40. SOFIA
40
SOFIA
I twisted my fingers together on my lap, staring out of the window as we drove in Ben’s fancy BMW SUV. The engine purred softly beneath us, and the tinted windows closed us in together.
I loved that he was here with me. He wasn’t just the guy I was at work with, the guy I pretended with, the guy I was falling for but wasn’t allowed to.
We were together now, and he was all mine.
To have and to hold and to start a family with. All that jazz.
My stomach twisted in knots.
“Hey,” Ben said, putting his hand on mine to quiet them. He glanced at me, momentarily taking his eyes off the road. “It’s going to be okay.”
I was relieved that we were going together, just the two of us. When we were driven by chauffeur in one of the over-the-top Blackwood cars it was all well and good, but it felt very impersonal. Like there was always someone else a part of the party.
Like this, it was just me and Ben.
Maybe he understood that because he hadn’t even asked, and I hadn’t needed to tell him. He’d arrived in his own car to pick me up this morning.
“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” I admitted. “I mean, this is just a standard scan, a normal visit, nothing to be worried about. Right?”
“Right.”
“But still, I’m freaking out. Why are you so calm?”
Ben turned his amber eyes to me. “I’m nervous, too.”
“You hide it really well.”
He grinned that lopsided smile at me that made me feel unbalanced in all the right ways. “Tricks of the trade, I guess, babe. A poker face was what got me through all these years.”
I sighed with a shudder. “Yeah.”
“It’s going to be okay,” he said again, squeezing my hands. “I’m right there with you, so no matter what comes our way, we’re dealing with this together.”
I nodded.
Together .
It wasn’t a concept I’d allowed myself to think about when Ben and I had slowly—or not so slowly—started falling for each other. He’d always been this off-limits Adonis, and even when we pretended to be together, there had always been this divide between us, the truth of who we were to each other.
Or rather, who we weren’t .
But all that was behind us now. Ben and I were officially dating. He’d come after me, told me that he loved me. He’d told me that he wanted it all with me. Love. Family. The whole nine yards.
Some mornings I still had to pinch myself to know that this was real. It felt like a dream… until I arrived at the offices and he waited in my office to give me a cup of coffee—decaf for the baby—and a kiss, telling me to have a good day.
He really was the sweetest guy once I’d managed to break through the layers upon layers of protection he’d managed to wrap around himself.
Ben parked the car in front of the medical center, and we climbed out.
He took my hand when we walked through the doors—another thing I was pretty sure I would never get used to. The way his fingers wrapped around mine, his hand large, his grip sure… it made my heart flutter every time.
“We’re here for Blackwood,” Ben said at the reception desk when we reached the obstetrician’s office.
“You can wait right over there,” she said with a smile. I didn’t miss the way her eyes lingered on his face a little longer before she glanced at me and glanced down again. “Dr. Richards will be with you in a sec. She’s running just a little behind.”
Ben nodded, and we walked to the waiting room, sitting down in the comfortable chairs. No plastic chairs and sodium lights in this place—Ben had insisted on only the best doctors, the best treatments for me and Blackwood Junior, and everything here was expensive. He covered everything. He wouldn’t even let me argue with him about it.
And the truth was, it was nice to be taken care of for a change. I never thought I would have said that, but Ben didn’t do it in a way like he was taking over, like I was losing control over my own life. He did it in a way that made me feel loved and safe.
That’s what it always should have been like.
In the waiting room, two other women paged through magazines. One was heavily pregnant and shifted in the seat like she was uncomfortable despite how good the seats were. The other woman was thin and tall and paged through a parenting magazine like she wasn’t really paying attention. Both of them kept sneaking glances at us.
But I was going to have to get used to that if I was dating a Blackwood. Ben wasn’t only insanely attractive, he was also someone whose face had been in magazines, tabloids, newspaper articles… He was recognized often, wherever he went. Or if he wasn’t recognized, people glanced at him, sure that they must have seen his face somewhere.
“Blackwood?” someone called, and when we stood, both women snapped their eyes up at us.
Yeah, if they’d had any doubts, they knew now. And I was in the picture right here with Ben, so that would probably create a bit of gossip, too.
For the first time, I didn’t mind it so much. I was proud to be seen with Ben, proud to be associated with the Blackwood name. Not only because I worked with the company and the name was automatically attached to mine in a working capacity but also in my personal life, too.
We walked down the hallway, my shoes sinking into luxuriously plush carpets.
When we stepped into the office, the same carpets stretched wall-to-wall, a large desk stood in the middle, and bookshelves with all kinds of baby photos made her office warm and homey.
“I’m Dr. Melissa Richards,” she said with a warm smile. Her blonde hair was cut short in a no-nonsense bob, and she had a very wide smile. She held out her hand, greeting us both.
“Please, sit down,” she said, and we took our seats in the comfortable chairs that faced her desk. Everything here was luxurious and comfortable, and I felt right at home. It melted my nerves away a little.
“So, first time?” Dr. Richards asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, it wasn’t exactly expected, and I feel a little in over my head.”
“All new mothers feel that way,” Dr. Richards said with a gentle smile. “And it’s not an easy ride, I’m not going to lie to you. But with the right care and support by your side”—she glanced at Ben—“we’re going to make it as easy as possible. Now, let’s talk technicalities.”
She asked a couple of questions about my cycle, when I’d gotten pregnant and taken the test, and what I’d been doing until now.
“I’m going to put you on prenatal vitamins, but as long as you stay healthy and keep going the way you do without overexerting yourself, we’re off to a great start.”
I nodded. I could do that. A few pills and keep going as usual? That sounded like the best-case scenario. I’d been scared I’d done something wrong.
“How about you, Dad?” Dr. Richards asked, turning to Ben.
“Me?”
“Of course. You’re just as much a part of this journey as Sofia is. You might not be pregnant, but it will affect you just as much. How are you feeling?”
Ben hesitated. “A little overwhelmed,” he admitted. “This is new territory, and I’m not used to that. I usually know exactly what I’m doing. But I think this could be fun, you know?”
Dr. Richards’s smile widened again. “It absolutely will be fun. It’s a good start. You two are really good together, and it helps that you have each other’s support. No matter where you are in life, if it’s planned or not, having a baby is a big deal.”
It was nice that Dr. Richards was so straight forward about it. I already liked her. She made me feel at ease, and just the fact that she knew this was a big thing for us made me feel like she would get it if I told her I was terrified.
Which, quite frankly, I was.
Dr. Richards sent me through to the examination room. I didn’t have to get undressed in a johnny just yet—I could pull my pants down a little, and that was it.
When I showed more later, it would be different.
Ben was right there with me, holding my hand.
I lay back and tried to get comfortable on the hard mattress while Dr. Richards prepared the ultrasound machine. She chatted with us all the way.
“I love knowing what happens once Baby is born,” she said. “I’m always here for the first part of the journey and technically that’s where my job stops, but knowing how these kids do, how beautiful they turn out… that’s really what keeps me going.
“I noticed all the pictures in your office,” I said.
She nodded. “Yeah, the parents often send me some updates, especially in the first year, and I live for those. After all, that’s what I’m doing all this for. To bring a beautiful soul into the world.”
I glanced at Ben, whose eyes were on me all the time, and he squeezed my hand. I already vowed to send Dr. Richards a photo of our baby at some point, too.
“Right,” she said. “Let’s have a look and see how our little one is doing.”
She squirted jelly on my stomach, and I gasped at the cold.
“Sorry,” she mumbled and pressed the wand against my belly. Gray images appeared on the black screen, impossible for me to see what I was looking at.
Dr. Richards knew what she was doing, and she moved the wand around, pausing every now and then to type something on the keyboard.
“Here you go,” she said with a smile. “Here’s your little bean.”
Ben and I both looked at the screen and saw a tiny thing with an oversized head.
“In the next four weeks, Baby will change a lot,” Dr. Richards said. “Here you go.” She pressed a button, and the sound of a very fast heartbeat filled the room.
“Oh, my God,” I breathed.
“Is that…?” Ben asked, and we both stared at each other as the sound wrapped around us.
“That’s the heartbeat,” Dr. Richards said with a smile. “Strong and steady. It’s exactly as it should be.”
Ben squeezed my hand tightly, and tears welled in my eyes. Ben’s eyes looked pretty misty, too. But he blinked and it was gone.
Dr. Richards switched off the sound and printed out a strip of images. She handed them to Ben and handed me a paper towel to clean up before buttoning up my pants again.
“I’ll see you in the office,” she said, and then she left us alone.
“Oh, my God, Sofia,” Ben breathed, looking at the images Dr. Richards had printed out for us. “This is fucking incredible.”
“It’s crazy,” I said, buttoning my pants and sitting up. “I don’t even know what to say or to think. It all feels so unreal.”
Ben pulled me closer. “We have time to get used to it.”
I nodded, and he kissed me.
“Thank you for being here,” I whispered.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world,” he said with a smile, and then he gestured for us to go back into the office.
Dr. Richards gave me a script for a couple of different vitamins to get and made another appointment for us before we left her office.
We got into Ben’s car and sat together in silence for a moment.
“I love you,” I breathed, glancing at Ben.
He smiled at me. “I love you, too.”
“It’s going to be a scary ride.”
“It’s going to be a wonderful ride.”
He pulled me closer to him and kissed me.
“Next time we come here, we could find out what the gender is,” he said, breaking the kiss and starting the car.
I thought about it as we backed out of the parking spot and Ben turned into traffic.
“I don’t know if I want to know,” I said, looking at the cars slide by, the tall city buildings. “I kind of would like for it to be a surprise.”
“Really?”
I nodded and glanced at him. “Nothing between us has been planned. It will be fun if we keep with the trend, don’t you think?”
Ben chuckled. “Nothing between us is the way I would have done things. But then, if I was the one planning it all out, I would have fucked it up anyway. So yeah, let’s do it. Let’s keep this adventure a crazy one. Everything with you is a wild ride and I can’t wait to be there for it all.”
He took my hand and kissed my knuckles when I laughed.
I put my hand on my stomach. I wasn’t showing yet, but soon, I would be.
“Hey, I have another crazy idea,” Ben said.
“What?”
“Let’s get married.”
I blinked at him. “What?”
“You and me. Let’s do this together, all the way. The big white wedding, the family, the awkward speeches… all of it.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Are you… proposing?”
“Well, yeah,” Ben said sheepishly. “I actually have this…” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a little black box. It was square and leather.
“What is that?” I stared at it. “Is that… a ring?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s a ring. I bought it as soon as we got back to Newport because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re not only my future, Sofia. You’re everything . You taught me so much about myself, so much I didn’t know, and if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be this man, this better version of myself. I don’t want any of that to be uncertain, a question.”
“It’s not a question,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Ben grinned at me, that lopsided grin I couldn’t resist, and a thrill ran through me.
“I can’t believe you’re proposing to me in a car in the middle of traffic.”
“I didn’t actually plan this. It sort of just fell out of my mouth,” Ben admitted.
I laughed. “Well, my answer is yes,” I said. “I’ll marry you.”
I took the box from him. When I opened it, I gasped.
The ring was incredible, with a large stone mounted on a gold band, with small diamonds all around it.
“Ben…” I took it out and slipped it onto my finger. It fit perfectly . “I can’t believe you.”
Ben chuckled. “Sweetheart, I’m full of delicious surprises. I have one more idea.”
“What?”
“Let’s do it now. Before the baby is born. Before you show. You know, so you can have your dream dress and everything.”
I stared at him. “That means it will have to be in the next month.”
“I happen to have some space on my calendar. Besides, babe, what are you going to do for the rest of your life?”
I laughed at him when he waggled his eyebrows at me and threw caution to the wind. I’d wanted control of my life for so long, terrified of letting anyone in, terrified of letting go. But with Ben, I could let go and I knew he would catch me. He would make sure that I was safe and it all worked out right.
All I had to do was close my eyes and jump.
“Okay,” I said.
“Yeah?” Ben said, looking almost surprised.
“Yeah.” I laughed. “Let’s see what we can slap together in a month.”
“Oh, sweetheart, as soon as my family knows we’re getting married, you’ll see a Blackwood wedding for the ages, and it will come together like magic. I have a mom and a sister-in-law. Not to mention Amy, who will lose her shit. Leave it to them, and you’ll see what the Blackwood clan is really made of.”
I laughed, the joy bubbling up in my center and taking over. I’d never been this happy. Never thrown caution to the wind this way.
Never thought my happily ever after would come.
And even if it did, I didn’t think it would be right now.
But with Ben in my life, determined to make me happy in every way possible, I’d found my Prince Charming, and we were going to ride off into the sunset together.
The two of us, soon to be three.