21. Chapter 21
Chapter 21
Roxie
Lennox has been acting strange all morning, and I have a feeling it’s about my suggestion yesterday. I have to believe it’s because I’ve been all over the place. First lecturing him about walking alone, then zoning out for God knows how long. Not to mention our late-night secret rendezvous that we refuse to address.
Ivy’s playing in her room, and I’m glad for the two minutes of quiet even if it means watching Lennox pacing in the kitchen. He freezes and turns to face me, and my eyebrow arches in question.
He looks like he has something to say, but I’ll be waiting him out now because I’m gun-shy from my last fuck-up. So unsure of where we stand, I don’t want to push or say the wrong thing. Working on his therapy is one thing; talking to him as a friend is another.
“I, ah, I set something up today that I hope you’ll be okay with.” He’s hesitant, fiddling with his fingers and not making eye contact. Maybe I should be more worried about what he set up, but seeing this unsure version of Lennox is amusing. For once, it seems like he’s on his back foot instead of me .
“Okay…” I draw out.
He clears his throat and stands tall. “I talked to Ledger last night and asked if he could take Ivy for the morning, possibly longer if you want more time.” I can see him hold his breath, and my brows furrow in confusion.
“Umm, what? Why?”
He runs his hand behind his neck. “Thought it would be nice to give you a break. I see how hard you work, and you don’t ever have a day off. She can go to the nursery with Ledger and Ainsley and learn all about plants; it’ll be totally educational,” he rushes to add.
I stare at him in shock.
“I can cancel—”
“No! Oh my God, no. I’m just confused, I guess. I’ve never…” I gulp. “Never had anyone do something like this for me before. I’m not really sure how to react.”
“I know I should have asked, but I wanted to surprise you, and then I panicked and thought you would hate it, and I’ve been second-guessing it all night,” he rambles as he slumps against the counter.
He’s cute like this. I have a feeling this is more like who he used to be before everything … changed him. Not that I don’t thoroughly enjoy who he is now, but it’s fun to see it peeking through. In my head, it somehow means progress, and it lightens the heaviness in my heart a little.
“It’s sweet, really. Ivy is obsessed with your family, so there won’t be any hardships there,” I console him with a smile.
“Yeah?” He looks up at me with hope on his face .
“Absolutely. Ainsley was talking to her the other day about different plants, and she was mesmerized, so she’s going to love going to the nursery.”
“That’s good because Ledger and Ainsley will be here in forty-five minutes.” He cringes, and I have to laugh at him.
I stand up with a little pep in my step and head toward the kitchen. “Thank you,” I say softly. “This was really thoughtful, and Ivy is going to love it.”
I hope he can hear how genuine my words are. I’m not great at accepting help—hell, I’m terrible at it because I’ve never actually had it. I lean in, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, making sure to keep my body as far away from him as possible as I hug him. He stills for a moment before I feel his arms around my middle. He brings me in close, giving me comfort I had no clue I was missing.
There’s something about his touch that gives this strange mixture of being turned on and wanting to cry at his ability to see what’s underneath the facade I put on. It’s dangerous.
“You’re welcome.” His voice is what I imagine it would be in the bedroom, and I know my cheeks are turning pink right now.
So, I do the only logical thing: distract myself with what I can do on a full day off.
Up first, a long yoga session followed by sitting out back and enjoying a hot cup of coffee and a long-ass shower.
The more I think about it, the more thrilled I am. All thoughts of how Lennox is quickly wiggling his way into my head and heart are forgotten.
Forty-five minutes later, Ainsley comes to pick up Ivy, and I set her up with the car seat and instructions to call me if they need anything. When I walk back into the house, I roll out my yoga mat in the living room and lean into a long routine. It’s been a long time since I could just feel the flow and not have a time limit on it, so I lose track of time and space around me.
When I’m finally able to come out of my haze, my eyes meet the cerulean of Lennox’s, and the relaxation I worked hard on is gone in an instant. The heat I swear was there not so long ago is definitely there now, and the attraction I’ve tried so desperately to shove down and pretend isn’t there bubbles up through my entire body.
You cannot get involved. Not only is he your patient, but you aren’t staying here long-term.
“I made you coffee. I hope that’s okay,” he says in a soft voice. “I didn’t want to interrupt you.” His cheeks tinge pink through his bushy beard, making the smile grow on my face.
“I’d like that very much.” I stand up off the yoga mat, carefully rolling it back up and putting it away before taking the offered mug. We stare at each other for an extended moment before my eyes shift away.
Patient. He is your patient. Why is that so easy to forget with him?
Hard to remember when he’s offered me such an incredible gift, all while looking like my every wet dream come to life.
Shaking myself from the Lennox-induced trance, I smile before heading out to his back porch. I’ve come to love his cabin over the weeks. It’s larger than one would expect, but it feels more like home than anything ever has. The back of his house butts up against a wooded area, and sitting out here has become one of my favorite things to do. It’s peaceful and quiet; the constant noise in my head finally calms when I’m out here.
I can sense Lennox’s eyes watching me, but I don’t let it deter my peace. This may be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I plan to take full advantage of it .
When my coffee is long gone and my thoughts start to be infiltrated by work, I know it’s time to go in. I don’t see Lennox anywhere, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I need some time to get my head on straight before I completely lose it and do something I shouldn’t be doing with him.
I strip out of my leggings and tank top once I reach my room and turn on the shower as hot as I can stand. Stepping in is cathartic, like it’s washing away all my doubts and worries.
My thoughts eventually turn to the enigma that is Lennox.
I wonder what he was like before life dragged him down. What he loved to do before a psychopath took away all his joy. Considering his home is all the way out here, it makes me think he still liked his space. I chuckle at that. There’s no denying Lennox likes his privacy, even from his siblings.
But he went out of his way to ask a favor from his brother to help you.
The hot water is no longer doing a good job of clearing my head, so I shut it off before drying off. I drop the towel to the floor and look at myself, my body, in the mirror.
Wanting Lennox is a foolish thing. He’s young and, sure, he’s working through things, but he has a whole life to live. I’m a thirty-five-year-old mother with stretchmarks and extra fluff, no matter how much exercise and yoga I throw at it. Not to mention a deranged family who chases us from any place we’ve lived. There’s no stability with me.
I poke at the offending stretch marks, wondering what Lennox would see. I can’t imagine he would be disgusted considering the scars I’ve seen on his leg. He may hate his scars, but he isn’t the type to pass judgment on somebody else’s.
It’s a moot point anyway. Nothing will ever happen between us, so there’s no use wasting time and energy worried about shit I can’t change.
So much for the clarity I was hoping for.
Walking into my room from the ensuite, I’m looking down when a knock sounds.
“Hey, Roxie?”
I don’t react fast enough, and the door opens before I can grab anything to cover me.
“Oh, fuck! I am so, so sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Lennox’s horrified voice shrieks behind the door as he shuts it.
I tip my head back on a sigh. This seems pretty on par for events in my life if I’m honest.
“You’re fine!” I call out, hoping to ease his embarrassment.
Well, if I needed a bigger sign that things aren’t meant to work out for us, I don’t think there is one. I need to face the fact that I’m not meant for anything other than being a good physical therapist and the best mom I can be. Nothing else needs to factor in.
It doesn’t matter what my wants are. The only thing that matters is my and Ivy’s needs.
You probably need some sex, though. Like, real sex, with a live dick and everything.
Rolling my eyes at myself, I quickly throw on a pair of joggers and a T-shirt before heading out to make peace with Lennox. There’s no use in having things be awkward between us, not when we still have so much work to do.
Lennox was tucked away in his room when I came out, so I grabbed a book I’ve been meaning to read and plopped my ass on the couch to dive in.
Now, who knows how many hours later, I’m sucked in.
“‘ Narcissistic Relatives and How to Combat Them ’?” Lennox’s voices startles me.
“Umm, yeah.” I place the book face down on my lap. “It’s a … personal interest topic.” Looking up at him, I’m shocked as shit to see the bushy beard gone.
“Holy fuck, your beard,” I say dumbly.
He rubs his hand along his smooth jaw, and I follow the movement, mesmerized. His jaw is sharp and square, and highly attractive. If I thought he was cute before, it has nothing on a clean-shaven Lennox. Holy hell. I squirm in my seat, hoping my book covers the movement.
“Uhh, yeah. Felt like it was time for a change.” He tugs at the strands of his overgrown hair. “Still need to cut this, though.”
“It…” my voice squeaks so I clear my throat. “It looks good.” It looks good? What the fuck, Roxie? The man shaves, and suddenly you can’t come up with intelligent conversation.
“Thanks. You want to talk about it?” He sits down next to me, gesturing to the book in my lap. I’m more than grateful for the change in topic, even if it is something I’d rather not talk about.
“My aunt and uncle are pretty classic narcissists. It took me a long time to actually realize it, but now that I have, I try and read up as much as I can to…” I sigh. “I don’t really know why. Maybe I’m hopeful there’s something I can do once and for all? Something to make me feel better about how things have turned out, maybe?”
“Do you still talk to them?” His brows are furrowed .
“I try my damnedest not to.” I chuckle.
“These are the same people who took you in after your parents died?”
“They are indeed. Contrary to popular belief, staying with family isn’t always the best move. Unfortunately, I was young with very few resources and was just kind of … stuck. It’s not all bad. I learned a lot, got really interested in psychology in general, and decided to make my own life away from all the bullshit.”
“Why didn’t you go into psychology instead of physical therapy?” Lennox asks, fully invested now.
“I shadowed a bunch of different professions in my undergrad. I wanted to look at all my options and not jump into something I would hate in ten years. I shadowed a physical therapist on a whim, and what I found is that a lot of people who need a physical therapist are there for injuries that were traumatic. I found a way to combine my love of psychology and helping people with their mental health while also healing their bodies. A little conceited”—I grin—“but I love what I do.”
“That isn’t conceited at all. And now I understand why Ledger was so eager to hire you, even if it meant putting you up here.” He chuckles.
“I don’t think he knows how spot-on the hire is.” I laugh. “But if he got any references, it doesn’t shock me. I’ve never left a job in bad standing even if I didn’t end up staying for long.” The thought sends a pang through my heart. I hated leaving every single job, but when my uncle and aunt are determined to find me, they tend to ruin every aspect of my life. Getting away and keeping everything in my life intact, including my reputation, is my only goal. And keeping Ivy as far away from them as I can.
“Why don’t you stay places long?” he asks with a knowing look on his face .
It’s unnerving, and my shoulders lock up in defense.
“Not something I want to get into.” I give him a sad smile to hopefully ease the denial.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” Lennox says quietly. He must have noticed my mood change, and I appreciate how he seems to know I need a new topic.
“It’s all good. I’m sorry you were forced to see all this, no matter how quick,” I joke, motioning to my body, but it falls flat. Instead, he looks angry, but not at me— for me.
My phone pings next to me, and I see it’s a message from Ainsley.
“Looks like quiet time is coming to a close. Thank you for this. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. It means… It was really thoughtful.” I feel about ten pounds lighter than usual, thanks to being able to do anything I wanted today. And that’s thanks to Lennox. I can’t remember the last time I had no obligations, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until now.
He nods, but he’s not really hearing me. I can see it in his eyes. And now I feel like shit for dumping so much on him at once. That definitely wasn’t my intention.
Instead of addressing it, I mark my spot in my book and ready myself for the tornado known as Ivy to come back.