Chapter 25 Jules
JULES
Was there a point throughout pregnancy when it was no longer acceptable to blame hormones for everything?
After spending weeks feeling heavy and uneasy, most of it focused in my chest, I finally felt like I could breathe again, and it made me want to cry.
I’d been pleasantly surprised by how things had gone today at Rosie’s party. Of course, I’d been a mess the entire way here, worried about how my family would react to seeing Beau and me again.
It went far better than I expected.
Obviously, things were far from perfect, but given how the last gathering we’d had as a family had gone, this had been a huge improvement.
Whenever the focus was on Rosie and her joyous laughter or everyone was gushing over Jack and Lily, things were as normal as they should have been.
If nothing else, my family had managed to pull it together for the sake of one very special little girl, her sister, and her cousin.
But when those babies were sleeping and Rosie had dragged whoever happened to be her favorite at the moment—typically Liam—off to do whatever she wanted, there were certainly moments with a lot of awkward tension.
It was reminiscent of my encounter with Cooper the day he fixed the mixer at my bakery.
Like each of my siblings and I—even my parents—had these unspoken things between us, and nobody quite knew what to say or where to start.
Fortunately, this family had been lucky to have my sisters-in-law—Rhea, Skye, Ava, and Layla—as well as my brother-in-law—Marco—to help break up the tension and keep the conversation flowing.
Marco had made a mention of hearing about my new hires at the bakery.
Evidently, Cooper had shared that nugget of information with him after he’d fixed my mixer and returned to work.
Marco’s attempt to get the conversation rolling had helped ease the pressure on everyone, and I was able to share some news with them.
It led to other conversations, including Skye sharing what it had been like for her to hire more people at the bookstore years ago.
Layla had revealed some upcoming acts at the event center this holiday season, which took the focus entirely off the family and onto something that everyone could discuss without any discomfort.
At one point, Rosie had given Liam a break and asked Beau to check out the gift her grandparents had gotten for her—a trampoline in their backyard for whenever she visited.
I stood there, watching him with her on it, and my heart squeezed.
Whether he believed he had the capacity to love or not, I didn’t care.
What I saw told me everything I needed to know. That man was going to be a good father.
And as my whole day was made by watching the two of them, a voice I hadn’t heard in weeks filled the air around me. “I always had a picture in my mind of us.”
I turned to my left to see my sister with tears in her eyes. “A picture of us?”
She smiled and jerked her chin down slightly. “I never thought anything would happen to change that picture. The one that had me standing by your side as you devoted your life and love to someone.”
“Ivy, I never meant to hurt you or anyone else,” I rasped, my throat tight.
“I know. When Marco and I got together, we kept the news of our relationship a secret from everyone for a long while. You didn’t owe me any differently in return.”
“Yeah, but we knew Marco, and you didn’t run off and get married without your family there,” I reasoned. “You’re allowed to be upset.”
She nodded. “Maybe. But I don’t think it was grounds for cutting off my only sister. I just… I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
I reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You can be here for me now.”
Her eyes dropped to the ground as she swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’d really like that.”
Without giving it a second thought, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug.
Ivy held on tight. “I’m really sorry, Jules.”
My hand moved up and down her back. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.”
We loosened our hold on one another, and she looked down at my bump. “You look adorable. How are you feeling?”
“Better than I was at the beginning. That exhaustion is no joke. But I’m doing better now and feeling those flutters for the first time was magical.”
She smiled. “Yeah, I remember that. Is everything okay with the baby?”
“Yes. He or she is perfect.”
“Any plans to find out the sex?”
I shook my head. “We haven’t decided yet.”
“Marco and I haven’t told anyone else yet, but we changed our minds and decided to find out. We’re having a girl.”
My eyes rounded. “Really? Oh my God. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. We’re so excited.”
Warmth spread through me. “Now, I can go shopping for her.”
Ivy rolled her eyes. “How did I know you were going to say that?”
As the day progressed, that conversation I had with Ivy left me feeling like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I didn’t think anything could top that. But now we were sitting beneath the covered patio, everyone had just sung to Rosie, and we’d all enjoyed cake.
With Jack sleeping in her arms, worn out from a busy afternoon of playing, Rhea stood and walked toward Beau and me.
Wyatt had his attention focused squarely on us, but I couldn’t read the thoughts behind his stare.
Rhea stopped in front of us, looked at Beau, and asked, “How much experience do you have with babies?”
He seemed stunned that she was talking to him. “None, unfortunately.”
She smiled at him and didn’t hesitate to situate my sleeping nephew in Beau’s arms. “You’ve got a few months to get in some practice, so you better start now.”
“Oh, wow. He’s so small.”
“Not as little as he used to be, so prepare yourself for that, too. Maybe you can hold Lily later and get an idea of what that’ll be like.”
My hand flew to the front of my throat to massage the ache that had formed there as tears pricked my eyes.
All day long, there’d been little interaction between Beau and anyone in my family besides Rosie.
They’d all been cordial enough, offering a nod of greeting when we arrived, which was far more than we’d gotten the first time around, but there hadn’t been anything beyond that.
No direct conversation with him. No questions to get to know him.
I didn’t want to demand everything all at once from them, but I could admit that it hurt to see they weren’t really putting in the effort to try to include him.
I wondered if Rhea saw it and sensed my dismay over it.
Whatever the reason she did it, I decided she was going to be getting an extra Christmas gift this year.
Because not only did she find a way to make Beau feel more included that anyone else had, but she’d also given me the opportunity to see the man I’d fallen in love with holding a baby.
It did things to me that I hadn’t anticipated.
The conversation flowed into something else at that point, but I’d been focusing all my attention on Beau. On how happy he’d made me and how excited I was for the life we were going to build together.
When the party began to wind down—Beau suddenly had Lily in his arms—I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Do you have a minute to talk?”
I could’ve cried at that voice. Looking up, I saw Liam standing over me. “Sure.”
After telling Beau that I’d just be a few minutes—he didn’t seem too concerned about being left alone with the rest of the family—I took a walk with Liam.
For a long time, we didn’t say anything to one another. I could only assume that, as much as he wanted to talk, Liam was struggling with this.
He eventually came to a stop, turned to face me, and said, “I’m so angry.”
I winced. “I noticed.”
Shaking his head, he continued, “I know I shouldn’t be. I know I’m supposed to be happy for you. And deep down, if you’re happy, Jules, I’m happy for you. But I’m so angry.”
“Liam,” I rasped.
“What you did hurts just about as bad as everything I went through years ago with Layla.”
I swallowed roughly. My brother had become a shell of himself when things went south between him and her. To think I’d inflicted that kind of pain on him killed me. “It was never my intention to hurt you.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “So, why’d you do it? Why did you put us all in this position to hate the man you love?”
That was a blow I hadn’t been ready to take. God, it hurt.
“I was caught up, Liam. I couldn’t help how I felt. I can’t explain it, but there was something between us, between him and me, that told me he was my guy.”
“Nobody understands that better than me,” he returned. “I knew very early on with Layla. You know that. I just hate that you didn’t want us to know.”
“I did,” I insisted. “You can ask him. But I was scared. Confused. Everything was happening so fast, and I wanted to tell all of you, but I was afraid you’d be disappointed in me for winding up pregnant after only knowing him a short time.
He did it for me, you know? He asked me when I wanted to tell all of you, and I told him I wasn’t sure I could, because I did it all backwards.
And he didn’t hesitate. He cared enough about me and what I was feeling to do right by me and this baby. ”
Liam looked away and dragged his fingers through his hair.
“I wanted to be there for you. To see my sister get married. After everything you did for me all those years when I was broken, after the way you accepted Layla back into your life without ever holding a grudge, I wanted to be there for you on the most important day of your life.”
The anguish he felt was unparalleled. “I’m sorry for taking that away from you.
I am. I can’t go back and change it, but I don’t want it to define the relationship I have with you or anyone else in this family for the rest of my life.
And I certainly don’t want it to stop you, or Wyatt, or Cooper, or Tate, or Mom, or Dad from taking the time to get to know him.
We’re here, and it’s been nice enough today, Liam, but don’t think I haven’t noticed that none of you who I just named made any effort with Beau.
As much as I hurt you, it was never intentional.
But this? The way you’re all acting. I can’t stop myself from thinking that this is your way of punishing me. And that’s not who I know you to be.”
He closed his eyes and sighed with disappointment as he dropped his head back. After one or two deep breaths, he looked at me and said, “I’m trying. I promise, I’m trying to get there, because you mean too much to me not to.”
I didn’t know what I could do to get him to understand how badly I needed this. That’s when I realized it wasn’t me who needed it and recalled something Beau had once said to me.
“Liam, family doesn’t mean the same thing to Beau that it means to us,” I shared.
“He doesn’t have all the good memories that we do, and there’s nobody around for him besides his three best friends.
Help me. Help me show him what it’s like to be part of a family that cares and loves one another unconditionally.
If I really mean that much to you, I know you can do this for me. ”
Judging by the look on his face, I wasn’t quite sure he was fully on board. But he nodded and promised, “I’m going to try my best.”
I smiled at him. “Thank you.”
Liam opened his arms and hugged me. “I love you, Jules. I hope you know that.”
Squeezing him around the waist, I rasped, “I do. I love you, too.”
My brother and I returned to the group, where Skye had just lifted Lily out of Beau’s arms. He stood, saw me approaching, and watched tentatively. It didn’t matter to him that he was the one being ostracized. He was only concerned about my well-being.
I walked up, slid my arms around him, and rested my head against his chest.
“Everything okay?” he asked quietly.
Tipping my chin up, my mouth curved into a small smile. “Yeah, everything’s good.”
He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, his hand stroking up and down my back.
Cooper and Skye thanked everyone for coming, and we helped clean up the mess that had been left.
When Beau and I were in the car on the way home, he said, “That went better than the last time.”
“It did, didn’t it?”
“Are you happy?”
“It’s the best I’ve felt about things with my family in weeks,” I told him.
“Obviously, there’s still some tension there, but I think we’re on the right track.
I guess only time will tell if this was a sign of good things to come, or if everyone just chose to be on their best behavior for the sake of Rosie. ”
Beau reached across the console and rested his hand on my thigh, his thumb stroking idly there. “I’m sure it’s going to get better for you.”
I wrapped my hand around his arm and leaned down to kiss the warm skin. “I want it to get better for both of us.”
“I know you do. But as long as you get your family back, that’s all that matters to me.”
I kissed his arm again. “Can I tell you what I loved most about today?”
“What?”
My hand stroked up and down his arm. “Seeing you with the kids. Watching you jump on the trampoline with Rosie was so sweet. She thought you were incredible with all those fancy flips you did. And seeing you holding those babies. I don’t know what else to tell you, but it makes me want to do very naughty things to you when we get home. ”
He glanced over at me, his mouth quirking with a smile. “Is that so?”
I sent him the most smoldering look I could muster up. “Oh absolutely. I have a very fun night planned for you.”
“I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
“You won’t need to do anything, Beau. I’m going to be doing all the work.”
He laughed. “If you say so.”
“I am.”
Beau nodded and made a face that indicated he didn’t believe it for one second. “I know. I totally believe you.”
“You just wait and see.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”