Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LONDON
M aybe Alexander Grant isn’t the douche I thought he was … I can’t help but think as the girls all race in with bottles of wine, ice cream, and popcorn. After my mini breakdown earlier today, Xander stepped up in a major way. He didn’t make me feel idiotic or try to brush aside my feelings, instead he stood strong and let me lean on him until I could pull it together and stand on my own.
Glancing up from my seat, where Xander wrapped me in the softest blanket, I try to process this chain of events. Apparently, after he sent me to the shower, he called the girls back to Ty and Sasha’s and ordered every kind of takeout food to binge and eat our feelings.
Smiling softly, he bends, kissing me softly on my temple. “Have fun, pretty girl,” he whispers in my hair, sending a little tremor through me.
“Ladies, take good care of this one for me. She’s precious. And get her nice and drunk,” he throws over his shoulder as he strides toward the foyer.
Out of habit, I roll my eyes. But as he disappears from sight, a hint of disappointment flares through me.
Sasha waves him off as she sits beside me and pulls me into her arms. She soothes me for a few beats, rocking me back and forth, before leaning back to peer at my face.
“You’re hating this, aren’t you?”
“Kind of. My arms are trapped so I decided just to go with it,” I murmur.
Before she can respond, Gem and Mia join in. We’re a tangle of arms and hair as lightness finally flows through me and my laughter erupts, and they join in.
“Okay, okay. I’m fine. I don’t know about getting drunk, but let’s open that wine,” I say as I disentangle from the blanket.
Gem reaches over, taking my hand, her thumb stroking softly. “If you say so. We’ll let this go for now, but we’re here whenever you’re ready to talk.” Mia and Sasha nod in my periphery.
“Absolutely. For now, let’s enjoy all the food Xander had delivered.”
We busy ourselves at the long dining table, opening savory cartons of Italian, Thai, Greek, and even classic burgers and fries. Helping myself to the Gaeng Daeng and a handful of fries, I drop down into a seat, hoping these mounds of food will fill the emptiness deep in my soul.
“Oh, yay,” Sasha calls out as she grabs a carton from the Italian restaurant. “Xander remembered to get me the veggie lasagna.” Turning to me, she crosses her eyes as she says, “It’s made with zucchini instead of regular pasta, and I’m obsessed .”
The other girls hum as they fill their plates, and Gem says, “He remembered my favorite burger place. Look at this!” She holds up a hefty burger. “This thing is as big as my head.”
Laughing as she takes a big messy bite, I watch as Mia starts in on her Greek salad, and she just nods. “Yep, this is a fav of mine.”
Everyone stops chewing as I ponder this. When the hell did I tell Xander that Thai was my favorite? We’ve barely said a civil word to each other before today. It couldn’t have come up in conversation. It’s quiet as I take another bite, eyes trained on the food in front of me.
“What do you think about Xander?” Mia asks. “Because the way he seeks you out, watches you when you’re in the room, if I wore panties, they’d melt right off.” Beside me, Gem snorts and huffs out a little laugh.
“I guess that question is for me?” I ask, meeting her eyes, and she nods. “I don’t think about him. What do you think about him?”
Mia grins and now she has me curious, but it’s Gem who responds first. “He’s such a green flag.”
I tilt my head a little, but Sasha speaks up next, “Xander’s great. He’s obviously hot, right, but he’s so much more than that. He’s funny and sweet. Attentive to the small things and the things that matter. I could count on him and any of those guys for just about anything.”
“Sweet?” I scoff, twisting my lips to the side. That’s the last word I’d have used to describe him, at least before today.
She nods earnestly. “Seriously. He is. He likes to hide behind his money or the jokes and being the loudest guy in the room, but there’s so much more to him. I can’t wait until he finds the one . He has so much love to give. She’ll be a lucky girl.”
I’m not sure if I agree, but now I can’t stop myself from asking. “What makes him a green flag? I have to say I’m intrigued by this.”
Gem swallows down another huge bite of burger before murmuring, “Okay, I don’t know how to describe it. He’s just Xander. Always fun to be around, up for a good time, but I can’t tell you how many times he’s just been there for each one of us. We tried to push Mia on him for a while, because he was so caring toward her. Always thoughtful and considerate to her needs, but I think he just liked taking care of her. Whether it was so she wouldn’t feel left out when I was with Elijah and Sash with Ty, or if he just has a need to take care of someone he cares about. I don’t know. It’s just such a great trait, and he never expects anything in return or complains now that we’re always around. He just seems to have matured a lot, and I think he may not know it, but he’s looking for something or he’s ready for her . You know?”
Sasha nods enthusiastically. “And the scholarship fund he set up for girls pursuing careers in STEM, or how he helped out by sponsoring the kids at the community center, oh, and the Easter baskets he just donated to the children’s hospital.”
Or how he helped on picture day.
I shrug. “Well, good for him. Maybe he has some redeeming qualities, but overall, he seems like an ass to me. But maybe he’ll find someone who likes putting up with his antics. That mouth ruins it for me every time.” Those words mar the taste of my food, though I can’t figure out why.
The girls are uncharacteristically quiet as we continue to eat with a little less gusto. Xander and ‘sweet’ just seem like oxymorons. But as I recall each girl pointing out how he remembered and ordered their favorite food. Or how he knew I needed some girl time and called in reinforcements, and especially how he took charge and dropped everything to plan an entire day just to cheer me up. He offered me something special today.
“ Fuuucckkk ,” I groan as my fork clatters to the table. Raising my eyes, three sets are already fixed on me.
Mia nods. “Welcome to the party. Xander is amazing. It kind of hits you out of nowhere, but what are you going to do about it?”
“I’ll concede. He was everything I needed today. I can’t even lie. He held me together,” I admit.
“Are you finally ready to talk about what happened earlier?” Sasha asks.
Taking a deep breath as Gem pours me a glass of wine, I try to gather all the thoughts swirling in my head.
I chug the glass before handing it back to her, nodding to add a little bit more. Okay, so maybe we are getting drunk tonight.
I let out a breath. “You guys remember I told you about my ex?”
They all nod as they continue to eat with their attention riveted to me.
“Travis called today…” I chuckle without mirth. “To tell me that he’s engaged.”
The collective gasps as their hands fly to their mouths in unison, and Gem choking a bit on her food would be hilarious if we weren’t talking about this shit show that is my life right now.
“Wait.” I hold up my hand. “There's more. Not only is he engaged, but she's also pregnant,” I say as I tip my glass to them before taking another gulp.
Their questions fall over each other as they all let loose.
“How long have you guys been split up?”
“Please don't tell me this asshole was cheating?”
“What the actual fuck? Let’s go key his fucking car.”
Gem fills my glass again as I shake my head. “No, he said she's newly pregnant. Travis is a lot of things, like an asshole, wack in the sack, a total bore, if you will. But he's not a cheater.”
Taking another deep drink, I close my eyes as I relive how I felt as he spoke. “After I got that news, I was raw. Exposed.” Of course, he made it worse by putting me down yet again. If he's good for one thing, it's being fucking consistent.
“He also threw a couple jabs about finding the one .” I make quotation marks with my fingers. “And how with me he didn't want kids, but now with her , it's his fucking life mission or some shit.”
“Oh, fuck him. I’m with Mia. Let’s fly to Seattle and fuck his car all the way up,” Sasha says, and this time I laugh, the sound reverberating through my body. Sasha is the sweetest person, and it's hilarious anytime I hear any sass come out of her mouth.
“Right? Fuck him. But hearing him so proud and happy about his new future was like a punch to the gut. It knocked the air from my lungs. Xander walked in as hurt and anger fought for dominance.” My hand goes to my heart, recalling the feeling. “I still can’t believe I wasted years of my life with a man who didn't want the same things I did. We may have started out with the same dreams but as life and years went on and we grew up, while I thought we were growing together, we were actually growing up and apart.”
I sigh, meeting each of their sympathetic gazes. “I'm going to share this with you guys. My family knows, and it’s long been a point of contention with Travis, but I was ready for a family.”
“A family?” Gem asks softly.
Nodding slowly, I add, “One of the reasons why Travis and I broke up is because I want kids, and he didn't.”
“Wait, but he's having a baby with someone else,” Sasha exclaims.
“Exactly. While I was in La La Land, thinking we were happy…” I shake my head. “Nah, not even happy, thinking that we were okay and just going through a rough patch, but still planning our future, he was off thinking I couldn’t be the mother of his kids. I was not wifey material .”
Ugh, it sounds pathetic to my own ears, but it still hurts all the same. “Fortunately, we ended things before he could break me down completely. I took a couple of months to figure out if I wanted a baby or just the unconditional love I was missing. Once I realized I didn’t need him, I came home for the support of my parents, Ty, and my aunt and uncle. When I’m ready, I’ll do it on my own. One day.”
Sasha comes around to my side of the table and hugs me from behind. “And you have us now. We will help you in any way we can.”
“You girls already have. And I hear you. Xander may be the Kermit of green flags, but I don't think he's ready for this mess. I don’t want him to be. I have a plan, and I really can't afford distractions right now.”
“Babe.” Mia rests her hand under her chin as she levels me with a look. “Now is the time for distractions. To be your best self, you know, we're all about self-care. You have to take care of yourself first. Give yourself some orgasms. If Xander is good for anything, it's orgasms, or so I’ve heard. Scream at the top of your lungs, go wild, be free. I want that for you.”
“Damn, you make it sound so easy,” I say, a little envious of her carefree attitude when I have this baggage and disappointment weighing me down as I try to navigate this new life.
Gem nods. “That's because it is. I'm sure we told you about my mission promiscuous, operation summer slut plans. I took a chance and look where I am now.” She holds her hands up, exposing her palms. “I'm not saying that you need to fall in love and marry Xander in a beautiful ceremony off the Amalfi coast, or anything.”
I smile softly and deflect the attention away from me. “Is that where you and Eli are getting married?”
Gem smiles and gives a little swoon. “I don't know. I just wanted to hear how it sounded, you know. But anyway, I'm with Mia. Have some fun. You're too fucking hot to not bounce on as many dicks as possible.”
There’s a beat of silence as we look at each other before we burst into laughter.
Mia clutches her stomach as she shouts, “Look at my girl! All grown up. I love my whore besties! You make me prouder every day.”
The chatter warms me as we clear the table, transferring everything to the kitchen island or the refrigerator.
“Would you still fuck a guy if he had gray pubes?” Mia asks, literally out of nowhere. In unison they turn to me.
“Why are you guys looking at me like that?”
Sasha shrugs. “Because you're thirty, so we can only assume you've seen gray pubes.”
“I’ll answer, but first, please stop saying pubes. No, I haven’t yet, but I don’t see why not,” I say. “I could be into older men one day. What about you?”
Mia makes a face. “I don’t know. In my mind, I want an older guy, you know, but not gray pubes older.”
“Not gray pubes older. That just became our phrase of the night,” Gem says as she throws the last of the containers away, and we move into the family room.
“Or the name of our podcast episode.” Sasha laughs.
Settling on the couch, I expel a healing breath as we cuddle together, and they convince me to watch a surprisingly intriguing dating show where people “date” and potentially fall in love without seeing each other.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this! No worries, we’ll catch you up on all the shows you’ve been missing out on. We still need to know whether you’re Team Damon or Team Stefan,” Gem says, eyes trained on the enormous flat screen.
“Or Team Enzo or Elijah and Klaus,” Mia adds dreamily.
Wrapping the blanket around my shoulders and cuddling deeper in the cushions, my mind wanders through today’s events. The highs and lows mingling, leaving me with an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It’s hard to admit, but Xander continues to surprise me in all the best ways. He’s funny and charismatic, like the girls said. But when you speak with him, he’s completely engaged—those dark eyes miss nothing when they’re locked on you with such intensity, like you’re the most interesting person in the world. It makes me feel powerful. Beautiful.
The other night at the club was more of the same. He’s so damn sexy and a relentless flirt. The dirty words that fell from those lips… yeah, he’s getting harder to resist.
He continued to change my opinion the minute he took charge today. I hate to compare him to Travis, but instead of dismissing me, or providing a smidge of faux concern, he found a way for me to let go of my anger. I don't know what it is about smashing old electronics with a baseball bat, but he turned my shitty day back around. But when he took me in his arms, smelling of citrus, sandalwood, fresh sweat, and that subtle trace of chlorine, my needy body sucked up every inch of his hard frame pressed against mine. The rumble of his voice against my ear as he held me was oddly intimate. It’s been too long since I’ve been touched so tenderly and without a thought of it going somewhere else. Being held just to be held was nice. Comforting.
Trudging into my room after a belly full of two too many bottles of wine and a heart full of the support these girls provide without question, I stumble to the bedside table and flip on the light. I groan a little, grabbing the hem of my shirt, ready to tear it from my body and fall into bed, when a single long-stemmed red rose and long black box wrapped in a red satin bow catches my eye.
Anticipation swirls in my gut, because I have a feeling, I know who this is from. Moving to the foot of the bed, I flop onto the black chaise, lifting the rose to my nose before pulling the box into my lap. Giving it a little shake and a heft, I can’t even guess what it is, as I give the bow a tug. Letting it drift to my feet, I open the box, remove the tissue paper, and gasp.
What the fuck… Scanning the box again, the burst of laughter that erupts from me is freeing as I fall back, hugging the box and the precious contents to my chest.
Whatever game we’re playing, I’m ready, and I always play to win.