42. Chapter 42
42
Does That Mean I Won?
Two Weeks Later
Leaving England has proven difficult. I knew it would be, that it would be as bad as last time, if not worse, and it was.
Alissa and I almost missed our flight because we couldn't bear to go, but my parents insisted everything would be fine. We flew back the day after Christmas, and we’ve talked to our parents every day since to check in. Thankfully, there’s a plan in place to minimize the risk of another stroke. I think the family conversation we had helped. We told him how scared we all were, and when he woke up, he was surprised to see us in England, as if we wouldn't have dropped everything to see him.
But he finally agreed to the plan. He’s on the road to recovery with a physical therapist, and since we left, our parents have called every single day with updates. It’s nice still feeling like a family even from two different continents.
Alissa and I also got tested for my dad’s condition while we were at the hospital since it’s a genetic condition. Neither of us was positive, thank fuck. It feels good knowing, but I was definitely terrified to get the results back.
I could have used a hand to hold, but the only one I wanted in mine was back in the States.
Which is where I am now. I’m back in my flat, trying to fucking sleep, but I can’t, and it’s all her fucking fault.
I’ve seen her at work the two days I’ve been back, and all we’ve done is speak in passing. It’s like every single time I want to talk to her about something more, she shuts me down. I get it; we’re in a professional setting, and Brody is always lurking around every corner, but she even turned down offers to talk outside of work.
She always has some sort of excuse ready.
Ella is officially avoiding me, and if I had to describe a feeling it’s comparable to, it would be like being shot in the face.
I miss her fight. I miss watching her eyes narrow at me when I piss her off. I miss watching the wheels in her head turn with whatever comeback she has for me.
Now, it’s like we’re strangers who only coexist in the office. I have to pretend I don’t know all the little things I know about her. I have to pretend I don’t know all her orders from the places we used to eat. I have to pretend I don’t know her matcha order from the place she loves—an iced matcha with two pumps of vanilla and oat milk. I have to forget she sleeps with her favorite books on the stand next to her bed so they’re always close. I have to forget the way she furrows her brows when she starts to get pissed off at me, the way she giggles over her favorite fucking romance books.
I have to pretend like I don't know what her lips feel like on mine.
I miss the way her cheeks used to flush when I called her by her name—or the nickname that slips out every once in a while. I have to pretend my guarded heart I used to keep under lock and key wasn't completely demolished by Ella, and that I never want that wall back up.
I have to fucking talk to her. I need to tell her all this shit, or I might explode.
She even infuriates me when she won’t talk to me, and that’s how I know she’s the only one for me. The girl won’t leave my bloody mind, despite my many efforts to rid her from it.
Now, I never want her gone. I want her by my side, in my bed, and even after I claim her as mine, I want us to argue and fight. I want it all with her; I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.
Most of all, I want to know she feels the same way I do, right now. I think she does, but I won’t be sure of it until I talk to her.
I swing my legs out of bed, grab some actual clothes and throw them on, uncaring if they match or look good, before I grab my keys and hop in my car.
It’s almost midnight, so the roads are empty, and as I’m about to pull into their complex, I dial her number.
I’m afraid I’m going to get her voicemail until her voice filters through my phone.
“Leo?”
God, the way she says my name should be illegal. “I’m glad you’re awake.” I park my car in their lot and head to their place. I know my sister is home, so we’ll have to be quiet about this, but I can’t go another night without knowing how Ella feels about me.
We’ve been dancing around one another for too long, and I’m tired of it.
“Um, why?”
“I need you to open your door,” I say as I jog up the stairs.
“It’s almost midnight, Leo. I’m about to go to sleep.”
“I’m not going to knock and risk my sister answering it. Get your sexy arse out of bed and open your door.” Just as I reach her flat, the door swings open, and I’m met with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, wearing her usual matching pajama set she has in a thousand different colors.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
When I see Leo standing in my doorway with a smirk on his face, I feel like I fell into a parallel universe.
What the hell is he doing here at midnight?
“Could this not have waited until tomorrow? Or better yet, Monday at work?” I ask him as he leans against my door frame.
“Can I come in?”
“Why?”
“Ella, I need you to invite me in.”
I roll my eyes at him, but I hate that I’m happy to see him. He looks good, despite his shirt being on backward. “Come on in,” I tell him, confused as to why he needed an invitation when normally he just barges in.
Before I can spin around and ask what the hell he’s doing here, he grabs my hand and leads me back to my bedroom, softly shutting the door.
“Leo, what’s going on?” I hate that I love how his hand feels in mine. I’ve missed his touch, as much as I hate admitting that. Tonight might be getting my hopes up, and I thought I killed all those after I left England, but I guess they decided to stick around.
He’s pacing around my room, and as I'm about to ask him again, he speaks. “You’re driving me crazy, Ella. This time, I might actually go insane.”
“And you’re telling me, why?”
“Because it’s all your fault.” He faces me and grabs both my hands. “I can’t get you out of my fucking head, Ella. You’re all I can think about, and I’m tired of pretending you don’t cloud all my thoughts every second of every day since that conversation in the restaurant.”
“That was like a month ago, Leo. I thought we had moved past it,” I say, my heart in my ass as he speaks.
“That’s just it, though. There’s no moving past you, at least not for me. I can’t move past, through, or beyond you, and I don’t want to, Ella. I want to be with you, and I know you feel this too. I know I betrayed your trust, and I’ll do anything to gain it back, because this torment I feel over you? I know it’s not enough to slide back into your good graces, but fuck, I want more than anything to be yours. I want to call you mine, and I need to know how you feel, because it can’t just be me feeling this.”
“Leo, what—”
He drops his hands from mine as if they’re on fire. “I know I didn't answer when you asked me what I wanted. Truthfully, it took you walking away from me to figure it out.”
“And what do you want, Leo?”
“You, Ella. I want you.”
His confession makes my body freeze. This isn't what I was expecting to happen when his name flashed across my phone.
“No, you don’t,” is all I manage to say.
“Yes, I do. I want to know how you feel, Ella. Please tell me you want me how I want you.”
“And how do you want me?”
“Forever, Ella. I want to fight with you forever if I’m able.”
“No, you don’t.” I don’t believe this. I cannot believe he would show up here and say all these things.
The other part of me—the stupid part—wants him to keep talking, wants him to keep begging for me to say how I feel.
“I don’t know what I want in every aspect of my life, but the only thing I’m sure of is that I want you.”
“Well, I don’t want you,” I lie. I can’t handle this. It feels like too much. I must be dreaming, because there’s no way in hell this is actually happening.
He scoffs as he comes over to me, his hands finding my waist as he pulls me closer. “You’re lying, Ella. I can see it all over your face. You forget how good I am at reading every single part of you, even the parts you hide from everyone else.”
I shake my head. “Leo—”
“Am I truly that bad? Truly so awful that you would lie and pretend like you don’t feel this pull too?” His hands snakes up to my throat, and my head lifts to welcome it. Stupid fucking force of habit. “Even your body remembers how much it loves me, darling.”
“Stop, Leo. My feelings aren’t some fucking joke you can throw around whenever you choose.” I loosen from his hold.
“This isn't a joke, Ella! Nothing about what I’m feeling is a joke, and I’m over here hanging by a goddamn thread waiting to hear how you feel about me.” He kneels in front of me. “You’re all that’s been on my mind night and day since you walked out of the restaurant. My heart is in your hands. Please, free me from this grasp you have on me if you don’t feel the same way.”
My hands rest on his shoulders, his body keeping me upright as his words filter through my ears. “You drive me crazy, Leo. With your stupid fucking smirk, your perfect hair I want to run my hands through, all of it. You’ve been a thorn in my side since I took that shot from whatever girl you were trying to send it to.”
“I’m the luckiest bastard in the world that the bartender gave it to you instead.”
“Don’t say that,” I tell him.
“It’s the fucking truth, Ella! Now, you need to tell me the truth: do you love me? Yes or no?”
“Leo—”
“It’s a simple question, Ella. Yes or no!”
It bursts out of me before I can stop it. “Yes! I do!” He stands back up, the two of us now chest to chest. “I love you, you ass! And it pisses me off because I swore for so long I would never end up in this situation with you, yet here we are!”
“Give me all of it, Ella. Lay it all out,” he coaxes me, his smile spreading from ear to ear.
“I used to hate needing people. I used to think I could go through life all on my own without needing help, and then you decided to come along. For some reason, these past few months, I’ve started to run toward you, rely on you, and it pisses me off you were able to break down my walls so effortlessly. I thought I was stronger, but somewhere along the way, you became my person instead of the pain in the ass I always thought you were.”
“Keep going.”
“At some point, I started to see the real you, not the version I had created in my head, and in his place was someone who reminded me of myself. Someone who wanted to be loved without asking. Someone who wanted to take care of me because, my whole life, all I’ve done is take care of everyone else.”
“And I’m that person for you, Ella?”
I smile at him, my body feeling lighter after my admission. “Yes, you are. I can't believe I’m admitting this, but I love you, Leo. So fucking much, it scares the crap out of me.”
He cups my face. “It scares the hell out of me too, darling. But nothing could have stopped me from falling for you like I did, and I’m so fucking thankful you feel the same way.”
My smile takes over my face as I settle into his embrace. I feel safe here. Loved. Wanted. Not just for who I am, but for who he sees me to be. “If you don’t kiss me in the next two seconds—”
“Always so fucking bossy, Ella,” he says as he captures my lips with his. This kiss is unlike any other ones we’ve had. It’s consuming. It’s loving. It’s perfect , and he deepens it as if he never wants to let go.
I don’t want him to. I want to get lost in him for the rest of my life; if I told myself that a few months ago, I’d have laughed.
But now, I’m sure wherever the future takes us, Leo will be by my side for all of it.
“You broke one of our rules, you know,” he says between kisses.
I smack his arm. “So did you!”
“Well, you broke it first by falling for me, so does that mean I won?”
I roll my eyes at him. “I wasn't aware we were competing.” I grab his head and bring his mouth back to mine.
“You’re right, darling. You win,” he says as he grabs my shirt and starts to undo it. “How about I make it up to you with a few orgasms?”
“Well, it is the least you could do,” I say as I smile, and for the rest of the night, Leo and I get lost in one another as we whisper sweet nothings through soft kisses.
It’s the best night ever, and all my worries fly out the window when I wake up to his arms around me, my head on his chest as I feel him breathing steadily.
And just like that, the two of us have reconciled. We’re on a new path forward—one filled with love, laughter, and lots of mind-blowing sex, just like it’s supposed to be.