Chapter Sixteen Dolly
@bigbaby: omfg warren is so fit i might die pls resus me so i can die again thx
@RealiteeTea: I keep seeing people say Patrick and Carys are endgame and hello??? Have you seen Warren and Dolly? [fire emojis]
@havenmaven: I just realised Dolly is Dolly Doherty! I’ve been making her sweet potato curry pie every month – it’s foolproof. ollyPie
@thehafofit: I swearrrrrr I met Dolly on a night out years ago…
Game face on, Dolores.
That’s what Mum would say to me.
Well, she would if she remotely approved of me being on here. When she meets Warren, when he tells her why he’s here too, she’ll understand.
She’s always been a practical woman. Just like me.
The divider comes down again slowly in what I assume is designed to prolong the anticipation of seeing someone you want to bang.
Warren and I go straight for a hug, arms clasped tightly round each other.
We only have maybe a minute and one chance to get this right.
I know for a fact that Wedded Bliss never makes their contestants reenact anything because it always plays strained and fake. Other shows have made that mistake before, with two different kisses edited together, and immediately spotted by the audiences.
My hands work quickly, as I pretend that I’m just overwhelmed touching him for the first time.
Over and over, I whisper sweet nothings, I laugh, I make enough verbal noise to hopefully cover what I’m really doing.
My hand slides up his back which, wow, he is absolutely jacked, until I find what I’m looking for.
As the wire unclips from his mic pack, Warren clocks on to my plan.
His admittedly huge hands are already at my waist, and stroke over my own pack, tucked into the back of my high-waisted trousers – thank God I thought to wear separates today.
I’m a big tall girl, so it’s not normally an easy feat to lift me off the floor, but Warren sweeps me up into his arms and swings us around in a circle, just as his fingers flick the wire out.
I can’t help but admire his finesse.
We did it. We’re off mic, and for the first time, production can’t hear us. As long as we’re quiet and make as much additional noise as we can, any hidden mics shouldn’t be able to pick us up.
‘One year minimum,’ I whisper hurriedly right into his ear.
He kisses my cheeks. ‘Prenup if we have to legal it.’
‘Obviously,’ I laugh loudly, as though he’s just whispered something sexy to me. Just in case I’m wrong about this, then they have something to play. And if they have had to turn the sound up high to hear us, I’ll have blown out their speakers. Sorry, audio team, but needs must.
I say more sweet nothings against him, the usual stuff about how good he smells, how tall he is, wow look at your muscles, while he whispers some more conditions. ‘A fake I love you moment today. I’ll propose tomorrow.’
‘PDA okay, lie about the sex, we can discuss later,’ I whisper back.
‘And honesty with our family.’
We finally stop spinning and I feel so dizzy that we have a genuine funny moment of him plonking me down, before we collapse onto the couch. I’m not even sure whose room we’re in now.
Outside, I can hear the hurried footfall and anxious shouts of the production team scurrying towards us to fix the sound problems.
I lean back to look at him, and we seal the deal with a smile.
‘Third place?’ He grins like he’s very proud of himself.
‘I think we can do better. Let’s make it first, shall we?’
Louise bursts into the room. ‘Sorry to interrupt. Something’s gone wrong with the sound and I just need to check the mic packs.’
‘Oh shit, sorry.’ I spring up and lift my shirt up enough so she can see it. The loose wire falls out, hitting the carpet behind me. ‘Do you want us to do it again?’
She grits her teeth and I hope that she’s not actually in for a bollocking for our behaviour. ‘No, no. It’s okay,’ she says, as she picks up the end of the wire. ‘Ignore me, just focus on each other.’
We lock eyes, smiling as Louise whizzes round us, checking and rechecking our mic packs are working.
The minute she’s gone, I say, ‘Are you going to kiss me then?’
Warren smiles cockily, and I know the girlies are going to be yelling all over socials about this moment. He slides one hand up the back of my head, fingers threaded through my short hair, and before I know what he’s doing, he dips me low.
‘Wow,’ I whisper, as he holds me in his big strong basketball-ing arms.
I wait for him to move first, and he kisses me tenderly, slowly. This is a man who is familiar with lip balm, I can tell, because his lips are so plump and soft. He tastes like honey.
I don’t feel anything for him romantically or sexually, as expected.
But a nice kiss is still a nice kiss.
It’s not my first time kissing a boy. I may have come out the womb pretty certain I liked women, but even I kissed a few boys during spin the bottle at parties – a small price to pay to kiss the girls I actually liked with plausible deniability.
Those were much less enjoyable, a few bitten lips, a few washing machines, but worth it because I got to snog Mikaella Matthews for the first time.
My stupid horny brain flicks back to last night’s hungry kisses with Carys.
I concentrate on Warren, on pretending, on selling our romance to the audience who might vote to send us on fun dates, and to the brands waiting to have us represent their eco-friendly washing liquids or matching organic cotton sweatsuits or green juice powders or whatever.
The one thing I know for certain is that that was a kiss for television. He’s Prince Charming, and I’m swept up in him. It’s a kiss that is going to be talked about for months. Perhaps there’ll be gifs, fan edits, dissections of our (excellent if I do say) technique.
I’m sure that’ll do him well in the future too. Once we’re broken up and he can date again, the girlies will be clamouring for him.
I’m positive Jas will be giving me top marks for my convincing performance of heterosexuality.
When he finally rights me, I can’t help but laugh. ‘God, sorry. I’m lightheaded.’
‘Was that not from my kiss, though?’ He raises just one eyebrow, his lips falling open ever so slightly, and I am positive there’ll be gifs of that inevitable close up.
I place my hands on his chest to stabilise me. ‘You leave me breathless.’
‘Lucky me,’ he whispers, drawing a finger down my jaw, and tilting my chin up just enough so we kiss again, ‘that I get to kiss a woman like you.’
‘I can’t wait to be with you properly,’ I say with just enough suggestion that the audience will know it’s going to be hot when we’re engaged.
‘Baby,’ he says so smoothly that I almost forget this is fake, ‘you’re even more beautiful in real life, and I fell in love with your soul through that barrier this week.’
‘Love?’ I whisper, eyes wide.
‘Yes. I love you.’
I gasp. ‘Warren, I love you too.’
I’m almost tempted to somehow engineer us back into a dipped kiss, but instead, I just go for another sweet one.
‘I can’t believe I found you,’ I say.
He smiles down at me. ‘We’re going to be unstoppable, Dolly.’
Script: Episode Five, Proposals
Scene: Proposals episode intro
Location: Men’s dormitory
[Medium shot of Karina and Lucas standing together.]
KARINA Welcome to a very special episode of Wedded Bliss. The Proposals episode!
LUCAS I’m so excited to see which of our guys decided to propose, and which couples are going to leave today engaged.
KARINA Me too. Isn’t it so thrilling?
LUCAS I think some of them are just excited to get out of the warehouse!
KARINA Yes, but that’s a surprise! The men have chosen places all around the city to pop the big question.
LUCAS That’s right, I hear we’re headed to a city farm, the top of the Dome, a boat on the Thames, the London Eye and Parliament Hill today. We’ve got a whirlwind filming schedule! But who will say yes?
[Close up on Karina.]
KARINA Yesterday, our remaining pairings were able to touch for the first time. And today, they are putting their relationships on the line. How many couples will be on their way to saying ‘I do’?
[Close up on Lucas.]
LUCAS Which of our couples are on track for wedded bliss, and who is headed right to breakup central?
[Karina winces.]
KARINA I hope everyone finds a love as special as ours!
Scene: Proposal
Couple: Carys and Patrick
Location: Tower Hamlets City Farm
[Introductory shots of the city farm, interspersed with footage of the couple with overhead drone footage of the farm and its boundaries against the city. Shots of Carys introducing Patrick to various animals. Carys and Patrick sit at a picnic table in the middle of a green area.]
CARYS I can’t believe they let us come here. I missed all my friends. I really thought Buttercup would put up more of a fuss about me being gone so long.
[Cut to a shot of Buttercup the goat looking nonplussed in the background.]
PATRICK Well, I wanted to bring you somewhere special, and I know this place means a lot to you.
CARYS It does. I can’t wait to show you round properly. You still haven’t met Gerri the parrot who hates everyone but me.
[Close up of Patrick laughing.]
PATRICK I know we’ve talked a bit about what our life will look like together. But I wanted to reassure you that I’m not going to take you from here. I can see how happy it makes you.
CARYS But won’t that mean we have to do long distance? If your job is in Yorkshire still and—
[Close up as Patrick reaches over to grab her hands.]
PATRICK Shh, don’t worry. We can manage this. And I can work all over the country, so we can take our time and look for the right job for me.
CARYS And it’s not that far on the train! I love taking the train!
[Close up on Patrick as he reaches into his pocket, and takes out the ring box.]
PATRICK [whispering] I hope you won’t think ill of me for not getting down on one knee, but I will fall right over if I try and get out of this picnic table.
CARYS [giggling] I won’t. I mean, I will! For the other bit. It feels wrong to say ‘I won’t’ right now.
[Close up on Patrick opening the ring box.]
PATRICK Carys Cadwallader, getting to know you has felt like finding another half of me.
I think you’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, which makes sense because you’ve dedicated your life to working with animals and teaching children.
I love that about you. That goodness makes me want to be more like you, and to learn from you.
I can’t imagine my life without you. Will you marry me?
CARYS I will!
[Medium shot as the pair laugh and Patrick places the ring on Carys’s finger.]
Scene: Pre-proposal interview with Lina
Couple: Lina and Zack/Cobey
Location: Thames riverside
[Close up on Lina as she looks out over the river.]
PRODUCER [voiceover] So, can you tell us about what’s happening today?
LINA I am pretty sure I’m getting proposed to twice. You’d think that would be a good thing but… I have to break one person’s heart.
[Cut to shot of Zack and Lina sitting in the centre of an old cinema, with theatre-style velvet seats. On screen are images from Zack and Lina’s dates.]
LINA [voiceover] I really love his energy. He’s just so sweet and thoughtful.
[Cut to aerial shot of Lina and Cobey on a tugboat sailing down the Thames.]
COBEY I wish I could have got you a fancier boat.
LINA It’s a very nice boat, Cobey.
COBEY But I wanted to bring you to the water. It’s a metaphor thing, isn’t it.
[The boat lists suddenly and Lina retches over the side. Cobey leaps to her side.]
LINA [voiceover] Haha, yes, he’s very attentive. I’m just worried it’d be such a big life change for me.
[Cut back to the cinema where, on screen, Zack kneels down and holds out a ring. Still seated, Zack presents the ring to Lina.]
[Cut back to Lina looking over the river.]
LINA It feels very head and heart at war. I don’t know. What do you think?
Scene: Proposal
Couple: Dolly and Warren
Location: Primrose Hill, sunset
[Opening shot on slow zoom of Dolly and Warren standing at the top of the hill, the sky pinkish orange behind them as the sun sets.]
DOLLY It’s so beautiful up here. I’ve never seen London look like this.
[Warren slowly gets down on one knee, and holds up a ring box to Dolly.]
WARREN Dolly Doherty, Queen of my heart. I want to walk through this life at your side. Will you do me the honour of marrying me?
DOLLY [breathlessly] Warren, I couldn’t dream of anything more wonderful.
[Warren slides the ring onto Dolly’s finger, stands up slowly, and they kiss. This time, she dips him.]
Scene: Close out Proposals episode
Location: Men’s dormitory
[Cut back to Karina and Lucas in the studio.]
KARINA Wow! What an incredible set of proposals. That leaves us with five engaged couples, our Blissfuls: Dolly and Warren, Carys and Patrick, Bridget and Jackson, Whit and Malachi, and Lina and Zack.
LUCAS An incredible season so far, I think. Unfortunately, we’ll be saying goodbye to the rest of our contestants – for now!
KARINA Our five couples will now head to beautiful Corfu, on a honeymoon like no other.
LUCAS That’s for sure – because they’ll all be sharing one villa! This is the chance for our couples to spend time together in person with the support of the friendships they built in the warehouse.
KARINA And allows them to see how their partner shows up for their friends, in social situations, and in shared living. Are they a giver?
LUCAS Haha, I hope so!