22. Elijah
Lucas was never particularly good with his words, but tonight’s fumble was particularly bad. I tried to help out Charlie with my offer, but it only seemed to make things worse. I watched as they both left the room, the rest of us remaining sitting in silence. The weight of Theo’s words was heavy. Whilst he didn’t say it, we knew the connotations of his words; the kind of relationship his dad and Charlie had was obvious. Even without knowing the full extent, I felt my blood boil thinking about it. My mind wandered to places I didn’t want to go, to things I didn’t want to see. After a few moments, I got up and followed them out. I felt responsible for the mess.
I knew something wasn’t right with her situation. I cursed myself for not pressing her further. I had been trying to extend an olive branch to her since our first conversation, hoping that I would gradually make sense of what was going on. I shouldn’t have waited, I should have been more outright with my questioning.
They didn’t just come into this town on a whim, they were running. I felt an overwhelming desire to protect them, to stop any further harm coming to either of them. I didn’t want her to feel that fear ever again.
She had sat in my dad’s chair all night, not that she knew that. No one had sat there for fifteen years. I held my breath, watching her sit down and expecting to be filled with rage. To my surprise, I wasn’t angry at all. In fact, I liked her being there, in my eye shot. There was something about being in her presence.
When I got outside, I saw her crouched down with her hands in Theo’s. I watched for a moment as she spoke. Her voice was soft so I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but he seemed calmer than before. She seemed to notice my presence as she flicked her gaze briefly to me. She spoke to Theo again and he turned to make his way back into the house. I ruffled his hair softly as he walked past me.
“I’m sorry if I made the situation worse,” I said as Charlie approached.
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I haven’t explained the whole situation to Theo properly. I guess I didn’t quite realise how much he was holding inside.” I could tell she was fighting back tears and I resisted the urge to reach my hand up to her face.
I had a question on the tip of my tongue, but I was scared of the answer. I was scared of finding out the truth. Even though I knew in my heart what it was.
“Was that why you moved here, because of how he treated you?” My hands shook slightly, but I clenched my fists in order to stop it. She looked at me and I watched her resolve crumble before my eyes as the tears left them. They fell fast and hard. I wrapped my arms around her back as a sob left her. Pulling her in close, she rested herself against my chest as she sobbed. It was clear that this had been building inside her. We stood silently for a moment as I laid my head on hers. She needed this moment and I needed her. I knew I was going to get addicted to having her close to me.
“You’re safe now,” I said softly. You’re safe now with me. That was what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that I would do everything I could to keep her safe. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her again. She turned her head up to look at me, a teary smile on her face. I knew in that moment there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. She pulled away and I felt empty without her in my arms.
“I can’t help but feel guilty. I made a choice for him to not have his father around anymore. He is growing to grow up without one because of me.”
“I can tell you in my experience I would take no dad over a bad one any day.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off, not wanting her to feel guilty. “I got fifteen good years with my dad. I’d pick fifteen good ones over a lifetime of bad ones any day.” She reached over and grabbed my hand. I felt my whole body relax at her touch.
“Thank you. I know it’s not your job to make me feel better, but you have.” I couldn’t help but smile then. “I just don’t want Theo to miss out on having a family.”
“He won’t. Besides, he’s got all of us now.” She laughed at this.
“Your ma said the exact same thing earlier.” I believed that straight away.
My mother’s heart was large, there wasn’t anyone who didn’t fit into it.
“Us Weatherstons like to take care of our own and that includes the two of you, now,” I said, squeezing her hand in mine. We sat down on the bench outside, sitting quietly for a moment.
“You were actually sitting in my dad’s chair tonight.” My voice was barely above a whisper as I spoke. Her head turned to me.
“I’m so sorry, you should have said that. I wouldn’t have sat there.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said shaking my head. “No one has sat there in fifteen years. Every time I even thought about someone sitting there, it would make me angry. That was his place and…I don’t know.” I took a breath, aware of her gaze on me. “I guess I couldn’t accept that he was never coming back. I thought if someone sat there, it would feel wrong.” I started playing with my hands, anxious to get the words out.
“But when you sat there, I didn’t feel angry. I didn’t feel like the world was going to collapse in on me because someone was sitting in that chair. It actually felt kind of nice. It was the first time anyone had sat in my eye shot for years and I was glad it was you.” My chest felt lighter as each word left my mouth. She reached for my hand again.
“Did you know they say you die twice?” Her voice was soft. “Once when your body dies and the second time the final time someone says your name or talks about you? I haven’t known you guys long, but I love the way you all talk about him.” My eyes focused on her smile. “I bet he would have been proud of the people all of you are.”
I nodded. “I hope so. Alice tries to talk about him in front of Vi. I guess we are a little scared he will be forgotten. I wished he could have met her; he would have adored her.” Sitting here with Charlie I didn’t think about what I was saying; the words just flowed out naturally. It felt safe to tell her these things.
“I know what you mean. Theo is actually named after my grandpa. My father was around, but we weren’t close. My grandpa was more like a father to me. I never really talk to Theo about him, but maybe I should.”
Another silence lingered between us as I looked down at our joined hands, gently rubbing my thumb on her palm. Something so subtle felt so intimate.
“I forgot!” Her change of tone made me jump slightly. “I meant to tell you; they overcharged you on the gift card you got us.” Truthfully, in the couple of days since I threw the card at her, I’d completely forgotten about it.
“What do you mean?” I questioned.
“Well, when I bought some bits, they said there was $305 left on there. I said it must have been a misprint. Hopefully they can refund you or at least you can take the rest of the card off me.”
I laughed then, a loud laugh as I squeezed her hand.
“They didn’t overcharge me, I put $350 on the card.”
“You what? Elijah, that’s crazy! That is way too much.” I shrugged at her words.
“I wanted you to have enough so that you could make the place feel like home for you two.” She tilted her head up to me as I spoke. “Besides, I was feeling like a bit of an asshole for how I behaved the day you came into town. I feel a bit worse now that I understand why you were coming to town.” My breath caught on the last word.
“You didn’t know…”
“That doesn’t matter. I had a bad morning, I pulled you over, and took it out on you. I just hate making mistakes, and that morning, my mistake let two kids get away with stealing. I am pretty uptight when it comes to my work.”
“You care a lot about your job, don’t you?” Charlie asked. I offered a nod in response. “That’s what makes you good at it, Officer Sunshine.” I chuckled at the name. “This town is lucky to have you.” She paused. “We should probably go back inside for dinner, I need to check on Theo.” I nodded once more as we silently parted hands and walked back toward the dining room.