Chapter 11 Beau #2
“What? Why? I just want to know she’s okay. And if I was lucky, I’d like to have her as a friend.”
“Well, you aren’t exactly doing anything to make it happen.”
Sending an incredulous look his way, I asked, “Uh, did you not just hear me admit how many times I’ve reached out to her?”
He inclined his head. “I did. But you just said you called and didn’t leave her a message.
Do you honestly expect her to answer your call or return it when the only thought she has in her mind about what you want from her is a booty call?
She’s not interested in being that, so my guess is that unless you can prove to her that she’s more than that, you might be waiting a long time. ”
I hadn’t considered that.
All that had gone through my mind was desperation to hear her voice, an overwhelming need to know she was okay.
But now that Jamie had pointed it out, I could understand where I’d gone wrong. From where Jules stood, it was likely I was only calling for what I could get out of her.
Perhaps I needed to switch things up, find a way to connect with her on something other than sex and become her friend.
I’d been so lost in my thoughts about what I’d done and how to fix things that I hadn’t realized Jamie was waiting for a response.
He broke into my thoughts and said, “Look, I know what you’ve dealt with, Beau, and I understand why you’ve chosen this path in your life.
And if that’s what you really want, I’m not going to try to change your mind.
But I’m not blind. If you like this girl, even to have her as just a friend, you’re going to have to do something different than what you’ve been doing. ”
Nodding slowly, I agreed, “I know. You’re right.”
“I am?”
I laughed. “Yes. I’ve been going about this all wrong.”
My friend tipped his chin up and pushed his shoulders back. “Maybe I’m better at this than I thought. If the skating thing does take too much of a toll on my body, perhaps I’ll have a future in therapy.”
Still chuckling, I stood and promised, “If I can sort this out with Jules, I’ll even write a review for you.”
“I appreciate that. Are you good now?”
A genuine sense of happiness washed over me for the first time in weeks. “Yeah. I think I am. I’ve got to get out of here.”
“I’m glad. I’ll talk to you later, Beau. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
After grabbing my phone off the kitchen counter, I was out the door and on my way to the grocery store. I picked up what I needed, drove home, and finished the remainder of my fitness routine with a quick session in the sauna before a dip in the ice bath.
Then I was in my kitchen trying my best to do something I’d never done before in my whole life. But I followed the directions to a T and was convinced I was on my way to redemption.
Sadly, I left myself disappointed when the cookies I’d made tasted nothing like the ones I’d gotten from Jules at her bakery.
Figuring I could still use this to my advantage, I took a picture of the pile of cookies and sent it off to Jules in a text.
BEAU
I have a new respect for what you do, because I tried so hard to make something good, and these are awful.
There was no guarantee this would work, but I had nothing to lose at this point. And I’d decided, right then and there, that I was going to do what I could to prove to Jules just how sorry I was.
Defeated in my attempt at the cookies, I considered what my next move would be. And somewhere in the middle of my thoughts, my phone buzzed in my hand.
My gut clenched at the sight of her name on the display, and I couldn’t open it fast enough.
Jules
Well, what ingredients did you use?
I swallowed roughly, praying I wasn’t going to screw it up.
BEAU
Ingredients? I just bought the prepared packs they have at the store.
Jules
The refrigerated ones?
BEAU
Yes.
Jules
Oh, that’s terrible.
I felt like I could breathe again at the sight of that laughing emoji. That was an indication she was happy, wasn’t it? And she felt that way talking to me.
BEAU
I don’t understand what I did wrong.
Jules
You didn’t make them from scratch. That’s where you went wrong.
That wasn’t the only place I’d made mistakes.
BEAU
Is that why yours taste so good?
Jules
Yes. With the right ingredients and a little bit of love, you could have delicious cookies, too.
I tried not to let my eyes linger for too long on that four-letter word. Surely, it was just an expression she used when she talked about doing something she enjoyed. I would’ve said something similar if talking about skating.
BEAU
Got any good recipes for a beginner?
It took a while for her response to come through.
Jules
I’m not home right now, but I can send something over to you in about an hour.
Something twisted in my gut. Not only had I been hoping she might say she’d come over to make cookies with me, but I also couldn’t ignore what really bothered me about her response.
It was the weekend. Was it possible she was out with someone else, someone who might have been interested in giving her what I couldn’t?
BEAU
That’d be awesome. Thanks, Jules.
Jules
You’re welcome, Beau.
And that was it.
There was nothing left to say.
All I could do was wait until she sent over a recipe and hope that it led to some additional conversation.
The next hour dragged on.
So did the next.
It was thirty minutes after that when I finally got a text from Jules with the recipe, along with an apology about the delay and a request to let her know how I made out with it. But there was no additional conversation beyond that.
I hated it.
And I was left wondering if perhaps Jamie was right. Was it possible I felt something more than just guilt over what I’d done to Jules, something that went far beyond the friendship that I claimed was all I wanted?