Chapter 44
NOLAN
44
When I stomp into my house with a pajama-clad Stella in my arms, I make sure to lock and bolt my front door. I find Inez sitting in the living room. Just waiting. She’s still in her paint-covered T-shirt and cut-off denim shorts. The shorts I was ready to strip her out of just moments ago.
But now? My head is a million miles away. Sex is the last thing on my mind. I’m seething. I can barely see straight.
Arms full, I stomp past the living room, headed straight to Stella’s bedroom.
Inez whispers good night to my daughter as we pass by, and the little girl gives her a sleepy wave in return. Then we head down the dark hallway. Trying to put on a happy face, I help Stella get into bed.
I’m trying to focus on her bedtime routine. But my mind is spinning. I’m annoyed. I’m furious. I’m terrified.
On one hand, I know that Lilian is hardly a real mom. She’s never around. Stella barely knows her, and vice versa.
But deep down, I think that’s what scares me the most. Knowing how hair-brained Lilian is. She could pop up one day and start making demands that I just can’t give in to.
Do I want Stella to have a mother? Hell yeah, of course I do. My daughter needs a strong female role model in her life. But Lilian? She’s definitely not that woman. She’s flakier than a week-old biscuit.
And Stella deserves better.
Right now, my baby girl is extra exhausted, which sort of works in my favor. I’m not in the right state of mind to be answering tough questions tonight. Like, why is her mother back? And why did she leave in the first place? How long is she staying? Hell, I couldn’t even answer those questions if I tried. Lilian is a mystery I’ve given up trying to solve.
Thankfully, Stella is out cold before I finish reading her the whole bedtime story. After tucking her in and turning out her light, I tiredly make my way back down the hall to see if Inez is still around. I find her in the kitchen.
She’s here. She’s still here. Still so patient. Still so perfect.
That’s good.If I were her, I would have been running for the hills by now. Though I shouldn’t take anything for granted. The night is still young. There’s still time for running if this whole Lilian thing freaks her out enough.
The corner of my mouth twitches when she glances up at me.
“Damn, what a quick turn this night has taken,” she says softly when she sees me.
She paints on a smile, but I can tell how she’s feeling deep down. She has every right to be disappointed. Even though she’d never admit it.
We just had this perfect date and I had big plans for her that were going to last the rest of the night. I sure as hell didn’t plan on ending the fun after our painting adventure.
We don’t have much time left with her audition—and then most probably the show’s filming—coming up soon. So, I was really looking forward to spending the whole night, staying up with her, pleasing her, cherishing her, and reminding her what she likes so much about being here in Starlight Falls.
Because maybe then, when she’s done with this job or maybe the next, she’d come back here someday. I know that makes no sense at all. I know it’s ridiculous. I know that I need to quit pining over women who are unavailable. Women who don’t want to be in Starlight Falls.But Inez is different. We’re different.
At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself these days.
I drop down in the chair next to her.“So…”
“So…” she echoes back.
A moment of silence lingers. I’m not really sure where to start.
“Are you alright?” She gives me those sad eyes and squeezes my hand. “That seemed…unexpected.”
I huff. “Yes. Lilian has a knack for being unpredictable. She seems to think it’s a gift, while the rest of us…”
“Suffer the consequences?” Inez offers.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “And although her appearance is random and unexpected, it’s also not in some ways. This is what she does. Every now and then, my wandering ex-wife comes back to Starlight Falls and tries to play happy family.” Sometimes she pops up after a few weeks. Sometimes, it’s much longer. This time, it was a whole year.
Inez nods and I realize that she probably already knows some of this. She’s witnessed it from the sidelines time and again. Hell, she was the one who’d pick up the slack at the bar every time I was busy dealing with drama at home. Even if she didn’t always know the why behind it.
“That must be really hard. For both you and for Stella.”
I exhale roughly. “I sort of knew what I was signing up for when Lilian got pregnant and I convinced her to settle down with me. I’m not the victim here. It’s Stella I feel bad for.”
“It was always tough for me to watch the way Lilian would treat you guys. You both deserve better than that,” Inez says quietly, staring down at her hands before meeting my eyes again. “To be honest, it killed me to see you take her back each time.”
My gut tightens. Back then, I never considered how my decisions might have appeared to anyone on the outside looking in. I was only focused on me and Stella, and I would have done anything to keep our small family together. Even if that meant taking whatever table scraps I could get from Lilian.
“Yeah, my ex is incapable of commitment. And well, clearly I’m stupid.”
“No you’re not. We all do crazy things for love,” she adds and I can almost hear her heart breaking as she says the words.
I rush to cup her cheek, to reassure her. “That’s just the thing. I don't love her,” I admit. “I’m not even sure when I stopped. It just seemed right to try and keep us all together. Even after the divorce, I kept trying. But I’m done trying. I’m done taking her back. You have to believe that, Inez.”
She stares at me, and I can’t even fathom a guess at what’s going on inside her head. Inez and I have managed to keep whatever we’re doing light and easy and fun up till now. But tonight? I just dropped a whole lot of heavy into the mix.I told her I love her, and she said it back.
Then, in a heartbeat, everything just got flipped on its head. I wouldn’t be surprised if I wake up to find that she’s run off in the middle of the night.
“What happens now?” she asks. “What are you going to do?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. But I do know I don’t want her confusing Stella anymore.” I glance at the clock on the stove. It’s already so late. “I’ll figure something out in the morning,” I say, rising and stretching a hand out to Inez. “Come. Let’s shower and get to bed.”
Her eyes go wide, bouncing from my face to my outstretched hand and back again. Like she’s surprised that I still want her now that Lilian is here in town.
“I meant it when I said I love you, Inez. And I’m not giving Lilian another chance. I’m done letting her waltz in and out as she pleases.”
The worry on her face softens, just a little bit. She sets her hand in mine. “Okay.”
I gently pull her to her feet, draping an arm around her shoulder and kissing her forehead. Together, we walk toward the bathroom.