41. Chapter 41
41
Overstimulated In Another Country
As I sit at a bar—pub—by myself, all my messages to Amelia unanswered, I start to think about how insane it is that I’m in an entirely different country. I’ve been here for a week. I’ve been away from my friends, family, and job for a whole week, and I haven't gone completely insane yet.
Yet being the keyword.
Of course I didn't hesitate to come after Alissa asked. I’d do anything for her and her family—anything to lessen the load during this tough time. That’s actually why I’m in this pub alone. I left the hospital because their Dad woke up; I didn't want to intrude on their family time. Plus, I felt awkward being in that room. It felt like I didn't belong. I felt like an outsider, even though they both asked me to come back with them.
There's something so strange about being alone in a foreign place. I can’t quite describe the feeling, but I thought since I was over here, I’d try and get in touch with Amelia. I should have known just because we’re on the same continent that she wouldn't magically answer me.
Ella: I’m in London if you happen to be around. It’s a long story, but if you have time and aren't dead somewhere, I’d love to have a talk.
Ella: I doubt you’ll answer this, but I can’t say I didn't try, right?
It still stings, though. I think the worst part is that our relationship felt like more to me. It never felt like it could fizzle out. I never thought Amelia would do this. I know she always joked about it, but I thought that was all it was—jokes.
Turns out, it was a warning instead, and none of us were smart enough to lock onto every signal she sent us.
I could try and say I saw this coming, but that would be idiotic. Hindsight has been punching us all in the face, and I don’t know how to help my friends through this weird time where Amelia is concerned.
Especially Paige. I know she’s hurting, and according to Oliver, she hasn't been sleeping well. I can’t fucking help her because all three of us are without any answers.
Amelia disappeared from our lives. It was gradual at first, but with all the messages going unanswered, all the calls, everything being how it is now, it feels final—like we should stop trying.
After I leave, I probably will. It hurts, being ignored by someone you trusted, by someone I thought was my friend.
I don’t know if we’ll ever have an answer as to why she left. I don’t think we did anything—if we did, I can’t think what—so this must be an Amelia problem.
I’ve done all I can do at this point. I’ve texted her and asked if she needed someone to listen while she goes through whatever she’s dealing with, but again, I got no response.
If the universe felt like playing a game with me, I’d run into her on the street while over here, but I doubt that will happen. Ames would probably run the other direction if she saw me.
My phone buzzes and brings me out of my spiral about Amelia.
Alissa: He can leave the hospital in a few days! The doctors want to make sure his heart is okay before he can leave.
Ella: That’s great, Liss.
Alissa: If you want to go home, I can buy you a return ticket. I know you’ve missed work. Leo and I are going to have some much needed family time.
Ella: I can buy my own ticket, Liss.
Alissa: Too late. Leo offered to pay for it anyway, so you can shout at him and not me. Please pop by and see us before you go back.
Ella: I will.
Alissa: Thanks again, Ells. I really needed you this week, and I owe you big time. I love you.
Ella: You owe me nothing. You would have done the same for me. I love you too. I’m glad everything is okay.
I throw my phone in my bag, smiling because their dad is doing better. I was worried for a second he would never wake up. All I’ve felt the past few days is worry—worry I’m overstepping while I’m over here, worry about my family and friends back home, and more worry I’m not doing the best I can with everything going on.
Don’t even get me started on my feelings about Leo. They’ve taken a back seat this weekend, but the ache is still everywhere, and I don’t know how to remove it. If I could cut it out and shove it somewhere else, I would.
God, why aren't feelings for someone like wrinkles? Why can’t I shove some Botox into them and forget about it?
Before I spiral about it, I grab my phone again and dial my favorite people. It’s close to dinner time here, so it should be around lunch time for them. They both pick up immediately.
“I miss you. Please come back soon!” Paige smiles through the phone.
“She’s coming back, P—unlike someone else we know,” Hads rolls her eyes. “But we do miss you.”
“Is that Ella?” I hear Grant shout in the background. He comes into frame, his brown hair all over the place. “How is England, mate?”
I laugh. Oh, how I miss them. I grab my headphones and put them on so people can’t hear this conversation, especially if Grant keeps doing his accent. “England is okay. Rainy, but I’m hanging in there.”
“How are the Zimmermans?” Paige asks as Oliver comes into the frame.
“Love, I just got out of the shower,” Oliver quickly backs out of view.
“Ew! Paige, seriously?” Hads all but gags.
“He went for a run!” Paige quips back. “Ella, answer my question.”
“They’re okay. He’s awake now, so I’ll be heading back soon.”
“With or without Leo and Alissa?” Oliver asks, still out of frame.
“Without. They’re staying for a bit longer so they can make sure their Dad is alright.”
“That’s good he’s awake,” Hads says, Grant nodding with her. “How are you, Ells?”
“I’m okay,” I say, lying through my teeth. I’m overstimulated in another country with all the things running through my mind. “I’m excited to be home.”
“Hads and I have been watering the plants. They’re all still alive, in case you and Alissa were wondering.” Grant smiles at me.
“Thanks, guys. I really appreciate all the help while I’m over here.”
“We would do anything for you, Ells,” Paige smiles, and I fight the urge to cry.
“So, how are things going with Leo? Have you guys talked?” Grant asks me.
“Grant, that’s a stupid fucking question. Of course they haven't. His father is in the hospital,” Oliver chirps as he enters the camera, now fully clothed.
“As much as I hate to say it, Oliver is right,” I confirm. “It’s not the right time.”
“Do you think you’ll ever talk about it?” Hads asks, and I can only shrug.
“I have no idea. I asked him at dinner before all this, and he didn't really give me an answer as to what he wants. I don’t think I’ll bring it up again.” I can't get rejected again. It’s fucking humiliating. Plus, Leo has always said from the beginning he’s not the type of guy who does relationships.
I thought I could show him he’s worth more to me than one night, but I guess I haven't done that, so of course he wouldn't want me for longer.
“But what if he brings it up?” Paige asks, a hint of something in her tone.
“Then I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” I can’t idle on this topic, or I’ll go crazy. All I need to worry about right now is getting home and getting back to work.
Though I’ve started to be uncomfortable at work; I don’t feel like I can be myself because of this entire thing with Brody hanging over my head.
My life feels like one giant mess I can't clean up. I’m really thankful my sister, Dad, and I worked everything out before I left. If I had that on my plate too, I think my body would explode from stress.
“How long until your flight?” Oliver asks me.
“It’s in the morning. I should probably head back and start packing.” I don’t have much, but I always like being at the airport early, especially since I have to go through customs.
“Well, we can stay on the phone and talk until you get back safely,” Hads says as she and Grant settle onto their couch.
I smile to myself, thankful for my friends during this weird period in my life. “Perfect. Now, you guys can update me on you. I feel like all I do lately is talk about myself.”
“Yeah, and you should do it more, Ells,” Grant tells me. “We love hearing about your life.”
“And I love hearing about yours, so hit me with every small detail about the last week, and don’t leave anything out,” I say to them as the breeze blows across my face on my walk back.
I can’t wait to go home, but for some reason, leaving England tomorrow feels like a chapter closing on Leo and me.
I guess it’s time to grab the next monkey bar and move on. I knew it couldn't last forever, but I sure wished it would have ended differently than this.
Leo: Thank you for coming. I hope your flight goes smoothly.
Ella: Thanks.
Leo: Is the seat okay?
Ella: No.
Leo: Really?
Ella: Of course it’s okay. It’s first class, Leo. I could have flown economy.
Leo: Well, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable on the way back. It’s a long flight.
Ella: Thanks, I guess.
Leo: Why didn't you say goodbye before you left?
Ella: You’re spending time with your family. I didn't want to intrude. You guys have done enough for me.
Leo: You’re not an intrusion, Ella. Far from it.
Leo: Can I see you when I get back?
Ella: I’ll see you at work, Leo. But our pact is over, so there isn't much to talk about.
Leo: You know that’s not true.
Ella: I don’t know anything other than you should spend time with your family. I should be the least of your worries, Zimmerman.
Leo: You’re right. Text Alissa when you land so I know you’re safe. Is someone picking you up from the airport?
Ella: My friends are. I’ll be fine, Leo.
Leo: Okay. Thank you, again.
Ella: Stop thanking me, weirdo.