Chapter 17
Chris
Walking into the main part of the office, I tell Mandi, “I need to leave early. There’s something I have to do.”
Mandi glances up from her computer screen, her face filled with censure. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to see your new pseudo-client. Which, by the way, I haven’t seen the retainer come in for.”
Annoyance compresses around me. I know she means well, but the tone she’s using toward Lily pisses me off. I can’t imagine what she’d say if she knew Lily was basically living with me now.
Not being able to hold back, I snap, “Mandi, this is my law firm. If I want to take on pro-bono clients, that’s my choice. And it’s none of your goddamn business what I’m doing.”
Surprise and hurt filter across her face, and I feel like an even bigger asshole than usual. I jam my fingers into my hair and bite out, “Fuck.”
She holds up a hand. “No, you’re right. I overstepped.”
My eyes close, and I shake my head as guilt consumes me.
When I look back at one of the most important people in my life, I say, “You didn’t overstep.
I’m an asshole, but I know you know that already,” I joke, somewhat relieved when I see a hint of a smile from her.
“But to answer your question, Tom got onto me because I haven’t been by to see Seth.
I was going to head over there, but I need to stop by the bank to get some cash. ”
When Tom asked me to check in on Seth, it led me to give his mom money to make sure he’s taken care of.
Which disgusts me to my very core that I’d ever give Christy a dime.
But I have to remind myself that it’s for Tom and Seth, not her.
The times that she hasn’t demanded I give her money, I slip the envelope to Seth instead.
The first few times, I specifically told him that it was just for him and that he could spend it or save it, as long as it didn’t go to his mother.
Now I don’t even have to tell him. We just have an unspoken agreement now.
It helps that he’s older, and I think he’s started to understand the world more than when he was younger and sheltered from it.
Mandi’s face softens. “I know that’s hard for you. But I commend you for continuing to show up for that kid. One day, he’s going to realize who the good people in his life are. Don’t be surprised when he shows up at your door the second he turns eighteen.”
As someone who never really considered having kids, you’d think that would scare me. But all I feel is hope that he does make the decision to distance himself from his mother one day.
A smile that feels strained but hopeful lifts my lips. “Maybe one day that will happen. But until then, I have to go deal with that awful excuse of a human.”
“Good luck.” She opens her mouth to say something more, but quickly closes it.
Sighing, I tell her, “Go ahead. Say what you want to.”
She grimaces. “Well, I just wanted to say, I don’t really understand what’s happening with that woman, but I want you to know I support you in whatever it is.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose because, honestly, I also don’t know what the hell is going on. “I appreciate that, Mandi. I really do. It’s…complicated.”
“Carlos said I shouldn’t give you any shit about it.”
I bark out a laugh. “Well, I guess there’s one good thing about you two dating.”
“Among other reasons,” she counters with a smirk.
Shaking my head, I turn toward the door. “Gross. I have to leave now.”
Her laughter follows me into the parking lot. I suck in a lungful of fresh air, steeling myself for what I’m about to do. An hour later, I pull to a stop next to the curb. Looking over at the house, I tap my thumb on the steering wheel. Years-long anger sizzles through my body.
This is for Seth. That’s who matters.
My exhale growls out of me before I open the door and step out. The air around me feels oppressive. Like even it knows what seeing the one woman I hate more than anyone in this world will do to my state of mind.
Pushing that aside, I make the short walk to the front door.
My foot barely hits the front porch when the door opens, and Seth steps out with a nervous smile on his boyish face.
At fourteen, he’s filled out quite a bit, and it makes me realize that it’s definitely been longer than I intended since I’ve seen him last.
“Seth, how are you, kid?” I pull him in for a quick hug, not wanting to prolong it, knowing how I felt about displays of affection when I was his age.
“I’m good. I’ve missed seeing you.” He glances behind him at the closed door.
I shove my hands into my pockets. “I’ve missed you, too. You have my number. Don’t be afraid to use it.”
He nods hesitantly and gives a small shrug. I know exactly what he’s trying to communicate with that, so I drop it.
“How’s school going?”
His smile grows. “I made the basketball team. I’m real good.” Clearing his throat, he swallows audibly. “You should come to a game. I play every Thursday at 6:30, and sometimes we have a tournament on Saturdays.”
“I would love that. Shoot me your schedule, and I’ll come to your next game.”
Seth bobs his head excitedly, but then the door behind him opens and causes him to startle. My smile falls when Christy sticks her head out.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she spits out at me.
Seth’s cheeks pinken. In a hushed tone, even though I can hear every word, he says, “Mom, you don’t have to talk to Uncle Chris like that.”
She glares at him, then her eyes turn even icier when they shift back to me. “He’s not your fucking uncle, Seth. Tell him goodbye and get your ass back in the house.”
Seth cringes when the door slams. He turns to me, his expression apologetic, but I wave him off before he can say anything. “Don’t worry about it, kid.
Reaching into my jacket pocket, I try to keep my hand out of view of the window.
The curtains are drawn, but I don’t trust Christy not to be watching us.
Seth seems to recognize what I’m doing since we’ve been down this path before.
I hold out my hand to shake his, and he grasps my hand, the envelope pressed between our palms.
“Take care of yourself, Seth. And don’t forget to send me your schedule. I really want to come see you.” There’s so much I want to say to him, so much that I wish he knew. Not just about who his mom really is, but about how much Tom cares about him. How much I care about him.
But I don’t.
I just leave the moment as it is, and hope that, one day, things will be different.
“Thanks, Uncle Chris. I’ll see you soon.”
I incline my chin and release his hand, taking a step back. But I don’t leave the porch until he slips the envelope in the pocket of his jeans and turns toward the front door. He glances back at me one last time before disappearing into the house.
The emotions clogging my throat take me by surprise as I make my way back to my car. I sniff through them as I pull away from the curb. There’s nothing I can do about Seth right now and, unfortunately, I have more pressing matters at hand.
When I make the turn into the garage, I don’t even remember the drive home. My mind wandered the entire way. But now I’m wondering if Lily’s home. Wondering what she’s doing. Or better yet, what she’s wearing.
The last few days have been oddly peaceful, considering what’s going on around us.
Each night, one of us makes dinner or we order in.
We talk about our days as we eat. Then we move into the living room and turn on a movie, or if there’s a game on, we’ll watch that while both of us work. Or I’ll work, and she’ll read.
Last night, I even slept almost seven hours straight.
Which hasn’t happened since probably before Tom was arrested.
I was so disoriented this morning when I woke up and saw what time it was.
The first night she was staying with me, I convinced myself that it was just my body finally giving in to the years of exhaustion.
But as the days have gone on, the timing for my continued restful sleep in years is certainly telling.
Stepping inside my condo, I’m greeted by music playing over my surround sound system and Lily’s mock-stern voice coming from my kitchen. I stop walking and just listen, since she clearly doesn’t realize I came home.
“Hankie, I swear to goodness, stop meowing at me. I’m not giving you another treat. You’ve had too many already.”
Meow.
“Fine, one more. But no more. And don’t tell your dad. I don’t need you getting me in trouble.”
I stifle my laugh as I take the last few steps down the entry hall, emerging into the open layout. “Too late.”
The scream she lets out scares Hank so much that he bolts from the room. My laugh can no longer be stifled. I laugh for a few minutes as Lily scolds me for “scaring the shit out of her.”
After a few minutes, Hank returns, and my laughter dies down. Lily’s watching me with a perplexed look on her face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask as I walk around the counter and join her in the kitchen.
She leans back against the counter and tilts her head to the side. “I’ve just never heard you laugh like that. It was…really nice.”
I get somewhat self-conscious about her observation, probably because it’s a spotlight on how miserable I’ve been. Not that she’d have any way of knowing that. But it’s something I’ve become a master at deflecting every time Mandi has broached the subject.
Turning away, I open the cabinet, getting a glass. I need something to take the edge off. I move to fill it with a heavy pour of bourbon. “What’s for dinner tonight?”
Lily steps up to my side, pulling the oven door open to check on whatever is inside. The savory scent hits my nose, and my stomach growls, reminding me that I didn’t eat lunch today.
“Uh, I probably should’ve asked if you liked this, but I made a simple chicken pot pie.”
I turn and lean against the counter, taking a sip of bourbon with a ghost of a smile. “My mom used to make that all the time growing up. It was one of my favorites.”
Lily’s beautiful face is a mix of relief and happiness. “Oh, thank goodness. Halfway through baking, I started to get a little nervous. Should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out.
Connor’s calling. Without answering, I already know why.
I look up, and my eyes find Lily, who has knelt down and is petting Hank, telling him how much she loves him and how cute he is. She says he only has to wait fifteen minutes for his dinner, too. I look back at my phone, thinking it might be good for my headspace to get out.
The call goes to voicemail before it immediately starts ringing again. Lily and Hank both stare up at me in question, and I connect the call.
“Connor.”
“Hey, man. You coming to poker tonight?”
“I’m not going to make it tonight. Maybe next time.”
He starts to argue, and I disconnect the call, not really wanting to hear him because it’d just be a waste of both our time.
Lily stands and brushes cat hair off her pants. “It’s okay if you want to go out. Me and Hank will be fine if you have something you need to do.”
I shake my head as I turn off my phone and toss it on the counter. There’s nothing so important that people need to contact me tonight. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just a poker game I go to sometimes with a bunch of lawyers.”
“You sure? That sounds like fun.” She tilts her head and furrows her brow. “Well, probably fun. I don’t really know because I’ve never played poker.”
“What? You’ve never played poker?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. I’ll be honest, my life with Blake didn’t involve a lot of games.”
I scoff. “Well, I hope you didn’t plan on working tonight, because I know exactly what we’re doing after dinner.”
Her wide, infectious grin tells me I made the right choice staying home.