15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Tyler
T he Country Club Christmas Party was the biggest night of the season for Tyler’s parents. They walked in with a purpose, and that purpose was showing off. They liked to show off exactly how fucking perfect the Ashfords were. They liked to brag about what their kids were doing while the other families fawned and smiled their fake smiles.
Then, when they got home, his mother would complain about how so-and-so looked too thin or had too much Botox done. How their deadbeat children were, and how embarrassing it was for everyone else.
Tyler absolutely hated it.
“Oh, my god, I can’t wait to see how blue Mrs. Sanchez’s hair has gotten this year,” Hailey said from the front seat. She was decked out in a navy velvet dress, which brought out the color of her eyes. Walter had a matching tie to go with his perfectly tailored suit .
“It might be purple by this point,” Tyler said.
Tyler had opted for a light blue jacket with a darker tie, and his hair carefully gelled to keep it from getting unruly.
He had spent far too much time worrying about Julien, who was still not clean-shaven. Still, he looked elegant in the brown jacket, dress slacks, and red shirt underneath.
Getting him to wear a tie had been like putting a collar on a feral cat. So, Julien’s neck remained bare, and the shirt was unbuttoned at the collar. It was doing things to Tyler.
Finding out he was gay had opened up a can of worms in Tyler’s mind. Maybe they could go out on an actual date after all this. Perhaps they could start something for real.
Julien wasn’t the sort of guy he would have ever considered, but not because he wasn’t attracted to that sort of guy—dirty, rough, and tumble, covered in tattoos and cigarette smoke. Tyler was starting to realize he really liked that if that guy was Julien in particular. But it didn’t fit in with his family’s perfect world.
Tyler didn’t feel like he fit in there sometimes, either, though.
He turned that morning over in his mind. It had been easy, and there was no one to perform for while alone in his room, and he could have sworn the vibes were there. Maybe Jules had even been hitting on him? But then he had to be so stupid and insinuate he wanted Julien to have sex with him for money.
Whenever he thought about the joke, he cringed, and his stomach writhed like it held a pit of snakes.
If he ever thought he had a shot with Julien in a real sense, that was probably gone with one terrible comment.
Julien definitely thought he was a total creeper now. Maybe he even worried Tyler wanted to try to pay him for sex. Would it be that far of a leap?
The whole day, Julien had acted fine. However, Tyler’s ease with him was gone, and he didn’t know if there was a chance of getting it back. Even in the darkened backseat of the car, Tyler felt as if there was a wall between himself and Julien.
They met the rest of the family in front of the clubhouse. Walter gave his keys to the valet .
Cecilia had on a glittery gold gown with matching earrings, and Brad wore a standard black suit and bow tie. He looked ready to audition for James Bond or something.
His mother wore a similar shiny dress in emerald green, and his father looked more like Brad than Tyler wanted to consider.
“Big smiles,” his mother reminded them as they walked to the brilliantly illuminated clubhouse overlooking a well-manicured, sprawling golf course.
Tyler tentatively reached out and took Julien’s arm to walk in together. When Julien didn’t pull away, Tyler glanced up at him and smiled.
Julien smiled back, and Tyler wished he could tell if it was a real one or one for the benefit of his family.
The ballroom of the clubhouse was already bustling. A string quartet played serene music. Servers in starched white shirts passed around hors d’oeuvres and flutes of champagne. The crowd was dressed to the nines.
His mother spotted a friend and went to swoop in and give her a cheek kiss. People crowded around Hailey and Walter, and Hailey showed her ring off. Cece and Brad had already been cornered by a couple who they were working with to renovate and sell their house.
Tyler felt Julien shift uncomfortably next to him. “Are you alright?” he asked.
“I didn’t realize it would be this crowded,” Julien said. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah. We do this every year, remember?” Tyler said. “Come on. Let’s go get a drink.” No one bothered with them anyway, and Tyler could tell he and Julien needed something to take the edge off. Hopefully, he could keep himself from saying something stupid for the rest of the night.
The open bar was against the back wall, and they weaved their way through the crowd and stood in the line.
Julien ordered a Jack and Coke, while Tyler ordered a martini.
“I didn’t really take you for a martini guy,” Julien said. One of his eyebrows lifted as he tilted his head.
Tyler flushed. He thought they were gross but didn’t know what else to order. The thoughts of James Bond must have influenced his decision. He always panic-ordered at bars and restaurants, sure that whatever he picked would be wrong anyway.
“Not really. I never know what to order, so I just said the first thing that came to mind.”
Julien leaned forward and caught the bartender’s attention with a smile. “Instead of the martini, can you make him a gin and tonic?” he asked. “With a splash of orange juice. Thanks.”
The bartender nodded and started on the new drink.
“My mom used to be a bartender,” Julien explained when he noticed Tyler staring at him. “If you like martinis, you like gin, right? You use juniper shampoo, too, and you don’t drink pop but do drink tonic water. Plus, I know you like the flavor of orange. I think you’ll like this.”
Tyler blinked a few times, astonished. The realization that Julien noticed all of those details about him was such a shock that he didn’t even realize he was staring with his mouth open until the bartender slid their drinks in front of them. “I…yeah. That sounds good.”
It was good. Tyler took a few sips and allowed the bite from the gin to settle before he spoke. “We should probably walk around a bit. We don’t want to seem as though we’re just here for the booze.”
“I am just here for the booze,” Julien said.
Tyler bumped against him. “Yes, but we don’t want to look like it.”
Tyler had lived in Pittsburgh for almost six years and only saw these people over Christmas. They might have known him by sight, but they only knew him as Hailey’s twin brother or Connie and Jim’s son.
Tonight, he didn’t have to trail aimlessly after his mother or his sisters. Instead, he walked around with his gorgeous boyfriend. Tyler caught more than one person glance at Julien’s way, and he couldn’t blame them.
He was total eye candy. But he was Tyler’s. At least right now, even if he wasn’t actually. Tyler couldn’t help but feel pride knowing that people were probably jealous of how sexy his boyfriend was .
They began a slow circle of the room and exited from the table-lined ballroom and into the hall, which was set up as a silent auction. There were various wreaths, fully decorated trees, and other displays to bid on, with the proceeds going to charity.
Julien stopped in front of one particular piece and grimaced. “It’s awful,” he said. He had to lean in close so Tyler could hear him without the other people around them overhearing.
It was awful. Fluffed pine branches twisted to resemble a giant rooster, with splashes of red holly berries positioned on the top to make up the comb.
“You don’t want a Christmas cock on your door?” Tyler asked in mock surprise.
Julien tilted his head back and shook his head. “Actually, when you put it like that…”
Tyler stepped forward and wrote a bid on the sheet. “Maybe we’ll win it. It’ll be your Christmas present.”
“You just want to be able to say that you got me a big cock for Christmas,” Julien said.
Tyler grinned, his previous apprehension about earlier evaporated. If they could joke this way, maybe Julien didn’t think it was a big deal. It wouldn’t be the first time Tyler blew something entirely out of proportion.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder before Tyler could formulate a flirtatious response, which was not his forte.
He turned around and smiled when he spotted Mrs. Sanchez.
“Hello, Mrs. Sanchez.”
The woman was in her seventies and wore a black glittering pantsuit. Her gray hair was toned with blue, but whoever her stylist was had done her dirty because, in this lighting, the hair did indeed look purple.
“Oh, Tyler, sweetie, you look so grown up. I talked to your mother. She said you brought a date this year. Is this him?”
Julien’s eyes were focused on the woman’s hair, but he seemed to realize he was being spoken about and smiled. “Hey.”
“Yes, this is Julien, my boyfriend,” Tyler said. “Julien, this is Mrs. Sanchez, a friend of my parents. ”
“Nice to meet you, Julien. I see you were admiring my rooster.” She gestured to the wreath Tyler had bid on.
Tyler could not meet Julien’s eye because he knew if he did, he would laugh. “Wow! You made that?” He bit his cheek as hard as he could.
“I did. I think it is some of my finest work. It was such a hassle.” She leaned in as she spoke. Tyler could smell her lipstick’s waxy scent mingled with the intense aroma of rose perfume. “You know, I just had surgery on my bunions. But I couldn’t do nothing. Luckily, my grandson, you remember James, right? He is gay like you are. Well, he was around to help take care of me.”
Tyler tried not to wince at her oversharing. He wondered how long he would have to endure this woman’s conversation. “That’s nice of him.” At least the urge to giggle had subsided.
“It’s a shame you and he never hit it off. I think you would have made a nice couple,” Mrs. Sanchez told him.
Tyler had once gone out on a date with James, who was boring and stuffy. Though, he thankfully had a lot more tact than his grandmother. It amounted to approximately nothing, but Tyler still could not believe she was talking about that in front of his boyfriend.
Tyler fake laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure we would have. Tell him I said, hi, alright?” he said. “I have to go find my sister.”
What he needed was a refill, and Julien needed one, too.
Thankfully, Mrs. Sanchez spotted another victim in the crowd and hurried off while Tyler pulled Julien back toward the bar.
“Your face,” Tyler said. The grin he wore made his cheeks almost sore.
“I didn’t think you actually meant her hair was blue,” Julien said as they returned to the bar. “These people are bizarre.” He quickly gestured to the bartender for a refill of their drinks.
“Hey, these people are kind of my people,” Tyler complained. He didn’t feel that way but knew they were cut from the same cloth .
“You’re bizarre too,” Julien told him, and the softness in his voice almost made Tyler lean forward to kiss him on the spot.
“Is that bad?” he asked hesitantly.
Julien reached over and took Tyler’s chin between his finger and thumb. He watched him with such a deep, inquisitive expression.
Ah, Julien definitely wants to kiss me. Right?
Tyler’s breath caught in his throat as his gaze darted to Julien’s full lips. He hadn’t even realized they were close to one another, but with the crowd at the bar waiting for refills before dinner, there wasn’t much room.
He could step forward and press his lips to Julien’s. No one would notice. Everyone was always too concerned with themselves at these functions. In the crowd, they were basically invisible.
“No. It’s not bad.” Julien dropped Tyler’s chin and leaned closer to him, but only so he could grab their drinks from the bar.
The cold glass against Tyler’s sweaty palm came as a relief and a disappointment. He took a long sip of the cocktail. “Let’s find our seats. Dinner is about to start soon. Then there are speeches and all of that crap.”
“Whatever you want to do, Baby.”
What I want to do I can’t do here, or at all, Tyler thought with bitterness.
They were seated at a table with his whole family and some of their closer country club pals.
Mrs. Sanchez wedged herself between Cece and Brad. Before the salad course, she asked if Cece was expecting a third child while patting her belly.
“Shh, Mr. Livingston is making his speech,” Mom said as a hush came over the room.
Tyler watched Julien’s eyes glaze over as Mr. Livingston began to speak.
He thanked everyone for coming and talked about all the good the country club had done that year, which amounted to refurbishing the tennis courts and all the golf they played .
Tyler reached over and took Julien’s hand, unable to listen to the speech himself. Even though he dreaded these parties, it had been excellent so far. The last thing he cared about was some older men making weak jokes about golf and their wives.
Instead, Tyler distracted himself with Julien’s fingers. They were calloused, rough, and big. He pinched the skin around the knuckle and traced the digit with paler fingers.
Julien flipped his hand over and traced Tyler’s palm. It sent shivers through his body, and he thought about what might happen tonight when they were alone in his room. Maybe something more than just going to sleep. If the stars aligned, and Tyler got up the nerve to be more flirtatious.
The speech led to dinner, which gave way to a few champagne toasts, and then the dancing began. The quartet played classic slow songs; most dancers were older couples. But in true Ashford fashion, all the couples went to the dance floor to show their happiness.
“Umm, do you want to dance?” Tyler decided to ask. He didn’t want it to look weird that he was the only one of the family not on the floor. Besides, the idea of standing close to Julien while the champagne and gin mixed headily in his mind sent his heart beating excitedly.
Julien leaned in. “I don’t know how to dance,” he said directly into Tyler’s ear.
Tyler stood up and grinned. “Come on, I can teach you. It’s just swaying.”
Julien didn’t budge. “I don’t think so.” He folded his arms. “Really, Ty, maybe ask someone else.”
Tyler felt disappointment blossom in his chest. Not because he wanted to dance for his family and put on a show but because he liked the prospect of being close to Julien, looking into his eyes as their bodies swayed to the music.
“You have to. It’s part of the deal,” Tyler said. “Everyone will expect it of us.”
No one looked in their direction, but Tyler wanted to dance with his boyfriend. His very fake boyfriend.
“I don’t think anyone cares.”
Tyler cared. He wanted to dance, not with someone else, with Julien. He wanted to have a moment . Maybe if they danced, they would talk more, their bodies would touch more, and he would get to experience that perfect romance that Cece and Hailey both had.
Yes, it was selfish and childish, but Tyler wanted to savor the moments spent with Julien. He wanted to enjoy the butterflies and the subtle touches that made his toes curl and his mouth dry. It was stupid, pathetic, and weird, but he couldn’t help but long for it all. He didn’t know if he would get those feelings for someone else.
“I’ll give you more money. Just one dance,” he pleaded.
Julien’s jaw set firmly, and he stood up. For a second, Tyler thought Jules would lead him to the dance floor.
“Just keep your stupid money. I’m going out for a cigarette.” With that, Julien walked away.
Tyler watched him weave through the tables of the ballroom and out the door and felt his heart sink. He didn’t even know if he should go after him or not. It was just a stupid dance. Was it wrong of him to want that?
The song ended with thunder of applause, and Tyler realized he was still standing there, eyes glued to the door, but Jules never came back in.