Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Elliot
“Don’t let me eat any more cheesecake,” I announce, dropping down onto the couch next to Jackson and Hayden.
I rub my hand over my stomach and groan.
“If Coach puts me in the net against Nashville, I might pop the second I have to make a save.” I mimic making a glove save in slow motion until I’m lying on my side, then make an explosion with my hands from my stomach.
Jackson snorts under his breath. “How many servings have you had?”
I hold up three fingers, then flop back against the arm of the couch. I’m not moving now. They’ll have to carry me out when it’s time to go home. “It’s just so good. Alex makes the best cheesecake.”
“That would explain why I wasn’t able to get a look in,” Hayden mumbles, but he’s smiling, so I know he’s not mad. “You ate mine.”
“I did not,” I say with a gasp, then point finger guns at him. “But snooze you lose, Cassie baby.”
Laughing, my agent shakes his head before taking a sip of his whiskey.
It’s New Year’s Eve, and my teammate Adam Kendrick and his wife, Maria, are hosting a party. Usually, I’d love spending time with my teammates and their other halves, but tonight, I’m counting down the minutes until I can leave because I want it to be tomorrow already.
Why is it when you’re looking forward to something, time seems to slow to the pace of a tortoise? Because that’s how it’s felt since the night I went for ice cream with Hunter almost two weeks ago.
And it’s not like I haven’t been busy. I’ve been busier than a bumblebee during the height of summer, but it’s still been the longest time.
We had one more game at home before wrapping up for a three-day break.
My parents flew in from California, and we all crowded in at Blaine’s apartment to enjoy Christmas Day together, where we were also joined by our teammate Zach, his boyfriend Carter, Alex’s brother Jacob, and our previous team captain, Ethan.
Then two days later, we had a game in Dallas, where we lost 5-2.
I blame all the dessert Alex made for impacting my reaction speed—and why I can’t make the same mistake with the cheesecake tonight—because I was like a sloth in front of the net, with swiss cheese for pads.
After the game, we hopped back onto the plane as we were playing against Seattle at home the next day.
I’ve been working overtime in the gym to burn off all the food and working closely with the Thunder’s goalie coach, Terry, to make sure I was in tip-top shape to face New York.
Thankfully, the hard work paid off, and last night, I got a shutout.
Something I made sure to celebrate by dancing around the locker room while pretending to ride my pads like a pony.
I’ve been texting with Hunter, and the other night, we spoke briefly on video chat until they had to respond to a call.
He’s been working extra shifts so his colleagues could spend more time with their families over the holidays, and fuck, did it make my feelings for him quadruple. He’s such a good guy.
Blaine asked me earlier if I was eating my feelings, and maybe I am, because when I haven’t been at the arena, I’ve been surrounded by happy, loved-up couples.
And all I’ve wanted is to find out if Hunter was about to kiss me when he dropped me off or whether I imagined it.
How can I be feeling like this already? I know Blaine fell hard and fast for Alex, but I’m not like Blaine.
I’m not confident and so sure of myself that I can do random hookups or flirt with people easily.
I’ve only had sex a total of two times. The first time was back in college, and the second was during my first season with Vancouver when I felt pressured by my teammates.
They kept teasing me when I was the only one who wasn’t bringing people back to my room on the road.
Both times I had sex were so fucking awkward, I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
But I’m so drawn to Hunter. Not only in a sexual sense, but in an “I want to know everything about him and be around him” kinda sense.
I don’t think I could have sex with him like, tomorrow, but I can see it happening in the future.
He makes me feel safe in a way I haven’t felt with many people before, and that in itself scares me because I have never felt like this about someone.
I don’t know how to handle all these emotions swirling inside me.
“Finally!” Peyton shouts, and everyone’s attention lands on the door as Ethan and Jacob walk in. “We were starting to think you weren’t going to show up.”
“We’re not that late,” Ethan grumbles under his breath and throwing a glare at Peyton.
Kendrick taps a fork against his bottle of beer as his wife, Maria, turns down the music. “Oi, fuckers, will you shut up for a minute?” he hollers. “Even though he isn’t our captain anymore, he’s still old as fuck and deserves the same respect.”
Ethan flips him off. “Fuck you.”
I sit up and flick my gaze over to Blaine. He’s wearing a knowing smile, like he’s in on some kind of secret. I try to use my twinny mind powers to ask him, What do you know? but he doesn’t answer me.
“So, we have some news to share,” Ethan announces, sliding his arm around Jacob’s waist and tugging him closer.
When Jacob places a hand on Ethan’s chest and smiles up at him, everyone lets out a collective gasp. It takes a while for me to register what everyone is getting worked up over, and then I spot the ring on Jacob’s finger.
His ring finger.
“We got married today at City Hall,” Jacob says without taking his eyes off Ethan. His now-husband presses a kiss to his lips, and I flinch when the room erupts in noise.
Everyone swarms the two of them, hugging and sharing their congratulations.
It wasn’t long ago Ethan was closed off and reluctant to let anyone in because of getting hurt in the past. He even kept us at a distance.
Those who were closest to him. But then he met Jacob, and one summer in England changed everything.
He deserves this happiness. They both do.
Grinning, I push myself off the couch and make my way over to them. “Congrats! I’m so happy for you.” I give them both a hug. “If I had known, I would’ve been your flower boy.”
Jacob chuckles and gives my arm a squeeze. “We kept it very small, with it being at the City Hall. Plus, we wanted to surprise everyone, otherwise you would have made the perfect flower boy.”
I force myself to give my brightest smile to hide the fact my heart has plummeted into my chest. If they kept it small, that means Blaine likely went with Alex…
So, what did I do to upset them to not get invited?
I step aside, the familiar overwhelming pain blooms in my chest, and my entire body becomes too hot.
This happens every time I feel left out or when I’ve disappointed someone.
Like when I get pulled from a game and Coach can barely look at me in the eye.
It’s like I’ve taken a hit by the shame train.
Nausea settles in the back of my throat. I search for my brother, finding him in the kitchen with Alex. Blaine’s brows furrow in concern as I slide into the space next to him, keeping my back to the rest of the room.
“What’s up?” he asks quietly.
“Are they upset with me?”
His frown deepens as he shakes his head. “Of course they’re not. What makes you think that?”
I swallow roughly. I don’t want to make this about me, but I can’t stop myself from thinking about everything I’ve done recently that could have upset Ethan or Jacob. Are they mad at me for something? Did I say something wrong at Christmas?
“They didn’t invite me,” I whisper, hating the crack in my voice.
His face softens in understanding. “It doesn’t mean they’re mad at you, El. They were only allowed three people, and Ethan’s mom came too.”
Although I know Blaine is right, it doesn’t stop the heaviness in my chest. Why am I like this?
My mom always said I was a sensitive kid growing up, and I would let my emotions get the better of me.
I’ve never learned how to turn it off. It’s like the irrational side of my brain takes over, blocking out the logical part, and I spiral into this pit of devastation and rejection.
I fucking hate it.
Needing to get some air, I turn to sneak upstairs, but Blaine grabs my arm. His face is pinched in a serious expression. “You know they love you, right?”
I give a shaky nod. Deep down, I do know that, but it’s going to take some time for me to remember that.
He lets me go, and I head up the stairs until I reach the top floor. It’s quieter up here, giving me the chance to hear myself think. I take a seat on the cushions in one of the bay windows that overlook their backyard.
Pulling out my phone, I bring up the text thread with Hunter. I hope he isn’t on a call because I know he’s working right now, but I need to hear his voice.
Hey
Hunter
Hey. Are you having a good time?
Would you think I’m an asshole if I said no?
Hunter
Of course I wouldn’t think that. Why? What’s happened?
Can I call you?
Hunter
Yeah, give me two minutes. Let me go to my office and I’ll call you.
Moments later, my phone vibrates in my hand, and I quickly swipe to answer and bring it to my ear.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asks the moment the call connects, and that dull ache in my chest eases at the concern in his voice.
Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back until it rests against the wall. “Ethan and Jacob got married today.”
“Oh,” he says with a hint of surprise. “Congratulations to them.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t invited, and I feel like a dick for being upset that I wasn’t invited.”
“Did anyone else go?”
“My brother, and Alex, and Ethan’s mom.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and his voice takes on a softer tone when he says, “I don’t think it’s a case of they didn’t want you there, El. Maybe they wanted to keep it small, or it was a venue requirement.”
“That’s what Blaine said, but I’m still upset by it, and I don’t know why.”