on my shoulder again. “I think it’s best you see someone in an office.
Getting out will help in more ways than one. ”
I give him a kind smile.
“It’s like you read my mind.”