Chapter 18
I woke up in my childhood bedroom with a headache as tears streaked down my cheeks. The rain and thunder coincided with the pain in my heart. It was the day of my father’s memorial service, and I wasn’t prepared for it.
For hours, I tossed and turned until my mom made me drink some chamomile tea along with taking some melatonin.
So many things ran through my mind as I stared at the ceiling. My brother was mad after finding out about Coye and me, and my daddy was officially gone.
I hadn’t talked to my brother in days, and that bothered me just as much as me not talking to Coye.
I read Coye’s message after he and my brother damn near fought, but I never responded.
I couldn’t respond. My emotions were all over the place.
I blamed myself for ruining Jordan’s relationship with Coye.
If we had talked to him when Coye mentioned it, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
I wasn’t sure if Coye would even show up for the service after my brother told him not to.
I stretched my arms, then sat on the side of the bed. I looked out the window as heavy raindrops fell. Of course, it would rain.
I swiped at the tears on my face and turned my head when I heard soft knocks on the door.
“River, are you awake?” Sophie asked as she slightly opened the door.
“I’m up.”
I slid my feet into my slippers as she came fully inside.
“Hey, love.” She came over and sat on the bed.
She and Lily stayed the night, and I remembered them being in the room with me for a while.
They stayed up with me as long as they could, comforting me and crying with me as we reminisced about my dad.
They also encouraged me to reach out to Coye when I was ready.
Both of them felt Coye was good for me, and they knew my brother would get over it once he calmed down.
“Hey. Where’s Lil?”
“She’s in the shower. Do you want some breakfast?”
I shook my head. My stomach was in knots, and I didn’t think eating would be a good idea.
“What about at least some fruit? Please?” She gave me her puppy dog eyes. “I can make you some peppermint tea, too.”
“Okay. Just some strawberries, grapes, and a banana for the protein.”
Sophie giggled and bumped her shoulders against mine. “Of course you’ll get grapes.”
My lips lifted into a slight smile. I appreciated my friends for always being there for me. I was always there for them as well in their time of need. That was what we did for each other.
“I’ll bring it up to you in a little bit.” She rubbed her hand over my knee. “We’ll get through today, together. Me on the left, Lily on the right.” She squeezed my knee again, then left the room.
When she closed the door, I got down on my knees and talked to God.
I talked to him often, but in this moment, I poured my heart out.
I asked him to give me the strength to get through the day, and I also asked him to take care of my dad for me.
My heart was still heavy by the time I was done, but I felt a tiny bit stronger.
I got up from the floor and headed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and winced at my hair all over the place and the puffiness in my eyes. I turned on the shower and brushed my hair into a bun while I waited for the water to get hot.
Once the water was at the right temperature, I stepped inside. I put my head down and cried more as the water cascaded down my back.
My shoulders shook as I sobbed. Everything felt wrong in my life, and I needed to get it back on track. Before the day was over, I needed to have a conversation with my brother. I needed him to be okay with Coye and me before I talked to Coye.
After a few minutes had passed, I got my emotions in check enough to wash up. I rinsed my body, shut the water off, grabbed my towel, and got out of the shower.
I moved in slow motion as I dried off, moisturized, then pulled my black dress over my head.
Even though it was still raining, I decided to wear my shades to cover my eyes. Once I was dressed, I went downstairs.
“I thought you were bringing my stuff up.” I teased Sophie when I made it to the kitchen.
“I figured I’d let you get yourself together first.”
I walked over and sat down at the table.
“Morning, Lil.”
“Morning, River.” Lily squeezed my shoulder and sat across from me.
As Sophie put the fruit on the table, my mom entered the kitchen. She wore a black pantsuit with a black hat that almost covered her face.
“Good morning, girls.”
We all spoke back as she went to the counter to make herself a cup of coffee. We all sat in silence as we ate fruit and sipped tea and coffee. Someone had dropped off pastries, so Lily and Sophie ate a couple of Danishes.
Once we were done, we left the house and got into the limo that would take us to the church. My brother and his family would meet us there.
A while later, my mother, my friends, my brother, and his family all sat in the front pew of the church. To the right of us was Coye and his mother, along with some of my father’s relatives. It was people I hadn’t seen in a long time, and I wasn’t looking forward to talking to any of them.
The church was packed with people who either worked with my dad or went to the schools he worked for. For over thirty years, my dad drove school buses, so he was well known around the town.
I peeked at Coye multiple times throughout the service, and I caught him looking at me. I missed him, but I needed a little more time.
Tears fell as I listened to the pastor give his sermon, then multiple people from my dad’s life spoke on how good a person he was.
My mom held one hand, while Lily held the other.
Sophie sat on the other side of Lily, but she had her arm stretched over Sophie, on my knee.
I felt their love and strength, but I really wished I could have been in Coye’s arms. They always made me feel so comfortable and protected.
I glanced at him again, and heat flooded me when he winked at me.
I shouldn’t have been thinking about him like that at my daddy’s funeral, but I couldn’t help myself.
When it was over, I fake-smiled and had unnecessary conversations with too many people that I cared to not talk to.
Coye and his mom stayed around, talking to people as well. Every so often, Coye’s eyes would meet mine, no matter where he was in the room.
My heart ached at not being able to talk to him.
He looked good in a black suit. I spotted him when he first entered the church.
Dark, expensive-looking shades covered his face.
He kept his jewelry minimum with just a gold watch and a gold bracelet.
Instead of his thick chain, he had on a much thinner one with an iced-out cross.
I realized how much I anticipated his arrival.
Tearing my gaze off Coye, I looked around the room until my eyes landed on my brother as he sat in a corner alone.
I made my way over to him and sat down. A minute or two passed before either of us spoke.
“I.” We spoke at the same time.
“You go first,” my brother suggested.
I inhaled and looked around the room. Two big pictures of my father were in front of the room. One from when he was a child, and the other one was taken a year ago.
“I’m sorry about not telling you about Coye. Everything just happened, and I knew you would be upset. He makes me happy, J.”
My brother looked me in my eyes for a few seconds. “I told my friends that you were off-limits, but I see my best friend didn’t listen.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “I’m not even necessarily mad that it happened, more so that y’all chose to keep it from me.”
“It’s not his fault, J.” I rubbed his arm. “It was me who told him not to say anything. He wanted to multiple times, but I shut it down each time. For that, I’m sorry.”
Jordan’s eyes roamed in Coye’s direction. Coye was talking, so he didn’t notice.
My brother returned his focus to me. “Does he make you happy?”
I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. I thought about how much better things seemed to be with Coye, even going through cancer with my dad.
“He does.”
Jordan stared off into space but didn’t say anything.
“Since as far as I can remember, I knew I had to protect you. Dad made sure to tell me that all of the time. I took my role seriously, even though I’m only four years older than you.
I remember one time you fell, and I got up to pick you up.
You were crying, and I held you and rubbed your back, and you quickly stopped crying.
” He chuckled. “And every time after that, if you cried, I picked you up. I hated every nigga that broke your heart. I wanted to fight them but couldn’t ’cause I wasn’t trying to go to jail.
You are my heart, Babygirl. The most important thing is your happiness.
Coye is a good dude, or he wouldn’t be my best friend.
If he makes you happy, then there’s nothing I can do but accept it.
I know he would protect you just as much as I would. ”
I wrapped my arms around my brother and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” He kissed my forehead, then got up.
I stayed in the corner a little bit longer. When I was ready, I went to spend time with my friends and family as we reminisced about my dad.
I’d give myself a few days before I called Coye and see if things would work. It felt like a weight had been lifted after getting my brother’s approval.