37. CHRIS
37
CHRIS
I ’d never thought of Bella as someone who would return to her roots.
She’d always been about moving forward, creating something new, and I knew she’d hated the life she’d had at home.
I’d never met her parents—she’d run away from home to start her own life when she was sixteen and she’d never been the type to look back.
So when I found out she’d gone back to her childhood home—Gigi had told me that much when I’d decided to pick myself up and do something a real man would do—it knocked the wind out of me.
The neighborhood wasn’t exactly what I’d pictured—modest houses lined the streets, yards a little overgrown but holding their own charm. It felt like stepping into another world, one I didn’t belong in.
I’d built a life in Newport when my parents had adopted me, but I’d never been in this part of town.
There were a lot of places I hadn’t been, actually. There was a lot of life I’d missed—I’d lived with blinders on even though I’d tried to convince myself I was so open-minded.
Yeah, I had a whole lot of shit in my life that I needed to change if I was going to start living for the future.
I parked the car and took a deep breath, glancing down the row of houses that stood neatly next to each other, only a few small things setting one apart from the next.
I didn’t know which house was hers, but I was prepared to knock on every door if that’s what it took. For Bella, I’d knock on every door in Newport.
The first house had an older man with a suspicious squint. The second, a teenager who barely cracked the door before telling me to “fuck off.” By the time I reached the tenth house, my knuckles were raw, and my patience was wearing thin. A woman answered, cradling a yipping dog, and when I asked about Bella, she just shook her head and closed the door.
Fuck.
Why didn’t anyone around here know who Bella Rossi was? Had she really left so early in life that no one knew who she was? Or was I in the wrong place completely?
Frustrated, I leaned against the hood of my car, running a hand through my hair. The sun was starting to dip lower in the sky, and I felt like I was chasing shadows. I needed a break, take a moment to regroup.
The café caught my eye.
Its faded awning and hand-painted sign reading “Corner Cup” didn’t scream upscale, but it had a warmth that drew me in, and I could do with a strong shot of caffeine, if they didn’t have a liquor license.
The bell above the door jingled happily as I stepped inside, the smell of coffee and fresh pastries hitting me instantly. It was like I’d stepped into some small town far away, a world from a storybook.
I walked toward the counter and waited for the woman arranging the coffee bean packets in a row to turn around.
And then, there she was.
Bella turned around, her dark eyes landing on me. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and she was wearing an apron that had seen better days. It was like the universe had finally decided to cut me some slack, handing me this moment on a silver platter.
The smile dropped from her face. Her eyes widened, and for a second, we just stared at each other. Pain etched her features. Then, she turned to an older woman and said something I couldn’t hear. The woman’s expression turned to steel as she stepped between us.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked, her tone sharp.
“I need to talk to Bella,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “It’s important.”
“I’m sorry, she’s just about to end her shift. I can help you with your order.”
I looked over her shoulder, ignoring the woman.
“Bella, please.”
Bella shook her head. “You need to leave.”
“Not until we talk,” I said. The woman’s glare didn’t waver. I didn’t know what Bella had told her. Whatever it was—however horrible—it was probably true. I deserved her glares.
“You’re causing a scene,” Bella said, her voice low but firm. “Please, just go.”
I wanted to plead, to beg her to just hear me out, but the older woman’s crossed arms told me I wasn’t going to win this battle here. I nodded, stepping back.
“I’ll be at the docks,” I said, loud enough for her to hear. “Where we had our first date. If you’ll give me five minutes, I’ll be there. I just want to talk to you, to explain myself. After that, you can ignore me for the rest of your life if you want. Just give me that. Please.”
Her jaw tightened, but she didn’t respond. There was nothing more I could do. I just had to hope that whatever happened, Bella would give me that small chance to tell her the truth.
And hope that my truth was enough for her to understand.
I turned and walked out, the bell jingling behind me. My heart felt like it was lodged in my throat and I didn’t know if this was going to work out.
Everything in my life had always run smoothly because I was a Blackwood.
But not this. It wasn’t because I was a Blackwood that Bella had loved me, and that was what had made her love real.
It also meant that I had no idea if this would work out. I had no idea if I would have a happy ending and that uncertainty made me feel sick to my stomach.
The docks were the same as they’d always been. The boats rocked gently in the water, their masts swaying against the pink and orange streaks of the setting sun.
This place held all the memories in the world for me—from going out on our boat with Alex to find New Island to having Bella here for our first date. My whole life here in Newport held happy memories.
I realized now how much I’d taken for granted. How happy I’d really been when I’d been so set on being miserable.
I stood at the end of the pier, staring out at the horizon, the air cool against my skin. The memory of that night we spent here together played in my mind—the way she’d laughed, the way she’d made me feel like the only man in the world.
The way I’d known she was the one I wanted to have a life with.
And then I’d fucked it all up.
I waited, minutes stretching into what felt like hours. My hands were shoved deep in my pockets, my foot tapping against the wooden planks.
She wasn’t coming, I told myself. She’d made her decision, and I’d ruined everything. I couldn’t blame her. A man could only get so many chances before it was over and done with.
And I’d gambled my chances away as if they’d meant nothing.
Fuck.
Then I heard footsteps.
I turned, hoping beyond hope for something to give.
Bella’s silhouette against the fading light took my breath away. She stopped a few feet away, arms crossed over her chest, her expression unreadable. Her hair blew in the breeze and she was a vision.
“You’re here,” I breathed.
I’d truly thought she wouldn’t come, that it was done.
“What do you want, Chris?” she asked, her voice flat. “You told me it would be five minutes, and that’s all I’m giving you.”
I took a deep breath, stepping closer. She took a step back.
Right.
She had every right to be pissed at me.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
She raised an eyebrow. “An apology? From Chris Blackwood?”
“I know,” I said. “But I’m serious, Bella. I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”
She watched me dubiously, as if she wasn’t sure she could believe me.
“For what, exactly?”
“For everything.” There wasn’t anything I wasn’t sorry for at this point. “For pushing you away, for not trusting you, for saying things I didn’t mean. About the baby… I was wrong, Bella. About all of it.”
Her arms dropped to her sides, but she didn’t move closer. “Why now, Chris? Why not weeks ago?”
I looked down, shame pooling in my chest. “Because I was a coward. I let my past dictate my future, and I hurt you in the process. I didn’t think I was good enough for you, Bella. And instead of trying, I just… gave up.”
She shook her head, tears glinting in her eyes. “You don’t get to do this now. You don’t get to decide you’re ready when it’s convenient for you. You keep hurting me and now you decide that you want things to be different. It doesn’t work that way.”
“I know,” I said. “I needed you to know, though. I needed to give you the whole story.”
Bella frowned. “What whole story? What are you talking about?”
I gestured to a bench not too far away, and after a moment’s hesitation, Bella nodded. We walked to the bench and sat down.
“My past,” I said. “My origin story. The reason I’m as fucked up as I am.”
She frowned, watching my face, and I started to tell her. I told her everything—about my drunkard father who couldn’t face the world without beating it up. About my mentally unstable mother, who decided to flee without me. About the life I had until they took me away from my dad and put me in a home where the Blackwoods found me.
I told her everything.
When the story was over, it was a hell of a lot longer than five minutes. Bella stared at me, the anger wiped off her face.
“Chris,” she started, but she couldn’t find the words to say more.
“I know,” I said. “I should have told you before.”
“Why didn’t you? God, Chris, this is so serious. And so sad. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. If I’d known—”
“You might have looked at me differently,” I said, cutting her off. “At least, that was what I thought. And back then, when you started talking about getting more serious, I got scared. What if the person my dad was, was still somewhere in my DNA? And what if you left the way my mom did?”
“You’re the one who keeps leaving me, Chris.”
“I know. If I leave first—”
“Then I can’t be the one to leave you,” Bella finished for me.
I nodded. “It sounds pathetic, I know.”
Bella shook her head and shifted a little closer. Warmth radiated from her and I drank it in. I wanted to touch her but I didn’t want her to pull away again.
When she reached for my hand it was like a lifeline, yanking me back to the shore when I felt like I was drowning all over again.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again.
I shook my head. “You’re not the one who should be sorry, Bell. It’s me. I’m the one who has to apologize for letting all of that come between us when it should have been left far in the past.”
Bella’s eyes were wide and drowning deep, her face etched with concern, the love and care she’d always shown me.
“But I’m here now,” I kept going. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right. I swear, Bella. I want to be there for you and for the baby. I don’t want to have the life I was taken out of. I don’t want to be the man my father was. But I learned that I get to choose if that’s how I want to be. Or if I want to be the man my adoptive parents raised me to be. It took me a fucking long time, but I’m starting to get that it’s up to me. I get to call the shots and… Just give me a chance.”
She turned away, wiping her eyes, and I felt the absence of her hand on mine acutely.
“It’s not just about us anymore, Chris,” she said. “If we try again and you decide you get scared and you want to run there’s the baby, too.”
“I know,” I said. “But I’m not going anywhere. And when I get scared, we’ll talk about it, and talk through it, the way it should be. I’m not leaving again, Bella. I know what I have and I’ve been such a fool to let you go every time.”
She blinked at me.
“I want us to be a family, if you’ll still have me.” I needed her to understand how serious I was about this.
The silence stretched between us, heavy and charged.