15. Aiden
15
AIDEN
I didn’t speak to Nolan for three days.
At first, I didn’t talk to him because I was mad at him. He was being such a dick, and for no reason. All I’d tried to do was help, and if he’d just listened for a second, he would have seen that.
But no, he was always so sure he was right, and that nobody else could ever possibly be right as well, because only one person could be right at a time, and that person was always gonna be him.
But as time went on, I went from being mad at him to mad at myself.
It was pathetic, really. Nolan had told me from the beginning that he thought I was a child, that I was a joke. That all I did was lie and flirt and scam my way through life. Just because he was attracted to me didn’t change how he saw me.
It was just that, for a minute there, I’d felt like maybe things had changed. That Nolan had started to open up and see me as an equal. As a friend. As, well, maybe something more.
How many times was I going to have to learn the lesson that people didn’t like me like that? That I wasn’t one of those guys. I wasn’t the one who got picked.
I was too sad on Monday night to post a video to my CamFans account. Too sad the next night, and the one after that, too. Just looking at the app’s icon on my phone made my stomach roil.
I couldn’t get Nolan’s voice out of my head, asking why I hadn’t reported HungTopXL. Why hadn’t I? What was I waiting for, really? I stuck to my room, mulling the question over, unable to figure it out.
If I were smart, I would have just packed up and left. I was going to be the one cut on Friday. It was obvious. On Monday, that hadn’t bothered me. I’d even tried to encourage it, a little. After everything Nolan had told me about his mom, I hadn’t cared about winning anymore. I’d just wanted him to get what he needed.
But now?
Well, I still didn’t want Nolan to be screwed. I just wished he weren’t such a dick about everything at the same time.
I woke up Thursday morning to a note slipped under my door by the production staff. All the contestants were needed in the baking tent at eleven a.m. for a meeting. Which was weird, since Thursday was usually a low-key day for us. The challenge episode had only aired last night, and we hadn’t started shooting anything for next week’s finale.
The challenge episode… That meant that, by now, everyone who watched the show would have seen the interview with Nolan’s mom. They would have seen the way Nolan had walked out of the tent rather than talk about it. There was no doubt in my mind that the show had edited that footage for maximum drama.
I felt a little sick, knowing how upset Nolan was about it. Hell, maybe the meeting was to tell us that he’d quit the show, and that Aisha, Lucinda, and I were going to the finale by default. Come to think of it, it had been very quiet up on the third floor of the Wisteria all week. I’d been so intent on avoiding Nolan that it had never occurred to me he might not even be there anymore.
That only made me feel worse, though. I didn’t relish the idea of sitting in this meeting with Nolan, but I didn’t want him gone either.
But when I got down to the tent that morning, Nolan was still there. He, Lucinda, and Aisha were seated in a loose semi-circle of stools facing the judges’ table. There was one remaining empty stool, as far away from Nolan’s as possible. I wondered if he’d arranged it that way on purpose.
Tanner and Vivian faced the group of them, looking stern, as two cameras, stationed on either side of the tent, filmed silently. Neither was operated by Em. Whatever the purpose of this meeting was, they obviously hadn’t called in the full crew for it.
Aisha smiled, and Lucinda waved as I approached, but Nolan looked away. My lips tightened, and I took my seat.
“Ah, Aiden, you’re here.” Tanner smiled brightly. “Excellent, excellent. Have a seat.”
I was already sitting, so I just shrugged and waited for him to tell us what was going on. Vivian gave me what I could have sworn was a pitying smile, but it disappeared quickly behind a professional facade.
Tanner, on the other hand, was practically glowing. Like he’d just won the lottery. Maybe the show had been nominated for something? He was an executive producer, after all, not just a judge. Maybe he’d found out about it before anyone else?
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why we’ve gathered you here,” Tanner said. “Normally, we like to give you some time off on Thursdays. But we felt this was too important to ignore. Didn’t we, Vivian?”
He looked at Vivian, who pressed her lips together for a moment. “Well. It is important, certainly. Whether it needed a meeting with cameras, I’m not so—”
“Of course, Vivian brings up a good point,” Tanner said, jumping in. “We actually considered doing this live—”
“That’s not what I meant,” Vivian objected, but Tanner barrelled onward.
“—Because of the ground-breaking nature of this news. However, this is, in the end, a family program, and therefore, we felt that it would be prudent to allow our editing team the chance to massage the content as needed.”
“I’m not sure any of this was needed,” Vivian said under her breath.
“That said,” Tanner continued, “please know that we are treating this matter with the seriousness that it deserves.”
I looked at the other contestants, utterly bewildered. Lucinda and Aisha looked just as confused as I felt. Nolan didn’t look like much of anything, though. He just stared down at his hands.
“It has come to our attention that one of the contestants on A Piece of Cake has violated the show’s social-media policy,” Tanner said. “Violated it in a most egregious way.”
My head snapped up. What the fuck? I looked over at Nolan again, who was still looking down. What the hell was going on?
“Truly, I don’t know what to say,” Tanner continued, which was obviously a lie, since he was the only one talking and he was clearly relishing it. “I understand that the media environment we live in today can be a confusing, often stressful place. But we ask all our contestants to exercise good judgement for as long as they are representing the show and its brand.”
My stomach dropped, and sweat broke out on my brow. This was not good.
“The person in question has not just shown a lack of good judgement, however,” Tanner said. “They’ve shown a flagrant disregard for the rules, as well as disrespect for their fellow bakers, for us as judges, and for everyone involved in the production of this show. It’s one thing to slip up. It’s another thing to repeatedly, knowingly, violate the norms of respectable behavior. It’s an insult to everyone who works on the show. This may be my first season on A Piece of Cake , but I’ve worked in TV for many years, and I have to say, I’ve never been more disappointed by someone I’ve worked with.”
His gaze swept across all of us, but was it just my imagination, or did it linger half a second longer on me? I wanted to sink through the floor. I wanted to run away. I wanted to jump up and object that this wasn’t fair, that I was never trying to hurt the show, that I never meant for anyone to find out. That no one would have found out if not for Nolan.
But I was paralyzed.
“Vivian?” Tanner said, turning to his fellow judge. “Do you have anything you’d like to add?”
Vivian sighed. “I think you’ve said more than enough on the subject. All I’ll add is that I know it can be tough out there. I certainly don’t claim to understand social media myself. But I just want you all to be safe.”
Her eyes scrupulously did not linger on me, but her words sank into my bones, nonetheless. Nolan thought I didn’t have a sense of shame? He had no idea. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, let my skeleton clatter to the floor, and ooze away like the pile of slime I felt like inside.
“Yes. Indeed.” Tanner nodded sanctimoniously. “Safety is, of course, our top priority. But there’s one other group of stakeholders we haven’t mentioned yet, and that’s our viewers. The safety of our viewers is important as well, and there are some things they simply shouldn’t be exposed to. I’d hate to think of anyone searching for our contestants online and stumbling upon something they never wanted to see.” His eyes swung over to me. “Wouldn’t you agree, Aiden?”
My mouth dropped open as everyone turned and stared at me. My cheeks burned, and from the depths of my mind, a memory swam to the surface. The way Nolan had looked, that first day on the ferry. Shocked, embarrassed, and unable to speak.
I understood that now, firsthand.
“I—that is, I’m not—I don’t—”
Maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t talk, because I wasn’t even sure what I was trying to say. Not that Tanner gave me time to speak, anyway.
“It’s no use denying it, Aiden. We’ve found your CamFans account. Obviously, we won’t be showing any images from it, nor linking to it, to protect our viewers. But I think they deserve to hear from you, to understand what you were thinking.”
“I—but I didn’t—I’m sorry, I’m not—”
“Did you think that it was appropriate for a baker on A Piece of Cake to be putting pornographic content on the internet?”
“Okay, but I never—I mean, I had the account way before—that is, I didn’t actually expect—”
“So you were simply hoping not to get caught?” Tanner shook his head. “You’re saying that you knew it was wrong, you just didn’t think the rules applied to you?”
“No!” I said, my body shaking. “No, it’s not like that. I knew the rules applied, I just didn’t think—I never thought I’d make it this far. I never meant to hurt anyone.”
“What you meant to do or not is irrelevant.” Tanner gave me a stern look. “It’s your actions that matter, not your intentions. And I think you owe everyone an apology. Your fellow contestants, the crew, and, of course, all the viewers at home who were rooting for you.”
“I am sorry,” I said, my voice going up an octave. “I really am. But you have to understand—”
“No, Aiden. You have to understand. Not only have you hurt other people, you’ve hurt yourself. There’s simply no way we can allow you to move on to the finale, regardless of the voting totals. We can’t promote this kind of behavior.”
“You’re cutting me?”
“I’m simply grateful that this matter was brought to our attention before more damage could be done.”
I stared at him, the words sinking in.
Brought to our attention.
“By who?”
“What?” Tanner asked.
“I think you mean by whom ,” Vivian said.
I ignored her. “By who? Who brought it to your attention?”
“Aiden, that’s hardly the important issue here.”
“Um, it’s fucking very important, if you ask me.”
Tanner tsked . “Language, Aiden. I know we’ve been sloppy at times, not enforcing that rule strictly. Perhaps that emboldened you to feel as though you were above the rules entirely. That the norms of respectful behavior simply didn’t apply to you. But the fact that you’re being sent home is no reason to flout—”
“I’ll flout whatever I goddamn want to,” I said, popping off my stool. “And I think it’s really fucking hypocritical of you to be lecturing me about norms of respectful behavior when you only found out about my account because someone else broke a confidence and told you something that was supposed to remain a secret.”
I glared at Nolan, and for the first time, he met my eyes.
“Wait a second.” His brows drew down. “Do you think that I did this?”
“How we found out about your account simply isn’t relevant, Aiden. But I think it’s a little rich for you to call something a secret that you put on the internet for anyone to see.”
“Not anyone,” I said. “Only people who were already looking for that kind of thing. And I didn’t use my real name. Didn’t use any identifying information.” I turned to Nolan. “You couldn’t fucking wait, could you? I bet you’ve been dying to tell someone this whole time. Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself. I hope feeling self-righteous was worth it, asshole.”
“But I didn’t tell them,” he protested.
“Spare me.” I couldn’t stand there anymore. I had to move before I exploded. I rounded on Tanner. “You’re not cutting me, because I’m quitting. I’m done. With all of this. I’m just...done.”
I turned on heel and stalked away, ignoring the commotion behind me. If they wanted to say they’d cut me, fine. I wasn’t going to fight them about it. I was out of there.
It was long past time for me to move on.