36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
Roxie
Today has been … liberating.
I think I felt as much relief as Lennox did once the worst of the panic attack cleared. And pride, so much damn pride for that man.
He’s currently reading the book he got Ivy while she hangs on his every word. For all his doubts, all his worry, the man is a natural with her. I should probably be more freaked out that I’m already picturing holidays spent together, lazy weekends with all three of us reading on the couch, but all I feel is this immense sense of rightness.
Ivy even wanted him to do the full bedtime routine. She kissed me goodnight and kicked my ass out faster than I could blink.
So, I took a quick shower to try and focus my thoughts before crawling into his bed to wait for him.
“Damn, I could get used to this,” Lennox says from the doorway, leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed.
He’s changed so much since I showed up on his doorstep. He’s less tense, and there’s an easy smile on his face these days. He’s even started wearing T-shirts again. It’s been breathtaking to watch .
“What’s that?” I’m only in a tank top and panties, and I know the second he sees that.
“Tucking Ivy in then coming in here to find you waiting for me.” His smile eases my weary soul. There’s so much to figure out still, but this? This man will help me deal with it all. I’ve never had that before, and the heaviness on my shoulders has been significantly less.
“I definitely don’t hate it,” I whisper as I watch him walk toward me. Once he’s to the edge of the bed, he bends down, pressing the sweetest kiss to my lips before pulling away too soon.
“I need to go take a shower and probably take an ibuprofen.”
“Who are you, and what have you done with Lennox Hutton?” I’m shocked as shit he’s voluntarily taking pain meds.
His laugh is the best thing I’ve heard all day. “Maybe a wise woman said I don’t need to be strong all the time. And my entire body is feeling that fucking panic attack.”
“Shit, I didn’t even think about that. I can give you a massage after the shower.” I sit up, but he stops me with his hand.
“I’m fine, I promise, Boss Lady. Nothing an ibuprofen and a hot shower can’t help.” He walks off before I can counter, but I’m glad he’s actually taking care of himself.
By the time he comes back out, I’m curled up under the covers and on the verge of sleep. I feel him crawl in behind me, wrapping his arm around me then pulling him to me. It’s the last big hit of comfort before sleep takes me.
Greg and Pam confront me on the street. I shove Ivy behind me, shaking in fear of what’s about to happen.
“You can’t have her,” I scream, but there’s no sound.
Their silent laughter mocks me as fear wells up inside of me. Pam reaches behind me, pulling Ivy to them and walking away.
I’m stuck, unable to chase after them. Unable to do anything except watch them take my baby away.
I startle awake, blinking to try and gain my bearings. Lennox’s room. I don’t feel Lennox wrapped around me, which is probably a good thing so I don’t wake him up. Shifting around, I lie flat on my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to process the fucked-up nightmare I just had.
I haven’t seen Greg since we came face to face on the street, but that doesn’t mean he takes up any less of my thoughts. I need to find a way to be done with them once and for all. I don’t have any leads. No ideas, no answers, just an appointment with a lawyer, hoping for a miracle.
If I don’t learn anything from the lawyer about this whole situation, then I’m going to have to confront them.
I can’t keep living like this. Not with the new business, not with Ivy feeling so at home here, and not with Lennox in my life. He deserves to never fear that I’ll freak out again and leave. He deserves a woman who doesn’t have this baggage holding them back.
“You’re thinking awfully loud over there. You okay?” Lennox’s sleep-roughened voice makes me turn my head to look at him .
“I… No.” I sigh. “I had a nightmare about Pam and Greg,” I whisper.
He reaches out, dragging me to him. A steady exhale helps me shake the remainder of the bad dream.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s not real. We’ll figure it all out, okay?” he murmurs as his fingers trail up and down my arm.
A nod is all I can give him. It doesn’t feel like we’re going to figure it out, but I desperately want to.
“They took Ivy.” I can barely speak the words, but I want him to understand my headspace right now.
The arm wrapped around me tightens. “No one will ever take Ivy. Not while I’m here. And even if we don’t work out—which is impossible—I still won’t let anything happen to my Pixie. Trust that, okay?” He presses a kiss to my temple. The words are said with such power, so much inflection that I’m powerless to do anything but believe them.
Nodding into his chest, I bring my hand up and start tracing his scars. What started as getting him comfortable in his body again has become one of my favorite things. It makes me feel close to him, like I’m imprinting myself on him every time I trace them.
“I just want to end this. I’ve been running for so long, and I don’t want to run anymore. Ivy deserves better.”
“You deserve better too,” he says.
Tilting my head up toward him, I see none of my fears reflecting back at me. Instead, love, respect, and support shine in his eyes. Shifting up to bring our faces closer, I kiss along his jaw and five o’clock shadow before moving to his lips.
Pulling away, I look into his eyes. “I think I’m beginning to see that,” I whisper .
The hand that’s still wrapped around me pulls me impossibly close while the other cups my jaw. “I love you,” he murmurs against my lips before he kisses me.
This kiss? This kiss is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s soft, commanding, yet full of unspoken words. “I love you” seems so trivial compared to what I’m feeling. It goes so much deeper than I could have ever imagined.
Swinging my leg over his hip, I straddle him as the kiss deepens. The groan he lets out shifts my mind from overwhelming feeling to turned-on in a second.
Our tongues collide as his hand slides into my hair, gripping it hard and directing this kiss how he wants it. I’ll gladly follow his lead, but one day, he’ll be the one following directions.
My hips have a mind of their own, grinding and rolling along the hard ridge of his cock. My body, on one track, is looking for the next hit of pleasure.
He’s so damn good at distracting me from my wayward thoughts.
Wait…
I pull back from the kiss. “Are you trying to distract me? Is that what this is?”
His smirk is so damn sexy I can barely handle it. “Is it working?”
“In the best way.” I moan as he arches his hips up. “Dirty play.” I gasp as he hits my clit perfectly.
“You haven’t seen a dirty play yet, Boss Lady.” He nips at my bottom lip before dragging his teeth down my jaw to my neck and biting the spot where my neck and shoulder connect. It sends heat straight down my spine.
“Maybe you should show me what that looks like.” I roll my hips .
His eyebrows shoot up, and a mischievous look in his eyes only makes me want to push him more. He wanted to distract me? Mission successful because my mind is so far from the real-world problems I’ll need to face in the morning.
“Be careful, Rox. You’ve only seen the tame version of me.”
“Don’t tempt me with a good time.” I have no clue where this brattiness is coming from, but the way his eyes flash with arousal every time I push him makes me want to keep doing it.
I barely finish my thought when he flips me over. He sits back on his heels, reaching for my panties. I lift my hips to help him, but he rips them at the seams instead.
Holy shit.
In a flash, he leans down and licks me, ending at my clit and sucking it into his mouth. It’s a damn good thing we’re on the opposite end of the house from Ivy because the squeal I let out would wake up anyone in close proximity.
He alternates between swirling his tongue around it and pulsing it between his lips. My hands grab his overgrown curls—pushing him away or pulling him closer, I can’t tell. All I know is I’m on the edge of shattering.
“Give it to me, Rox,” he mutters against my clit at the same time he slides his finger inside me.
I’m not sure if it’s his words or the extra stimulation, but it sends me over like he just pressed an orgasm button.
He helps me ride it out before sitting back on his heels and shoving down his boxer briefs enough for his cock to spring out. With steady strokes, he stares at me while he takes his own pleasure. And when he swipes his fingers through my orgasm then uses it as lubricant while he continues his actions, I lose all sense of control. If I even had any to begin with.
Flipping over on all fours, I present myself to this man who holds my soul in his hands. Before I can turn my head to tell him what I want, the smack of his hand on my ass rings out in the room. The brief pain turns to a warmth that spreads through my body. The second one is just as unexpected, and arousal pools in my belly.
“Fuck, my handprints look good on your ass, Boss Lady,” Lennox groans. I feel him inch forward, but it’s not his dick that comes in contact; it’s his fingers, and I barely hold back my growl of disappointment. That is until two fingers slide in me before curling down and tapping on that spot that’s always so damn elusive for me.
Not for Lennox, apparently.
“Oh God,” I moan into the pillow.
His thumb swirls around my clit, and I clench around his fingers. It feels too damn good.
His other hand grabs the flesh of my ass cheek, squeezing it hard right where it’s still tender. “This ass… Jesus, Rox, it makes me want to go fucking feral.”
I can feel my orgasm right on the edge, and his dirty talk is pushing me closer.
I turn my head to tell him, “Do it. Let me see what you’ve got.”
His movements pause, and I deflate. Fuck. I either pissed him off with all the backtalk, or he’s edging me, and I don’t think I can handle that right now.
His fingers pull out of me quickly, and I whimper at the loss, but it’s cut off by him sliding himself to the hilt inside me. I gasp for air at how full I am in this position. His hand slides up my back and grips my hair at the nape of my neck as he stays seated and curls his body around mine.
“I will take every part of you. Your pussy is mine. Your ass is mine. Your entire fucking body is mine. Your soul is mine,” he growls in my ear before pulling out and slamming back inside me.
I go off like a rocket. I can’t focus, can’t breathe. It’s almost too much stimulation, but it feels so damn good I don’t care. I’ll let him break me every single day if it feels like this.
My mind is blissfully blank as my body convulses. I don’t even realize he’s wrapped his arm around my middle, holding me to him as I continue to pulse around him. When it finally slows and I come back to myself, he pulls me up against him so we’re both on our knees. It’s intimate in a way I didn’t think it could be. His hand spanning my stomach is soothing and comforting while I’m still impaled on him.
“Hey, it’s okay. Did I hurt you?”
I’m confused by his question until my shoulders start to shake, and I realize I’m crying. “N-no. Not hurt. Just emotional,” I murmur as I lean my head back onto his shoulder.
The release was cathartic. I’ve spent so much time worrying about the what-ifs that I’ve basically turned into a ball of stress, and Lennox knew exactly what I needed—a way to get out of my head long enough to just feel everything that’s happening.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers in my ear as his hips start slowly moving. It’s such a contrast to what we just did, but the tender way he’s taking me is just as sexy.
My back arches when he hits that damn spot again, drawing my arm back and around his neck. “How do you do this?” I gasp as the tears start to slowly dry up. “How do you know what I need? ”
“Because I love you, and taking care of you is now my greatest priority.” His hand slides up to my left breast, bypassing it almost completely before it lands where my heart is. “This is mine to care for. Whatever it takes to keep this heart happy is what I’ll do.”
I clasp my hand in his other hand, wrapping it around me so I’m fully surrounded by this man who’s changed everything.
“Can I take care of yours?” I whimper as his slow strokes still send sparks through my body.
“It’s always been yours. Even when I didn’t realize it. You’ve taken better care of it than I ever have.”
I melt into him, into his words, as my body starts to tense up yet again. He presses a kiss to my temple as I fall into the longest orgasm of my life. It never ends, and when Lennox joins me, groaning in my ear as he does, it feels like for once all is right in the world.
I just need to figure out how to keep it this way. But knowing Lennox is giving me his full support makes things a little less scary.