Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
AUDREY
I wake up at six thirty, the sun barely lighting the sky, and my mind immediately starts racing.
Emails to return, meetings to schedule, Excel sheets to balance… I choke down the anxiety and get up to start work. There’s no point in worrying, it just has to get done. If I take too long to get started, my mind will wander to Noah and the fact that it’s been radio silence.
Luckily, I have piles of work to throw myself into. Often with no lunch break because I get too focused and forget to eat. If I’m not working, I’m not making any money. I’m sure there’s a personal revelation in there somewhere, but today isn’t the day for that.
Since I’ve mentally prepared myself to never hear from him again, I’m surprised when I see his name light up my phone.
Noah
I’m sorry for clamming up on Saturday. I just needed to take a little time to think.
Is he thinking about the best way to let me down easily?
The best way to fire me? I steel myself immediately.
Whatever he’s thinking, there’s about a sixty percent chance he’s going to decide he does want kids, and tell me whatever is going on between us is over.
I should be glad, right? I swore off men months ago, so this won’t be any different.
I decide it’s best to not give away too much so I just text back “Okay.” Better play it close to the chest. If he’s going to stop this insane campaign to win me over, it’s smart to start ripping the bandage off now.
By the time he sends the we-need-to-talk text, I’ll only have a tiny bit left to rip.
Days go by like this.
I walk around in a haze of average.
My lattes taste just okay.
My savasana at the end of the sixty-minute powerful flow jam class doesn’t hit as hard. My center is off. I can’t find my balance in any tree or eagle poses.
Women are more educated and more successful than we’ve ever been before. We are dominating higher education attendance. There are very few things that our grandmothers couldn’t do for themselves that women today still can’t.
Except get a free, safe, legal abortion. Don’t even get me started on that. I do not have time in my schedule today to lament about the loss of my rights, whether I wanted to have children or not.
Even my passion for the women’s freedom movement seems further away now than it usually is.
The feminist rage inside me is something that’s always been there.
Some people are driven by money or status, but for as long as I can remember, back to teenage me, I have been driven by the rage of being born a woman.
Of having these expectations set upon me just because of the organs I was born with.
I shake my head. This tangent has gone on too long. It’s distracting me from what needs to be done.
Today, I’m going to reach out to other professional athletes via their agent to see if they would be interested in my services. I’m anticipating Noah firing me. He has his pick of reasons. While I have him and things are good, I’m going to leverage his patronage to my advantage.
I know that Noah would never fire me over a failed relationship.
He’s too loyal. He would keep me around because he already made the commitment, and he would hate every second of it.
I, on the other hand, would have to quit because I wouldn’t be able to be around him.
He’s not a man who runs on pride. Noah does everything by the standard of his character.
Is a man of that character someone who can live a happy life without children if it means being with me?