25. Charlotte
Idebated cancelling on Daniel, I felt my hands hovering over his number all day.
I tried to think of different excuses, that Theo was sick or I had a family emergency or something. It felt wrong to be going on a date with my ex still sending me threatening messages. If Adam knew I was dating, he would be furious. I was scared of the thought of him ever finding out I moved on. I couldn’t bear to think about what he’d do.
Despite my concerns, I didn’t cancel. I talked it out with Jane at work who convinced me to still go. I deserved to have fun and even if tonight was a failure, at least I’d get to have a nice dinner. Alice came over with Violet to watch Theo for me, but I felt guilty asking her. I’d thrown on a blue dress, purposely picking one with a high neckline. I didn’t want to give Daniel the wrong impression of how tonight was going to go. I was barely on board with dating again, never mind taking it any further.
“Don’t you look beautiful,” Alice said as I opened the door to let her in. “When is Daniel coming?” she asked. I moved out the way to let her inside.
“I’m meeting him there, I’d rather have my own car in case I need to get back,” I said, brushing my hands over my dress nervously. I still struggled with the thought of leaving Theo.
“How are you feeling?”
“Truthfully, I feel indifferent.” I sighed. “I thought I’d be excited to go on a date again, but I’m just not sure about it all.”
“Well, if you’re not having a good time, text me and I’ll call you with a fake emergency with Theo.” This made me laugh, Alice was a good friend.
“Thank you, I’m going to head there now unless you need anything.” She shook her head and ushered me out the door.
“Have fun, or as much fun as you can,” she said softly as I closed the door behind me.
Daniel was already there when I arrived.
“God, you look hot,” were the first words out of his mouth. I know I should have found that flattering, but honestly it put me on edge. I didn’t like the way he looked me up and down as I took my seat. I wondered if it was too early to text Alice. “I just got us some water for the table, hope you don’t mind; this place is a little pricey.”
It took all my strength not to react with my face. I wanted to point out the location was all on him and I would been perfectly okay with Blake’s, but it seemed pointless.
“Of course, no problem.”
I smiled sweetly.
Two people walking into the restaurant caught my eye. It was Elijah and Lucy. It made me feel strange seeing him here when I am on a date with Daniel. Especially since he told me not to go ahead with this date, I felt like I had been caught. Although I knew I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. It’s not like Elijah was my boyfriend or anything. Still, seeing them seated across the restaurant from me made me feel uneasy.
I saw Elijah watching me, he wasn’t even bothering to hide it. Lucy was talking and he was blatantly ignoring her, staring out at us. I don’t know why, but I reached out my hand and grabbed Daniel’s as we made polite conversation. I had no urge to touch him, but seeing Elijah watching made me want to wind him up. I don’t know why I cared what he thought. I laughed loudly at Daniel’s terrible jokes, throwing my head back. God, this was pathetic. Even I knew that. As the night went on, I avoided looking over at Elijah’s table, but I knew he was looking at me. I could feel his eyes glaring at me every time I laughed or moved my fingers along Daniel’s arm. I pretended to listen intently as Daniel told me all about the incredible arrests he has made in his career.
It was clearly bullshit, but I pretended to hang onto every word. Why did I care so much about what Elijah thought?
Truthfully, this date was probably one of the worst ones I have ever been on. When he wasn’t talking about himself and how incredible he was, he was making sexual jokes about me. I actually don’t think he has asked me a single question about myself the entire time we had been here. He insisted we skipped straight to the main course and shared a dessert. He didn’t even ask me what I wanted to share. By all accounts, this was an awful time, but my face and body language weren’t giving that away.
As Daniel droned on, I found my mind wandering to what a date with Elijah would be like. I couldn’t help but feel like it would be the complete opposite. He was inquisitive by nature, so I imagine he would steer the conversation to me at any chance he could get. He would want to know more about me. I wanted to know more about him, too. I wanted to hear about his career, not Daniel’s. I shouldn’t be thinking about another man on a date, but I couldn’t help it. Daniel’s company was miserable.
I let my eyes look over then, it was no surprise he was looking. I wondered if he’d even paid his mother a minute of attention all evening. She knew my date was here tonight. Is that why they were here? Did he come here on purpose to spy on me?
He had warned me that Daniel was an asshole, so maybe he had come out to protect me. I let that thought linger for a while as I held Elijah’s gaze across the room.
“Lottie.” I vaguely heard Daniel calling my name and turned around. He spoke again when I looked at him. “I said, are you ready to go?” I have been ready to go since I sat down. I nodded and we made our way out of the restaurant and down to my car.
“Well, tonight was brilliant. Did you maybe want to get lunch next week?” he asked excitedly as I got to my car. Oh, god. I cannot let this go on. As much of a jerk that he was, it wasn’t fair to lead him on.
“Sorry, Danny.” I used his nickname to soften the blow. “I’m just not ready to date right now. I really thought I was, but I was wrong. My attention needs to be elsewhere now, I hope you understand.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but even if I had been ready to date, I still wouldn’t pick him again.
“Oh, sure. Yeah, that’s cool,” he said awkwardly, looking down at his hands.
I felt awful as we said goodbye and I climbed into my car. He watched as I drove off, giving me an awkward wave. I was grateful I had Alice to talk about this with when I got back.