Chapter 31
Zoe
The man seated across from me is huge. I feel like he could be a professional wrestler or football player. He’s probably around the same age as Riggs. I can’t stop staring at his eyes. They’re gray. With his tawny skin, they almost seem to glow.
“What brings you to see me?” Isn’t that the question of the hour?
“My husband thinks I have depression.” I’m not sure why I blurt it out like that other than I don’t want to disclose anything too personal yet. My last therapist didn’t exactly fix things.
“And you don’t?” His face is blank as he waits for me to answer.
I shrug. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Why does your husband think that?”
I relay the conversation we had in the bathtub a few nights ago, cringing when I get to the part where I basically told him I’m obsessed with him, and he promptly decided I need therapy.
Jamar nods, thinking for a moment. “Tell me about losing your father.”
I tense. “I don’t want to talk about that. I know I have ‘daddy issues’ but I promise that’s not why I’m with Riggs. I love him.”
He smiles. “Of course you do. Why else would you marry him?”
I pick at the cuticle on my thumb. This is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. “His daughter thinks I’m a gold digger because I’m her age.”
“Are you?”
I gasp as if he just reached across the table and backhanded me. “Of course not!” How dare he ask me that?
He holds up a hand. “I’m not saying I think you are. Part of the process is getting you to examine triggers. I’m not here to judge. I’m here to help you see things more clearly.”
“Riggs makes me feel safe, like I belong.”
“That’s something we all need.” Jamar smiles and nods.
“I’m afraid he regrets marrying me,” I admit. There. I’ve said it. “I’ve done nothing but bring trouble into his life. I’m terrified he wants to divorce me, but won’t until you fix me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because we got married on an impulse. He’s never even told me he loves me.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
“Once or twice. I try not to because he didn’t say it back.”
“Hmm. Okay.” He looks at his watch. “Let’s stop here. Your homework between now and next week is to write down everything that makes you feel happy and secure.”
“You want a list of everything that makes me happy?” Is this guy for real?
“I do. Whatever brings you joy and security should go on the list. We’ll discuss it next week.”
I give him a look that I’m sure belies my skepticism. “Okay.”
“Trust me, Zoe. Homework like this is part of the process.”
“I do trust you.” And I realize I do. Jamar has put me at ease. Despite only having just met, I was able to talk openly with him about things I haven’t said out loud to anyone. Maybe Riggs was right and therapy will help.
When I get to the door, I turn and look back at Jamar. “Do you think I’m depressed?”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know.”
He nods, rubbing his chin. “I guess we’ll figure that out together. See you next week.”
Hmm. That was. . . different.
Avery was happy when I picked her up from school, but her mood shifts when we get to her house. Ollie and Millie are hunched over a book, and Tyler is sharing a book with a girl who hasn’t been here before.
“Hey,” I say when we walk in.
Avery stomps off into the living room without acknowledging the teens at the table.
“What’s wrong with her?” Tyler asks.
I shrug. “She was fine a second ago. Maybe she’s tired.”
Millie snorts.
Tyler shoots her a glare.
“Come on, cuz. She’s got a crush on you, and you’re here with a study date. You probably broke the poor girl’s heart.” She sticks out her tongue, teasing him.
“Shut up,” Tyler hisses, going back to the book.
“I’m Jamie,” the girl tells me as if she’s used to the cousins bickering.
“Hi. I’m Zoe.”
Ollie lifts his head, pinning Millie with a hard stare. “My sister is six. Tyler is fourteen. It’s mean to tease him about her when Jamie is his girlfriend, and Avery is just a little girl. You’re being inappropriate.”
Millie frowns, her cheeks turning red.
I give her a reassuring pat on the arm. Poor girl. “Okay, well, I’m going to grab Avery a snack and then I’ll let y’all get back to studying.”
I quickly cut an apple and put peanut butter on it. While I’m doing that, Millie excuses herself, swiping at the tears welling in her eyes. I forgot how dramatic everything was at their age. Too bad that never really changes.
“Do you have to be so mean? You know she likes you,” Jamie says.
“Who?” Ollie asks.
Tyler groans. “Millie.”
Ollie looks confused. “Of course she likes me. I’m her best friend.”
“No, dummy. She wants you to be her boyfriend,” Jamie says.
“I’m not stupid. I have a genius-level IQ,” Ollie hisses, knocking the chair over when he stands. He clenches his fists and closes his eyes as he rocks on the balls of his feet, taking deep breaths.
Tyler holds up his hands. “Whoa, Oliver. That’s not what she’s saying. She’s teasing you because you don’t realize my cousin has a crush on you. We know you’re smart.”
Ollie sits back down after a few more controlled breaths. “Please don’t tease me. I’m literal, and that is confusing.”
“Sorry,” Jamie apologizes.
“Maybe you should go,” Tyler suggests. Now it’s his turn to be oblivious.
“But Tyler–“ she argues.
“I’ll call you later,” he tells her, waving a hand to dismiss her.
“Fine,” she huffs, collecting her things.
I watch in amazement as the kid seems unfazed by his upset girlfriend.
“I’m sorry about that, Oliver,” he says. “Jamie didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You should break up with her. She has a B in algebra, and that’s the easiest subject.”
I bite my lip, trying not to laugh at Ollie’s reasoning. Instead, I leave him and Tyler in the kitchen and take Avery her snack. Millie’s on the couch trying to sign with Avery, but not having much luck. Avery refuses to look up from the paper she’s coloring.
“Everything okay in here?” I ask.
Millie shrugs. “Avery has had Tyler wrapped around her finger her whole life. I think she’s jealous he’s growing up and moving on. He doesn’t have time for her like he used to.”
“Tyler’s too old for her to have a crush on.” I try not to think about the irony of that coming from someone married to a man her mother’s age.
“Sometimes we get crushes on people and can’t help it,” Millie says, suddenly seeming much older than her fourteen years.
“Like you with Ollie?” I ask, keeping my voice soft so we don’t get overheard by the boys in the kitchen.
“He prefers Oliver now. Only I still get to call him Ollie. Well, me and his parents.” I don’t miss her possessive tone.
“If it helps, I think he likes you, too.”
She shrugs. “Ollie is never going to be my boyfriend.”
“You never know.”
“Trust me, I know.” She shakes her head then leaves the room, ending the conversation.
Avery looks up. I have homework.
Eat your snack, and then we’ll get started.
This job is definitely not what I expected when I said yes to Bull. But I guess that could be said about a lot of things I’ve said yes to recently.