Chapter 11 Beau
BEAU
“So, do you want to tell me what this visit was really about?”
Apparently, I was doing a lousy job of hiding what was going on inside my head.
Even though I’d been caught, I pretended I had not a clue what Jamie was getting at.
“What makes you think it was anything other than what I said it was? Can’t I just want to spend some time with my friend who’s had a difficult time recently, doing that while getting in a good workout? ”
Jamie narrowed his eyes on me. “I’ve been perfectly fine lately. I’m not still hung up on Sarah. And you have your own gym at home to workout in, so I know there’s something else going on.”
I should’ve just come right out with it. Instead, I prolonged the inevitable just a bit longer. “Well, I did want to tell you about the call I had with Wes Blackman.”
Surprise littered my friend’s features. “Oh? What did he have to say?”
Wes Blackman was the owner of Blackman Boards, the brand that sponsored my friends and me for skating.
“He wanted to talk about the upcoming mini demo tour we’ve got scheduled,” I shared. “Apparently, he’s planning to make it out to one of the stops.”
“No kidding? It’ll be cool to see Wes again. It’s been a while since we last saw him.”
I nodded my agreement. “I said the same thing to him. Wes is looking forward to seeing everyone, too. He said we could thank his wife, Charley, for the visit. Evidently, she’s been dying to take a trip to New York City, and now that their kids are grown, he figured the demo would give him the perfect opportunity to make that happen. ”
“Their kids are grown?” Jamie visibly shuddered. “Exactly how old are we now?”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered. “Why do you think I keep doing everything I can to stay in shape and continue moving? As soon as we stop, it’s going to catch up with us. The age combined with the years of beating up our bodies.”
His lips twitched. “We’ll just have to find other things to keep us young once the skating stops.”
“Let me know if you find anything that helps beyond what we’re already doing. As it is, I’m going to head home and hop in the sauna before taking an ice bath. I’ve got to do what I can to help myself recover, so I don’t have to have the skating stop.”
Jamie nodded, something that looked a lot like amusement taking over his expression. “Alright. And would you like me to pop over to your place if I figure that out, or do you think a simple phone call might suffice?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
The second I’d asked the question, I realized what was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“It means that you claiming to stop over here for my well-being and to tell me about a phone call you had with Wes is utter bullshit.” He let out a laugh. “I’m not mad about it. I’m just waiting for you to be honest with yourself about why you’re really here.”
I sighed. “I didn’t realize it was such a problem to want to get out of the house for a bit and spend some time with a friend.”
“Care to enlighten me on what’s so bad about being home?”
I didn’t.
I really didn’t.
I didn’t want to confess that I hadn’t wanted to be home for fear that I’d be alone with my thoughts again. Or because I could still picture what I’d done with Jules in my bedroom that one night. And because I needed something to distract me from my phone.
If I’d been smart, I would’ve gone to Vic’s place today instead of coming here. He wouldn’t have been thinking like Jamie at all. If anything, he’d likely have tried to come up with plans for a fun night out. Maybe that would have been the wiser choice.
Even right now, I was itching to go in search of my phone, which I’d purposely left on the counter in Jamie’s kitchen. My fingers had hovered over that one name far too many times for me to count in the last couple of weeks.
“Nothing’s bad about it.”
Jamie wasn’t satisfied with that response. “Are you sure? It seems like you’ve got something gnawing at you. It might help to admit that and actually talk about it with someone.”
I shook my head. “When did you become a therapist?”
“It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you’ve got some free time on your hands.” Laughter filled the air before Jamie got quiet. “I’m serious, Beau. We’ve danced around this for long enough. Tell me what’s going on, so I can return the favor and help you the way you guys helped me.”
Where Vic wouldn’t have even acknowledged there was a problem, and Talon would have been too overbearing about it when it came to what I was dealing with, Jamie probably was my best option for trying to sort through this disaster of a situation I’d created for myself.
After letting out a long breath, I grabbed a seat and admitted, “It’s Jules.”
He chuckled. “I figured that much out already. But I guess I’m curious about this now, because the last time we discussed her, you insisted it wasn’t serious.”
“It wasn’t. It’s not.” I shook my head, feeling so frustrated. “Technically, there’s nothing going on between us now.”
That news surprised him, his head tipping to the side. “That doesn’t sound good. What happened?”
I wasn’t quite sure where to begin. “She asked me to attend the birthday party her family was throwing for her.”
His brows shot up. “Birthday party?”
I nodded. “Yep. There’s the other thing. Evidently, her family is big on celebrations.”
“I get that it’s not really your thing, but is that honestly a big problem?”
Shrugging, I admitted, “I probably would’ve had an issue either way, but I think what makes it worse is that she told me more about her family.”
My mind drifted back to learning the truth. A Westwood. Jules was a member of the most well-known family in this town, probably even the state of Pennsylvania. People from all over the world knew about her family.
“And? What’s the deal with her family?” Jamie was looking at me expectantly, like I’d just left him hanging.
“Her last name is Westwood.”
His eyes bulged out of his head as he digested that piece of information. “Wow. Well, there goes Vic’s argument.”
“What?”
“He was worried about her being after you for your money,” Jamie clarified.
“Right. I forgot about that.”
I hadn’t ever once believed that was the case with Jules. She just wasn’t that kind of woman. But the truth of who she was certainly put to bed concerns that any of my friends had about her intentions.
“Alright. So, she asked you to attend her birthday party. I presume you declined, because you’re good at being miserable.”
I had opened my mouth to speak, but quickly pressed my lips together and scrunched my brows. “I’m not good at being miserable. I was having a blast with her until I had to tell her that it was only supposed to be a good time between us.”
Understanding dawned in his features. “Now it makes sense. You’re going out of your mind because you’ve never experienced this before.”
“Experienced what?”
The urge to reach out and smack the smirk off his face was strong. “You like her.”
“No.” The single word came out firm and unwavering.
But about two seconds after I said it, I faltered.
“Okay. Yes, I do like her. She’s gorgeous.
God, she’s beautiful. But she’s honestly a lot of fun to be around.
I’ve never met anyone like her. Jules is just a blast to spend time with, and she seems up for trying anything. ”
“So, what’s the problem, then?”
I dragged my fingers through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. “I had to be honest with her, and let’s just say, it didn’t go well. She asked me to leave, and I haven’t seen her since.”
“Again, I’m still not seeing the problem.”
Confused, I asked, “Did you not just hear what I said?”
Jamie nodded. “Of course, I did. But you’ve said over and over that you’re not interested in a long-term relationship.
You’ve insisted that you just want to have fun.
If that’s what you want, why should it be a problem that she’s not interested in seeing you any longer?
I can only assume she’s looking for more than you’re willing to give, and I’ve never known you to be a guy who got hung up on someone who wasn’t interested in just being a fling. ”
And there was another trap Jamie set out without me even noticing. He wanted me to admit that things were different for me, that I’d turned some corner and suddenly wanted different things in my life than I’d always wanted.
He was wrong.
“Yes, she thought there was something more than just a good time there for me, so she was upset,” I confirmed. “But like I said, she’s just a lot of fun to be around, and I hate that it ended so poorly. I’m worried that I’ve hurt her, when that was never my intention.”
Jamie countered, “If you don’t feel anything for her, why does it matter?”
“Because I’m not a total dick,” I fired back, shrugging. “I don’t know. I guess I feel guilty about not being honest from the start with her.”
“If you say so.” He shot me a look of disappointment. “So, how long has it been since you’ve seen her?”
It felt like years. “Since the day she asked me to leave her place. It was two and a half weeks ago at this point. Her birthday party was a week ago.”
“Have you talked to her at all?”
Inhaling deeply, I recalled every attempt I’d made.
“I reached out immediately afterward with no response. I called her first thing in the morning on her birthday and left her a voicemail. That garnered me a text message late that same night that was little more than a note of thanks. I responded to that, but she went silent again. Three days ago, I tried calling her once more, but she never answered or called back.”
“Did you leave her a message?”
I shook my head. “Not that time.”
For several long moments, we sat in silence. I didn’t necessarily mind. I had enough happening inside my head that a bit of silence was welcome. But there was also a part of me that needed some perspective, because I felt so beside myself about all of it.
Finally, Jamie said, “I think it’s unreasonable for you to be like this over it.”