Chapter Seven #4
This was his last piece of Ethan.
May the Great Spirit forgive him for the cruelty he’d handed his brother to save him.
Because he liked hurting himself, clearly, he flipped it open.
And read it.
‘My brother,
Thank you for letting me hide here and knowing that it was best to give me space. There are very few people in this world who know me as well as you. In fact, Gene is the only other person who has the common sense to know when I’m not in a good place.
I came here to run and hide, and when the pain of losing my job hit, there was only one person I wanted to comfort me.
You. Deep down, I know that the love between us is something that we’ll never experience again.
I love Gene more than anything, but you and I have something special and unique.
I know that the reason I keep coming back here isn’t the rez, but you.
That love I have for you is that single attraction that calls me here.
I miss having you in my life, and it was wrong to hurt you.
I’m so sorry that I did, and I promise to work on making up for it.
I know you are angry with me, but I want to be that brother again.
I want to have you come visit our home in DC and Philadelphia.
I want a relationship with you. Losing you was the biggest loss of my life, next to losing my mother, and I know it.
Leaving you was devastating, but finding my way back to you… it’s healing me.
I hope that we can spend some time alone riding like we used to—preferably not on the reservation. I don’t do well here, but I know we can meet elsewhere, and this time, I’ll show up. I swear on Gene’s life. The bottom line is that I miss hearing your laughter and how you call me ‘EJ’.
When Granddad brought you home, I was given a gift.
I’m glad they took me away and not you. I’m glad I endured the abuse in those foster homes and not you.
Every time I was abused, all I thought was ‘Callen is safe’.
To me, that’s all that mattered. I don’t hate you.
I hate what happened to me. I’m growing as a person and learning that.
I know that with you back in my life, I can finish healing.
I can be Ethan Blackhawk again. I can be your brother until my death.
I love you, CJ. I’m heading back to Philly because I have to work, but I promise to keep in touch daily.
I’m going to start helping you take care of Timothy and Wyler.
I’d love a second chance, CJ, and I’m sorry I wasted the years in between with anger.
I’m a new man. Now, I’m willing to be the brother you deserve. I’ll prove it.
Forever,
EJ.
Your other half.’
As soon as he read it, Callen sat down, and it felt like all of the strength in his legs was gone.
He’d not expected Ethan to be honest and open with him regarding his feelings. In fact, he would have thought Hell froze over first.
Oh, and it wasn’t lost on him that this had been the moment he’d been waiting for, and now, it was over.
Because he’d told him to leave, and that he couldn’t love him.
Jesus.
Christ.
Why couldn’t he have seen this first?
Why was the universe his worst enemy?
Had he seen this and saw that Ethan was stronger now and healing, he wouldn’t have pushed him away. He would have been honest with him and not been cruel.
God.
This was a big fuck you.
His brother knew he couldn’t come back here, and that was proof he was growing, but also proof Callen hadn’t.
Yep.
He’d lost Ethan again.
He’d been trying to protect him, and instead, he’d made him feel like there was nothing here for him.
When there was.
He was here for him.
His brother did love him.
Getting up, he tried to figure out how to undo everything. Only, he didn’t think he could. Those words could never be taken back.
He’d fucked up.
Maybe he could fight that attraction and get some help so he could just be his brother?
Well, he could have had he not just burned that bridge to the ground.
Grabbing a bottle of Jack, he uncorked it and swigged a shit ton of it down. It burned, but nothing like the pain in his heart. He’d been so close to having Ethan back, and to hear that he needed him to heal the rest of the way…
Oh, this was a nightmare.
He’d just damned them both.
AGAIN.
Worse, he’d been unnecessarily cruel.
At the knock on the door, he rushed toward it, hoping and praying it would be Gene.
Or Ethan.
Only, when he pulled the door open, it was neither. It was the scourge of the Blackhawk existence.
“Well, you’re not the Blackhawk I was looking for,” Kaya Cheek admitted. “Where’s that fucking sexy brother of yours?” she asked, her voice filled with lust.
Oh, and he was filled with something worse.
Callen hated himself.
A.
Lot.
“He’s gone,” he admitted. “For good. He’s not coming back either, Kaya.”
She pouted.
Of course, she did.
“That’s not fun,” she said, taking the bottle of Jack from him, and drinking some. “I see you’re having a party. Need company?” she asked.
He went to say no.
But that’s not what came out.
Not.
Even.
Close.
“Get in here and get naked,” he said, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her into the cabin.
Her laughter said it all.
Callen Whitefox was fucked.
In the worst possible way, too.
History was about to repeat itself.