2. Chapter 2
2
I Don't Need To Be Handled
“Ella!”
I jump as I hear a loud clap.
“What! What?” I look up at Rae—my work bestie—as she makes a face at me.
“I’ve been talking to you for five minutes, and you haven't been listening. What’s up? Long night?” she asks as she takes a seat across from me.
“I don't know what’s up with me today. I can't seem to get anything done.”
“Were you up late fucking someone? I had this guy in bed last week, and he—”
I cut her off. “Rae, as much as I love our chats, I know you’re about to say something that will have HR up our asses again. What were you talking to me about before?”
Her face lights up as she remembers. “Right! Brody got the promotion! Can you believe they promoted him?”
“He’s a project manager now?” There’s no fucking way Brody got promoted. He’s the worst employee. I steal a glance of his office directly across from mine, and sure enough, it’s empty. Shit. “How did he manage to get that? Did he suck someone’s dick?”
Rae just laughs. Thank God my office door is closed. “You never know…”
“Does that mean Imogen is hiring someone new?” I ask, and she nods her head.
“Apparently, she already did. They start Monday.”
As I start to respond, there's a knock at my office door. “Come in.”
Adam, another colleague, peeks his head in. “Did you guys hear about Brody?”
“Yup. We were just talking about it.” Rae takes a sip of coffee from her mug.
“Weren't you up for that promotion? How did he get it over you?” Adam asks me.
“It is what it is, I guess. He has been here longer than I have.”
“Yeah, but he sucks. You’re at least a good and reliable human with more than an ounce of work ethic. Fuck, he’s gonna be even more insufferable than before.” Rae sighs before getting up, her long, black hair swinging behind her as she opens my door. “Who wants to get drinks after work?”
Adam shakes his head, and that’s all I’ll get from him. He’s a pretty private person and tends not to give up too much.
“I can't either. I have to take Lizzie to dance tonight.”
“Family time sounds nice,” Adam states. “I originally came in here to tell you Imogen wanted to talk to you.”
“Did she say why?” I ask, wanting to ease my nerves a bit.
“No, but don't worry. It’s Imogen. You’ll be fine.” He taps on my desk before leaving my office, keeping the door slightly ajar. I take a deep breath before collecting myself. Why am I so distracted today? Not wanting to dive into that scenario right now, I head out of my office and to Imogen’s at the front of our floor. I pass by the bullpen, a collection of cubicles for some of the entry-level employees, and beeline for her office.
I knock twice on her door before I hear her tell me to come in. “Hi, Imogen. Adam said you wanted to see me?”
She smiles at me. “Yes. Have a seat, Ella.”
I sit in one of the chairs across from her desk, and I almost forgot how comfy these were. It has been a while since I’ve been in here. Imogen tends to hover around the office. She doesn't sit still very well and prefers to be on her feet when taking calls and such. I’m also surprised her desk isn't in the standing position. All our desks can be changed to standing ones, and I use mine sometimes when I’m tired of sitting all day.
“You know I hate doing this, but I need you to work some overtime this Sunday.”
“I don't mind. Is it to finish up the campaign for the new hotel chain?”
She nods at me. “Yes. I’ve also asked Rae, Brody, and Brad to help. I’m sure the four of you can push us over the finish line.”
I internally cringe at having to deal with Brody and Brad on Sunday, but at least I can see my friends after. That makes it all worth it. Fuck, I still have to get Paige a birthday present. I’ll add it to the never-ending list of shit I have to do this week.
One day at a time.
“That sounds great. What time do you need me here?”
“How about ten? I don't think it’ll take all day, and I can have some catering sent for lunch as a thank you. I’ll be here, showing the new person around, but I’ll be out of your way so you four can focus.”
“You're the best, Imogen. Is that all?” She smiles at me before nodding.
“That’s all, Ella.” I get up, and as I exit her office, I run into someone who seemed to be eavesdropping in the hallway. When I look up, Brody’s stupid fucking face is in front of me.
“Ella! I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now…” He trails off, as if he’s waiting for me to congratulate him.
“Yes! I heard your STD screening came back negative. Such great news!” I pat his shoulder as I try to move, only for him to block my path.
“That’s cute, but I know you’re going to miss having me across from your office. I know you enjoyed the view…”
Absolutely the fuck not. “Aw, Brody, you and I both know I wouldn't touch you with a twenty-foot pole. I will miss catching you using artificial intelligence to draft your proposals and your two hour lunch breaks! Such a shame the front offices will have to deal with that. Best of luck to them!” I say before rushing past him and back to my office. Brody is the kind of guy who thinks he’s the shit when, in reality, he peaked in high school and is now a lazy, selfish human being.
I guess now that he’s technically my superior, I should be nicer to him. I just can't find it in me to care. As I sit back down at my desk, I look at the time—1:13 p.m.
Great. Only two more hours. I’m leaving at three so I have time in case traffic is bad on the hour drive to my dad’s house. Before I leave, I have a meeting with our design team to finalize a new campaign I’ve been working on with Rae.
My life always feels on-the-go, and one of these days, I crave some down time so I can take a much-needed breather. But until then, at least I don’t have to think about all the shit that’s gone wrong in my life. Nothing keeps the bad thoughts away like constantly having something to do, right?
The long drive is worth it to see my sister's face as she dances.
She got all the graceful genes. I might be the organized, type A sister, but she’s more go-with-the-flow than I will ever be. Today, they’re practicing some sort of ballet routine or something. I don't have a clue about any of this. Lizzie was more interested in sports and stuff like this. She’s been dancing at this same studio since she was young.
Well, since I could drive her, because our dad was always too busy working. It was a good bonding experience, and he never missed any of her recitals, despite working so much.
The three of us used to have this tradition where after every recital—I think they had two a year—we would go to a diner and have milkshakes. Mine was dairy-free, of course, but those nights are some of my favorite memories of us as a family.
Now, as I sit and watch her in her last year of dancing for this company, I can’t help but smile. I’m still in denial that she’s graduating high school next year. It feels like just yesterday, I was sitting on her bed, reading her stories.
I shake my thoughts out of those memories. It’s not like I don’t enjoy thinking about them, but they remind me of a time I would rather not think about.
I don’t have many fond memories of my childhood. All I remember is the feeling of being left by my mother and how I had to grow up quickly to help take care of my sister. I was a kid myself when she left, but my sister was younger, which meant the burden fell on my shoulders.
I didn’t mind it, I guess. I just hate that I missed out on a few extra years of being a kid that most other people got to have.
I’m not bitter about it, but I do yearn for the stress-free time before my mom left. I often wonder how different I would’ve turned out if not for her absence. Maybe I would be more carefree like my sister. Maybe people would stop thinking I’m too much when they get to know me. Maybe I would worry less and not be the mom friend in every friend group.
Maybe I would be better at talking about my struggles with the people who care about me.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Too bad that isn't me. I like who I am, but some days, I wonder what would have been different if she was still around.
Regardless, I’ve found some pretty fucking awesome people to live my life with. Not only did Grand Mountain bring me my forever friends, it also made me realize I have to live my life without worrying about my family needing me.
Still, I worry. It’s impossible not to. It feels like all I’m wired to do is make sure my family’s okay even though I’m an hour away from them.
And as I watch my sister traipse across the floor, I’m glad she got to experience a different childhood than I did. She has grown up to be such an authentic, soft, gentle person.
The direct opposite of me. I can be cold sometimes, most people think I’m a bitch when they first meet me, and I have a way of saying anything that comes to mind with absolutely no filter. Most people can’t handle me, and that’s fine. I don’t need to be handled.
I need to be heard amidst all the dumbass people who exist nowadays.
My phone rings in my purse, and I pull it out. Seeing it’s my Dad, I answer. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
He only laughs. “Why do you always answer the phone like that?”
“Because you never know!” I tell him. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to see how you were. Did Liz get to dance okay?”
“She did, and by the looks of it, she’s having a good time.” I smile, noting how different my sister looks when she dances. It’s like there’s this whole other side of her.
“I’m sorry you had to leave work—”
“Dad, you know I don’t mind doing this. Whatever you need, I can make it work.”
“I know, but I worry I’m asking too much of you.”
“Nothing is ever too much for you guys. You’re my family, remember?”
He sighs across the line. “I know, Ella. I wish I could meet you guys for dinner, but maybe you can come over one of these nights if you’re not too busy?”
I hate how little I see my family nowadays. Back in college, I was always around to help, but since I have my own life happening away from them, I don’t see them as often as I would like. It feels like every time I go over, my dad looks more tired than he did before. He might be a little over fifty, but his brown skin has more wrinkles and exhaustion lines every time I see him.
Though his eyes never look too tired. Whenever he looks at Lizzie and me, I swear, I see them sparkle. I always joke that he’s where we get our good looks from, but he denies it every time.
“I’d love that,” I say as applause ensues. “I have to go, Dad. Practice is over. Do you want me to stay with her until you get home? I don’t mind.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll only be an hour or two. I know your drive is long and it’s a work night, so you don’t have to.”
“Well, I want to. I’ll see you when you get home. Do you need me to do laundry for you or anything?” I always offer. If I’m going to be home, I might as well keep my hands busy and help out if they need it.
“There’s some things in the laundry room if you have time.” I can feel his apprehension over the line. “Thank you, Ella.”
“Anything for you, Dad. I love you.”
“Love you too, bug.”
I smile as my sister walks out of the studio, a twin expression on her face when she sees I stayed to watch the whole time. Most of the parents don’t, but with the little time I do see my sister these days, I'd rather wait here and watch than leave and come back.
“You looked so graceful in there, Lizzie,” I say as I throw my arm around her. “I wish I had as good of balance as you do.”
She shakes her head. “No, my arabesque wasn't fully stretched like it should have been, and—”
“Liz, it’s just practice. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
“We have a recital at the end of the year, Ells. I want a solo in the group dance,” she says as she leans into me to take her pointe shoes off. “I won’t get it by looking like shit in class.”
My mouth drops open. “First of all, language, Liz. Second, you’ll be fine. You’re a Williams, and we never give up, remember?”
She nods her head. “I know.” She removes the tape from her toes before she throws her stuff in her bag.
“So, what do you want for dinner? I’m hanging with you at the house until Dad gets home, so it’s your choice.”
Her face lights up. “Can you make pasta? And can we watch a movie after?”
“Is your homework done?” I ask her, knowing it probably already is. My sister is good at staying on top of things. After all, she learned from the best—me.
“Yes, it is,” she says as I open the door.
“Then we can.”
She smiles, and I’m glad I can still have these moments with her before she grows up, heads to college, and leaves me for good. I don’t know what her plan is, but I know it’s going to be somewhere out of state.
Which is fine, but I’m going to miss my sister like hell when she leaves, so these small, stolen moments are ones I will cherish forever.