21. Charlotte
Ihonestly can’t remember the last time I sat down for a family-type dinner. Theo and I tended to eat at separate times for ease; quite often my dinner was after his bedtime. Adam and I never really sat and ate together, either. Often he’d eat in front of the TV or eat so quickly so he could go out to the bar. I lost count of how many times he came home late, drunk, and threw dinner across the room out of spite.
It would be fair to say Theo and I don’t have much experiences of normal family dinners.
I knew I was likely completely overthinking it, but I couldn’t help it. I had spent the last ten minutes staring at myself in the mirror wearing a floral dress, wondering if it was good enough.
With time ticking away, I sighed and settled on the dress. It was just a family dinner, not a special occasion. I dressed Theo in the smartest shirt and trousers I could find for him, knowing full well he’d be wearing most of his dinner by the end of the night.
The Weatherston family home was only about a fifteen-minute walk from our new place, so we decided to forgo the car for the evening.
Secretly, I was hoping the walk would tire Theo out a bit before dinner. I lifted Theo up to ring the bell and was greeted by Lucy almost immediately. She threw her arms around me and embraced me tightly. Her smile was radiating; she had such a light energy about her. It made me think about my conversation with Alice the other day about their dad. This woman in front of me suffered a huge loss and you wouldn’t even know it by the way she acted. People had such an incredible ability to mask the darkness they felt on the inside, it almost made me feel uneasy. I guess I did it, too. I had spoken briefly with Alice about Adam, but never delved into the details. You can get pretty good at masking the pain when you have to do it often.
I passed over the bottle of wine I picked up yesterday as we entered the house. I had been here before when I dropped Theo off to move, but I didn’t really take the time to look around before. Mostly because I didn’t know the family connection yet, then. My eyes scanned the childhood pictures for glimpses into their past. One that caught my eye was a picture of all three siblings together where Elijah was in the middle with his arms around Lucas and Alice. There was pure joy on all of their faces, the epitome of innocence. Next to it was another picture of Elijah and his dad. His dad looked exactly like Elijah does now. I couldn’t help but wonder if he noticed, if that fact hurt him. If when he looked in the mirror, it stung knowing he looked like the man he grieved.
“They are like twins, aren’t they?” Lucy asked, noticing me looking at the pictures. “The other two look more like me, but Elijah is all his father. You wouldn’t even know I was involved.” She laughed softly as she led me through to the dining room. Theo and Violet were overjoyed to see each other as they bolted round the table to each other.
“Careful,” I warned as Theo nearly sent Alice flying. She shook her head, looking at me and chuckled.
“You wouldn’t think they literally saw each other yesterday.” She sighed.
“I think it’s nice Violet has a best friend,” Lucy interjected.
“It’s definitely helped Theo adjust to this move easily,” I said. I had expected much more resistance from Theo. I tried to keep him away from the bad side of his father, so I figured he would be more resentful about leaving. Maybe he saw more than I realised or his relationship with his father was weaker than I thought. He seemed a lot happier here than I’ve ever seen him. I was happier here, too; That was for sure. The crazy texts aside, I felt like we could make a life here.
We engaged in conversation for a while, mostly centred around my date tomorrow with Daniel. The door rang again and Lucas appeared into the room.
“Lottie,” he said cheerfully.
“I didn’t know we’d have the pleasure of your company tonight.” I rolled my eyes at him as he pulled me in for a hug before moving onto his sister.
“Where’s Elijah?” Alice asked, looking behind him. I felt my breath catch waiting for Elijah to emerge from the corridor.
“He was working late, so he’s coming separately.”
Lucas shrugged as he made his way over to Violet and Theo playing. Alice, Lucy, and I engaged in general conversation whilst we were waiting, but I couldn’t help but keep looking at the hallway. I was nervous about seeing Elijah. After the tense ending to our last conversation, I am not sure exactly where we stand. I finally felt like we were getting to a civil place, with the potential for even friendship, if he could go more than one day without insulting me.
A few moments later, the doorbell rang and I tried to focus on Alice’s story as I heard the greetings out in the hallway. My eyes were drawn to the small bunch of flowers in Violet’s hands.
“Look at my pretty flowers!” I felt my chest squeeze at her words. A smile formed on my lips as I looked between Violet and Elijah. Every so often I felt like I was getting glimpses into who Elijah truly was. His softer side came out when he was with his niece or family in general. I ached to see more of him like this. I couldn’t help but wish to be on the receiving end of it more. I know the gift card he gave us was another glimpse, although I still needed to discuss the amount error with him.
“Those are so beautiful, Vi. Roses are my absolute favourites.” My eyes focused now solely on Elijah. I could see a smile fighting its way out of the corner of his lips as he met my gaze. It almost felt like a game, trying to get a smile out of him.
“Careful, you’re going to make her standards for a future partner ridiculously high,” Alice interjected.
“As they should be! Maybe you could teach Theo a thing or two for when he’s older,” I said, giving a small wink to Elijah. He held onto my gaze. The smile had won and it spread across his face. Part of me wanted to stay in this moment. There wasn’t an ounce of negative tension in the room. I meant what I said—I hoped Violet always held her standards high. I wished I had a better example when I was younger. Maybe then I wouldn’t have fallen in with a guy like Adam. Maybe I would have found someone who bought flowers for me or spent time playing in the arcade with Theo. Someone like Elijah.
“Well, now everyone is here, I better start dishing up,” Lucy said as she walked into the room, carrying her own bunch of flowers, which made me smile once more.
“Let me help!” I said, ignoring her protests that followed as we walked into the kitchen.
“You’re a guest, you don’t need to be helping me,” she said for what must have been the third time since I entered the kitchen.
“I like to help and truthfully, I’ve done very little cooking since I got here.” She stopped what she was doing and turned to look at me.
“It is hard when you’re on your own at first,” she said softly. I felt guilt wash over me at her words. I was alone by choice; she was alone by circumstance.
“I can’t feel too sorry for myself, it was my choice to do it alone.” My eyes meet with hers. I watched as she reached her hand out to meet mine.
“I get the feeling you didn’t have very many other options.” I couldn’t respond to her words and just shook my head softly as she squeezed my hand tighter. I could tell there were words on the tip of her tongue, but she was hesitant as she spoke.
“Are your parents still around?”
I shook my head again before speaking.
“Alive, but not interested in being grandparents or part of our lives.” I felt my voice shaking as I got to the end of the sentence.
“Well, the two of you have got all of us now. We love being part of your lives.” She squeezed my hand once more before turning to finish plating up. I took a minute to soak up her words before returning to help. When I was younger I felt loved, I felt like I was part of a family; but as I grew that faded. That feeling of family became fractured and the love began to wane. I wasn’t sure how I was going to show Theo that love and family when everything leading up to our lives was broken. I tried for the first three years of his life to make that family with Adam, but love was still missing. I hoped now I’d be able to show him how it felt, that I could give him the life I’d always wanted for myself. I wiped a stray tear as I turned back to helping.
Conversation mostly lingered around a recent NHL game that I didn’t watch or particularly care about. Sports had never really been part of my life; my dad was never particularly interested in it.
“You got to admit, Alice, that was one of the greatest games there has been in a while,” Lucas said animatedly, almost like a child who was too excited to sit in their seat.
“My dad never let me watch hockey. He said it was for losers,” Theo interjected and my heart dropped. This was the second time he has mentioned Adam properly since we came into town. It was true; Adam was a football and baseball fan through and through. I scanned Theo’s face for any hint of emotion, but his delivery was deadpan.
“Well then, your dad is a loser,” Lucas said quickly, his face dropping immediately when he realised what he said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Gut response.” His eyes darting apologetically between Theo and I. My own eyes stayed locked on Theo, trying to read him again.
“Maybe you’re right…” he said quietly, looking down at his food. The table was silent. The majority of eyes were on Theo, all of them except Elijah. I could feel the heat of his gaze on me as I turned to look at him. There was a softness in his eyes as he looked at me. I knew everyone was waiting for me to respond, but I didn’t have the words.
“Well, maybe you can watch the game next time with Lucas and I?” Elijah offered after clearing his throat.
“As long as that’s okay with you, Charlie?”
“Of course.” I nodded, a slight break in my voice as I spoke. The offer touched my heart. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Theo?” He shook his head aggressively at my question.
“I don’t want to make Dad angry. He’s not a nice Daddy when he’s angry.” The tension in the room increased.
“He won’t be angry; you don’t have to worry about that,” I said, desperately trying to relieve the atmosphere.
“He will!” Theo insisted. “He was always angry with you. I don’t want him to be angry at me, too.” With those words Theo stood and stormed away as I quickly followed him out to the backyard.