Chapter 9
LEVI
CHAPTER NINE
I’d spent a lot of my life thinking I deserved the worst. That I wasn’t worthy of forgiveness after what I’d done…and certainly not worthy of happiness. And that hadn’t changed.
Well, I was finally getting what I deserved, because having Harper in my apartment was turning into my worst fucking nightmare.
It was no secret that I liked my space. And I fucking loved my solitude. Which was why I’d never had or wanted a roommate. The closest I’d gotten was sharing a conjoined bathroom with Addison when we were growing up. I didn’t like having to tiptoe around someone else or have someone silently judging my choices. And if my home was a mess, it was my mess.
Except now there was another person living in my space. One I’d been trying my damnedest to avoid. But I couldn’t avoid the tells of her now residing in my apartment. The explosion of all her junk in the bathroom, an extra coffee mug in the sink, her shoes by the front door. And her scent I just couldn’t seem to escape.
It shoved me back to a time I rarely allowed myself to travel to—back when everything was better. Before I’d realized what a disappointment I was, before I’d almost dragged Harper down with me, before my mom had died.
Before I’d fucked up everything good in my life.
Barring the night of the storm, I’d managed to avoid Harper for the most part by staying out of my apartment as much as humanly possible. It was a necessity at this point. Having a conversation with her only proved that not only did we still have insane chemistry, but I liked talking with her. I even liked her smart mouth and sassy replies. But I needed to shut that down immediately, because the truth was, I didn’t trust myself around her.
The Starlight Cove carnival hadn’t been in my plans this weekend…or ever. In fact, I generally tried to avoid any and all public events like the plague, unless I was literally dragged there by Addison. Too many people and way too fucking much conversation. I wasn’t interested in any of it. But it was better than suffering through hours in what had once been my safe space, wondering when—or if—Harper would be coming home.
And if she’d be alone when she arrived.
I might’ve broken up with her all those years ago, but in no realm of reality could I handle seeing her bring another man into my apartment. And no fucking way could I handle hearing it. Since our bedrooms shared a paper-thin wall, that meant I was utterly fucked.
So instead of waiting for the inevitable, I took my ass to the carnival. I suffered through small talk from roughly a dozen people and made a couple consultation appointments for this week before coming across what made this entire night worth it.
The lobster corn dog stand.
They had been a staple in my youth, something I could only get here at the carnival once a year. And they held a hell of a lot of memories I’d be better off forgetting.
I didn’t know if it was because my defenses were already down or because I was just fucking hungry, but I didn’t say no. Didn’t walk away and go order something else instead, something that held no emotional attachment.
Instead, I gave in.
After waiting in the obscenely long line, sandwiched between a family with small children and a couple making out, I placed my order and now stood off to the side to wait. I stuffed my hands in my jeans pockets, trying to get lost in the chaos around me in an effort to keep my mind carefully blank. Here, of all places, I needed to be on my game, keeping the past firmly where it belonged.
But, just like always, Harper slipped through a crack in the walls I’d erected long ago, taking me back to the last time we’d been to this carnival. The last night we’d been together, period.
Her laughter had been infectious as she’d snuck bites of my order, teasing that she’d break up with me if I didn’t share. She hadn’t realized it then, but I would’ve given her anything she asked for—and even what she didn’t. Case in point, my hoodie I’d slipped over her head when she’d been shivering in nothing but a sky-blue sundress that had perfectly matched her eyes. It looked so goddamn good on her, I hadn’t been able to keep my hands to myself.
Without my permission, my thoughts shifted to later that evening. The Ferris wheel…and then after. When she’d been breathless and beautiful, eyes locked on mine as she’d ridden me in the back seat of her father’s car.
The memories hollowed me out, just like always. I shoved them forcefully away, gritting my teeth against the ache in my chest. An ache I damn well deserved because I’d been the one to put it there.
“Lobster corn dog, extra spicy, side of mango salsa,” Darnell called out.
Grateful for the distraction, I strode up to the counter. I reached for my order, gripping the basket just as another hand brushed against mine. A jolt of awareness shot down my arm at the same moment I registered who it was.
Harper. Because of fucking course.
Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, flyaway wisps curling around her face, and she wore an off-the-shoulder shirt. I hated how much the sight of all that skin drew my attention, like a fucking siren’s call I couldn’t ignore. I wanted to run my nose along her skin, inhaling deeply. Then I wanted to sink my teeth into the juncture where her shoulder met her neck, a little payback for getting my dick hard without even fucking trying. All while we were in a crowded place. And while I was supposed to be hating her.
The night of the storm might have felt like something shifted, but it hadn’t changed anything between us. She’d said so herself.
“Whoa, a little quick on the draw there, Levi.” Darnell grinned and slid another basket toward me. “Yours is up right here. That one’s for Harper.”
I tore my gaze from Harper’s and snatched my food. Muttering a curt thanks to Darnell, I stepped back, putting a safe distance between Harper and me. Though, truth be told, no amount of distance between us would ever be safe.
“Quick on the draw, huh?” She raised a brow in my direction and gave me a slow once-over. “That’s…enlightening.”
Her appraisal might’ve been fueled by hate—or disgust at the very least—but my dick didn’t know the difference. It twitched behind the fly of my jeans, ready and eager as fucking ever for her attention when it’d been subsisting on a poor substitute for far too long.
Instead of giving in to it, I needed to do what I did best and push her away by whatever means necessary. I leaned toward her, and it was like being transported back in time. The scent of her, combined with the salty air of the ocean and the smell of fried dough from the carnival vendors shoved me straight back in time. To a place I didn’t deserve to remember.
Shaking myself from my thoughts, I didn’t stop until my lips were a breath from her ear. Close enough to feel the heat radiating off her, watch the increased rise and fall of her chest. Against her ear, I murmured, “If you wanted to know how well I fuck now, sparrow, you could’ve just asked.”
Her shoulders stiffened, her entire body going rigid, but not before I saw a shiver skate down her spine. And if I had any hope of keeping up this fucking facade, I shouldn’t have been as satisfied as I was that I could still get a reaction out of her.
She jerked away, eyeing me with every ounce of disdain I damn well deserved. “Don’t flatter yourself. I don’t give a single shit what you do in the bedroom.” Venom dripped from her tone, but the way her gaze flicked down to my lips betrayed every word coming out of her mouth.
“Who said anything about a bedroom?”
Harper’s eyes flashed with irritation, but there was something else there, too. Something she definitely didn’t want me to see. And, if I had to guess, something she definitely didn’t want to feel. It made my cock hard just the same. She could fight it all she wanted, but there was no denying how much her body responded to mine, even when she was fueled by hate.
“I see you still enjoy acting like an ass,” she said, that snooty tone reminding me exactly who her family was, exactly what her life was like away from Starlight Cove.
I clenched my teeth, jaw ticking, though I shouldn’t have been irritated at her frank assessment. Her dismissal…her contempt was exactly what I wanted her feeling toward me. It was better for everyone that way.
“And I see your tastes haven’t changed.” I gestured with my chin toward her basket that was identical to mine—the way I’d taught her to order it when we were kids.
She grabbed a couple of napkins and glanced at me, giving me another once-over. Except this time, I saw nothing but contempt in her gaze, the flash of heat I’d seen long gone. “Oh, believe me. They have.”
Then, without another word, she grabbed her basket and walked away, getting swallowed up by the crowd within seconds.
There was no denying our chemistry was still as strong as ever. No denying exactly how dangerous that was, either. I’d managed to hold on to my control for years, and now, within a matter of days of her being near, it felt like I was one tenuous thread away from it snapping.