14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Julien
J ulien woke that morning with Tyler curled against him and both of his arms wrapped possessively around the man.
He had woken up this way every morning since getting here, and frankly, it was messing him up. As much as he could pretend he didn’t need anyone, especially not Tyler, he couldn’t deny how perfectly Tyler fit in his arms.
Four days spent with Tyler’s family flew by. Each day had been filled with some Christmas traditions, such as driving around to see the best local Christmas light displays, watching specific movies, and baking cookies. The family seemed to be almost regimented in their traditions.
He still didn’t quite understand why Tyler was so worried about them. They all seemed close, warm, and loving. He didn’t think families like theirs existed. It was a shame Tyler couldn’t see what he had .
It was a shame because Julien had never had that. His mother had been warm and kind and loved him more than anything. But she worked all the time. They didn’t have money to afford them the freedom of having traditions. It would have only led to disappointment when she would have to pick up extra shifts bartending.
Julien ran his hands over Tyler’s back and let himself imagine, for just a second, what it would be like to be a part of this family. He had felt like an outsider since the start. But slowly, that emotion evaporated as the rest of the family got accustomed to him, or maybe he got accustomed to them and their quirks and mannerisms. Being alone for nine years, he had never had to deal with that.
He wondered what it would be like to wake up this way all the time, maybe do something about the stiff cock in his shorts, to see Tyler blush down his chest. They could laze in bed all morning, enjoying each other, only to get out of bed when they were too hungry to think about sex.
Jules imagined slipping downstairs to the Ashford’s fully stocked fridge to steal whatever breakfast Hailey had expertly prepared and would return upstairs before Ty had finished getting dressed. He pictured Ty’s appreciative grin at the thought and effort he had put in. Maybe Julien would convince him to get back into bed for breakfast. They would feed each other fruit or creamy yogurt, and Jules could lick off Ty’s adorable bottom lip. After the food, they could follow up with a slow make-out session to fulfill their other hunger.
A ton of bricks crashed into him when Julien realized it was stupid to even consider. Tyler saw him as a means to an end, and Julien told himself he felt the same way. Tyler was his ticket to freedom, to finally being out of the clutches of the Rossi family.
Maybe he could move out of Pittsburgh and find a fresh start once he saved enough money. He couldn’t let himself catch feelings for the man currently in his arms.
Tyler gave a soft sigh, shifting a little closer, nuzzling against Julien’s chest, and he felt a pang in his heart that he wished would go away. Tyler had carefully curated Julien and turned him into the prince he wanted. He wouldn’t want someone like Jules. Not for real.
Julien shouldn’t want someone like Tyler, either. He was picky, bossy, and too cautious for his own good. Julien noticed he opened up when he let himself live in the moment. But as soon as Tyler caught himself, he put on that effect of being tight-laced and put together.
He was also caring and observant. He watched everything Julien did, though Julien couldn’t tell if he was policing or watching him because he wanted to.
Like yesterday, when the family had set up an extraordinarily ornate Christmas village, sweeping the entire bottom of the large tree, he had watched Julien without touching the area they were decorating together. Finally, when Julien asked him what he was doing wrong, Tyler told him that his tongue poked out between his lips while he concentrated.
But as soon as he had said it, Tyler flushed and explained how they had to properly lay the fake snow to look natural.
Tyler was confusing but exciting, and Julien couldn’t quite work through the puzzle of this privileged boy who needed to hire someone to be his boyfriend for a week. He was determined to find out.
Dammit, if I don’t want to be your boyfriend for real. I’d kiss you like we were under the mistletoe all the time.
It got harder by the day to keep the lines from getting blurred in his mind. When they were with Tyler’s family, Julien knew he was putting on a show, but sometimes he felt like the person he pretended to be. Not a business owner who had shit together, no. But someone worthy of holding hands with Tyler and being invited to share these Christmas traditions. Someone who could be a part of a real family.
Julien felt Tyler stiffen in his arms, which he usually did when he woke up and realized that he was curled up with Julien like they were actual lovers.
He never commented on it, though, as if he didn’t want to scare Julien off. Or maybe it embarrassed him, or he didn’t like it. Julien couldn’t get a read on Tyler’s thoughts at all.
“Morning.” Julien stopped his lazy rubbing of Tyler’s back.
Tyler rolled out of his grip. “Morning,” he said as he sat up. “God, what time is it?” He picked his phone up from the bedside table.
“No idea.” Julien sat up and stretched out. “What’s on the schedule for today, Boss?” he asked.
Tyler looked up from his phone and grinned. “Believe it or not, we get the day off. The Christmas Party at my parents’ country club is tonight, so don’t get too excited.”
Julien raised his eyebrows. “We’re all going?” He couldn’t think of a worse night than one at a country club where he would probably have to laugh at entitled jokes and comments.
“Yeah. Mom and Dad like to bring their kids to show us off in front of the other members,” Tyler said grimly. “We have to make sure to oversell ourselves so they are revered as the best.” He rolled his bright blue eyes and gave a little shrug.
“But nothing for the rest of the day?” Julien asked.
When Tyler shook his head, Julien laid back, and before he could reconsider, he pulled Tyler down with him.
“Then we should sleep in.”
Tyler looked slightly alarmed, perplexed, especially as Julien pulled him closer. “I don’t know. I mean, everyone is probably already awake. We should at least go and—”
“Shh,” Julien whispered. His huge palm gently covered almost all of Tyler’s face. “Sleep, Baby,” he said. Jules could feel Tyler smile under his hand, and Julien grinned, too.
He should have just let Tyler get up instead of trying to cuddle with him. But in these moments, when it was just the two of them, Julien enjoyed pretending it was all real.
“You know. I haven’t actually cuddled with someone in a really long time,” Tyler confessed, still tense in Julien’s arms. “You’re really warm.”
“I can stop if you want me to.” Julien peeked an eye open. He was unable to stop the grin that played on his face.
Tyler chewed on his bottom lip. “No. I mean. I don’t mind. It’s just…” he trailed off, burrowing deeper into the blankets.
“Just what?” Julien asked.
“Are you gay?”
Julien opened both eyes and sat up a little. “Are you serious? ”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s not my business,” Tyler exclaimed.
“I thought you knew,” Julien said. “Yeah. I am.”
Tyler let out a huff of a breath. “Oh. Well, that’s a relief.”
Julien wasn’t sure what that meant. “I thought Cam probably told you. It’s not obvious?”
“No. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never been good at that kind of thing,” Tyler confessed. “Do you, uh, have a boyfriend?”
“Besides the fake one? No.”
“You must think I’m a shitty boyfriend if you thought I’d leave someone to go pretend to be yours.”
Julien wasn’t sure he wouldn’t do that, though. If he did have someone, would he still do this to get the money he needed? That always had been part of the problem. Relationships were expensive. People wanted to go out on dates to do things together, and every penny Julien didn’t need to literally survive went to his debt to the Rossi family.
“I don’t think you’re a shitty boyfriend,” Tyler grumbled. “You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
Julien ignored his heart speeding up and reminded himself that Tyler had never had a boyfriend. The bar was on the floor, underground, in Hell. Tyler wasn’t talking about Julien; he was talking about the Julien he had made up to please his family.
Tyler traced the tattoo on his forearm absentmindedly, and Julien closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy it for a moment. The warm form of Tyler pressed tightly against his front, the tickle of his fingertip on his skin, and the curve of his neck so close that Julien could bite it were some of the most comforting things he’d felt in a long time.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Julien gave in and nuzzled against the crook of Tyler’s neck. He smelled fantastic, and at that moment, Julien didn’t care if this crossed lines.
The finger that ran over the tattoos on his arm stopped. Tyler laughed and covered himself with the blankets.
“What?” Julien pulled his face away from Tyler’s nape. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel caught out on what he was selfishly indulging in.
“Nothing,” Tyler said quickly, still hiding .
Julien frowned. “Are you laughing at me?”
“I’m sorry.” Tyler peeked out of the blanket and turned his head to look at Julien. “It’s just your boner is so fucking huge.” He laughed again, covering his flushed face.
Julien snorted in surprise. “Shut up. Don’t act like you don’t have one,” he said. He pulled the pillow from under his head and threw it onto Tyler’s face.
Tyler’s laugh came muffled before he pushed the pillow off of him. “It’s normal.”
“I wasn’t the one who laughed about it.” Julien was unable to keep himself from a slight chuckle along with Tyler.
“I’m not laughing,” Tyler said despite actually laughing. “It’s a shock.”
“What? That I have a big dick?” Julien poked him in the ribs, sitting up. “So, you know I’m gay, and now you want to talk about my penis, is that it?”
“Oh my god,” Tyler groaned. He pulled the pillow back over his face and let out a muted scream. “I was just making an observation.”
“If you wanted to fuck, you just have to ask, Baby,” Julien teased, enjoying the way Tyler squirmed as Julien began tickling his ribs.
All Tyler had to do was say the word, and Julien would have no problem pouncing on him immediately, even if he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
Tyler batted Julien’s hands away, still laughing. “Oh yeah? Would that cost extra?” Tyler asked, but he froze once he said it.
Julien’s face fell as a greasy mortification washed over his skin, erasing the ease and silliness he had felt mere seconds ago. The cold reminder of who and what Julien was to Tyler left him feeling like he was breathing in the frigid air.
Tyler pulled the pillow away from his head and sat up. “I was just joking, Jules. I didn’t…I mean, that was so stupid of me to say. I’m sorry.”
Julien shrugged and slid out of the bed. “Yeah, I know,” he told Tyler, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I’m going to shower. I wouldn’t want your family thinking I’m a lazy bum or something unforgivable. ”
Tyler put his glasses on and looked at Julien from the bed. His hair stuck up at odd angles, and the flush on his cheeks wasn’t satisfying at this moment. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll meet you downstairs then.”
Julien nodded and went into the bathroom, trying to remind himself that this was a job. He stared at his reflection, brow furrowed and jaw set. Julien knew he shouldn’t be upset about this. As nice as Tyler could be, Jules was there for one reason, and that reason wasn’t to be Tyler’s actual boyfriend.
Julien shook his head and went to run the shower. At least the cold water helped clear his mind.
Tyler was holed up in the office when he went downstairs, helping his sisters wrap gifts. At the same time, everyone else bustled around with the children, sealing holiday cards and thick envelopes to hand-deliver to the country club friends at the party that night.
Wally was also by himself, hovering around the living room, looking like a lost lamb.
After four days with the Ashfords, Julien noticed that no one ever talked to Wally, and it made him wonder if Tyler even realized he felt left out. Or if Tyler cared.
“What’s this whole party thing tonight about?” Julien asked as he went over to Wally. Out of everyone, Wally was by far the most approachable of the family.
Julien didn’t think he’d befriend the man under ordinary circumstances, but over the last few days, he’d come to enjoy his strange grasp on humor and the eager way he lapped up any positive attention.
He was a decent guy, Julien decided. Like a nice , old family sitcom, and Julien found it refreshing. He didn’t know a lot of friendly people.
“Well, the place is great,” Wally told him. “It’s not stuffy like the country clubs my parents used to attend. The food is delicious, and the people are friendly for the most part. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Why would I worry?” Julien asked, arching an eyebrow .
Wally’s eyes widened. “Well, I just mean, I can see how hard you’re trying to impress everyone here, for Tyler’s sake. I think you don’t have to do so much.”
Julien’s brow furrowed. What had he done that seemed like he was trying ? He thought he pulled off the sweet boyfriend schtick pretty well. “What do you mean?”
If he did something that would give them away, he needed to quickly put a stop to it. He couldn’t fuck up this job.
Wally shrugged. “Just little things. And…,” he added with a sly look on his face. “I know you keep sneaking out to the roof for a cigarette. Hailey and I caught you the other day but didn’t say anything. Plus, you seem to have a lot of tattoos, but you keep them all covered up.”
Julien frowned and looked at his arms covered by a long-sleeved shirt. His tattoos wound to his wrists, so it wasn’t impossible that his sleeve rode up and showed them off. Julien still didn’t know the big deal, but Tyler had been fixated on it from the start. “Do you think anyone else noticed?”
“They’d never say. I think, yanno , it’s hard enough meeting the whole family and trying to fit in. Trust me, I know. I’ve been trying to keep up with them for three years. But you don’t have to try too hard. If Tyler likes you the way you are. Then everyone else will too, Jules.”
That is the fucking problem, isn’t it? Tyler doesn’t like me the way I am. I have to keep that, and the money, in mind.
“Try telling Tyler that.”
Wally laughed. “The Ashfords, they always want to make everything perfect,” Wally said with a shake of his head. “But I think you’re cool, so don’t worry too much. You’re making a great impression. I mean, I like you, and I bet your tattoos are really rad.”
Julien forced a smile. “You gotta stop flirting with me like this, Wally. You’re an engaged man.” He managed to keep the tone light.
He wondered if Walter would like him under different circumstances or if his country club upbringing would cause him to judge Julien just as much as Tyler did.
Wally laughed again, surprised. “You rascal.”
Now, with a bad taste in his mouth, Julien squeezed Wally’s shoulder and told him he was sneaking out for a cigarette since everyone was busy. He employed Wally to cover for him. Julien just hoped the taste of smoke would wipe away the taste of his own stupidity from his mouth.