Chapter 30
Riggs
Dinner with Calla consisted mostly of her asking for money and then being pissed when I told her no. She blames Zoe, but the truth is, I’m worried I’ve spoiled her too much. What’s she going to do when she graduates and has to budget her salary? She needs to start learning how to manage money now before it’s too late. Hell, it may already be too late. The idea that I’ve failed my daughter in any way turns my stomach.
I’m glad to be home so I can put the upsetting dinner behind me. The house is dark when I walk inside. It’s pretty early, so I’m hoping this means Zoe is still in the bathtub. I unbutton my shirt as I walk through the house, stripping down when I get into the bedroom. I find Zoe in the bathtub with bubbles up to her chin. She has lit candles and has music playing while she sips a glass of wine.
She sits up when she sees me. “How was dinner?”
I shrug, not wanting to talk about it. She doesn’t need to know what Calla said about her. It will only drive more of a wedge between them. Once Calla gets to know Zoe, she’ll like her and even be happy for me. This transition will pass.
“I missed you,” I say, admiring the view of her in the tub.
“Is Calla still coming for dinner tomorrow?”
“She has a big test, so she wanted to reschedule for next week.” That’s not a lie. Calla did say she needs to study. I’m just not adding the part where she said she couldn’t focus on her exam if she was forced to be around ‘that gold digger’.
The way Zoe frowns tells me she knows the truth. Calla’s avoiding her. I wish I could fast forward to the part where they’re friends. There’s nothing I want more than my two girls to get along.
“Lean forward,” I tell her as I remove my final piece of clothing, my boxers.
She does, and I slip into the bathtub behind her. I pull her so her back is against my chest, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I pick up a wash rag and dunk it into the water. Then I lift it above her chest and squeeze the excess water out onto her. The air cools the warm water as it trails down her skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I drag the washcloth down her arm.
“How was today?” I ask. This right here, us sequestered from everyone’s prying eyes, is what I live for. If the outside world would leave us alone, everything would be perfect.
I glance down at her face, noting she’s wearing a genuine smile. “Avery is the sweetest little girl. She’s so smart. I really liked working with her today.”
We haven’t talked about kids, but hearing the way she talks about Avery, I can’t help but wonder if she wants to start a family. I assume when she’s ready, she’ll tell me, but maybe I should hint to her that it’s an option.
“Oh, and her brother was there with two friends. I think one was his girlfriend. They seemed awfully smitten with one another. In fact, he doesn’t really respond to people from what I can tell, but he hung on Millie’s every word.”
“How old are they?”
“Fourteen.”
I think about Calla at that age. “My daughter had her first boyfriend at thirteen. He would come over and swim with her in the pool. One time I caught them kissing in the cabana.” I was ready to murder the little shit, but instead, I sent him home and had Gretchen give Calla the sex talk. I never did see that punk again.
“I was fifteen when I had my first kiss.”
I lean down and kiss her temple. “Don’t tell me about him. I’d hate to have to find him and kick his ass,” I tease.
She giggles. “What about you?”
“I honestly can’t remember her name. We were in kindergarten. She followed me into the bathroom after recess and kissed me.”
“Oh, my god!” Zoe laughs. “Even back then, you got the ladies.”
I chuckle when I think about what happened. “I thought it wasn’t too bad until she punched me in the stomach and told me I now had her cooties. Then, I was scared shitless. I went home and told my mom she had to take me to the doctor because I was sick.”
“Did she?”
“She did. Boy, was she pissed when she found out what happened. She even had me moved to a different class.” I chuckle, remembering that day.
“Where’s your mom now?”
“She lives in Connecticut with my sister and her family.”
“You have a sister?”
“Yep. I’m hoping they’ll come for Thanksgiving to meet you.”
She looks over her shoulder at me and frowns. “Do they think it’s weird you married me?”
“They were surprised at first, but after I told them how happy you make me, they were excited for us.”
“My brother thinks I’m crazy for getting married. If he wasn’t away at college in Oklahoma, I’m sure he would’ve been over here, ready to give you the third degree.”
“We can host a big Thanksgiving and get everyone together. My mom will love you.” And she will. She never liked Gretchen, but Zoe is the complete opposite of my ex-wife. The age thing won’t matter to Mom. At least, I hope it won’t.
“What about your sister?” she asks.
I continue cleaning Zoe as I answer. “She’s skeptical, but it’s only because older siblings always worry about their younger ones.”
“I guess that’s true. I was always protective of Jeremy when we were little. It was hard when I decided to transfer schools and leave him behind. Especially since he went there because of me.”
“Why did you?”
She sighs. “I felt like I was alone in a sea of people. Even with the sorority, I never felt like I fit in. I decided to transfer to school here because several girls I went to high school with were here, but it was the same. I never felt like I belonged.”
“Do you now?”
She sits up and turns so she can straddle my legs. With her all slippery and naked, my cock perks up. “When I’m in your arms, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
I frown.
“What?”
“I’m glad you feel like you belong with me because you do. I’m just worried because this has the makings of an unhealthy relationship. I want to be a part of your world, but I don’t want to be your entire world.”
She starts to pull away, but I hold her in place. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t run away from me because you don’t like what I said.”
“Are you getting tired of me?” Her chin wobbles, and a tear snakes down her cheek.
I wipe the tear with my thumb. “No. Baby, I’m so fucking happy I found you. I just don’t want you to look back and feel like you missed out on things because you settled down with an older man.”
“Promise?”
“I promise, that’s all.” I hesitate, worried about how she’s going to react to the next thing I say.
“What?” she asks, worry painted on her face.
“I think you should see a counselor.”
She laughs bitterly. “Been there. Done that. Didn’t help.”
“I know a guy who’s really good. He helped DJ a lot when he lost both of his legs in a motorcycle accident. You should call him.”
“Do you really think I need therapy?”
“Yeah, baby. I do. I think you’re struggling to find a place to belong since your dad died. I’m happy you feel like you have a place with me, but I can’t be the center of your world. That’s not good for us.” I hope she understands what I’m saying because my heart is beating so hard, all I can hear is the swoosh of it in my ears.
“I’ll think about it.” She pulls away and gets out of the bathtub. From the way she won’t look at me, I know she’s upset by what I said.
I have to make this right. “Zoe–”
She shakes her head no. “I’m tired. I need to go to bed.” She wraps up in her robe and leaves me to clean up the bathroom.
Once I’ve dried off, drained the tub, and blown out all the candles, I step into the bedroom. Zoe’s in bed with the covers pulled up to her neck, pretending to sleep. I slip in behind her. When I pull her close, I’m met with sweatpants and a t-shirt. In all the nights we’ve been married, she hasn’t once slept in anything more than panties or a sexy negligée.
“Zoe?”
She doesn’t answer.
“I know you’re not asleep.” I roll her over to face me. The tears streaming down her face feel like a knife to my gut. I fucked this up. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I think you’re depressed.” I slide her hair off her face and tuck it behind her ear.
“But I feel happy when I’m with you.”
“Depression doesn’t mean you’re sad all the time,” I tell her.
“How do you know?”
“Because my mom struggles with depression. It’s not your fault, and it’s not a bad thing. I think talking to Jamar will help you.” Please, let her see this as me wanting what’s best for her and not as me judging her.
She nods. “I’ll do it for you.”
I frown. “I don’t want you to do it for me. I want you to do it for you.”
As she snuggles into me, trying to fall asleep, I worry for the first time that maybe marrying me wasn’t the best thing for Zoe. What if I’m just a replacement for her losing her dad? What if she doesn’t really love me?
As hard as it will be if she decides to leave, I have to make sure she gets the help she needs. I love her too much to ever hold her back.