Chapter 12
Phoenix
A swastika.
He had a fucking swastika tattooed on the inside of his wrist.
The betrayal was instant and brutal.
“Phoenix,” Levi whispered.
“Don’t,” I said quietly as I stepped away from him.
I’d been such a fucking fool. My entire job depended on my ability to judge people and I’d completely missed the mark on this man.
After the day I’d spent with Levi and Henry, I’d been convinced that Levi was innocent…
no, not of the crime seven years ago, but of everything that had come after.
He’d been trying to do good with his life.
Volunteering, being a father to the little boy who needed him…
“Please, Phoenix, just let me explain,” Levi begged. His eyes were pooling with tears, but for once, I didn’t feel the need to comfort him.
“I get it,” I bit out. “Doesn’t get any clearer than that,” I said, motioning to the tattoo.
It was no bigger than the size of a half-dollar, but it might as well have been the size of the moon.
My anger was threatening to consume me so I moved farther away from Levi.
As much as he disgusted me, I didn’t want to hurt him.
Why the fuck hadn’t I just done my damn job ?
Levi tried to grab my arm, but I jerked it from his grasp, making him let out a little whimper. I turned to leave the kitchen so I could pull myself together, but he stepped into my path.
“Please, I’m begging you-”
“Get the fuck out of my way, Levi,” I snapped. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I really need a goddamn minute right now.”
I stormed past him, ignoring the sob that tore free from his throat. I went out to the alley and wished like hell T would be waiting out there, but the bastard hadn’t shown his face since the day I’d intervened on Levi’s behalf.
The day I’d chosen him over my family.
“Fuck!” I yelled and then I rammed my fist into the wall. Not hard enough to break my hand, but enough to have it hurt like a motherfucker. I’d definitely have bruises.
I was half-tempted to leave, but I couldn’t do that to the people who were counting on me tonight.
I might have started this whole volunteering gig to keep a closer eye on Levi, but I’d found myself putting more into it and getting more out of it than I’d anticipated.
I’d started interacting with some of the people who used the soup kitchen’s services and while I didn’t know all their stories, I’d seen enough to know that my contribution made a difference.
I gave myself five minutes to calm down before I went back into the building.
Levi wasn’t in the kitchen, but I didn’t really care.
I kept myself busy by cleaning up the mess we’d made with the water, but all that did was cause my temper to notch up again as I remembered how eagerly Levi had kissed me back and how good he’d felt in my arms.
And how damn beautiful his laugh was.
Five minutes passed, then another five before I started to wonder if Levi had left.
I hadn’t seen him leave through the back entrance, but he could have gone through the church’s front entrance.
But I doubted he’d bail on his responsibilities.
I waited a few more minutes and then began looking for him.
I told myself it was because we needed to finish up the dinner preparations, but I knew that was a lie.
Now that my immediate anger had started to die down, I couldn’t help but remember the way he’d begged me to hear him out.
When I reached the back rooms, I noticed the door to the small bedroom was closed, so I figured that was his likely hiding spot. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I started to get nervous as I remembered his breakdown this morning in my bathroom.
“Levi,” I called as I knocked again. Still no answer.
I expected the door to be locked as I turned the knob, but it wasn’t.
The room was dim since only the small lamp on the nightstand was on, but there was enough light for me to see Levi sitting on the bed with his right arm balanced on his lap.
It took me several long seconds to understand what I was seeing.
Because where I should have seen the black ink from the tattoo, I saw only white foam.
I automatically flipped on the overhead light so I could see better.
The additional light helped me see the dark ink of the tattoo, but something wasn’t right.
My eyes fell to a yellow bottle on the floor next to Levi’s feet.
“What-” I began as I read the label from where I was standing.
Oven cleaner.
My eyes flipped back to Levi’s wrist and I shook my head in disbelief.
“What the hell?” I yelled as strode forward and snatched Levi’s arm so I could get a better look. The blackness I was seeing wasn’t the tattoo at all. It was his fucking skin!
“What have you done?” I asked, completely horrified. The white foam on Levi’s wrist was bubbling. I glanced at his face and saw that sweat had formed on his brow and his face was pale and drawn tight.
In pain.
“Jesus,” I said as I snatched the bottle of oven cleaner off the floor and turned it around to read the label. I dropped it as soon as I found what I was looking for.
Lye.
One of the ingredients was lye and it was currently burning away the layers of Levi’s skin.
I yanked him none too gently to his feet.
I knew I needed to get the shit off him, but I was afraid of the damage I’d do if I just wiped it away with my shirt or something else.
I needed to get him to running water. But the second I began pulling him from the room, Levi fought back.
“No!” He tried to rip his arm free. “I need to make sure it’s gone first!”
“Stop it!” I shouted and then I bodily dragged him to the kitchen.
“No!” Levi screamed again, but I ignored him and pulled him to the sink and turned the water on. But he was fighting me so much that I knew I’d only end up hurting him more if I forced his hand under the water.
“Levi, stop,” I said, but he only fought me harder.
“It’s not who I am!” he cried.
Guilt tore through me as I realized I’d done this to him.
Because I hadn’t been willing to listen.
And because I’d been waiting for proof that he wasn’t a good man. I’d condemned him to try and ease my own conscience.
“Baby, I know,” I said as I released his arm and grasped his face between my hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain. But please, please let me help you.”
Levi began to cry. “I’m not like them!” he said brokenly.
I had a good idea of who them was. “Levi, I know you’re not,” I said quickly. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. Every second that shit remained on his skin, the more damage it did. “Baby, please, let’s get it off and then we’ll talk.” I kissed him softly and tasted tears.
Levi finally nodded his head even as more tears fell from his eyes.
I quickly adjusted the temperature of the water so it was lukewarm and then turned down the pressure so it wouldn’t hit his skin with too much force.
I choked back a sob when I put his wrist beneath the flow of water.
The foam disappeared and immediately revealed a large oval burn that was black along the edges and an angry, splotchy mix of uneven skin that ranged from black to pink to red in color.
Bile rose in my throat as I realized just how many layers and layers of skin had been burned away.
I was tempted to use my hand to try to clean the wound since it seemed like not all the oven cleaner was coming off, but I didn’t want to risk causing more damage.
Levi was quiet as I worked, but I knew he had to be in extreme pain.
“Leave your arm under the water, okay?” I said as I began searching for a clean towel.
I grabbed one from beneath the sink along with a roll of paper towels.
Once I returned to Levi’s side, I realized he was starting to mentally check out.
“Baby, I need you to stay with me,” I said as I gently put my hands on either side of his face.
The move seemed to help him focus, but instead of speaking, he merely nodded.
I quickly folded several pieces of paper towel into squares and then got them wet. “Levi, I’m going to cover the burn with the paper towels and then wrap a regular towel around your arm so we can keep the area wet until we get to the hospital.”
“Hospital?” Levi said and immediately began shaking his head. “No, I’m not going to the hospital.” He started to pull his hand back so I carefully grabbed his arm to keep it under the water.
“The burn is really bad…bad enough that I think it will get infected if it isn’t treated properly.”
“We have to finish making dinner,” he said quietly. I was beginning to think he might be in shock because he seemed out of it.
“I’ll call Father O on the way. I’m sure he can ask Sherry or Patrick to come in early…we finished most everything anyway, remember?”
Levi managed a simple nod.
“So, you’ll go?” I asked, not sure what I’d do if he said no.
Another nod. “Please don’t tell Father O what I did.”
“I’ll just tell him you burned yourself while cooking.”
“I just wanted it gone, Phoenix,” he whispered suddenly.
“I know you did, baby. Let’s just get you to the hospital so they can get you feeling better, okay?”
“Yeah,” Levi murmured.
I got the injury wrapped as best I could and then led Levi to my car, locking the soup kitchen door behind us.
Once I had Levi settled, I called Father O and told him the story I’d come up with to cover for Levi.
I was certain lying to a priest had to count as some kind of sin, but since I’d been doing it from day one, I figured adding another falsehood to the list wasn’t going to matter much.
The ER was a zoo when we arrived, but fortunately we didn’t have to wait too long after seeing the triage nurse. But as I got up to go with Levi to be examined, Levi dealt me yet another blow when he said, “Can you stay out here?”
I nodded, but said, “You sure?”