24. Elijah
Icouldn’t help but feel like our time outside was cut short as we walked back into the dining room. I noticed Lucas throw me a glance, but I ignored him as I sat myself back down. The tension seemed to have lessened slightly as Alice talked to Theo and Violet about some kids’ show I’d never heard of. My eyes flicked over to Charlie briefly, her own were solely focused on her son. My mind was replaying our previous conversation as I looked at her. I thought about what she said about her ex. I’d had a feeling before that there was more to her move than she was letting on. You wouldn’t rock up to a completely new town overnight for no reason. She didn’t go into details, but I couldn’t stop my mind coming up with all sorts of images about the way in which he treated her. It made my blood boil. The thought of anyone even raising their voice to her, never mind lifting a finger to her, enraged me. I felt protective over her, over both of them. I meant what I said. They were part of this family now.
I didn’t speak much for the rest of dinner; I allowed those around me to carry the conversation as my thoughts raced. I thought about our hands touching, my thumb over her palm. Part of me wished I’d pulled her in closer, but the other part of me knew better. I’d made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let anyone get that close to me. Relationships were never going to be on my agenda, and if I went there with her, I am not sure I could stop myself from making it more than a fling. Charlie deserved better than just being a one-night stand. She deserved someone who would stop at nothing to make her happy. I knew she deserved better than me, even though the thought of someone else having her was like a knife in my chest.
She was the first person I’d spoken to so openly about my father, about losing him. It was my fault, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her and tell her that I was responsible for his death. I didn’t want to risk doing anything that would stop her from being in my life. If I couldn’t have her, I still wanted her close.
After dinner was finished, we all dispersed into different areas of the house. I went through to the kitchen to wash up.
“Hey, Elijah.” I heard Charlie’s voice coming from behind me. I turned around to see her standing with Theo slightly hiding behind her. “Someone has something they want to ask you.” She gently nudged him in front of her.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” he asked, shifting his weight between his feet. “That I could come watch the game with you?”
“Of course. There’s one on Saturday if you want to come and watch with us. My shift ends at four, so I’ll be back in time.” I smiled softly. “We can maybe get some pizzas in for dinner if you both want to come?” My eyes shifted to Charlie. My chest tightened, desperate for her to say yes.
“That sounds great, we’ll be there. Let me know if you want me to bring anything.” Her smile was wide as she looked back. “I should probably get Theo back home, it’s nearly bedtime. Get your coat, buddy.” She nudged him towards the door.
We were alone again and I found myself at a loss for words as we made eye contact.
“Thank you for doing that, he absolutely loves hanging out with you guys. He still talks about playing with you in the arcade.” I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face at her words. I would be lying if I said I didn’t take some pleasure in the fact he enjoyed mine and Lucas’ company. I liked the kid, I cared about him. He clearly didn’t have a lot of family around him and we had plenty of family to share.
“It’s no problem, honestly. He’s a good kid.” She returned my smile before looking towards the door and back to me.
“I’m really looking forward to it,” she said softly as she started to leave the room. I knew I should respond, but I couldn’t find the right words. I wanted to tell her I was looking forward to seeing her again and having her over. I wanted to tell her about how much our earlier conversation meant to me. I wanted to tell her how I felt, how being with her was the first time I’d felt safe in years. That being around her made me feel calm again, like everything would be okay. It had me believing for the first time in a long time that life was more than just surviving the day-to-day, that I could be happy.
I didn’t say any of that. In fact, I didn’t say a word as she turned and walked out of the kitchen to say goodbye to the rest of my family.
I left shortly after, pulling into the drive just before Lucas. He came bounding into the house like a kid who had just eaten a bucket of sugar.
“Lottie said that they were coming over to watch the game on Saturday?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, well I figured since you called his dad a loser and upset him that there was some making up to do,” I shot back. He looked guilty and I hoped he felt bad for what he said.
“I’ll admit that wasn’t my finest moment. Sounds like Lottie’s ex was a right asshole, doesn’t it?” I only offered him a grunt in response. “Well, I can’t say I’m going to complain that she will be hanging out here Saturday.”
“What do you mean by that?” I questioned.
“Well, she’s not exactly difficult on the eyes, is she?” He shrugged. “A pretty woman like that is welcome in this house anytime.” He let out a low whistle when he finished speaking. Without thinking, I slammed my fist down on the counter. His eyes met mine and a smirk found its way to the corner of his mouth. He knew he was winding me up and he was loving it.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to talk about your woman like that,” he said, holding his hands up.
“She’s not my woman,” I snapped at him.
“Are you sure? The two of you seemed pretty cosy in the backyard earlier.” The smirk now completely filled out. I paused for a moment, annoyed that he had been spying on us.
“We were just talking.”
“That’s interesting.” He paused and I stared at him. “You see, you and I are talking right now and I don’t see us holding hands, but the two of you were.” It was aggravating me how much he was enjoying this.
“She was upset about her ex. I was comforting her, not that it is any of your business.”
“Well, aren’t you a hero.” He mockingly held his hand to his chest. “I bet she felt so much better after talking to your grumpy self.” A deep chuckle left his throat. I didn’t bother to reply as I started to fix myself a drink. I could feel his eyes on me like he wanted to say something, but he just stared.
“Spit it out,” I said after a beat.
“You know it’s okay if you like her, right?” When I didn’t respond he continued, “I know you’re not big on talking about feelings and all that, but you need to let your guard down some of the time. The world’s not going to suddenly implode because you let someone close to you.”
“I don’t like her so we don’t need to have this discussion. We’re barely even friends,” I said gruffly.
“You sure there isn’t anything more to it?”
“I’m sure.”
He took a deep sigh. “That’s a shame, because I kind of got the feeling she liked you more than just in a friendly way.” He shrugged before heading up the stairs. I stood frozen in the kitchen, reeling off the back of his words.
I kind of got the feeling she liked you more than in just a friendly way.