38. BELLA
38
BELLA
C hris’s intensity left me speechless.
He’d always been passionate and I’d loved that about him—when I’d been with him, when he’d shown me the true side of him, I’d fallen deeper and deeper in love with him.
But I’d always felt like he was holding back on me, and now I understood why.
I knew Chris. I’d loved Chris for most of my life, it felt. But this time was different. The side of him I saw now was different from anything I’d ever seen before. This was raw, unfiltered, and completely vulnerable. It made my chest tighten, my heart clench, and I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.
I wanted to speak, but his words were coming too fast, tumbling out like he’d held them in for years.
“I only want you, Bella. I’ve always wanted you.” His voice cracked, a sound so foreign coming from him that it shattered the walls I’d been trying to rebuild. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let him get to me, wouldn’t let my heart open to him when my head told me to be careful. Or to run in the opposite direction.
“I want us to be a family,” he said. “You and me and the baby.”
I blinked, the sting of tears blurring his face for a moment. Family. Us. How many nights had I dreamed of hearing those words from him? How many mornings had I woken up, swearing that dream was a fantasy I’d never have?
But now, here he was, laying it all out, no defenses, no sarcasm to hide behind.
“Chris,” I whispered, unsure of where to begin. My throat tightened, emotion choking me. “Is this real?”
He shifted closer on the bench and he took my hand in his. His eyes were the color of the sky, and in them I saw everything I loved.
“I’ve never been surer of anything. I was an idiot, Bella. I let my past, my fears, control me. But I can’t… I can’t lose you. You’re everything.”
And there it was, just like that.
You’re everything.
The conviction in his voice was undeniable. Still, I hesitated. He’d hurt me so much. I’d loved him for so many years, but I’d been hurting for nearly just as long.
Could it really be this simple? After everything we’d been through, everything he’d said, could it really be that he’d realized what he wanted and this was it—this was our future together?
“I want that too,” I finally admitted. There was no point in denying my feelings. “But Chris, I’m terrified. This isn’t just us anymore. There’s a baby. My whole life feels like it’s been turned upside down and I can’t deal with losing you again and again.
“You won’t have to,” Chris said. “I’m here, Bella.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. “I have so much to rebuild. I have to start from scratch. Work, find an apartment, settle down… I didn’t plan for any of this and it’s hard. If I break on top of that—”
“Then let me help you,” he said quickly, cutting off any protest I might’ve had. His knee brushed against mine. “You don’t have to figure this out alone. We’ll do this together. You don’t need to stay at your parents’ place if it’s making you miserable. I know you’ve always hated being there. I’ll help you get an apartment, or you can come stay with me. Whatever you want, Bella.”
His words were earnest, but they left me spinning. “Chris, I can’t… I can’t just rely on you for everything. I need to work, to support myself. I’ve always been independent and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to be with you because I can’t do it on my own. I want to be with you because it’s what I want.”
Chris took my hand and pressed his lips against my knuckles. “You have no idea how much that means to me. I know how strong you are. If you want to work, I’ll help you figure it out. But if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just want you to be happy and safe. Both of you.”
Chris reached out, his fingers brushing my cheek.
“I’ve spent so long complicating things, pushing people away, convincing myself I didn’t deserve anything good. But you—you’re good. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I’m done running from that.”
Tears spilled over, and I couldn’t stop them. His words wrapped around me, a balm for every wound he’d inflicted.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I always have. And I want us to figure this out.”
He exhaled a shaky breath, his shoulders sagging with relief. “You mean it?”
I nodded, a small smile breaking through the tears. “I mean it.”
“I love you too,” he said, exhaling in a rush, as if he’d held his breath for so long and could now finally let go.
He pulled me into his arms, holding me close, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt safe. Secure.
Like everything was going to be okay.
The drive to his apartment was quiet but comfortable. Chris’s hand stayed on the gearshift, occasionally brushing against my knee, a silent reassurance that he was there. That we were in this together.
When he’d asked me if I’d spend the night at his place, there hadn’t been a moment’s hesitation. I would stay with him tonight, and tomorrow he would help me figure out the next step. An apartment somewhere close, and then we would take it from there.
I sent my mom a text so she knew I would be out for the night, and nothing more. It was my life and neither of my parents had a say in where I went and what I did.
Chris’s apartment was sleek and modern, with clean lines and a view of the city that made my breath catch. I hadn’t seen this apartment—he’d gotten it long after we’d broken up the first time.
The space smelled faintly of cedar and something distinctly him, a scent that had always made me feel at home. He set my bag down near the couch and turned to me, his expression soft.
“Are you hungry? Thirsty? I can order something, or… I think I’ve got leftovers in the fridge. Probably.”
I laughed lightly, shaking my head. “I’m okay. Just… tired.”
“Of course,” he said, his voice dropping to a gentle murmur. “Come on, I’ll show you the bedroom.”
He led me down a short hallway to a room that was as pristine as the rest of the apartment. A king-sized bed dominated the space, its crisp white linens looking impossibly inviting. I sat on the edge, running my fingers over the soft fabric.
Chris lingered in the doorway, watching me. “Bella,” he started, his voice hesitant. “I meant what I said. I’m going to be here. For you, for the baby. Whatever you need.”
“I know,” I said softly, meeting his gaze. “And I believe you.”
He stepped closer, sitting down next to me. “I’m scared too, you know.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“But we’re going to do this right. I want to meet your parents sometime, too.”
I blinked at him. “Why?”
“Because they’re your parents, sweetheart,” he said. “And if I’m going to marry you, then I want to talk to your dad.”
I swallowed down the lump that rose in my throat at the word “marry.”
“My dad will make life difficult for you. He’ll interrogate you, strip you down until you feel like you’re worth nothing, and then he’ll tell you exactly that. It’s not a good idea, Chris.”
“I want to do it right,” Chris said, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. “I don’t care what he says because I know the truth. But I want to be the man who is always there for you, and that includes telling your parents that.”
I leaned into him. I wasn’t sure it was going to work, but just the fact he wanted to try meant everything. The old Chris would never have done something like that. He really had changed.
And he really did want to make things work this time.
Chris kissed me, and I sighed. His lips were soft against mine, his kisses tender.
He slid his hand onto my jaw, tracing a line toward my chin, and I shivered. I slid my hand onto his thigh, squeezing once, and Chris pulled me down onto the mattress with him. He rolled against me, the length of his body pressing against mine, and his tongue slid between my lips.
He grinded himself against me, slowly, sensually.
I moaned, wrapping my arm around his neck, breasts against his chest. My body ached for him.
Slowly, Chris slid his hand over my waist, tracing the dip of my side and the rise of my hip before he slid his hand to my ass, cupping the cheek. He continued to grind himself against me, lazily kissing me.
His movements, the way he touched me and claimed my lips, ignited a fire within me. It started as a flame, with a low flicker, but as he caressed me, kissed me, grinded himself against me, that fire grew until it was a raging furnace.
It licked at my skin, scorching every inch of me, and the need in me rose until I couldn’t contain it. My desire spilled over into a deep-seated craving. A hunger. A thirst that only he could quench.
Chris’s kisses became more urgent, and I moaned, grinding against him. He slid his hand under the shirt I wore and up the bare skin of my back.
My skin was hot, feverish and his touch was cool and soothing.
But he had always been like that for me—the person who anchored me, my opposite, the one who could complete me.
He sat up, pushing the shirt over my head and tossing it onto the floor, leaving me in only my bra. Chris leaned down and pressed a kiss to my stomach, and I knew he was thinking of the baby. He or she was only a tiny little bean inside of me right now, but soon they would start to grow.
Chris traced a line of kisses across my skin, over my belly, and to the rise of my breast. He sucked at the sensitive skin, and I moaned. He reached around, unclasping my bra and pulling it from my body.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. He lowered his head, taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it, flicking his tongue against it. I arched my back, moaning.
He turned his attention to my other breast, teasing it, and then he slid his hand between us, rubbing at my sex through my jeans. I squirmed beneath him, and Chris chuckled.
“I love touching you.”
He pulled back, and I lifted my hips. Chris helped me pull down my jeans and panties, leaving me naked in front of him.
I sat up, unbuckling his belt and then his jeans. Chris pulled them off, tossing them on the floor with the rest of our clothes, and then we were both naked.
His eyes raked over my body, and he swallowed hard. I smiled, reaching out and stroking his length. Chris groaned, and his eyes fluttered shut.
“I’m going to have so much fun tonight,” I whispered, and Chris nodded, licking his lips.
I slid my hands onto his chest, pushing him back against the mattress, and straddled him. I rocked myself against his erection, and he moaned, his hands settling on my hips.
“Fuck,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Not yet,” I teased, and Chris opened his eyes, staring at me. His eyes were filled with love and lust.
I moved down his body, planting kisses over his torso, dragging my breasts over his erection. He groaned and cursed under his breath, pushing his hands into my hair as I made my way down.
I kissed around his cock, careful to only touch his thighs, his hips, his stomach.
“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me, babe,” Chris groaned, bucking his hips, trying to get me to touch him.
I cupped his balls and massaged them, and he groaned again.
Finally, I licked my way up his length from the base to the tip and sucked his cock into my mouth.
“Oh, fuck,” Chris groaned.
I swirled my tongue around him, letting the tip was hitting the back of my throat. Moving up and down, I sucked, teased, swirled my tongue around his shaft, and he moaned.
“Yes, yes, babe,” he whispered.
I hummed around his cock, and Chris thrust his hips.
“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to last long.”
I smiled at him. I wanted him to orgasm, but not yet. Not like this—I craved him inside me.
I slid my mouth off his cock and crawled back up his body, kissing him deeply. He slid his hand onto my waist, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I need you inside me. Right now,” I told him.
Chris nodded, his eyes heavy-lidded.
I lifted myself up and positioned his erection at my entrance. There was no need for a condom. I sank down, slowly, taking him inch by inch. The feel of him, naked and delicious, as he slid into me, was glorious.
He closed his eyes again, and I watched him as I began to ride him slowly. Leaning forward, I braced myself against his chest, rocking myself against him.
Chris slid his hand onto my breast, cupping it, and then he stroked the nipple, flicking his finger across it. I gasped, and Chris opened his eyes, dark with hunger.
He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer, and his lips parted. I sped up, riding him faster, and he met me with deep, urgent thrusts, seeking his pleasure through me.
I was close, my clit rubbing against his pubic bone as I rode him, and my body buzzed with intensity. I closed my eyes, rocking harder and harder. I started to tremble, feeling the orgasm build, filling me up like a cup until I was going to spill over.
“Come for me, baby,” Chris whispered, his voice low. It was so much like my dream, I couldn’t believe that it had become real.
It turned out that dreams did come true.
I came hard, clenching around him, and the world exploded around me. I shuddered, gasping for breath.
Chris held onto my hips, holding me steady, and he fucked me, hard.
He flipped us, and I was suddenly on my back. Chris lifted my legs, putting them over his shoulders, and he thrust deep inside of me, his balls slapping against my skin.
I cried out in ecstasy as the orgasm stretched out and all I knew was pleasure.
He pounded into me, and his face twisted with need.
“You’re so fucking sexy, babe. The way you ride me, the way you come for me,” he growled as he pounded into me, harder and harder.
His hips stuttered and he cried out, and I knew he was coming. I watched him as his orgasm ripped through him. His muscles flexed, and his mouth parted.
He groaned as he came, filling me more than he already did, and then he collapsed on top of me. It took him a moment to catch his breath before he pulled out.
He fell onto the bed next to me, and we were both a sticky mess, slick with sweat and our sex.
Chris turned his head and looked at me, smiling.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too.”
He pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around me, and I snuggled up against him. My head fit perfectly on his shoulder the way it always had, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat soothing against my cheek.
“I don’t know what our future will hold,” Chris said after a moment’s silence where we caught our breath. “I don’t know what it will look like. But I know that it doesn’t matter what happens, as long as you’re in it, it will be a happy ending.”
I glanced up and smiled at him. “I always thought you were my prince charming.”
“Riding off into the sunset together and all that jazz, huh?” he asked with a grin.
I chuckled. “And all that jazz.”