Chapter 19 #2
My body quakes as sobs overtake me, and I lose all semblance of control. When he hugs me harder, I inhale the cologne I’ve come to love.
His chin rests on top of my head as he gently rocks us back and forth as if he’s soothing a crying baby. Which, I suppose, is fitting right now.
“I want nothing more than to help you,” he murmurs, so low that if I weren’t chest to chest with him, I might not have heard it. “Come on.”
He doesn’t release me, but he turns us so I’m tucked into his side, leading me over to the couch.
Carefully, he lowers us both onto it, still keeping me tight to him so I’m tucked under his arm with my chest to his side.
My hand rests on his chest while his hand goes to my waist. Hank joins us and tucks in on the other side of me.
And then I cry some more.
Harder than I think I’ve cried since my mom died when I was twenty.
I cry for the version of me that I lost so many years ago when I first met Blake.
I cry for the marriage that I should’ve left years ago, but was too scared to do it.
I cry because I wish this weren’t my life right now, because I want something simpler and carefree.
And most prominently, I cry because I’m afraid of what my future holds.
Especially after the last few days with Chris.
Our relationship feels different. Our connection continues to grow.
I’m so angry that I would finally find the kind of attraction to someone that I’ve only read about in books, and that I’m in danger of being ripped away from it.
All because the man who controlled my life for years was an awful human being.
My tears start to subside, and I’m left with an occasional whimper as the remaining emotions slowly simmer away. All the while, Chris’s hands trail up and down my back and arm, and he murmurs soothing words against the top of my head.
I’m exhausted by the time I’m done, and my eyes flutter closed, my cheek still resting on his muscular chest. A soft purring from Hank soothes me.
Despite the heaviness that the onslaught of emotions left in my chest, this moment with Chris and sweet Hank brings a comfort that helps lighten some of it, even as I’m left wrung out and exhausted.
“Lily, I think we need to talk about what the hell happened,” Chris whispers into my hair. “I know I haven’t known you long, but I’ve never seen you like that.”
The tip of my finger traces the edges of a button on his shirt as I try to form the sentences to explain everything that happened that got us here. I decide to go with the most recent. “The detectives showed up at my work today.”
Chris’s hands freeze, and his chest stops moving under my head. After a moment, he slowly releases his breath, and I continue. “They said that they were told about the attempted break-in and that the person in the video looked like my build.”
“Please tell me you’re joking and they didn’t fucking do that. Because I’ll bury them in so much procedural red tape that it’ll be coming out of their asses.” The tone in Chris’s voice makes me happy I’d never have to be up against him in court.
But also, what he said makes me giggle. Or maybe it’s the delirium I’m slipping into following the sudden release of such intense emotions.
His chest vibrates with a deep laugh. “It isn’t funny, Lily. That pisses me the fuck off.”
Because I’m already cuddled into my attorney’s side, I figure a little more can’t hurt. I snuggle in and curl my leg up to get more comfortable. His hand leaves my waist and grips my thigh right above my knee, yanking it higher so my thigh rests on top of his.
“This is probably more comfortable,” he murmurs, and I don’t argue because it is.
“I didn’t say anything to them,” I reassure him. “I think they were probably telling me that so they could gauge my reaction.”
“You’re probably correct. And I’m proud of you for not saying anything to those bastards.”
His praise lights me up. Blake never said anything like that. Usually, it was just how disappointed or disgusted he was with me. Never how proud.
Unfortunately, that light is extinguished when I admit quietly, “Chris, I’m scared.”
His arm tightens on my shoulders, and his grip squeezes my thigh. The touch ignites me, and I feel it between my legs.
“I know you are. I don’t want you to be, but I get it.
I’ve watched that video hundreds of times, looking for anything that could help, and there’s no way that person looks like you at all.
” His chest rises with his deep inhales.
“That was very clearly a man. Even if you were to base it solely on his obvious lack of your curves.”
My cheeks heat. Not because that was a compliment—on the surface, it wasn’t—but because there was a small hitch of appreciation in his tone that I can’t ignore.
He goes on, oblivious to my internal spiraling for an entirely different reason than a few moments before. “They were trying to see how you’d react to thinking that you were caught. They wanted to remind you that you’re still a suspect and that they’re keeping a close eye on you.”
I move on to tracing another button as I lose myself in the moment, trying to push everything else out of my mind to give myself a slight break, knowing full well they’ll be back in no time.
Pressure on the top of my head tells me his cheek is resting on it. “Let’s not talk about that anymore tonight. There’s plenty of time for all of this. What do you want for dinner? I can make something, or I can order something to be delivered.”
“Can we order Chinese?”
Blake hated Chinese food, but it’s one of my favorites. This is the true test of whether Chris is a better man than Blake. He’s already light years ahead of him, but this will seal the deal.
“Fuck yes. I love Chinese food. I know just the place we can order from.”
Passed with flying colors.