CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Katarina
He pulled away from me.
We were moments away from a kiss that I knew would have destroyed me, and he pulled away. The fact that I was willing to kiss him, but he wasn’t willing to kiss me hurt. In a way I hadn’t expected it to, but I guess it was the right thing. I shouldn’t have wanted to kiss him in the first place and the shame I felt at that was still heating my blood even now. It was all I could think about during dinner, which Tilly was strangely absent from.
I glanced around the table. “Anyone seen Tills?”
“She’s at a friend’s house tonight,” Leo mumbled round a mouthful of food .
“And Maddy?”
“Another date,” he said, slightly less cheerful this time.
“She’s sure having a lot of dates at the moment,” Daisy mused, smirking at Leo, who flipped her off.
“Shame Jack couldn’t stay for dinner. I like having another guy around the house,” Leo said.
“If you’re sick of the estrogen then go home, bucko,” Daisy grumbled.
“Naw, you like having me here too much,” Leo grinned, pulling her into his armpit and rubbing his knuckles across her scalp. I lost myself in their back and forth, pushing any thoughts of Jack from my brain.
I cleared up after dinner and took some wine out onto the porch, settling myself in my usual chair and watching the sky, picking out constellations. When my brain couldn’t push Jack away any longer, I grumbled, “Why him?” The words echoed in the night and hung there, annoying me.
Then suddenly I saw a shadow coming down from the hill. I recognized the gait, the height and width of those shoulders. I wasn’t going to draw attention to myself, just watched him, as usual, hoping to go unnoticed. I was riled up, volatile and I didn’t want to lose it on him again.
I thought he hadn’t spotted me. He was so close, and I was nearly home free but then his stride faltered and he looked up, glancing around wildly until he spotted me in the chair.
He pushed out a breath as he approached the side of the porch. He didn’t climb up, just watched me through the wooden slats of the railing.
“Katarina,” he greeted me.
I scoffed. Just the way he said my name pissed me off.
He sighed. “I wanted to speak to you earlier.”
“But you took off.”
“I didn’t feel comfortable in the house.” The words seemed to just spill from him and it shocked me that he was so open. He bit his lip and looked away quickly before his gaze flitted back. He opened his mouth but then snapped it shut.
“Goodnight Katarina,” he said and tapped the porch before walking off.
That’s it? He pulled away from kissing me, even said he wanted to speak to me and now he was leaving again?
I shoved myself out of the chair and hopped over the porch like I was a teenager again. My back cracked from the exertion, but I ignored it.
“Wait one second!” I shouted after him, but he sped up, almost jogging towards the cabin.
“Jack!” I shouted, running after him. I climbed the porch and found him trying to jimmy the door open. “You don’t get to walk away from me!”
“Just trying to save you from being in my company any more than you have to,” he growled and shoved the door open, stalking inside. He tried to shut the door but I blocked it with my foot and pushed it open.
“Kat,” he sighed, his head dropping back. I scrutinized him. He seemed tired, exhausted even. I knew today was a lot of work but it seemed to have taken its toll.
“What’s with you?” I demanded. I didn’t like that I noticed he was weary or how much it bothered me. And I also didn’t like how much I’d been getting the brush off when he should have been chasing me.
“Nothing, Kat. Please, just go.” He gestured to the door. Teddy came out from the bedroom and sat down at my feet, staring up at me lovingly. I stroked his head a few times before he settled himself by the fireplace.
I fixed my stare on Jack. “Why did you want to talk to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Before, when you were in the house. You said you wanted to talk to me. What about?”
He shrugged and hunched his shoulders in, looking uncomfortable. “I just wanted to apologize for earlier, I shouldn’t have put my hands on you. Shouldn’t have tried to…” he trailed off, his eyes dropping to my mouth. The tension grew the longer he stared, and my heart pounded in my ears.
We were alone, in his cabin, just the two of us and he was staring at my mouth. Again.
“Jack,” I whispered, and it was enough. He took one step forward, then another, until he was right up against me, pressing me back against the door.
“Why are you here?” he demanded, his voice low.
“I…” had no answer. I didn’t know why. Only that I’d felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, if ever, and I didn’t want to leave.
He reached behind me, putting us closer together. His intoxicating scent had my eyelids fluttering closed, especially when his cheek brushed against my arm. He twisted the doorknob, opening the door a crack, bumping it into me, the action moving us closer together.
“Door’s open, you can leave.”
But I didn’t. I just stared into those soft blue eyes that held so many sad moments, so much pain. And shockingly, I wanted to ease it.
“Leave, Kat, please,” he begged, his brows dipping in. He pressed his forehead to mine, his breath caressing my lips. “Please leave.”
I shook my head gently, reaching behind me and closing the door. The sound of the tumbler dropping into place was a scream in the quiet of the cabin. I could only just hear it over the beating of my heart.
“Kiss me,” I whispered, fool that I am .
He brushed a lock of hair back, his fingers lingering and stroking the shell of my ear, trailing along my jaw, just like he had earlier. His thumb rested on my lower lip before he plucked it between his thumb and finger. The anticipation had me on edge, ready to detonate with the slightest movement. Our chests expanded together with each labored breath.
“So pretty,” he murmured, and I swear to God I whimpered. He pressed against me, our bodies lining up and I felt his hot, hard length, and melted into him. His body held me up and he released my lip. He hesitated, indecision warring with desire. Why was he taking so long?
“Kiss me,” I demanded again.
“I haven’t done this in a long time, so I’m sorry if I’m not that good at it,” he spoke softly, his chest hitching. Vulnerability radiated off him and I reveled in it. Drowned in it and was eager for more.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because right now, the way I feel about you, I want this to be the best damn kiss you’ve ever had.”
I swallowed, my throat dry and my body ready to burst into flames at his admission.
“It already is.”
I barely said the words before his mouth slammed into mine, hard. Giving and taking every little thing I had to offer. His lips were firm, insistent but gentle, sipping at mine, tasting and sampling. His tongue slid along the seam and I shivered against him, opening wide on a moan and letting him in.
His tongue chased mine, delving and sliding together in a hot wave. A shock zapped right through me, waking up nerve endings that were long dead. I moaned, tangling my hand in his hair and tilting his head so I could get deeper. I was hungry for him and couldn’t get enough.
He tasted divine, like sex and sin and promises of pleasure like I’d never known. He licked and sucked on my tongue, rubbing himself between my legs, right where I needed him and my knees gave out. He tapped my thighs and I leapt up, wrapping them around his waist and he turned, stumbling through the cabin as we ate at each other’s mouths.
The next thing I knew, my back was hitting his mattress and his weight settled on top of me, heavy and so perfect. I frantically pulled at his shirt, desperate to feel his warm skin on mine. Our lips parted for a moment when his shirt went over his head, then his tongue was trailing a path down my neck, sucking hard and my clit throbbed sharply, desperate for him. I clung to him, writhing against him, my eyes rolling back in my head.
“Fuck me,” I begged. I hadn’t meant to beg, but how could I not when he was getting me so hot, and yes it had been a while, but my senses were destroyed by this man.
“What?” he asked, his voice thick and heavy, as passion-drunk as I was.
“Fuck me, please, Jack?”
He stiffened, and not in a good way. His demeanor changed completely, and he slowly untangled our limbs, a heavy silence filling the room. I was left cold, aching and vulnerable at the loss of his touch.
It was fine if we were in this together, if we were both giving in. But for some reason him pulling away set a clear boundary. We were not in this together, and my stomach churned.
He pulled his shirt back on but didn’t say anything. I didn’t move, fear locked me in place. What was happening?
“I think you should go,” he said quietly .
“What?” I whispered.
He wouldn’t look at me, just kept his back to me. “I think…I think you should leave, Kat. This was a mistake and we both know it.”
I swallowed back the tears that sprang to my eyes. I had felt a connection growing between us over time as we’d worked together. We’d shared a few moments with each other where we’d opened up, whether intentionally or drug-related. I’d shared how the ranch was falling apart, how I was falling apart and I’d felt like I wasn’t alone in this.
I tried to bite back my sob but it slipped out. Mortified, I clambered to the end of the bed, desperate to get out of there before I embarrassed myself even more.
“Kat, wait,” he began once I was running out of the room. I heard him curse as he stumbled after me. “Wait, it’s not what you think,” he said but I didn’t care. My sobs weren’t staying quiet and I needed to get out of here, I didn’t want to be weak in front of him.
I threw open the front door that I’d closed only moments before and ran out towards the house, past the wine I’d left on the porch, and straight inside.
“Yo Kat, we’re watching 27 Dresses if you’re up for it? B-b-b-Bennie and the Jets!” Leo shouted from the living room.
“Bennie!” Daisy replied in a high-pitched warble.
I didn’t reply, just ran up the stairs and into my room. When I was safely inside, I pulled in deep breaths, trying to calm my pounding heart and stop the shakes in my hands.
“Pull yourself together!” I hissed, patting my cheeks to dry my tears and shake some sense into myself.
But I couldn’t.
Jack unleashed something in me.
The tears I’d been holding back were brought to the forefront, refusing to be ignored, and they wouldn’t stop. I tried to distract myself but they kept falling. I got into the shower and stood under the spray but my tears still fell, just trickled down with the water. Eventually I gave up trying to stop them and embraced them. I got into bed and cried myself to sleep, cursing the day I’d asked for a sign and Jack Drayton turned up on my porch.
*
The next morning, after ignoring a text from Jack that read Can we talk? I dragged my ass out of bed, my eyes puffy and swollen from hours of crying but it was fine, I wasn’t planning on seeing Jack on a Sunday, so it didn’t matter. I’d just lie to my sisters and say I had a rough night’s sleep or was hungover or had allergies, or what-the-fuck-ever.
What ruined everything was looking out the kitchen window while the coffee maker percolated and seeing cows everywhere. Again.
“For fuck’s sake!” I shouted, slapping the worktop in anger. How the hell had they gotten out again? Jack must not have fixed the fence or shut the gate properly after I rode off. Either way it was Jack’s fault.
A moment later there was a pounding on the front door, and I peeked around the archway of the kitchen and saw the man himself pacing the porch.
“For fuck’s sake,” I hissed again. Then he saw me.
He pointed behind him. “You seeing this shit?” he demanded, his voice muffled through the glass door.
My eyes rolled towards the heavens, praying for someone to just give me a break. I didn’t want to spend the day with him rounding up cattle and fixing fences or gates. I wanted to take my coffee back to bed and cry some more.
I held up my hand, telling him I needed five minutes. I ran back upstairs and washed my face, praying for the puffiness to go down in the next four minutes. I dressed and headed back down but Jack was nowhere to be found.
Assuming he’d gone back to the cabin to change, I pulled on my cowgirl boots and headed towards the stables to saddle our horses. I was amazed when I entered and he was already in there, cooing to Chester. My insides squeezed sharply at the soft words he was speaking to the horse but I ignored them. From now on, any bodily reactions I had around Jack couldn’t be trusted.
“Hey, I’ve just finished Chester, you want me to—”
I shook my head. “Nope,” I replied, popping the p. I began saddling Sunshine and I could feel Jack watching me. I could practically feel him vibrating with the need to talk to me, but he showed some sense and didn’t.
We rode back down towards the house and worked together to herd the cattle, Jack continually anticipating my moves and needs which annoyed me. How were we so in sync? I even tried a few guff moves to throw him off but he knew what I was doing. Eventually we got them back down to the south pasture and yet again the gate was still closed.
Jack rode on and opened it. Once the cattle were all inside safely, I rode off to do the perimeter check again and of course, found the corner fence trampled.
“What the hell?” I murmured.
“I fixed that, admittedly not the most amazing work but it was sturdy, I swear. I tried rocking it and it wasn’t giving,” Jack assured me.
Sympathy tried to unfurl inside me at the worried expression pinching his face, like I was gonna lay into him over it, but I tamped it down.
I jumped off Sunshine and inspected the area, including the dirt and hoof prints. Jack continued talking while I inspected the mud. Wait a minute, was that…
“Son of a bitch!” I shouted, silencing Jack. I spun around, glancing towards the tree line. “Where are you, you bastard?” I called, eyes peeled as I looked for any movement.
“Uh, what’s happening?” Jack asked, looking at me like I was crazy.
“You see this?” I demanded, pointing furiously at the hoof prints in the mud.
“Um, no?”
“This is a cow hoof, see, it’s almost teardrop in shape.”
He just continued to look at me like I was crazy.
“This here, that’s not a cow hoof.”
“It’s not? But they look the same?” Jack asked, tilting his head and squinting at the mud.
“Similar but it’s more angled. It’s the hoof print of a bison,” I said, then spun towards the tree line. “A pesky bison who likes to cause trouble. A bison called Bert!” I shouted. At that moment, like he had been summoned, Bert the Bison emerged from the tree line, munching on some grass like he didn’t give a shit about all the destruction he’d caused. Because he didn’t. He craved chaos, the big shit.
I stomped over to him, ready to give him a piece of my mind, when strong arms banded around my waist.
“What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?” Jack shouted, pulling me away from Bert whose smug gaze followed me.
“What are you doing?” I shouted back. “Put me down!”
“No, you’re going after a wild bison, what’s wrong with you?”
“Bert’s not wild, he’s an asshole!”
“Really, the random bison is an asshole?” Jack looked at me doubtfully.
“Yes, he is! He does stuff like this all the time, he’s a menace!”
Jack looked over to where Bert was munching on some grass, kicking his hooves on the ground like a naughty child. “I’m so confused right now.”
“Years ago, Bert appeared. He got separated from his herd or they kicked him out or whatever, and ever since he hangs around the town, causing drama and mischief to entertain himself, because he’s bored,” I huffed. “And an asshole!”
“Bert the Bison is an asshole,” Jack replied, and I could see him smothering a grin which only made me madder.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m not, I’m just…it’s interesting is all.”
Bert had crept a little closer and was now within throttling distance. Like Jack knew what I was going to do, he moved and placed himself between me and Bert.
He bent down and put both hands on my shoulders, peering into my face. “We’ll fix the fence and make it Bert proof, how about that?”
Ugh, why was Jack being so helpful and perfect. Why couldn’t he be a dick like he was last night? The memory had me clamming up and shrugging him off me. “Fine,” I grunted and turned away, kicking at the grass petulantly, just like Bert.
“Just let me go back to the cabin. I’ll get some more wood to reinforce it and make it Bert-proof.”
Jack rode off and I sat down in the grass, picking at it and wondering how my life came to be that I was a thirty something orphan, with a bankrupt ranch, chasing off a tricksy bison, rejected by the last person I would ever want to hook up with, and then stuck having to rely on that person.
“Screw you, universe!”
I glared at Bert who kept trying to schmooze his way over. “Don’t be coming over here to apologize,” I grumbled at him. He hung his head and I stuck my tongue out at him. He obviously didn’t return the gesture but I could tell he wanted to.
Sometime later, Jack reappeared and set to work fixing the fence. Under the sun and Bert’s watchful gaze, he stripped off his damp shirt and I was treated to all those glorious muscles flexing and doing manly things.
“You don’t need me, do you?” I croaked around my dry throat.
“Uh, yeah?” Jack said and pointed to Bert. “Don’t leave me with this menace, who knows what he’ll do.”
I snorted. Jack smirked and the impact it had on my insides had me frowning and turning away. Eventually he was finished and with a terse warning to Bert, we were on our way back.
We untacked the horses and headed back to the house, me ten paces in front of Jack. I was so close to the porch, so close to being away from him when he called after me.
“Can we talk?”
“Nope,” I shouted back.
“Kat, please? Let me explain?” he sighed.
I whirled on him, storming back and getting in his face. “You said you’d do whatever I asked?”
He nodded, his eyes flitting over my expression.
“Then leave me alone and keep this professional, please?” I arched a brow when he opened his mouth to argue.
Eventually his lips pulled into a mulish line and he nodded just once.
“Great,” I replied with a bright smile and headed on into the house.
That night, like an addict needing a fix, I sat in my father’s study in the dark and watched him.