CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Jack
Five years ago - day 3,290 in prison…
Charlie stared at me across the cool metal table, his eyes running over my face and although he kept his expression neutral, I saw the tic just below his eye.
“You need to make some more friends,” he grunted, eyes flicking away from the horror show that was my face.
“The men who did this to me were my friends,” I joked weakly, cracking a smile and hissing as my swollen lip split and I tasted blood.
“Who did you piss off?”
“No one. I had the gall to get up in the morning and this is what happened.”
Charlie shook his head, his lips pinched tight in anger. “Jack, you gotta stop—”
“I don’t know what you’re about to say but I need to remind you where we are. This is what happens in here, we don’t sit around braiding each other’s hair and writing in fucking dream journals, Charlie.”
“Watch your tone, son. I know exactly where we are.” There was a warning in Charlie’s voice. I knew the words he choked back, that he knew exactly where we were and why. I ducked my head, looking down at the hands twisting in my lap. My scabbed knuckles. I was so busy dodging the shiv that I didn’t dodge the knuckle dusters the guys who jumped me had. I fought my way out, only just though, and not without taking a serious beating. My eyes were black and blue, and I was pretty sure I had a couple of cracked ribs. I’d been pissing blood for a couple of days thanks to a few hard jabs to the kidneys, but I’d been there before and I’d be there again.
It was just that Charlie had never visited when I was recovering before.
“I get it. I’m sorry, I know you can’t help it. It just…kills me to see you like this,” Charlie said, his voice cracking and a lump formed in my throat.
Some months it was really hard to see Charlie. Some months we were both emotional and some months we were jovial. Some months were a swing and a miss but he’d never missed a visit, not once. He’d shown up for me more than anyone in this life and I owed him everything I had just for that.
“I know and…thanks, I appreciate your concern,” I replied, my voice rough.
Charlie sniffed and clapped his hands together. “So, I’ve been thinking, we need to start planning what you’re gonna do when you get out of here.”
My stomach dropped. Occasionally he tried to bring up this conversation and I managed to swerve it. I guess it couldn’t be avoided forever.
“I’ve got five years left, give or take a few weeks, bit early to be thinking about that,” I scoffed.
Charlie pshed. “It’s never too early. I was thinking, how about you come by the ranch when you’re out. We can talk about it closer to the time, but I’d love to have you there.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at the man in front of me who I’d broken in so many ways and yet he continued to help me. To show up for me.
“You can’t do that,” I replied.
He shrugged. “Sure I can, it’s my ranch, I do what I want. Have you thought about a career?”
“Not really.”
He reached across the table and placed a hand on my arm. “I know it’s hard. You’ve been here a long time and there’s still time to go. But I want you out of here and in one piece ready to start your life. You need to focus on what you want when you can finally take life by the balls and get it.”
“No touching!” A guard shouted and Charlie gave my arm a quick squeeze and withdrew.
I rubbed a hand along my jaw and then flinched when I put pressure on a bruise. “I like woodwork, I’ve been reading about it.”
Charlie’s eyes lit up. “Yeah? Woodwork is good, carpentry is a solid career. I would need some help like that at the ranch, you could start there and get some experience before you take on some bigger jobs.”
“I can’t stay at the ranch, Charlie,” I said. The old fool was getting far too ahead of himself.
“Why not?”
I leveled him with a look. “You know why.”
“Well it ain’t called Redemption Ranch for nothing,” he winked. “Just say you’ll think about it?”
I nodded. “Sure, I’ll think about it.” I could do that at least.
He smiled wide and I found myself smiling in return. “I can’t wait to bring you home from this place.”
My chest ached at his words, at the simplicity in them, like we didn’t have a million miles of shit and baggage between us. “I’m not a stray puppy at the pound that you can adopt and bring home.”
He smiled again. “I know you’re not. You’re family.”
*
Present day…
I woke up from my dream, calling out Charlie’s name, my heart aching and missing him like hell and it hit me all over again that he was gone.
Grief was a funny thing. You think you’re okay and getting by just fine. Then something comes along and knocks you on your ass. That was me today.
I didn’t get out of bed. I lay there, lost in my thoughts and memories, thinking about all the ways my life was what it was because of him. I was still around because of him. I’d had dark thoughts while in prison, considered doing some things to end the suffering.
But I didn’t.
I kept going because of that pipe dream that I would one day be out of that place and at the ranch, working alongside Charlie. That became my dream. But that died the moment I found out he had too.
I tried to be excited about life but hadn’t been that successful until recently. I’d started carpentry, I’d grown excited about my future. I’d worked at the ranch, side by side with not Charlie, but Katarina.
It had been weeks since she lay beneath me, begging me to fuck her.
I’d done what she’d asked, I’d stayed away from her. I’d kept it professional and it was killing me. I didn’t know how much longer I could go without experiencing the perfect feeling of her long legs wrapped around my waist. The intoxicating sensation of her skin against mine, her hands in my hair and the drugging feel of her lips on mine.
She had me under a spell and yet, when she’d uttered those words while writhing under me, I’d freaked out. I’d gotten scared. And I’d ruined everything. I was a thirty plus virgin and I panicked because although I knew the mechanics of fucking, I didn’t know how to fuck her , the way she wanted, the way she needed. What if I disappointed her?
And I knew I shouldn’t have been doing that anyway. I tried to put up defenses against her but the second she chased me into my cabin, I knew she wanted it as much as I did. She was the only one I was concerned about. I would never do something she didn’t want, so the fact that she chased me, begged me, was a green light. No matter how many ways of fucked up it was that I wanted her.
So I’d done what she asked, I’d kept it professional. No matter how much I wanted to touch her, I kept my hands to my goddamn self and it was killing me. It was all of my own doing but I couldn’t handle it much longer.
Riding with her all day, working on the ranch, seeing her around town, it was too much. Sometimes I thought she was watching me but I never caught her. She had made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want anything from me so I must have been imagining the warmth of her stare as it lingered, tracking me from head to toe. Made me hard from just my imagination. Made me want to fuck her just like she asked, like she begged .
By the time I got out of bed, the sun was setting and Teddy was whining and nudging my arm. I fed him, showered and pulled on my white Henley, black jeans and wrecked boots, ready to head to work and hopefully shake myself out of my funk.
I walked to The Lonely Bison. The fresh air filled my lungs and the tightness in my chest started to lift. The sun set as I headed into town and when I pushed through the saloon doors of the bar, I was beginning to feel normal again.
“Here he is!” Max shouted, flinging me a big grin. I waved and tried out my smile for the first time that day and was surprised to find it worked.
The bar was full to bursting with folks looking for a good time. The overwhelming scent of perfume, cologne and alcohol was oddly comforting, and I ducked behind the bar and got to work.
Halfway through my shift, Max sidled up next to me, groaning and shaking his head, gesturing to the woman walking away from me. “What’s the matter with you, dude? That woman was practically begging for a ride on the Jack train.”
I shrugged. I knew I should be looking to have a little fun and experience some feminine company but honestly, the thought of anyone other than Kat gave me the ick.
“Still hung up on the oldest Cartwright sister, huh?” he asked, grinning at me again and I kinda wanted to slap it off his face. But he was my only friend so I couldn’t.
“Speaking of Cartwright sisters,” I said and nodded towards the door where Tilly, the youngest, was peeking in.
Max cursed and when Tilly spotted him, her eyes practically turned into hearts. “What is her deal?”
“She’s infatuated, that’s all. You never had a crush when you were fifteen?”
Max flipped me off and went over to Tilly, sharing some tense words before he closed the door on her. He came back to the bar, shaking his head.
I flung him the same grin he gave me, and he glared when he spotted it. “Not a word,” he warned and I laughed, feeling my chest ease again.
I dodged a few more women through the night, dug my hands in my pants pocket and managed to find two phone numbers which had been snuck in there and promptly put them in the trash.
The band had pulled Max up on stage with them to sing a few songs and although he pretended he didn’t want to, Max sang with a gusto that suggested he might be a fan of the limelight.
I was tidying up when I spotted that telltale light blonde hair hiding in the corner. I made my way over to Tilly. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She glared up at me but her eyes were glassy. “You’re here,” she replied, not making sense, then she hiccupped.
“Shit,” I murmured on seeing how wasted she was. Max would be furious she was here and drunk. If anyone spotted her and thought that Max had given her alcohol he could get in a lot of trouble. “Come with me,” I grunted and hauled her by the arm to Max’s office. I grabbed some water on the way and pushed her onto the couch, shoving the glass at her.
“Drink this.” I grabbed my phone from my pocket and opened my chat with Kat that had plenty of messages she hadn’t responded to. She’d left me on read, as I discovered was the lingo. I messaged her that Tilly was here and needed to go home .
“Your sister is coming to get you,” I said when I got Kat’s reply. “I need to get back out there. Stay here, drink your water, and don’t touch anything.”
“He’s the only one,” Tilly said sadly, turning to me with her huge green eyes magnified by her tears.
“Max?” I asked. “What did he do?” Anger snaked down my spine at the thought of Max doing something to hurt Tilly. He’d been great to me, but I didn’t really know him and there was a reason Tilly was hanging around so much.
“He was the only one who didn’t treat me like some dumb, grieving kid. He spoke to me like I was an adult, like he understood.”
“That’s all that happened, you guys just talked?”
Tilly nodded. “Talked, fell in love. At least I did…” She broke off, sobbing into her water. I was relieved but also felt sad for Tilly. She was the youngest sister and had a lot to deal with in her short life.
“Just…stay here. I’ll be back,” I said. I headed to the bar and served a few patrons but Max was living it up on stage and hadn’t noticed I was missing, so I snuck back into the office to Tilly.
She saw me and began sobbing again and my heart broke for her. I sat down on the couch and put an arm around her awkwardly trying to console her. She flung herself at me and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Shh, it’s okay,” I said, feeling stupid. I didn’t know what to say to make her feel better and then I remembered something. “You were always Charlie’s little girl. The way he talked about you, he was so proud of you.”
Tilly’s sobs were muffled in my chest, but I was sure she was quieting down.
“He told me about how one time when you were nine, you got out to the horses and managed to mount one and rode it bareback like a little rebel. He was torn between whooping your ass and being so dang proud of you. He laughed so much when he told me, and I always wanted to know how you managed to get yourself up on that horse?”
She snuffled quietly and looked up at me, eyes streaming, cheeks red and splotchy, nose leaking. “I climbed one of the stalls.”
I laughed. “You’re a little rebel, fearless, just like Charlie said you were.”
“He…he said that?”
I nodded and her face seemed to light up a little and she wiped her tears, her chest hitching as her sobs subsided. “What else did he say?”
“He said you made it down to the south pasture before anyone could get after you. Said you were out like a shot, so fast and so confident on that horse. He was amazed at how well you rode, especially bareback.”
“I’m not afraid of being thrown,” she said, and her chin jutted out stubbornly.
“I’m not surprised. Maybe we could ride together one day? Give me some pointers as I’m kinda new at it.”
“I know, I’ve seen you ride,” she replied.
I burst out laughing at the sass from this fifteen-year-old. Damn she would have a mouth on her when she was older, and I couldn’t wait to see her go toe-to-toe with Daisy’s snark.
There was a knock at the door and Kat’s blonde head peeked around the frame.
“Hey,” she whispered, her eyes locking with mine and my damn heart started pounding. When she spotted Tilly, she frowned, concern pinching her brow. “What have you gotten yourself into now? ”
“It’s okay, Kat,” I said gently. “She’s okay, Max didn’t see her. No one knows she’s here and she’s okay.” There was so much on Kat’s shoulders at the moment and if I could help in any way then I would, even if it was just hiding her drunk sister from a bar owner.
Kat’s stare didn’t linger on me, if anything she tried to avoid me. “Come on, kid. Let’s get you home and sober you up.”
“I am sober,” Tilly grumbled but pushed to her feet.
As they were leaving, Tilly turned back to me. “I’d love to ride together some time.”
Kat’s eyes swung to me and burned me with their intensity. I rocked forward on the balls of my feet. “It’s a date,” I replied.
Kat frowned before they left and I headed back out to the bar, sighing deeply at the crisis averted. The night wore on but eventually all the patrons headed out leaving me and Max to tidy up.
“What did you say to Tilly?” I asked.
Max shrugged. “Nothing really. Everyone’s been treating her with kid gloves and I hated it when people did that to me when I was younger. So I just told her how shit was.”
“I think you really struck a chord with her, she’s got a little crush on you,” I teased.
Max blanched. “That’s the last thing I need, some kid mooning over me, thinking I’m her hero.”
“Must be nice being idolized. Why’s that so bad?”
Max sighed. “Because I’m no one’s hero.”
That night as I lay in bed, trying to sleep, my phone pinged. I squinted as the bright screen pricked my eyes and saw a message.
Kat: Thanks for looking out for Tilly.
I read the message over a dozen times before I put my phone down and fell asleep with a smile on my face.