Chapter 20
Chris
“Chris? Will you sleep with me? Like, in my bed. I mean, well, your bed that’s currently my bed because I’m using it,” Lily stammers before rushing on, “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Sweet god of torture.
I want nothing more than to do that, and also, literally anything else but that. Our moment on the couch will forever be seared into my brain. I loved every second of that. And now, here we are, in the hall outside the guest room, right after I said goodnight.
There’s more between us after this weekend.
Neither of us has vocalized it, but we both know.
We both feel it. I know she knows I almost kissed her at the basketball game.
The look on her face told me she wanted it as much as I did.
But I held back and opted to hold her hand tight for the rest of the evening.
I don’t think I let go until we were back at the condo.
I needed that connection more than I could’ve explained if she had asked.
But she didn’t. She was just by my side, gripping my hand in silent support, seemingly almost as desperate not to let me go as well.
No matter how much I want it, I’d never make a move on her when she’s in such an obvious state of emotional distress, but sleeping in the same bed with her is exactly what we both need.
Pushing down any desire that this question has brought sizzling to my skin and my groin, I smile down at her. “Of course, I will. But how about we sleep in my bed? It’s bigger.”
Her returning smile is nervous but relieved. Lily points to the guest bathroom. “I’m going to go get ready for bed. It shouldn’t take long.”
I nod. “Just come in whenever you’re ready.”
Lily has a shy smile as she turns toward the bathroom, and I grit my teeth as the door closes between us. Stifling my groan, I walk into my bathroom to brush my teeth.
When I return to my bedroom, I unbutton my shirt and slide it off my shoulders, tossing it into the hamper, along with my pants and socks. I generally sleep in only boxer briefs, but I pull on a pair of sweats.
A few minutes later, I’m sitting up in bed, reading something on my phone, when quiet footsteps draw my attention away from the screen.
Lily stands in the doorway wearing baggy pajama pants and an equally oversized T-shirt.
Her dark brown hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
She looks so adorable and sexy all at once, and my body immediately reacts.
I raise a knee to help obscure the evidence of that.
This is going to be a long night.
She pads over to the bed and pulls the covers back before she flips off the lamp, and the bed shifts as she climbs in next to me.
I plug my phone in, drop it on my nightstand, and turn my lamp off.
As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I slide farther under the covers.
Propping my head up on my arm, I stare at the ceiling.
The bed shakes as Lily wiggles a little closer to me.
She isn’t touching me, but her body heat radiates into my skin.
The unrecognized sexual tension feels harder to ignore in the night.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to reach over and pull her against me, even if it was just to sleep with her in my arms.
“Chris?” Lily saying my name in that hushed tone while lying in my bed does nothing for my resolve not to touch her.
I take a deep breath before replying, “Yes?”
“Thank you. For tonight. For everything. I know I’ve said this before, but I can’t imagine not having you by my side through all of this.”
Turning my head, I can see her silhouette.
She’s lying on her side, facing me. I don’t even know what to say to her that won’t give away my true feelings.
Though, if I’m honest, tonight changes everything.
I think we both know that, but neither of us can put into words exactly what it means. Or where we go from here.
Running my hand across the sheet until I find her thigh, I squeeze it gently, pulling my hand away even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
“You’re welcome, Lily. Now go to sleep.” I issue that command, knowing I most likely won’t be able to do it myself.
Her breathing eventually evens out, and I turn my head once again, enjoying a moment to watch her uninterrupted, not caring that it’s just the shadows of her.
She’s gorgeous, even in sleep. It actually brings me comfort that she looks so peaceful after everything that’s happened. She deserves to have that and more.
After a few minutes of watching her, my eyes grow heavy. Giving in to the sensation, I fall asleep with images of Lily on my mind.
There’s so much warmth surrounding me. It’s making it hard to fully wake up, like it’s lulling me into the depths of sleep, not wanting to release me from its clutches. I haven’t slept this hard in a very long time.
Something shifts against me, and I let out a low groan as I inhale a sweet scent. Whatever moved freezes, causing my eyes to pop open. I’m staring at the back of Lily’s head. Her back is securely against my chest, my arm wrapped around her waist, holding her in place.
But the worst, or maybe best, part is that her ass is snugly pressing into my now rock-hard cock.
There’s no easy way to extract myself from this situation, and right at this exact moment, I’m having a hard time remembering why I should. I take solace in the fact that Lily is also making no move to get out of this predicament.
Neither of us moves or speaks for a few moments, but then she makes the slightest movement, pressing her ass harder into me. My arm around her waist tightens even more, and I bury my nose in her neck.
“Chris...” My name is a breathy moan that drives me insane.
Needing to at least verbalize that this is a bad idea, even if I’m doing the exact opposite, I murmur against her skin. “Lily, we really shouldn’t.”
Her body presses even more into mine with her deep inhale. “I know you’re right, but…”
Suddenly, I know two things—I am going to fuck this woman, but this morning isn’t going to be our first time.
I move back a little to allow her to roll onto her back. She stares up at me, and the desire shining in her eyes almost has me changing my mind. Smoothing the loose strands of hair away from her face, I leave my hand cupping the side of her head.
“I want you more than anything, but I think we should take a day to really make sure this is what we want. You’ve been through a lot. Your husband just died.”
She grips my wrist. “I didn’t love him.”
I place a kiss on her forehead, loving the way her skin feels against my lips. “I know, baby. But that doesn’t change the facts. I need you to make sure this, and me, are what you want.”
Gnawing on her bottom lip, her green eyes search mine. “What do you want?”
My tongue wets my suddenly parched lips. “I shouldn’t. But I’m not going to lie… You. I only want you.”
A small smile grows on her face, making getting out of bed even more difficult.
I clear my throat as if that will dispel my arousal. “Alright, let’s get out of bed before I convince myself I’m a fucking idiot. We can talk more tonight.”
She laughs as I move off her so we both can get out of bed.
“Oh my god,” Lily gasps.
I glance over at her and find her stare locked on the front of my tented sweats. Groaning, I turn away from her and head toward the bathroom, muttering, “Scratch that, I am in fact a fucking idiot.”
The tinkling laughter that follows me as she leaves my bedroom, while not as good as being in bed next to her, has my heart thudding with affection.
Sitting at my desk, taking notes, I glance up when Mandi walks into my office. She sets a cup of coffee from a local place nearby on my desk.
“Your reward for working so hard today,” she teases.
Rolling my eyes, I take off my reading glasses, tossing them on the desk before grabbing the coffee and gulping some down, ignoring the slight burn. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”
She shrugs with a smug smile.
I take another drink before telling her, “Tom asked about you the other day. Said he would love it if you came to visit sometime soon.”
Her smile grows regretful as her eyes shift down and she toys with the top of her cup. When she looks back up, any joviality is gone. “I feel bad. I haven’t been to see him in a while. Just makes me so sad to see him in there.”
I nod because I get it. “I know. It’s hard for me, too.”
She waves a hand in the air. “I’m sorry, Chris. That was stupid. I’m sure it’s infinitely more difficult for you. I have no real excuse.”
“Mandi, it’s not a comparison about who’s allowed to feel more sad. You care about Tom, too. You’re allowed to feel however you want.”
Letting out an emotional breath, she nods. “I’ll go see him later this week.”
Smiling, I take another sip of my coffee. “Good.”
“How’s Seth?” she asks. She’s met Seth a few times when he was younger, but has heard me talk about him enough times.
I shake my head. “He’s definitely a teenager now. I got to see him play basketball on Saturday. He texted me that his mom couldn’t be at the game and asked if I wanted to come. He was so good. And he’s only a freshman.”
Mandi clasps her hands under her chin. “I love hearing that. Maybe he’ll get a college scholarship.”
I lift a shoulder. “Doesn’t matter. He’ll have his college paid for one way or another.”
Mandi and Tom are the only people who know I set up an investment account for Seth years ago and have been putting money into it regularly. He’ll have a good amount to pay for college and get him a comfortable life once he leaves his mom’s house.
Her watery smile hits me right in the heart. “You’re a good man. Chris.”
The corner of my lips lifts in a half smile, but needing to move to a less emotionally charged topic, I ask, “Now, did you come in here just to give me coffee, or did you have another reason?”
“That was really it.”
I pick my glasses back up and slip them on. “Well, get back to work then, before I dock your pay.”