Chapter 23
LEVI
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I was officially in hell. Sitting on the edge of the bed with a naked Harper spread out next to me, telling me it was going to take longer to get herself off unless I talked her through it…pure purgatory. On the one hand, I wouldn’t mind if it took a fucking eternity if she let me watch.
On the other hand, I might actually die.
“Exactly how drunk are you?” I managed through a tight throat. How I was able to form words at all was a fucking mystery.
“You know how many margaritas I had. Besides, we just did this, remember?” She bit her lip, her eyes hooded as she stared up at me. “I came harder than I have in forever because you were watching. I wanna know what happens if you do more than just watch.”
“You’re playing with fire, sparrow.”
She shot me a lazy grin. “I’m counting on it.”
The bed shifted with her movements. And though I kept my gaze on her face, I could tell by the sigh that left her softly parted lips and the flutter of her eyelashes that she had her hand on her pussy.
I swallowed down the fistful of gravel lodged in my throat. “You’re going to regret this in the morning.”
“I won’t remember it in the morning.” She kicked the sheet the rest of the way off, and I had to force myself not to track the movement. Not to turn around and see everything she’d uncovered. “Now, are you going to help me or not?”
I tried my hardest to keep my gaze on her face, but when I could hear how wet she was, my control snapped. I glanced down, wishing like hell those were my fingers playing in her dripping cunt. Wishing it was me pulling those noises from her throat.
“You used to be so sweet, didn’t you? Never asking for what you wanted, just taking whatever I gave you. But it looks like you’ve turned into a dirty fucking girl.” I licked my lips, dying for a taste of her but forcing myself not to touch. “Or is that just for me? Am I the only one who gets to see this side of you?”
“Yes,” she said in a whisper, and the admission made my cock twitch in my jeans, loving that it was all for me. And I was fucking desperate to explore what she’d never given anyone else.
“Look at you. Your needy cunt is dripping, isn’t it? I want to lick it all up. We both know you’d taste fucking delicious. You always were.”
“Do it. Please.”
I breathed out a pained laugh. “As much as I love you begging me, this is all you tonight.”
“But I need you,” she said, her words more a whine than anything. “Need to be taken care of so bad.”
I tried not to get hung up on her words since she was half out of her mind. And especially since she didn’t mean them. She didn’t need me. She just needed to get off.
“Well, go on, then. Sink those fingers deep. Let me hear how fucking much you need it.”
With a whimper, she did as I directed, slipping two fingers into her cunt before dragging them out. She set a gentle pace, much slower than I would have. Much slower than she needed, if the way she was rolling her hips was any indication.
“That’s not going to get you off, and you know it.” I tipped my chin toward her hand. “Fuck yourself faster. And rub that pretty little clit while you’re at it.”
“God,” she breathed, her nipples pebbling as she arched her back. “You didn’t use to talk like this.”
Because I had been just a teenager, too worried to voice all the filthy thoughts running through my head. Especially with a girl like Harper. Someone who was prim and posh, someone so polished, she shone. Someone who came from the kind of well-off family she did. I was terrified of scaring her away, terrified of losing her because I knew exactly what I had. That was something I never would’ve admitted to her in a million years.
But she was right—she wasn’t going to remember any of this in the morning. I could say whatever I wanted to her, tell her all the secrets I kept just for myself, and it wouldn’t matter. In the end, none of this would matter.
“That’s because I was worried about keeping you.” I braced my hands on either side of her shoulders and leaned down, careful not to touch her, despite how badly I wanted to. When our lips were so close, I could feel her breath on mine, I murmured, “Things change in twelve years. And you might be in my apartment, begging for my words to make that gorgeous pussy come, but you’re not mine, are you? Not anymore. Haven’t been for a long time.”
“I remember what it was like to be yours,” she whispered, her fingers moving in tight, fast circles around her clit, the fingers on her other hand fucking deeper into her cunt. “I think about it sometimes.”
Fuck me. In more than a decade, nothing had tempted me like this woman. She was going to be my goddamn downfall, and she didn’t even know it.
I sat back, allowing my gaze to skate over every inch of her. Soak in the flush of her neck and chest, all the way down to those luscious, pink-tipped tits. And lower still, to the dip of her waist and the accentuated flare of her generous hips. Then her fingers, working fast and frenzied against the prettiest pussy I’d ever seen. The only pussy I ever fantasized about when the deprivation got to be too much and I finally allowed myself the relief.
“I think about it every time,” I admitted, allowing myself to because it was safe. “Seeing you laid out like this, your gorgeous fucking body on display…” I swiped a thumb over my lower lip and shook my head. “It’s impossible to pretend I haven’t been inside you. I remember everything.”
“Like what?” she whispered, her breaths growing shallower.
“I remember exactly what it felt like to have your tight little cunt squeezing my cock. How sweet you tasted. How much you loved it when I played with your tits. And those throaty whimpers in my ear when I’d push too deep. We never quite worked up to the whole thing, did we?”
She moaned in response, her eyes glazed, lips parted, fingers working feverishly.
“But if I fucked you now, you’d take it. Wouldn’t you, baby? We’d make it fit.”
“God.”
Her pussy was obscene, spread tight around her fingers, flushed a deep pink, and so wet, she was dripping onto the sheets. My mouth watered, eager for a taste of her after way too fucking long. Desperate to feel her again.
My cock was painfully hard, and if I didn’t get out of here in the next three minutes, I was going to have another problem on my hands like the other night.
“Time to be my dirty girl, sparrow.” I glanced down at her fingers buried deep in her cunt, her other hand flying across her clit. “Come all over your fingers and pretend it’s my cock.”
“Levi,” Harper breathed, her lips parted, chest rising faster and faster with each passing moment. “I wanna know something.”
“What’s that?”
She let out a soft moan, her legs shaking now, and whispered, “How many others have there been?”
I tore my gaze from her pussy and looked into her eyes, hazy and lust-drunk. Soft and vulnerable. My deprivation was something I usually kept to myself. My penance for all the shit I’d done wrong in my life and something no one else needed to be concerned with. I never wanted any of my baggage heaped onto those I loved.
But I could admit it to her now, when she was half out of her mind. When she’d never remember it anyway.
“None.”
The word had barely left my mouth before Harper moaned and came, my name leaving her lips as she’d stared up at me with something I could delude myself into believing was love.
I knew it wasn’t. It could never be. Not after what I’d done to her. And definitely not considering the man I was, someone with a thousand demons haunting me.
Someone impossible to love.
Case in point, I shouldn’t even be sitting on her bed right now. I should have forced myself to walk away as soon as she’d started stripping. Should have shuttled her to her room and walked out without another word. Instead, I’d hung around too long, pushed myself too damn far.
I was fucked. And a fucking asshole for sitting here and watching her. Not just watching her, but guiding her. Directing her.
“Thank you,” she murmured, the words barely more than a whisper, and then she was out. Dead to the world.
I pulled the sheet over her, covering her up. Then, after double-checking I’d brought in everything she would need, I slipped from her room and strode straight to the bathroom. If I was already going to hell for what I’d done, I might as well make it count.
I stripped out of my clothes and climbed beneath the hot shower spray, closing my eyes as the steam rose around me. And though deprivation was my default, I didn’t even try to stop myself from reaching for Harper’s body wash and pouring some of it into my palm.
The scent of her surrounded me as I wrapped my fist around my cock, my mind conjuring up images of her moments ago. Recalling the expression on her face when I’d breathed the single syllable of admission. The word that had seemed to send her over the edge more than any of my filth had. And that only got me harder. Though the constant thoughts of her flitting through my mind definitely weren’t helping.
Memories of the single summer we’d had when everything had been perfect. When she’d been mine and she’d known I was hers and we hadn’t been able to keep our hands off each other. When I’d snuck into her bedroom a dozen times to fuck her quietly while her dad was two doors down. Or when we’d bail on a group outing and escape to the cove or the beach or the back seat of a damn car.
I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind because they only made me feel worse. For what we’d lost. For what I’d cost us.
Instead, I focused on her now. On the gorgeous-as-fuck woman she’d become. The one who didn’t put up with any shit, who spoke her mind and didn’t care if you liked it. The one who’d met my tongue stroke for stroke on the top of the Ferris wheel, who pulled out her toy and got off with me watching. The one who begged me to help her come with just my words.
Her body was a fucking masterpiece, tits high and full, hips lush and thick, and I wanted to watch that ass bounce as I fucked her from behind. Wanted her breathy little sighs in my ear and her nail marks down my back. Wanted her begging me to fuck her harder, faster. Wanted her begging for more.
Groaning, I squeezed my eyes shut, hanging my head as I braced my left hand on the tile wall. I swiped my thumb over the head of my cock, focusing on my piercings before stroking down the length, too far gone to stop now.
A thousand fantasies flitted through my mind as I pumped my shaft in long, quick strokes. And every single one of them featured Harper.
Her on her knees, her mouth open and ready and waiting for everything I could give her. Her sweet little tongue poking out to lick around my head, catching every drop of precome. The gentle scrape of her teeth before she tugged on my piercings, all while those fire-filled eyes peered up at me with more than contempt.
Then it switched to her riding my face, her hands braced on the headboard while she ground her cunt down against my mouth. Then she was on her back, her legs pressed up to her chest as I pounded into her with abandon.
I thought about how sweet she’d taste, how tight she’d be. The soft little whimper she’d give me when I pushed just a little harder, just a little deeper. Watching her cunt stretch around my cock, stuffed so fucking full of me, there was no telling where I ended and she began.
But through it all, through every single fantasy reel, she looked at me with something other than hate shining in her baby blues. That, and the remembered whisper of my name on her lips as she came, was all it took.
“Fuck,” I groaned, my orgasm tearing through me as I shot off against the wall, the scent of her filling up my lungs. And there was no hope of stopping her name from slipping past my lips.
Wishing, not for the first time, that she was mine.