CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Katarina
He knew.
He knew I watched him. And I couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop it.
He knew and he watched me too. He let me. In the dark of night when everything felt secret and safe. I couldn’t explain why I was so obsessed with him. I shouldn’t be, God knows I shouldn’t be. Any man but him, literally, but I couldn’t help it.
Something changed when he looked after me the other night. I was safe with him.
Protected.
Yes, I knew how that sounded, I was safe with my mother’s killer. But I found something calming about him. I loved watching how he moved, the way his big body adapted to life outside and in the tiny cabin. How his muscles flexed, his veins moved, and flesh shifted.
It got me off.
He was like a wet dream, like my wet dream. I couldn’t stop staring at him and I hated myself for it.
I couldn’t sleep last night, my thoughts running on overtime of what could have happened with Jeremy if Jack hadn’t intervened. I was an independent woman and I prided myself on being able to look after myself. It hurt that I needed to rely on someone.
Then I told Jack about the problems with the ranch, that I wasn’t handling shit right now. I hated that I remembered so much about the other night. How he took care of me, called me sweetheart, the words a plea each time he spoke them. I’d woken up next to him, so warm, comfortable and rested. Not bolting upright in the morning thinking about the long list of stuff going on and riddled with anxiety.
I’d mapped his face as the sun rose, the faint lines fanning from the corners of his eyes, laugh lines that he hadn’t had a chance to really earn. His dark brows twitched with his dreams, drawing my attention. The creases between his brows. The chin dip, slightly hidden by the brown stubble dotting his jaw. I wanted to run my finger down the straight edge of his nose and dabble at the cupids bow on his soft upper lip. I forced myself away from him and left without a backwards glance.
Except I did something stupid: I got that damn dog collar. Which meant then I had to give it to him. And I had to watch him all shirtless and sweaty, doing manly things with hammers and drills and bits of wood that made my lady parts do a little dance, beg to make a little love, let alone get down tonight .
I even lingered to talk to him. I wanted to learn more about him and that was dangerous. The moment I realized what I was doing, I hightailed it out of there.
Then last night, I’d hidden in my father’s study and watched him. His strong thighs, the unsurprisingly big bulge in his boxers that made my mouth water.
And he’d stared right back. I knew he couldn’t see me, yet he knew I was there. He even nodded goodnight, the smug bastard. I couldn’t even be mad that he assumed I was there watching him because I was.
“No more,” I promised myself as I made it downstairs, exhausted from being up so late. I stumbled into the kitchen which was already alive with feminine buzz and chatter. I blindly reached for coffee, needing it before speaking to anyone.
“I don’t know, I’ve not heard anything, and you know ladies be bragging about that ride,” Maddy snorted.
“Maybe he’s just doing it with everyone, twelve years is a lot of time to make up for,” Tilly said, taking a big bite of toast.
“Tilly, please!” August chastised. “You’re too young to get involved in this conversation. Besides, I think you’re muddying his character. I think he’s a virgin, he doesn’t seem like the promiscuous type.”
“Girl, you’re reaching! He’s not some stuffy eighteenth century British twit in your romance novels,” Maddy replied and August sulked.
Once that first sip of coffee hit, I felt myself becoming more human. “Who’re you talking about?”
“Jack,” they all replied.
Immediately my cheeks flushed, and my body grew warm thinking about him running his big hands over me. The grunts he would make as he thrust deep, those bewitching eyes demanding my body to give in to his.
“Stop talking about him, ugh. I don’t want to hear his name, let alone wonder how many women he’s slept with since he got out,” Daisy said.
Maddy propped her elbows on the table, leaning in. “Leo said women watch him at the bar all the time, but he doesn’t pay attention.”
“Ooh Leo said , huh? You’re talking to him again then?” Daisy teased.
Maddy flipped her off and there was a knock at the door.
“That better not be who I think it is,” Daisy growled.
“I’ll get it!” Tilly yelled, running from the kitchen.
I heard his deep voice, my insides trembled, and I discreetly grabbed onto the kitchen counter. Why did he affect me so much, was I in heat? Could women go into heat like dogs? Is it my period? That must be it.
Tilly stuck her head around the kitchen entranceway. “Jack’s here,” she sang.
“I’ll be a minute.” I tried to get a hold of myself. “Tilly, get your ass to school and don’t start a fight with anyone.”
Tilly pouted then disappeared.
“I’ll just take him this, he must be thirsty,” August said, heading past with a steaming mug of coffee.
“Make sure you spit in it,” Daisy shouted, too loudly.
“Daisy, stop it!” I hissed, feeling a sudden, bizarre need to defend Jack. She just shrugged unapologetically. I downed my coffee, burning my tongue then left the kitchen. In the hallway I began tugging on my boots, sensing him in my periphery but refusing to look at him. Eventually I stood and saw him wearing a light gray tee that hugged his chest far too tightly and black denim jeans with old scuffed black boots.
“Damn.” It was gonna be hard to keep my eyes off him today.
But I needed to.
“Morning,” he called, waving. “Sleep well?” The way he said it and the glint in his eye told me he definitely knew I was watching.
“No,” I growled, extra grumpy this morning. I hurried off the porch and practically ran to the stables, his heavy footfalls coming up behind me. We began mucking out the stalls and I made sure to stay away from him. I didn’t want to see any muscle flexing or damp sweaty skin that I knew would taste like salt and sin.
Later that day, after successfully avoiding him, he found me.
“What’s your number?” he asked, holding his phone out.
“Why?” I ducked around him, but he followed me.
“Because if you’re in one pasture and I need something back here then I can just message you or call you and vice versa.”
I stopped. That was actually sensible. Especially if someone had an accident or got stuck. I turned and took his phone, our fingers brushing. I ignored the tingles that rocketed up my arm. The way his hand twitched suggested he felt them too.
“What is this phone, it’s a brick,” I said, turning it over.
“It’s the best that hardly any money can buy,” he chuckled, and I snorted. I hated how he got under my skin with his little self-deprecating jokes.
I typed my number in and pressed the save button and it immediately took me to the contacts tab and I saw that other than me it only had Max’s number in there and another under “parole officer”. There wasn’t anyone else and that made me think two things. One, I felt sad for him that he didn’t have anyone else, not even his mom and dad but after what he told me, I wasn’t surprised. And two, there were no other women. Thinking back to the girls chat this morning, maybe he wasn’t seeing anyone. Every time I had looked into the cabin, he’d been alone.
“I’ll message you then you’ve got my number too,” he said then smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Cool,” I replied and then walked off. I avoided him for the rest of the day until it was time to finish. The sun was low as I waved him in from the pasture but I ran into the house before we could talk.
That night as I got into bed, my phone pinged.
Unknown Number : It’s Jack.
The smile that pulled at my lips was dangerous.
He was dangerous.
I didn’t reply.
*
“Good morning,” Jack called, heading around the side of the house. I ignored his smile. I’d ignored most things about him these last couple of weeks. I had to. I took to getting ready and out of the house early to avoid lingering near him, not wanting to spend more time in his company than necessary.
I’m sure he thought I was rude.
That I hated him.
That I wanted to be anywhere but around him.
If only that were true.
At least I’d managed to avoid him catching me staring at him again. Now I did it in the dark, like an absolute creeper.
Was I ashamed? Absofuckinglutely .
Could I stop myself? No. I’d tried. A lot.
I ignored the way his red plaid shirt stretched across his chest, practically ripping at the seams. Ignored the way the blue jeans shrink-wrapped themselves to thighs I wanted to sink my teeth into. I ignored that my body was already pulsing and wet at just the sight of my mother’s killer. That thought alone doused the arousal.
But not enough.
And that’s what worried me.
“Morning,” I grunted, shoving my pink Stetson onto my head, feeling the uncomfortable knock against my ponytail but we had a busy day today and I needed to not have my hair flying around.
“It’s moving day,” he called.
I cut him a sideways glance. “What?”
“The cattle, we need to move them into the south pasture, don’t we?”
I hated that he knew that. That he was a quick learner and listened and understood life here. I wanted him to be bad at this. I wanted to be able to kick him to the curb, once we got the ranch profitable again, of course. But I needed him here. He was actually good. He was a hard worker and eager, willing to do whatever was necessary. And now that August had taught him how to ride? Shit. That man on a horse was a sight to see.
“That’s right,” I replied, heading towards the stables to get the horses saddled.
He kept pace beside me and I inched away as our shoulders brushed, the heat too much. “Why do we need to herd the cattle into a new pasture?” he asked.
I knew he knew the answer to that, he was just trying to make conversation. Because he was friendly, dammit. I stopped abruptly and he kept walking before he noticed and frowned at me. “What’s up?”
“Why are you doing that?
He tucked his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “Doing what?”
“Pretending you don’t know?”
He nibbled his bottom lip but didn’t say anything.
“Is it to talk to me?”
“Kat,” he sighed.
“Is that it, you want us to be friends, Jack?”
He fixed me with a sharp look, an angry gleam in his eye. “Is it so hard to be civil? A bit friendly?”
The wind kicked up and I clamped a hand down on my Stetson to keep it from blowing away. I shook my head. “I don’t need friendly, not from you.”
“I get it, and I know why, I just thought…” He trailed off, looking around. But he didn’t get it, he didn’t know why. He thought he did, but he didn’t.
“Come on,” I grunted, marching on, irritated at myself for starting this non-fight fight and feeling sorry for him. He looked like a kicked puppy and I was Cruella De Vil.
I raced into the stables and immediately got annoyed when I saw August there, brushing Marshmallow with two other horses saddled and ready. I’d wanted to do it myself.
“We got here early and did it as a surprise,” August piped up, smiling at Jack. At least he had one friend.
“Surprise,” he said, weakly.
“And you chose that horse?” I nodded to the chestnut stallion, Chester, who had been my father’s.
August frowned. “Yes. He needs to be ridden, Kat. And I think Daddy would like it if it was Jack.”
“Damn,” Jack muttered. “I didn’t realize, I can take another horse.”
“No, it’s fine,” I snapped because August annoyingly was right .
I took Sunshine’s reins and headed out of the stables. Once outside, I swung myself up into the saddle and took a deep breath as I settled myself, ready for a long-ass, busy day to wear me out. A moment later, Jack appeared next to me, looking like a natural in the saddle, his hips rocking forward as Chester trotted over.
“Ready?” I asked, pulling lightly on the reins as Sunshine nodded her head. I tried to fight my smirk. “I didn’t mean you,” I whispered to her, nudging her with my calves.
“Sure thing,” Jack replied. I clicked my tongue and Sunshine set off at a canter before speeding up to a gallop. The wind whipped past us as I clamped down on my Stetson once again. We headed towards the north pasture and Jack rode beside me. I tried not to glance over at him but my eyes had a mind of their own. My stomach clenched at the wide smile stretched across his face, his eyes squeezed shut. My own smile tried to tug at my lips but I resisted, instead glancing at the pasture in front of us.
We were on the small side for a ranch. Only three hundred cattle right now. We used to have more but Daddy had started selling them off. I pulled to a stop and Jack shot straight past me before he realized and turned Chester around. The cattle had grazed the north pasture for long enough and it was time to treat them to something new and freshly grown. The only problem was they were scattered all over.
“They’re real spread out,” Jack commented as he looked around.
“Yep, this’ll be fun,” I replied, already knowing it would be painful to do with Jack. I’d only done it a handful of times myself, helping Daddy years ago. I’d been the one leading the herd and he had been at the back, corralling them. I pictured us doing it together and a lump formed in my throat.
“Where do you want me?” Jack asked, snapping me out of my memories. Unfortunately, they must have been written all over my face. “Hey, you okay, sweetheart?” his voice gentled, and the way he uttered that endearment had me fighting a shiver.
“You lead the front, I’ll handle the back. Let’s round ‘em up.” Urging Sunshine forward, I shouted over the wind, “You start off that way!” and pointed towards the east of the pasture.
Something about herding cattle calmed me. I liked the idea of getting all the cows together and pushing them into one group away from the cliques they’d formed. It was like a puzzle that needed solving and was immensely satisfying when it worked.
I rode around the edge of the pasture, herding the strays towards the middle, zig-zagging and redirecting them when they stepped out of line. I gestured every now and then to Jack, but what amazed me was that he knew exactly what to do. We did it all in sync. He led from the front, watching every move I made and anticipating the way the herd shifted. I got ready to shout out what to do when the front began to veer away, but snapped my mouth shut when Jack immediately began to apply pressure at the side to get them back in.
Eventually they all headed into the south pasture and Jack was waiting for me at the gate when the last of the cattle trotted inside. Once they all began to spread out, taking in the luscious new grass they could graze, burying their snouts in it, I breathed a sigh of relief. The puzzle was solved, everything was done.
I wiped a hand across my forehead, brushing away the sweat that had formed in the warm sun .
“Can I ask a question I don’t know the answer to?” Jack asked, leaning forward in the saddle and resting his forearms on his thick thighs.
I swallowed, my throat parched. Not just from his mouthwatering thighs. “Sure.”
“Why do you do it on horseback? I read about doing it with vehicles, ATVs, even dirt bikes?”
I shrugged. “All those things are too loud. On horseback it’s lower stress for the animals and quieter. The cows kinda think the horse is another cow and just go along with it. It’s more efficient and safer, not to mention better for the environment.”
He squinted at me in the sun, his nose wrinkling. “You love it, don’t you?”
My cheeks heated at his teasing tone, and I fought a smile. “Me and Daddy used to do it together and it was such a rush, watching him work.”
“I know how you feel,” he said meaningfully, that gleam back in his eye.
“We should get back,” I sighed, feeling far too comfortable in his warm stare. We trotted the horses out of the pasture and I jumped down to pull the gate closed, keeping the cows in.
We headed back but neither of us spoke as we trotted next to each other. I wasn’t really in a hurry to get back but I hated that I enjoyed spending time with him. That I actually felt a tiny bit at peace, maybe because he knew things I hadn’t told the girls. That I didn’t have to be strong for him or hide the truth of things.
I could just be me.
“Huh.”
He glanced over. “What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing just…thinking.”
“I’ve heard that’s dangerous, you know?” he teased. When I didn’t say more he added, “Thinking about how to save this place?”
Guilt churned in my gut. Because I hadn’t been. I’d been thinking about him instead when I should have been focusing on what to do about the girls’ livelihood. Coming up with ways to save the ranch, and how to pay off the debts I’d discovered. Instead, I brooded in the office and watched Jack in the dark.
“Yeah,” was all I said. I’d been too busy working the ranch with Jack and Gus too in his final few days before retirement. I’d not been focused on the business side of things, too scared to acknowledge that I was floundering, just like I had at college.
“I’m always up for a brainstorming session, if you need one?”
I glanced over at him, the late afternoon sun caressing his features. His skin had taken on a healthy sun-kissed glow from all his time outside and he’d lost that haunted look from his eyes. He seemed happy. And it made me happy to think that Daddy would be pleased Jack was doing well.
“You know how to save the ranch?”
He laughed at my clear skepticism. “Well, no. But I’m available to bounce some ideas off. I’m free in the evenings.”
“Aren’t you working at the bar?”
“Sure, but not every night.”
“Don’t you have plans though? I don’t know, dates?” I don’t know why I said it, only that I’m a jealous fool.
“Kinda hard to date when no one in town likes you,” he said in a stage whisper.
That guilt hit again, that he must be lonely and all I did was grunt and snap at him when he tried to be nice and talk to me.
“No girlfriends then? ”
“No boyfriends then?” he shot back and then I saw him frown and look away, like he hadn’t meant to say that.
We rode the rest of the way in silence but it was heavy, expectant, not comforting like it had been before and I didn’t know what to do with that.