Chapter Eight
The Coffee Shop
Meet-Up
Strategy Time
The entire ride there, Ethan was silent. He was so goddamn quiet that Gene couldn’t even hear him breathing. The man was locked up so tight, and there was no way he was going to make this easy on himself, or his brother.
So, Gene had to help.
Honestly, he had to do something before they got fucked seven ways to Sunday. When you weren’t focused, and working a case, you got hurt.
Case in point, his last rodeo with a cuckoo.
“We need to talk about it,” Gene said. “When you go quiet, you’re not able to function. I’m on desk duty, EJ. You’re carrying this one. I need you to work through this and get it off of your chest.”
Ethan looked over.
“He told me there was nothing here for me, and he never wanted to see me again. He told me to leave and never come back. I just opened up in that note I left him. I just…”
Gene put his hand on his thigh.
Yeah, but there was something that Ethan wasn’t figuring out on his own. The trauma from his past, and the wounds were too fresh.
So, he pointed it out, helping the man he loved navigate this.
“He did it, so you’d have a chance. Both he and your grandfather told me to get you out of here. They don’t want you around this place because it does really bad things to you. Look at how you’re rattled from being back here.”
That had Ethan’s attention.
“Pardon?” he asked, as he stared at him. “What did that mean?”
Gene explained.
“They know that this place is toxic for you, EJ. Callen absolutely wants you around. I see how he looks at you. He has holes in him, too. Pieces of you were pulled out of him when you left all of those years ago, and he is damaged just like you. He was trying to set you free so you could be happy.”
Ethan sat there.
What he did know was that he was bad at this. Oh, he could profile a serial killer with the best of them, and catch lunatics, but he absolutely couldn’t deal with his brother.
Or his father.
Or his grandfather.
Or the rez.
It made him a mess, and he didn’t understand why it was so damn difficult.
“Love should be easy,” he said.
At his words, Gene stopped him.
“No, EJ. Relationships should be easy. Love is the most difficult thing in the entire world because it’s the most worthwhile thing. There’s nothing more special, magical, and unique than love. Only, you have to work for it.”
Ethan stared at him.
“I don’t have to work at it for you. Loving you is so easy…,” he began.
And then, it hit him.
He could read between the lines. Gene was trying to tell him something.
“But loving me isn’t easy,” Ethan said.
Because he loved him, Gene picked up his hand with his un-casted one and kissed his knuckles.
“Loving you is easy, Ethan. Navigating the issues isn’t. Like you running all of the time. This is you running again. This time, though, you’re running from Callen instead of just facing it down. Life has bumps. You deal with them. That’s what makes it difficult to have a relationship with you.”
He had to know.
“How do you love me as well as you do when I’m a nightmare?”
He reassured him.
“You’re not a nightmare. What you are is a soul that was broken by his mother’s death, his father’s abandonment, his grandfather’s abandonment, and the loss of his brother for a few years.
You’ve got trauma. That’s what I navigate.
I don’t navigate Ethan Jackson. He’s the easiest person to love.
I fell in love with you immediately. That was easy.
Helping you get to where you need to be is the trickier part.
You have to stop running, so that relationships are easier with you. ”
In that moment, Ethan just took that all in.
“I don’t know how. It’s all I’ve ever known.”
Gene was honest.
“It’s okay to hate it here. It’s okay to hate coming back.
It’s not okay to let it be the reason you’re damaged.
You have to let it go. The first step is looking BENEATH what Callen said.
Yes, he told you there was nothing here for you.
You took that as in relationships. He meant there is nothing here but a place that haunts you.
He wants to save you because he loves you—not because he hates you.
If he hated you, he wouldn’t be anywhere near you. ”
That sat between them, and Gene could tell that Ethan was analyzing it. The biggest problem when you were analytical was that you weighed and measured everything by it’s context. Once Gene figured out that Ethan thought a certain way, he was able to adjust so there were no bumps in the road.
Literal people couldn’t help how they thought.
It was just their process.
Gene continued.
“He knew to give you space when you showed up there. He knew to come back and check on you when we were fornicating on the couch. He doesn’t hate you.
The opposite is true. If you and I were both captured by some lunatic, I’d sacrifice myself to get you free.
He’s throwing himself on his sword for you. That’s love, EJ. Plain and simple.”
He knew Gene wouldn’t mince words, and he would help him figure it out.
“Okay,” Ethan said.
Gene had given him the roadmap, and now, Ethan had to make the journey in his mind. There was no doubt in Gene’s that he’d work through it.
It had to be difficult to always try to protect yourself first and foremost, assuming everyone was gunning for you. That broke his heart for his man.
“Think about it. Now, you’ve got to work, so you really need to put this behind you, so we don’t die. A distracted investigator is a dead investigator, and I need a goddamn pain pill and a nap.”
That upset Ethan.
Greatly.
Not what he said, but that Ethan had forgotten that Gene had just been hurt less than a week ago.
This whole time, he’d not once put Gene and his injuries before his issues, and that wasn’t good. This was exactly what he meant when he said he was difficult to love.
He didn’t know how to reciprocate on many things, consideration being a big one.
Clearly.
“I’m sorry, my love,” he said, putting his hand over the cast on Gene’s arm. “I’ve made it rough for you. Let’s do this, and we’ll get to a hotel where you can have some pain meds and sleep.”
He laughed.
Oh, he needed a boatload of them.
Aspirin and Acetaminophen were NOT cutting it. He’d only had surgery a few days ago, and the screws in his wrist were making his arm ache.
But for Ethan, he’d suck it up.
His man was worth it.
“Thank freaking God. I need a bottle of them,” Gene admitted.
Already, Ethan was calmer, and now, he had a way to focus—not only on the issue that went down with Callen, but also so that he could start taking care of his man.
Gene always brought that out in him. He knew how to soothe the savage beast by giving him a different perspective. Sometimes, Ethan was just too much in his head.
Like now.
There was no doubt this man was his soulmate. He knew how to navigate his world.
Truthfully, Ethan wanted to learn how to do that for him, and he promised that he would.
Bet.
On.
It.
Heading into the coffee shop, they saw the two people sitting in a corner. Gene sent Ethan to them, and he grabbed them coffee and something to eat.
He was starving, and he knew Ethan likely hadn’t eaten today. The man just didn’t think about food like he did.
Constantly.
Now, Gene had to hope and pray his partner was on his game, because Gene…oh, he was not.
That was for damn sure.
When he reached the detectives, Blackhawk pulled out a chair and took a seat. The coffee shop was empty because it was late at night, and only the people heading into their third-shift jobs were out and about.
“Thanks for meeting us here,” Ethan said, taking a seat. “Gene will be right over,” he stated. “We can begin. He’s quick to catch up on things.”
That worked for them.
Dannie wanted to get down to business so they could figure out where they stood in all of this. His partner had been driving him insane on the way over here.
Leah was one leap away from free-falling off the cliff. She wanted to work this in the worst way.
Hell!
She wanted to run this one desperately.
“We know that you’re going to hit the ground running tomorrow morning. Oh, and you need to make some time to see the homicide captain. He’s going to want an update as soon as you’re able to give him one.”
It was already on his list.
Blackhawk knew how to do this, and the proper protocol. It wasn’t his first case.
Hell.
It wasn’t his fiftieth.
“That will happen tomorrow after the autopsies,” he stated. “I like to get my non-interviews done first, before I head out to talk to friends, families, or associates. I’ll knock that off right after we get autopsy results.”
Well, at least their boss wouldn’t be pissy, and was getting what he wanted. Then again, the man was all about the show and very little into the actual work.
From where she sat, Leah was curious.
“Are you good at what you do?” she asked point-blank. “Because this needs someone good.”
Ethan blinked, and then he was honest. The last thing he needed was for the local law to get the wrong impression of him or Gene.
“No. I’m not good at what I do. I’m excellent at what I do. You have nothing to worry about with handing this off to us. We aren’t hacks. We handle all kinds of homicide cases, from serial killers to child murders. In fact, we’ve handled cases just like this one, due to the similarities.”
She didn’t mince words.
Oh, and he wasn’t shocked.
Not.
At.
All.
“I still want to be involved. I want to help. Both of us do. This is our town, and we want to make sure some outsider doesn’t drop the ball.”
Gene was putting the tray with bagels and coffee down when he heard the detective. Oh, he’d been listening from the counter as he was making their coffees and grabbing some napkins from the dispenser.
His initial instinct was to protect Ethan, but he had to let his partner do his thing.