Chapter 11
Jenna: You need to be more active in the general channels, Fern! You can’t let Haven’s presence intimidate you into staying silent
Lisa: What she said
Fern: Uggghhh I know but I’m so scared of becoming a target again
Jenna: Omg, you know we have your back!
Lisa: Right. And if you keep on staying quiet, you’re only punishing yourself by not letting yourself have this
Jenna: Yeah, it’s part of our debut experience! We’ve earned the right to be members of this debut group, so you shouldn’t let Haven make you miss out on this too
Fern: I knowww. Okay, I’ll say something in one of the general channels . . . can you guys reply to it though?? I know it’s stupid but if no one replies I’m going to feel awful
Lisa: Yes, of course!
I switch from our private channel and check out the general channels, wondering which conversation I can join.
It’s been three days now since the Slack was created, and aside from my first day, I haven’t said anything in the general channels.
I told Lisa and Jenna it’s because of Haven, and they’ve been trying to get me to partake in the conversations ever since.
It’s a refreshing change. I can’t help but compare their reactions to Dani’s when I first told her that Haven was picking on me.
But then I feel guilty comparing their reactions to Dani’s because these are grown women and Dani was just a kid back then.
My best friend who has haunted me for the last ten years.
Lisa and Jenna have my best interests at heart, and I know it, but the thought of saying something where Haven can see it also makes me want to shrivel up and hide in a dark corner, lest I attract Haven’s attention.
In my mind right now, Haven is like that huge girl robot with laser eyes in Squid Game.
If she catches me moving, her eyes will lock on mine, and then she’ll kill me.
No, it’s different this time. I’m no longer a loner with no one on my side. I have Lisa and Jenna, and I also have Yuna and also Alexis, yet another debut I reached out to privately after seeing her interaction with Haven. I will be okay.
I click on the #commiserations channel and check the latest post, which was only posted two minutes ago.
Kristin: Ugh, does anyone else’s editor want to change your book title? My title is You’re Mine for Good and I know it’s not the best title, but my editor is suggesting changing it to For Better or Worse and I’m just not feeling it.
Haven hasn’t replied to this one; no one has, probably because they haven’t had a chance to.
I have a very tight window during which I can send a quick reply before Haven does.
She’s not currently online, but I have noticed that sometimes she replies even when it doesn’t seem like she’s here.
I wonder if she’s turned on some kind of privacy setting so people can’t tell when she’s online.
I wonder if it’s because of me. I consider what to say before I begin typing, and even then, I delete and rewrite my message many times over.
Fern: My editor mentioned a possible title change, but she hasn’t sent any actual suggestions yet. It’s stressful, isn’t it! But I really love For Better or worse, it’s so ominous and catchy! I already know from the title that it’s going to be a super suspenseful thriller!
There, that’s a good response, right? I empathized with her, acknowledged her feelings, and ended on a positive note. And honestly? Her original title sucks. You’re Mine for Good? It’s too on the nose.
I smile when I see the words “Jenna is typing . . .” at the bottom of the chat window. Jenna really does have my back.
Jenna: Agree with Fern, For Better or Worse is an awesome title! I bet the change in titles can feel really jarring at first, but I looove the new title!
Lisa: Yeah, it’s a super intriguing title for sure! It’s so disturbing in the best way, like I seriously would pick up the book just based on the title alone
I nearly cheer in my seat. Is this what it’s like to have an actual supportive group of friends?
Friends who care and have your back? It feels like drinking pure honey, every part of my body coming to life.
I luxuriate in the glow of it like a cat stretching in the sun.
God, it feels so good, and I have waited so long to have this.
I smile when I see that Kristin, the OP, is typing a reply.
I bet she’s going to thank us for making her realize that the new title is a better one.
Kristin: It’s not a suspense. It’s a romance novel.
Oh.
Okay, so maybe she’s not about to thank us. I scramble to the private chat with Lisa and Jenna and type: “OMG It is not a Suspense Novel.”
Jenna: LOLOLOL OOPS!!
Lisa: BAHAHAHA! I mean, to be fair, who the fuck would’ve known?? Both titles sounded like suspense novels!
Fern: Especially her original one! You’re Mine for Good?? WTF? How is that a romance novel title?? That sounds so toxic and creepy??
I’m actually grinning in real life, whisper-laughing to myself.
From inside her office, Annette glances up, her mouth turning into a thin line when she sees my barely repressed smile.
I quickly school my face into a serious I’m-editing-photos expression, but it’s too late.
It’s obvious Annette has caught me slacking—ha! literally Slacking—off.
Lisa and Jenna are still laughing over the faux pas, their messages coming in at rapid-fire pace.
I force myself to close the Slack window and go back to actually editing photos.
When Annette barges out of her office, making her every move loud to attract my attention, I keep my eyes glued firmly to my computer screen.
I hope I’m exuding model employee vibes as I furiously color-correct backgrounds and remove blemishes from smiling faces.
It’s only when Annette goes back into her office with a huff that I allow myself to switch over from Photoshop to Slack.
I check the #commiserations channel, and well, well.
Guess who’s inserted herself into the conversation.
Haven: I think For Better or Worse works for a romance novel too.
I can just imagine it in a beautiful typesetting, set against a cover with lots of flowers and colors on it.
I think that would really pop. But I know what you mean, titles are stressful, not to mention a real pain to come up with.
Have you talked to your agent about this?
At the end of the day, if you’re not happy with it, then you should have the final say.
The familiar sickening feeling rises up inside me, souring my stomach.
I’d thought that my reply had been a good one.
My heart was in the right place. I really did think that, based on those two titles, Kristin’s book was suspense.
I didn’t mean to make fun of it or anything.
But now, it looks like I was a mean-girl bully making fun of her title, and worse still, Haven’s response really highlighted that.
On the face of it, Haven’s message is innocuous.
It doesn’t refer to me or Lisa and Jenna at all, but even without that, it makes us look awful, while of course Haven comes out of it smelling as fresh as flowers.
I quickly switch to the private channel.
Fern: UGH have you guys seen Haven’s reply??
Lisa: Yeah. Ugh is right.
Jenna: Is she always like this?
Fern: Yep. Now you see what I had to deal with all of middle and high school
Jenna: She is good. Very good.
Fern: Yup. When it comes to making herself look like the good guy and me like a villain, there is no one better than Haven
Jenna: It’s not just you, now I feel really bad as well!! We need to fix this
I release a frustrated breath through my teeth.
My phone beeps with an email. I glance at the screen, and my breath catches in my throat.
The sender is Lindsay Tillman. As in Lindsay, my editor.
Finally! As I swipe at my phone to open the email, I notice the #commiserations channel name lighting up with a new message. I click on that.
Lisa: Sorry Kristin, we didn’t mean to make it sound like your titles were confusing or anything. Totally agree with Haven that For Better or Worse works beautifully with a romance novel too!
“Totally agree with Haven”?? I feel physically sick, like I actually might throw up right now. The private chat lights up with a new message.
Lisa: There. Now you two need to say something along those lines too. We need to salvage this.
The vise around my chest loosens, just a little. Lisa isn’t turning her back on me like Dani did. She’s being smart. Strategic. And she’s asking me to be a part of her plan, because she and Jenna are my friends. Right.
With Lindsay’s email burning a hole in my mind, I quickly thank Lisa and tell her she’s right before typing out a message in the #commiserations channel.
Fern: Yes, agree with Lisa and Haven. I’m so sorry about the suspense novel comment! A romance novel titled For Better or Worse sounds heartachingly beautiful and I can’t wait to read it!
It’s a kind of blessing to have Lindsay’s email coming in now, actually, because it means I don’t have the luxury of doing my usual habit of hemming and hawing and second-guessing myself and self-editing a million times before hitting send.
Once my reply is posted, I switch to my phone and read Lindsay’s message.
Dear Fern,
Greetings and welcome to the Harvest family! I am so happy to be working with you on your beautiful book. This story moved me so much, and I can’t wait to be part of the process of releasing it to the world.