Chapter 3
The next morning after Poppa Dean dropped that bomb on us, I started my day with a workout and meditation. It was my normal routine, but I spent a little longer in the stillness. I also spent more time than usual praying for healing and strength for Pops and the rest of the family.
River was the baby girl of the family, and I knew she would take it the hardest. Jordan had his wife to lean on, but River didn’t have anyone. I take that back; she had her friends, but it was different having friends than having a partner.
I thought about her all night, and I wanted to check in with her but knew she probably needed some space. I left her at Momma Dana’s house, so I knew she was watched over.
I had to go in to work, but I wasn’t going to do anything until I laid eyes on River. It fucked me up that she was so hurt, and I couldn’t fix it.
Once I was dressed for the day, I made myself a protein shake and left the house.
I lived in a five-bedroom, three-bathroom house in a pretty quiet neighborhood.
I didn’t need that much space, but it helped whenever my mom wanted to stay the night, or when the kids came over.
They didn’t stay over that often since I traveled a lot, but they each had their own room when they did stay.
It helped to give their parents some time alone.
I waved to my neighbor, who was outside with her dog, as I opened the door to my car.
It was a little chilly, so I let the car warm up a bit before pulling out of my driveway.
No matter where I parked, I backed into the spot.
I hated the way people drove through parking lots and streets sometimes, and I needed to see them coming.
I didn’t need anybody accidentally hitting me.
I listened to music as I drove. I needed the distraction.
I wasn’t sure if River was still there, but I hoped she was.
I stopped to get them some breakfast because I was sure nobody was in the mood to cook.
I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother was over there cooking for them, but she hadn’t called and said anything.
I stopped at the pancake place and got them platters of food. Jordan told me he and his family went home later so the kids could sleep in their own beds. I knew Pops stayed there, so I made sure to get him a plate as well.
Once I had everything, I drove the few minutes to the house. I felt relief when I spotted River’s car in the driveway, in the same spot as it was last night.
I gathered everything and walked up the few steps to the front door. In one hand was the bag of food, and in the other was a cup carrier with coffee and hot chocolate for River. Ever since she was little, she loved hot chocolate with whipped cream.
I rang the doorbell with my elbow and stood back.
A few minutes later, Momma Dana came to the door.
“Hey, Coye. I didn’t know you were coming by.” She stepped back and let me into the house.
She looked like she didn’t get that much sleep. I kissed her cheek, then put the stuff down on the table.
“I got you guys some breakfast. I figured you probably wouldn’t be in the mood to cook. How are you feeling?”
“Thank you, and as good as I can be, I guess. Still trying to wrap my head around it all. I was mad at him for not telling me right away, but I also get it. We know how he is. He doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him, and he’d rather go through things alone.
That was one of the things that drove me crazy about him.
It still does.” She offered a close-lipped smile.
I shook my head. “I know how stubborn he is.” I glanced near the steps in hopes that River would come downstairs.
“River is still upstairs.” She looked over at the table. “I see you got her some hot chocolate. Bring it up there. I don’t think she’s come out of the room except to use the bathroom. I wanted her to try and eat, but she hasn’t yet.”
“I got you. I’ll see if I can get her to eat.” I grabbed one of the platters from the bag, along with some condiments, and the hot chocolate.
When I reached the room, I knocked on the door. I waited for some type of movement or for her to say something, but nothing happened.
I knocked again.
“Go away,” River mumbled from the other side of the door.
“Babygirl, can I come in?”
I wasn’t sure if it would make a difference who it was, but I hoped maybe she would at least let me in.
A few seconds later, River opened the door. I wanted to pull her into my arms. Her eyes were red and puffy. Even her nose was red. She had her headscarf on and some pajama pants with a tank top. Her nipples were hard, and I tried my best not to look at them, but it was hard not to.
Her eyes went to the stuff in my hand, then back at me. “Is that for me?”
I snapped out of my lustful gaze and responded. “Yes.” I passed her the food but held on to the cup. “I heard you haven’t eaten, and we can’t have that.” I stepped forward, forcing her to move back so I could enter the bedroom.
There were tissues on the nightstand, and the covers were all over the place.
“I’m not hungry, Coye,” she informed me as she sat on the bed. Her scent filled the room.
The curtains were closed, and the light was off, so it was a little dark in the room.
“I need you to eat a little bit, and I’ll leave you alone.”
She sucked her teeth but opened the platter. Her eyes slightly lit up when she saw the pancakes with the slightly burnt edges and the crispy bacon.
I placed the hot chocolate on the table, then sat in the chair across the room, watching her as she poured syrup on the pancakes, then took a bite.
I responded to some emails on my phone because I didn’t want to stare at her while she ate.
River and I hardly ever spent more than a few minutes alone in all the years I’d known her.
It was usually when I came by and had to wait for Jordan, but that was it.
Once Jordan moved out, I saw her even less.
Sometimes I would go by the cookie shop to see her.
This little crush I had on her just started a few years ago, and it was getting harder to keep it to myself.
“I’m finished.” River’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. She sounded stuffy, which I assumed was from the crying she had done overnight.
“Did you see I got you some hot chocolate, too?” I pointed to the cup.
“Thank you. I’m sure you have some work to do.”
I wanted to be offended by her suggesting I had something better to do than check on her. That wasn’t the case, but I kept it to myself.
“Work can wait. I wanted to check on you. I want to be here for you, River, in whatever way you need me to be.”
Her breathing hitched for a second as she looked at me.
“You don’t have to, Coye. You’re not my man.”
The smirk on her face let me know she was joking, but it was enough to make me back off for now. I was just glad she at least tried to joke.
I stood from the chair and walked over to her. She looked at me like she didn’t know what I would do.
“You’re right, Babygirl. I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for you. I promise, whatever you need, don’t hesitate to call me.” I kissed her forehead, then left the room.
I could only hope she knew how serious I was and called me if she really needed me.
“Did she eat?” Momma Dana asked when I made it back downstairs.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sure she needs some space. I did tell her to call me if she needs me. That goes for you as well. I’m getting ready to check on your son on my way to work.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“Thank you, Coye, for always looking out for us.”
“I’m only trying to return everything y’all have given me over the years.” I kissed her cheek. “Call me if you need me,” I reminded her before I left the house.
There were plenty of days and nights I was at their house while my mom worked.
They treated me like I was one of their kids, so it was only right that I did things for them.
I sponsored vacations, paid to get things fixed, and a bunch of other shit.
My life could have turned out differently if it weren’t for them.
My mom did the best she could, but it was hard for her.
I respected them and my mother for everything they did for us over the years.
When I made it to my car, I called Jordan.
“What’s good, bro?” I asked when he answered. “I called to check on you.”
I heard him sigh, and he probably rubbed his hand over his head.
“Man, it’s been a rough night. I had to explain to the kids as much as I could without stressing them out. I don’t want to think the worst, but how can I not? Cancer ain’t shit to be playing with. Like, I could lose my pops, man.” He broke down, and my chest squeezed.
I didn’t want to think about losing any of our parents, especially not to some shit like that.
I gave him time to get himself together before I spoke again. “We aren’t claiming no bad shit. I’m here for you, bro, just know that. Whatever happens, I got y’all.”
“I appreciate you, bro. I know River is going to take this shit the hardest. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. I know she’s at my mom’s house, so I know she’s not alone.”
“Yeah, I dropped some food off to them. Mom’s said River wasn’t trying to come out of her room.”
“I’ll go by there in a little bit. Let me get myself together. I’ll holla at you later.”
“No doubt.”
I hung the phone up and focused on the road. I thought about River the whole time I drove. It was going to be a struggle keeping my feelings for her to myself.