Chapter 26
Those words settled around her and she bit back a sob. She was not going to fall apart. That would be too embarrassing. But she did lean forward and rest her face in the crook of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him.
He picked her up, holding her cradled against him with his hand on her ass.
“Everything will be all right, baby. I promise. I’m going to take care of you. I’ll protect you. We will figure all of this out. The important thing is that we do it together. I won’t ever let you go.”
“Please don’t. Don’t ever let me go.”
“Such a beautiful, special girl. You’ve been through so much, haven’t you? But you’re not alone anymore. You’ll never be alone again.”
Caren wondered if he realized what those words meant to her. She guessed that he probably did.
Leaning back, she kissed him, cupping his face between her hands.
He wrapped his hand around her hair and tugged her head back. “We need to cool things down.”
“Why?” She pouted. “The bedroom is just over there. I think we need to heat things up.”
“You haven’t eaten. Breakfast is sitting in the oven and I have to feed you.”
“I don’t need anything. I’m not hungry. Well, for food.” She gave him a suggestive look.
He grinned but shook his head. “You do need to eat. You said you barely ate yesterday. I should have put this conversation off until you had some breakfast.”
“I’ve gone much longer without food,” she complained. “I can last another hour.”
Travis gave her a stern look. “You won’t be going without food for any length of time. I’m not happy that you didn’t eat yesterday. From now on, no more skipping meals. That’s a rule.”
He tapped her nose with his finger and she attempted to bite it.
“Stop that,” he told her firmly.
“I don’t think I want to have rules.”
“Well, you’ve got them. No lying.” He set her down on the counter once more and started ticking things off with his fingers.
“No leaving New York without me. No skipping meals. You need to tell me where you are at all times. You need to promise to use your safeword if you are ever uncomfortable or in pain or scared. No going to anything like last night without me. No calling yourself an intruder or weird or anything derogatory.”
“Those are a lot of rules.”
“More will likely come up.”
More? Was he kidding her? Nope. He didn’t look like he was.
Sheesh, she didn’t know exactly what to think of that.
“I need to tell you where I am at all times?”
“Yeah, although probably easier if I put a tracker on you. I’ll get onto that.”
“A tracker?”
“Don’t look so worried, not one that goes under your skin.”
Oh, right.
Good.
Because that’s what she’d been concerned about.
“Wait there.” He moved away from her as her mind tried to cycle through everything that he’d just said.
When he returned, he held two plates of food that he put down on the counter. She slid onto a stool and he grabbed some cutlery.
Her stomach rumbled as she stared down at the food, but she couldn’t eat anything until she made sure . . .
“You’re sure you want someone who can’t cope that well with stress?” she asked quietly. “Someone who has the . . . quirks I have?”
“You went through a lot as a child,” he told her quietly, turning her to face him.
“And if you have to cope with stress by filling up the kitchen with food or showering several times a day, then that’s what you do.
But I’m hoping I can help you with your stress.
Talking to your therapist will help. And if there’s anything she suggests that I should do . . . I’ll do that.”
“How are you so amazing, Travis Andrews?”
“Not that amazing. But I want to do whatever is necessary to make you happy. If that means getting rid of everything stressful in your life, then I’ll do that too.”
Yikes. She hoped that didn’t mean he was planning to permanently get rid of her mother. “Umm.”
To her surprise, he threw back his head and laughed. “I can see where your mind is going. Don’t worry, I’m not going to touch your mother.”
Okay. She guessed that was good.
“But I will do my best to make sure you forget her. And that you never go back to see her. Or give her any more of your time or your worry. Yeah?”
“All right.” She really had no desire to return to Albany and see her mother. And it was probably better for her mother if she didn’t either.
“That’s my girl,” he murmured. “Now, eat your breakfast.”
She stared down at the fried eggs, bacon, and hash browns. She wasn’t used to eating this much for breakfast, but suddenly, she found herself very hungry.
Satisfaction filled him as he watched her eat.
God, she was gorgeous.
And his. She was all his.
This is what he’d been missing from his life. This was why he had felt a burning sense of being incomplete. Of not having enough purpose.
The universe had intended him to be this woman’s protector, her lover, her caretaker.
After they finished breakfast, she insisted on cleaning up, then turned to him, looking delightfully awkward.
“What . . . what now?”
“Well, I can think of one or two things we could do,” he murmured, stalking toward her.
She backed up, her eyes wide. But that wasn’t fear in her face, thank God.
Nope. Her mouth had dropped open and her breath was growing faster. She swallowed hastily as she banged into a wall. He placed one hand on her hip and the other on the wall beside her head.
“We haven’t talked about my . . . quirks.” He used the same word she had.
“Your quirks? What quirks?” she asked.
“Well, they aren’t so much quirks as they are needs.”
“Like your need to track me?” she asked.
“Yeah. That’s one of my quirks.”
Hmm. Yeah, she definitely wouldn’t call that a quirk. More like obsessive overprotectiveness. At least she guessed that was what it was and that he wasn’t just a psychotic control freak.
Okay, he could be a bit of the latter too.
“Why do you need to track me?” she asked.
“To make sure you’re safe. This is a compromise.”
“Oh, it is? How is it a compromise?” And she was frankly surprised that he knew that word.
“Because what I really want to do is lock you up to ensure nothing bad touches you. Or keep you with me. How do you feel about a collar and leash?”
“No!” she cried.
“Hmm. No? All right, tracker it is.”
That wasn’t exactly a compromise. Lord help her.
“You like to get your own way.”
Travis grinned. Gosh, he was gorgeous when he smiled. “Now she gets it.”
Leaning down, he kissed her. This time, he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into her mouth to play with hers. A moan of pleasure escaped her and he drew back, moving his hand from her hip to rest lightly on the base of her neck.
“I like to be in charge,” he said. “In the bedroom and out, too. I can compromise and back off on the things that are important to you. As long as you know the things that are important to me.”
“Which are?” she asked breathlessly.
“Your safety. Your health. Your happiness.”
Was that it?
When he didn’t say anything more, she found herself biting down on her lip. “What about your safety, health, and happiness?”
“I can take care of myself. And I’m only ever going to be happy if you are.”
Jeez. This man. It would be so easy to get mad at him because he could be impossible.
But it was also so easy to love him.
However, she couldn’t just blurt that out. It was way too early for that in their . . . relationship.
Eek.
She wanted to squeal like a small child because she was in a relationship with Travis Andrews.
Her crush.
Okay. You’re thirty-six, not sixteen.
Chill.
“I need to be in control of those things, okay? If I see that you’re not being safe or keeping yourself healthy, I will step in.”
Caren wasn’t quite sure she’d like him ‘stepping in,’ but she also liked that he cared. “Step in, how?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe, happy, and healthy. However I need to do it. Which you might not always like. But you’ll know I do it because I care.”
“Sometimes I don’t know whether to be mad at you or to melt like a puddle in your arms,” she told him.
He just grinned.
Bloody hell. He could get away with murder with that smile of his.
“That’s why you have rules.”
“And if I break the rules?”
Like not telling him about Aadan.
Shit. Yeah. She would need to tell him. He wasn’t going to be happy, though. However, she thought the fact that she hadn’t heard from Aadan since leaving proved that she was safe.
Surely, Travis would see it that way, too.
Although she could see how Travis wouldn’t want her to go overseas if he knew.
Are you seriously going to keep this from him?
No. She couldn’t. He needed to know. They couldn’t start out this relationship with lies. But she just needed to time this right.
“Hmm, well, we’ll need to discuss punishments, won’t we? And we need to talk about your limits and desires before we go to the club tonight. If you still want to do that?”
“I do,” she said huskily. “For Rory but also for myself.”
He reached for the bottom of her top and stripped it off, leaving her in just a lacy black bra.
“Fuck. You’re so fucking gorgeous.” He cupped one of her breasts making her breath hitch. “You need to go to the club, baby? How long has it been since you played?” His hand tightened slightly on her breast, but then he released it slowly.
“I went to the Twisted Thorn while I lived in Dallas.”
He let out a low growl, then he cleared his throat. “Sorry. Just don’t like the idea of you playing with anyone but me.”
“I didn’t have a regular Dom. I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse. And it’s not like you weren’t going to the club yourself. Playing with other subs.”
She didn’t like that idea at all.
“Apparently, they’re all scared of me,” he grumbled.
She stared at him in surprise. “What?”
“According to my brothers, the subs at Whip It are all scared of me. They run when they see me coming. Although I’ve been told that’s a fairly new thing. I never used to have trouble finding a sub to play. Now, the only ones who like to play are the masochists.”
“You . . . you’re a sadist?” No one told her that. But she guessed she hadn’t asked, either.
Idiot.
“That’s just it. I’m not,” he grumbled.
“Ohhh.” She wasn’t sure she still understood. But she was a bit concerned.
“Doesn’t matter now, since the only person I’ll be playing with is you.” He nipped her neck making her groan. “We need to have a serious talk about your limits.”
“Does it have to be now?”
“Yes. Before things go any further.” He ran his finger across her breasts. “Do you need me to stop touching you?”
“Yes. No! I don’t know. I can’t get my brain to think.” She really didn’t want her brain to start thinking.
He suddenly picked her up and carried her to the sofa. “I think it would be better if we talked down here. No touching though.”
Travis settled her down on the sofa then sat on the coffee table facing her. “Right. You’ll need to read over a contract for the club. That’s non-negotiable for everyone. But we can meet Jace and Rory there early to sign you both up.”
“I might have to stick by Rory for a while,” she said with a small frown. “She could get triggered being there.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll all be sticking close to her while she’s there. But you still need to sign a contract and tell me your limits. Is there anything you hate?”
“Humiliation,” she told him immediately.
He nodded. “I won’t use humiliation or embarrassment. What else? Are you all right with all sorts of bondage? Being gagged? Blindfolded?”
She thought about that. She usually liked all of those things. But . . .
“I can be gagged or blindfolded but not both.”
He nodded without a word of protest and relief filled her. Not all Doms were this understanding of her limits.
“And I don’t like whips or canes. I’m fine with paddles, your hand, a flogger. But not a whip or a cane.”
“I won’t use those on you, baby. What about other sorts of punishments? Is there anything that is a hard limit? You’re obviously all right with being spanked.”
All right with it?
Yeah, she was okay with being spanked. It had been a while since she’d had a good spanking.
“Oh, I can see that my girl might actually need some punishment. Hmm?”
Why did talking about this make her blush? She’d been a sub for years.
“I . . . I find that during a scene and maybe especially a spanking, I can just let go. I can cry and yell and . . . and just release everything that has built up inside me.”
“I understand that.”
Relief filled her.
“I don’t like silence as a punishment. Oh, and denied orgasms. I definitely don’t want those. You should put them on my hard limit list.”
“Now, I’m not sure about that last one. Are you sure that they should be on your limits list? Is orgasm denial really a limit? Or just something you don’t like and therefore is a good punishment to use as a deterrent from future naughty behavior.”
Urgh.
Why did all of that make her so hot?
Why did she want to do something naughty just to get punished?
Shoot.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “Orgasm denial isn’t a real limit.” And she probably should be taking this more seriously. “Sorry.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Worth a shot, I guess.” He grinned at her and she found herself smiling back. “Anything else I should know?”
“I don’t like role play where I’m captured and held prisoner. I’m okay with bondage, but I want to know at all times that you’ll free me if I need to be freed.”