Chapter 4
For days after my father told us about his diagnosis, I had isolated myself from everyone.
My family and friends checked on me, but I only responded to let them know I was alive.
That was all I could give them, because I tried to wrap my head around his diagnosis.
I googled all types of treatments, diets, and holistic things we could do to help him.
By the time I emerged from my home, I felt optimistic about the next steps.
Instead of going to work, I decided to hang out with my father to see how he felt. I knew he had to be feeling ten times worse than the rest of us. He was the one that had to go through this process, but we all would be there for him and each other.
“Hey, Dad. How are you feeling today?” I asked my father when I entered his apartment.
When he and my mom got divorced, he moved into an apartment on the other side of town.
“Hey, Babygirl. I’m doing okay. How are you?”
I sat on the love seat in the middle of the room.
If it were up to him, he would only have a recliner and a television in his living room, but I talked him into getting the couch and some artwork to decorate.
My father had always been a minimalist, and it had gotten worse over the years.
He didn’t even have a television in his bedroom.
Over the years, he dated, but none of them lasted longer than a few years. I thought he and my mom would have rekindled their relationship, but as I got older, I understood why. Adult me realized they were better off as friends.
“I’m okay, I think. I really don’t know how to feel about all of this.” I sighed.
He picked up the remote and lowered the volume on the TV.
“It’s okay, River. I came to terms with whatever way things are going to play out. I lived a good life, and my children are happy and thriving. Your mother is good as well. We may not be together anymore, but I will always love your mother.”
The way he talked made me feel like he had already put a death sentence on his life, and I felt uncomfortable.
“Well, I’ll be with you during the whole chemo process.”
After my research, I read that chemo could help him, and I prayed that it would.
“River, I’m not doing chemo anymore.”
“Anymore? When did you do it?”
My heart slammed against my chest because how did he go through chemo, and nobody knew about it?
“I started it, but they said the disease had progressed so much that it was no use. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I didn’t want you all to worry. I only told you guys now because I’ve exhausted all treatments.”
Immediately, hot tears streamed down my face.
Everything sounded so final. To know that my father went through all of that by himself bothered me.
I couldn’t imagine that, but it also proved just how strong a person my father really was.
He was never the type to tell people what was going on in his life, especially if you were distant any other time.
“Daddy.” I sobbed. My shoulders sagged as the tears flowed steadily.
“River. Listen to me.”
I couldn’t look at him, because I would probably cry even harder. We were quiet for a few seconds while I tried to compose myself.
I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, and focused my attention on my dad. It was in that moment that I got a good look at him and realized how much weight he had lost over the last couple of months. He didn’t have that glow he used to have anymore.
“I know all of this came at you fast, and it’s hard, but everything will work out whatever way it’s supposed to. During this time, I just want to spend time with you guys as much as possible.”
My chest felt like someone had dropped a weight in the middle of it. The air felt stiff, and I needed to get out of there before I completely spiraled.
I thought about what Coye said to me a few days ago about being there for me, and he was the first person I wanted to call.
I stood from the couch and walked over to my dad. The tears hadn’t stopped, and I wasn’t sure when they would.
“I’m going to go, Daddy. I’ll give you a call later.”
“I understand. Are you okay to drive?”
“I am. I just need some air. I love you.” I leaned down and hugged him.
He returned the hug and kissed my cheek. “I love you, too. Text me when you get home, or wherever you are going. I just need to know that you are safe.”
I nodded, then released him. I grabbed my bag from the table and went outside.
The minute the cool air hit me, I sucked in a few breaths to calm myself down.
I pulled out my phone and called Coye.
“What’s up, Babygirl?”
The way he called me that name sounded different from the way my dad or my brother said.
“Coye,” I choked out.
I closed my eyes as I leaned against my car.
“Are you home?” I asked as my voice quaked.
“I am. Are you okay?” The concern in his voice made more tears spill.
“Can I come over?” I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Of course. Are you okay driving?”
I told him I was and unlocked my car. For years, I had his number but used it maybe once or twice. It was never for anything serious.
We hung up the phone, and I headed to his house.
Twenty minutes or so later, I arrived at Coye’s house.
I managed to keep my tears at bay the whole ride, but I wasn’t sure how long it would last.
I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat, then got out of the car. The minute my car door closed, I heard Coye’s front door open.
He walked down the steps toward me as I walked the short way up his driveway.
Coye stopped in front of me. “Tell me what happened, Babygirl.” His husky voice made my temperature rise.
His cologne wrapped around my body. My vision was focused on socked feet in a pair of slides as tears quickly fell.
Coye placed his thick finger under my chin and lifted it. He used his big hands to wipe my face.
“Let’s go inside.” He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the steps.
We entered his house, and he showed me to the living room. I looked around at how dim the lights seemed to be. There was a candle that was lit on the table.
“Why is it so dark in here?” I asked when he took the seat next to me.
Coye chuckled. “It’s not that dark. I wasn’t sure where your head was at, so I wanted to create a relaxing atmosphere. I don’t like to see you cry.”
Heat crept up the back of my neck.
“My daddy won’t be getting chemo. He said it’s too far gone,” I blurted before a loud sob came out.
Coye snatched me into his arms and rubbed my back. “Shh. It’s going to be okay.” He comforted me as he continued running his hand up and down my back.
My fingers dug into the couch cushion, and I felt my chest tighten.
My loud cries were the only sound in the house. The harder I cried, the harder it became for me to breathe properly.
Coye pulled back. “Look at me, River.”
When I opened my eyes, his eyes were pinned on me. “Inhale.” The word came out so soft and soothing, but the spurts were coming out too quickly, so I found it hard to follow his instructions.
He sucked in a breath and put his hands on my shoulders. “Inhale, Babygirl,” he demanded when he exhaled.
Mimicking his movements, I inhaled and exhaled a few times before I got myself together.
My nipple pressed against my shirt when he said, “Good girl,” then winked.
“You feel better?”
“A little.” My breathing had slowly returned to normal.
He dropped his arms from my shoulders. “Not good enough. Turn around,” Coye commanded.
I did what he asked and shifted on the couch, so my back faced him. I slightly jumped when I felt his hands on my shoulders.
“Relax.”
I closed my eyes and let my head drop the second he kneaded my shoulders.
“So tight.”
Something about the inflection in his voice made my clit tingle. The feelings Coye suddenly made me feel were not supposed to happen.
I tried to hold back on the moan that wanted to come out, but I couldn’t help it as he rubbed all the built-up tension in my shoulders.
“That’s it. All I need you to do is release all your emotions.”
God, why is he talking to me like that?
He talked like he was coaching me through an orgasm, and how magical his hands felt, I was on the verge of one.
“I can feel your shoulders relaxing. Keep taking deep breaths.”
I sucked in a deep breath, then slowly let out. I had to distract myself from his voice so close to my ear.
After a few more minutes, he stopped.
I turned around to face him. The concern in his eyes made my heart beat faster.
“Thank you,” I whispered, suddenly feeling shy under his gaze.
“No need.”
I put my head down and looked at the black and yellow area rug.
Coye lifted my chin with his finger. “You are strong, and so is Pops. You guys will get through this. You won’t be going through any of it alone.” He moved closer to me.
“I’m not your responsibility, Coye,” I whispered.
I didn’t want him to think he had to be there for me. I was sure he had other people in his life, even though I wasn’t sure of the last time he brought a girl around.
He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me close, crashing his lips into mine. I put my arms around his neck and gave him access to my mouth. Our tongues moved effortlessly, like we’d done it before. It caught me off guard, but I enjoyed it. So much so that I moaned.
“River, I’m here, and that’s final,” he said when we finally separated.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, and that kiss had me feeling delirious. “I have to go,” I blurted.
I didn’t give Coye a chance to stop me. I ran out of his house so fast I didn’t even bother putting my shoes on.
“River!” I heard Coye call me, but I ignored it.
He could have come to my car, but I knew him well enough to know that he would give me time to process what just happened.
When I made it down the street and away from Coye, I used the hands-free to call Lily, then she called Sophie.
“Y’all, I kissed Coye.” I rubbed my finger over my lips. I could still feel his lips on mine. I couldn’t believe that happened.
The silence on the other end made me look at the dashboard to make sure they didn’t hang up.
“Did y’all hear me?”
“We heard you,” Lily responded first. “Is there something else?”
“No, but… it’s Coye.”
“You mean fine ass, paid ass Coye. The one with the muscles and tattoos and shit. Healthy beard Coye,” Sophie added.
It took me a few minutes to get to my apartment complex. After parking in my designated spot, I grabbed my stuff and entered my house.
I flipped the light on and went straight to the kitchen. It was a good thing I had a bottle of wine in the fridge because I needed a drink.
“Did y’all forget he is Jordan’s best friend? He would probably kill both of us.”
I poured a good amount of wine into the glass and sat at the small table in the corner of the kitchen.
I could move into a bigger space, but I loved my little apartment.
It was one bedroom with one bathroom and on the first floor.
I had a big living room and a big enough room with a walk-in closet. There was enough space for me.
“Girl, you are overthinking a kiss,” Lily said. “You acting like you fucked him. Did you? Oh my God!”
“No, I did not fuck him.” I wouldn’t be opposed to it after the way he kissed me.
“I mean, you should.” Sophie chimed in.
I knew it was no use in telling them anything, but there was no way I could keep something like that for myself.
“How did y’all end up alone anyway?” Sophie asked.
I told them about the conversation with my father, and how I found myself on Coye’s doorstep.
We talked for a long while about everything. I managed not to cry about my father again, and the two of them encouraged me to see what would happen with Coye.
I was confused but felt better by the time we hung up. The wine helped. I showered and got myself in bed. I missed a few days of work, so it was time for me to go back.