Chapter 8 #2
I quickly assess the people already seated once inside.
An older man sits on a stool at the countertop, chatting to one of the waitstaff with a cup in his hand.
On the far side, in one of the booths, sit a few college-aged kids, laughing and joking.
I slide into one of the booths, sitting on the side that faces the door, and angle my body so my back is to the wall.
I hand one of the laminated menus to Elliot before taking my own, but my eyes stay fixed on him, watching the different expressions on his face as he reads through the options.
“Wow, there’s so much choice,” he laughs nervously. I can see the sense of overwhelm in his eyes when he lifts his head. “What are you getting?”
“I usually get the Reese’s sundae. But I’ve had the cookies-and-cream one too. They’re both good.”
He nods a few times, fingers tapping on the table in the same rhythm as the day I rescued him.
“Want me to pick for you?” I offer. It’s something I had to do for Duncan sometimes. The volume of choice became too much, and his mind would go blank.
Elliot glances up from the table, and his shoulders sag as he nods again. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I like the sound of all of them except the bubble-gum one.”
I smile. “You got it.”
When the waitress comes over to take our order, I order both the Reese’s and cookies-and-cream sundaes, along with two diet sodas.
“We can share,” I say once the waitress leaves, and Elliot smiles, dipping his chin to his chest.
“So, what made you get into hockey?” I ask.
“Blaine, mostly. He was into it first, and I used to play goalie for him in the backyard. I always wanted to be a firefighter, but then I got locked in a cupboard when I was in the first grade and ended up with claustrophobia, so that was never gonna happen. But as I got older, hockey became the one thing I found that would silence the noise in my brain. It’s like whenever I’m out on the ice, everything becomes quiet.
And I became pretty good at it. So, my parents encouraged me to go down the hockey route with Blaine.
But in college, I studied marine biology ’cause it’s always tougher for goalies to get a shot at going pro, and I love animals, so I wanted to have a backup. ”
I listen intently as he talks. My chest warming at the sense he’s becoming more comfortable with me again, like the day at the arcade.
“Do you think you’ll work with animals once you retire from hockey?”
He shrugs. “I dunno. I’d like to, but I don’t know what I would need to do, and I don’t think I could go back to school. I struggled a lot in school.”
Before I can ask him what he struggled with, the waitress brings over our sodas and sundaes. I slide mine across the table.
“You take the first bite, see which one you’d prefer more of.”
He takes a spoonful of each and settles on the cookies-and-cream one.
“How long have you been a firefighter for?” he asks between mouthfuls.
“Nearly six years. I, uh, I was a Navy SEAL for ten years before that. I got out shortly after I turned thirty.”
His eyes widen. “Wow. Isn’t that like the fancy one?”
I chuckle under my breath. “Something like that, yeah.”
“That’s cool. One of the main bases wasn’t far from where I grew up.”
“Where was that?”
“Coronado.”
My mouth drops open. “Are you kidding?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. When we were in high school, me and Blaine used to go down to the beach sometimes and watch them work out. He figured out his sexuality a lot quicker than I did.”
“That’s where I was based.” My mind races, trying to do the math. He would’ve been in middle school when I moved to California. Fuck. Now that definitely makes me feel old.
“Maybe I used to watch you get all sweaty.” He snorts, and then his eyes go comically wide, and he rushes to add, “That didn’t sound as creepy in my head. I promise I didn’t. I mean, I don’t know if you were there. I didn’t know you then.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing. “I know.”
His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink.
He chuckles to himself before scooping a large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.
My eyes instantly drop to the chocolate dripping from his bottom lip down his chin.
Without thinking twice, I reach over, swiping my thumb across his skin to catch it.
I lift my gaze to his as I bring my thumb to my lips and suck it off.
His pupils dilate, and when he sticks his pink tongue out to lick over the center of his bottom lip, I feel the caress in my balls.
Fuck, I want to kiss him so bad.
“So, I met Alex today,” I announce, needing to shift the energy to a safer ground.
“You did? He’s awesome.”
“He seems like a nice guy.” I catch his eyes again. “He really cares about you.”
“He does. I love Alex a lot.” He stirs what’s left of his ice cream with his spoon. “I mean, I’m not like in love with him, but he’s one of the people who looks out for me. But I…” He trails off with a sigh.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want to sound like an asshole,” he mumbles and hunches over his sundae glass.
“I’m sure you won’t.” I doubt Elliot could ever be an asshole.
He goes quiet, like he’s running something through his mind, and it takes him almost a minute to speak.
“When they got married in the summer, I got a bit… sad, I guess. I felt neglected, even though nothing had really changed, except for them signing a piece of paper and exchanging rings, but it was like something had shifted. It’s been me and Blaine since we were little twinny sprogs in the womb. ”
I huff a silent laugh, and he grins, but it quickly falls again.
“But then Blaine’s priority became Alex…” He doesn’t need to finish his speaking for me to put the pieces together.
“When it had always been you.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “And it made me realize I’m lonely.
Not in a ‘I don’t think I’m loved’ kind of way, because I know I am.
By Blaine, and Alex, and my teammates, and my family, but it’s this kinda loneliness that’s soul-deep.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve watched my closest friends fall in love, and while I know that our friendships haven’t changed, it’s highlighted everything I don’t have.
There’s only really two people who fully see me, and that’s Blaine and Alex.
But they have each other… and I’m like…. ”
His sadness is evident in his eyes, and my heart breaks for him.
My words almost come out in a whisper when I say, “You feel like an intruder.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “I spend so much time trying to mold myself into being this person I think I need to be to try and fit in, but with doing that, I’ve almost isolated myself.
” He runs a hand through his hair, brushing it off his face.
“Alex says I need to just be myself, and I’ll find someone who appreciates me for me, but it’s been hard because I don’t know how to fully be myself in every social situation.
I know I’m safe with most of my teammates, and I can be myself with them, but in other situations, I struggle to know who or what is safe. ”
I appreciate you, I want to say, but I can’t seem to make myself say it out loud. I don’t want him thinking he’s a rebound when he learns about Duncan and how this is the most time I’ve spent with someone since I lost him.
I know I need to tell him everything, but there’s this seed of insecurity stopping me.
Because what if he realizes I’m not worth it when he sees how much baggage I come with?
It’s almost 2:00 a.m. when we pull up outside his apartment building, and while I’m not ready to let him go, he’s starting to look tired. The adrenaline and dopamine high he was feeling after the game and his win are starting to wear off.
“Thanks for meeting me,” I say, genuinely.
He looks over and gives me a tired smile. “Thanks for the ice cream.”
My gaze drops to his lips. I want to lean in and taste him. Nibble on those pillowy soft lips that drive me fucking wild.
It must be visible on my face because he bites down and slowly drags his teeth over his bottom lip.
Fuck.
I don’t want the first time I kiss him to be like this. In the dead of night over the center console of my truck. I want to be able to take my time. Appreciate him. Devour him in the way he deserves.
“When can I see you again?” I ask.
He pulls out his phone and clicks on his calendar app. He reads out his game schedule, and the nights he’s off are the nights I’m on shift, or he’s with his parents, who will be visiting for the holidays from California.
“I’m sorry. My schedule is all over the place,” he says with a frown.
“No, it’s okay. We’ll figure something out.” I reach over and place my hand on the side of his face. My thumb grazes over his cheek, and he leans into my touch. I don’t think I can wait twelve days to kiss him. Maybe I can taste him now and take my time with him when I see him again.
But as this thought runs through my mind and my hand moves to grip his chin, a car horn blasts from behind us, and we both jump apart.
“Fuck! That scared the shit out of me,” Elliot exclaims, turning around to look through the back window.
An airport transfer service driver is waving his hand angrily at me through the mirror. Doesn’t he realize this pull-in is big enough for several cars? Fucking asshole.
“I better go before he starts getting angry,” he says in a low voice.
Sighing, I offer him a smile. “I’ll text you.”
He climbs out of my truck, and I watch him disappear behind the glass doors before pulling away, counting down the days until I can see him again.