Chapter 27 Cal
CAL
My feet pound against the pavement as I round the last corner to bring me back to the house. I can already see Blake’s car is gone, and that fact lands a mix of relief and panic in my already pounding veins.
Shit.
He probably needed to cool off like I did. Maybe he went to Ellison’s.
I hope he went to Ellison’s.
Why didn’t I handle that better?
My response had been over the top, the ping-ponging from Blake going to see my sister, to Liam, to my studio.
Stupid fucking door.
I know in my bones that he never went in there. I’d been meaning to fix it, but it was just the last straw on my already frayed nerves. I wanted to lash out, the emotions swirling inside me too much.
I like Blake.
And I’ve been so focused on that gala deadline, I truly hadn’t given myself permission to consider anything after.
The house looks dark and the breath whooshes from my lungs.
I was such an asshole and he didn’t deserve that.
Today just caught me off guard. I’m almost to the door when I notice a trash bag not quite inside the can.
Blake must have left in such a hurry. Making my way over to tuck it back under the lid, I lift the bag… and freeze.
The sound of ceramic knocking together is clear as I lift the bag and set it on the ground and untie the handles.
It doesn’t register when my knees hit the pavement, the contents of the bag mocking me the longer I stare.
“It’s too much. You and me …it’s too much, too intense. You’re fucking everywhere, Blake—the blanket and the mug and a dozen other things that you swear were not gifts—but we’re temporary and I told you I didn’t want to complicate anything.”
And are those sheets?
Fuck.
Swallowing down the bile rising in my throat, I brace my hand on the pavement and push myself up to stand even as it feels like my legs will give out at any minute again.
I don’t know what to expect as one hand wraps around the knob to push open the door, my other hand still clutched around the bag as I catalog everything now missing from its place.
Setting the bag gently on the couch, I make my way to the bedroom and freeze. He’d changed the sheets back to the ones that had been relegated to my closet.
The ones he never liked.
Heart in my throat, I take the two steps to the closet and rip the door open, revealing one side that’s completely bare—the side that had been Blake’s.
Spinning on my heel, I rip the dresser drawers open to much of the same.
Nothing.
“Where the fuck’s my phone?” I mumble as I frantically try and retrace my steps, vaguely remembering that I’d set it down in the kitchen. Snatching it from the counter, I frantically type out a message.
CAL: Blake—fuck—where are you?
CAL: I’m sorry. I was an asshole
CAL: Please—I found the bag outside. Where are you?
Glancing around the room, I try and slow my breathing.
Chicken pot pie on the stove.
Key on the table.
Key on the table.
With shaking hands, I reach for the key to my house and the small piece of paper with Blake’s handwriting scrawled across it.
No need to pretend anymore. It’s done.
What the fuck have I done?
What the fuck have I done?
I read the words until they blur, my stomach rolling as everything becomes abundantly clear. I fucked up and Blake is gone.
It’s the last thought in my mind before I race toward the bathroom, my knees hitting the tile this time as I spill the entire contents of my stomach into the bowl.
Because he’s gone.
And it’s all my fault.
BLAKE
I hesitate, my fingers hovering over the keys, but it needs to be said—if for nothing else, for me. I ignored the messages Cal had sent, leaving them unread but unable to delete them entirely from my hotel room in Nashville.
BLAKE: I just want you to know, it was always you and even though years kept you apart I was never going to ever touch that
BLAKE: I hope that someday I can find a love like that
MONTANA: Dude what is this? What happened?
BLAKE: Things are over with Cal, and I just needed to get out of there
MONTANA: Where are you?
BLAKE: I’m gone—I’ll be back in Savannah soon. I just need you to tell Ellison. I didn’t want to upset her
MONTANA: And you think me telling her is going to make her not upset?
BLAKE: I don’t have the answers she’s going to want—just that it seems I’m destined to be everyone’s second choice
MONTANA: That’s bullshit
BLAKE: I’m 0-2
MONTANA: Don’t do that to yourself, man
MONTANA: Someone is out there for you—someone great who deserves you
BLAKE: Maybe.
BLAKE: But I need to learn to be okay with never finding them
BLAKE: I know you and I got off on the wrong foot, but I’m so happy she has you and I love your family. Thank you for letting me be a part of it.
MONTANA: Stop making this sound so final. You’re freaking me out
Chuckling, I reread the conversation and yeah, I can see where he might jump to conclusions, but it is goodbye, at least partially. And I just want to express my gratitude for his kindness.
BLAKE: Sorry. I guess part of it is
BLAKE: I’ll do the fundraiser but I’ve already decided to quit my job and maybe travel. Start over. I’ll let you know when I get settled somewhere.
MONTANA: She’s going to be pissed
BLAKE: I know
BLAKE: But I love you guys—give Lyric a kiss for me.
MONTANA: You owe me
BLAKE: I’m good for it
Dropping my phone onto the bed, I wonder if Cal’s shock at me being gone has worn off. I wonder if Cal is settling in for the night, if he’s relishing in having his space back. It was foolish to think we could have been something lasting.
But it still makes me wonder.
It makes me wonder if he misses me at all.