Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
ELIZABETH
Persona Non Grata
“I apologize about Aurora. She’s a bit protective.”
Jayson tries to shrug it off like it’s no big deal. “I get that I’m persona non grata with most of your friends, but you don’t have to fight my battles, Liz. That’s my job. Respect is earned, not given freely. I knew coming back wouldn’t be easy.”
I’m prepared to fight for his place here.
It’s a place where he’s always belonged because Jayson will forever own a piece of my heart.
Almost every person here, including myself, has been given the gift of a second chance.
JD with Aurora. Tate with Peyton. Trevor with Austin.
Julien with Elijah. Renee with Ben. Knox.
Fallon. Me, three times over. Jayson deserves the same.
And if Ryder were here, he’d stand by Jayson and take on the entire world for him.
Stopping in the grass far enough away from the curious looks and concealed back-of-the-hand whispers, I position Jayson’s arms at my waist. His fingers tighten slightly on my hips, almost hesitantly, like he’s unsure if he’s allowed to touch me.
I answer that by draping my arms over the wide breadth of his shoulders and stepping closer into him until our bodies are flush.
“Just like at prom,” I comment.
“ A lot of stuff happened at prom,” Jayson replies with emphasis, and I don’t know if he’s referring to his promise ring in front of the Eiffel Tower or what happened after in the hotel room. At the memory, heat instantly singes my cheeks because…yeah.
“Is that a blush, Princess?”
“No,” I quickly refute. “Hush. I like this song.”
I have no idea what’s playing out of the in-ground speakers, something upbeat like a Top 40 song, but Jayson and I lilt gently back and forth to our own rhythm.
Wrapped in his familiar embrace, I am a teenager again, swaying barefoot on my back deck, whispering secrets into the night.
We used to slow dance all the time when the mood struck.
In the living room, in the bedroom, in the rain—those were my favorite.
Jayson was always a romantic. He made every single one of my firsts special.
Sometimes, I wish I could be that girl again and not the broken woman I’ve become—but that woman fought hard for her happiness after incredible loss. She found love again, only to have the love of her past show up on her doorstep to complicate things. Those goddamn Fates with their twisted knots.
“What was that song the DJ played when you and Ry danced?”
My damn heart painfully clenches. “‘Helium.’” Our song, mine and Ryder’s.
“Listen,” he says, cocking his head, and I go quiet, straining to hear what he’s hearing.
Sia’s beautiful ballad fills the air around us, seeping in through the background noise of laughter and loud chatter.
Jayson’s breath is warm against my temple when he murmurs, “Ry’s here with us.”
My stunned gaze flies to his with wonderment. He feels him, too?
“I was standing at the bedroom window earlier today, and I swear to god, I thought I could hear your voice. You were singing that song you, Ry, and your dad performed together. The one I recorded on video.”
“‘Come Closer,’” I reply, amazed by the serendipity of him mentioning that particular song. “I hadn’t touched my guitar or the piano since Ryder…” Died . I still have trouble saying it out loud. “Fallon recently took me to a recording studio, and it’s one of the songs I played.”
Jayson misses a step, and he accidentally stumbles onto my left foot. “Sorry.”
“No damage.” I shift us around and try my hardest not to let Fallon’s penetrating blue gaze affect me, but I can feel him watching us. He’s with Charlotte, Christopher, Daniel, and Drew at the firepit, and their surreptitious glances make me feel like a bug under a magnifying glass.
Jayson’s palm slides up the curvature of my spine to my upper back, his fingertips at the base of my neck. “So, how was it?”
“How was what?”
“The recording studio.”
“Terrifying.”
“I bet you kicked ass. I loved listening to you sing. Best part of my day when we were kids was sitting at my open window while you played your guitar.”
Warmed by his compliment, I reply, “I loved hearing you laugh. You had the best laugh. I miss hearing it.” The confession sneaks out unintentionally. I wasn’t blushing before but I sure as hell am now.
Jayson’s moonlight gaze drops to mine, some unknown question lurking there, thick with a messy mountain of sentimentality I don’t have a clue how to untangle.
“I’m not going to interfere if Fallon is who you want,” he says quietly.
Not if you love him, but if he’s who you want. Like he’s testing me. I’m not in the mood to fight tonight, and discussing the topic of my relationship with Fallon would surely lead to one.
I close my eyes and drop my forehead to his chest. “Jayson, please don’t.”
“Liz, you need to be sure he’s the man you think he is.”
I know exactly who Fallon is, the good and the bad, but Jayson’s discomforted comment implies that there’s something he knows that I don’t.
The song fades into another, and I step back, studying his face for what he’s not telling me. “Why would you say that?”
His entire body tenses, just for a second, before he schools his features into something neutral. But I saw it.
My pulse pounds harder the longer I look at him, and I try to decipher the secrets I can see hiding behind the false fortifications he just erected.
Jayson isn’t telling me something. The realization isn’t logical—it’s instinctual.
The same way that always let me read him like an open book when we were younger.
Before I can press him for an answer, a whirlwind of blonde hair and slender arms latches onto Jayson’s side. “Uncle Jayson!” Charlotte exclaims.
There’s a tug on my wrist, and I’m unexpectedly pulled away and whisked into Fallon’s arms. I grab hold of his shoulders to regain my balance.
“Subtlety is not your forte.”
He has the nerve to ingeniously blink his baby blues at me. “No idea what you’re referring to.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you just did.”
When I saw his and Charlotte’s heads together, I knew they were up to something. Charlotte wasn’t at all happy when I told her and Christopher that Jayson would be coming tonight. It’s ridiculous the grudges my kids can hold about stuff from my past that has nothing to do with them.
Fallon’s fingertips skim down the valley of my back to rest just above my ass. Where Jayson’s touch was almost timid, Fallon’s is the exact opposite—one familiar and nostalgic like a warm comfort, the other exciting and full of unrestrained possession.
He braces my lower lumbar and shallowly dips me, nipping a kiss to my lips. “I can’t help it if she likes me better.”
“Hero worship is more like it.” Charlotte is as starry-eyed over him as I am. “Kind of like her mother.”
Fallon’s grin doesn’t display the humor I was going for. “I still don’t know why you see me that way.”
“It’s because I see you . The real you.”
The music transitions into something slower, softer, and I wrap my arms around his torso, my cheek resting flat on his chest as I seek Jayson out to make sure he’s okay.
I’m relieved to see him talking with Daniel and Drew, Charlotte nowhere in sight.
She must have ditched him as soon as she could.
I don’t ground my children often, but I think she’s earned it.
“Thank you for being so understanding about…everything.”
The words feel inadequate, barely skimming the surface.
Fallon has let me handle Jayson in my own way, never demanding, never trying to control my choices.
He hasn’t tried to impose on what I should do or demand that I stay away from him.
He hasn’t thrown down ultimatums or drawn territorial lines—things a lesser man, a jealous man, would do.
I can’t imagine how hard this must be for him—to see me tangled in emotions over Jayson’s return, to stand by and watch me spend time with a man he abhors—but Fallon understands how important Jayson is to me, and I appreciate that trust.
“He’s still in love with you.”
His words crack the ground beneath me, and I freeze mid-step, my body going rigid in his arms. Our dance suddenly feels like I’ve been thrust into a maze, where every path is lined with hidden traps that I have to cautiously navigate.
Knowing I must consider my response carefully, I reply, “It wouldn’t matter because I’m in love with you.”
A flash of sadness darkens his face. It’s gone in a heartbeat, but not before it slashes through me like a broadsword. “You know better than anyone that you can love more than one man at the same time.”
The chasm under us grows wider, burdened with the past I can’t rewrite and the future I refuse to let slip through my fingers.
No love is the same, and I want to tell him that loving him is different.
That what I feel for Jayson is nothing compared to the fire that burns inside of me for him.
But I’m scared that no matter what I say, Fallon will always wonder if my heart loves Ryder and Jayson more.
The music abruptly cuts out, and someone clinks a fork against a glass like a bell.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Trevor says.
Fallon shifts behind me, his arms resting loosely around my waist as he turns me to face the patio where Trevor is standing. Austin is right next to him, wearing the kind of smile that is blinding in its intensity.
“Get ready for it,” Fallon says.
“Ready for what?” I ask, craning my neck to see what’s going on.
Trevor holds his glass up in my direction. “First, thank you to our lovely hostess, the Wildcat herself, for the great food we know she spent all day cooking.”
I am never going to outlive that nickname he gave me in college.
“Thank you, Elizabeth!” Peyton shouts from somewhere behind me, and it starts a wave of applause. I take a small bow.
“Everyone knows the man beside me. I’m so damn grateful Austin came into my life. I love him more than anything, which leads me to this,” Trevor continues.
Oh my god, is he about to—but then I get suspicious when Christopher comes out the back door, guitar in hand.
“I am not singing,” I warn Fallon. But I will if what’s about to happen—what I hope is about to happen—happens.
“Hush, woman, and wait for it.”
“Let’s see if I can do this as good as Ryder.” Trevor nods at Christopher, who begins playing Taylor Swift’s “Love Song.”
Austin’s eyes shine with excitement as Trevor fishes something out of his pocket and drops down on one knee. My hand flies up to cover my gasp when Trevor starts singing a similar version of the song Ryder played for me the night he proposed in front of his family.
“On bended knee, I pulled out a ring,
And sang, ‘Marry me, Austin…
And say you’re mine forever.’”
My eyes well, elation bursting in my chest, and I spin around to face Fallon. “Did you know about this?”
His smirk gives him away before he nods. “Trevor made me swear to keep it under wraps.”
The joy I’m feeling turns to stone when my gaze falls on the devastation etched on Jayson’s face. Oh god. That song. That night. The night that broke us.
I helplessly watch Jayson’s silhouette disappear into the darkness as he heads down the hill toward Ryder’s gravesite.
I startle at the eruption of cheers when Austin shouts, “Yes!”
Needing to go to Jayson, I slip out of Fallon’s arms. “I’ll be back in a sec,” I tell him and make a beeline toward Julien. “Jayson,” is all I say.
Julien immediately understands and looks for his brother. “Where?”
I point in the direction. “He walked off that way. I’ll be right there.” Putting on a cheery face, I weave through the crowd and throw my arms around Trevor. “I’m so, so happy for you.”
He and Austin fought hard for their love, and no two people deserve a happy-ever-after more than them.
Austin positively glows. “We’ve been wanting to tell everyone.”
Aurora takes Austin’s hand to inspect his diamond eternity band. “Best friends should’ve been given dibs. This is gorgeous.”
“We waited for you to get back. Doesn’t that count?” Austin says.
“When’s the wedding? And I better be your woman groomsman.”
“We want a winter wedding…”
I try to pay attention, but it’s impossible because every fiber of my being is screaming at me to go to Jayson.
“Excuse me,” I say, hoping not to be obvious in my hasty escape. I make it two feet before I accidentally bump into Christopher.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” I don’t know how he senses my worry, but he does.
“Nothing’s wrong, baby. You were incredible.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely amazing. Can you check on your grandpas for me and see if they need anything?”
Daniel and Drew are at that age where late nights, for them, usually end around ten o’clock.
I insisted that they stay the night in the guest room…
which means Fallon and I will be sleeping in my and Ryder’s bed…
for the first time. It’s either that or the sofa.
I should put my bed in storage and buy another one.
It’s part of the process of moving on, right? So why am I still hesitant to do it?
“Kitten—” Fallon tries to intercept me on my way across the backyard.
For Pete’s sake. Is everyone going to hound me for something? “I’ll be right back.”
He catches up to me at the garage. “What’s going on?”
Not stopping, I reply, “Jayson is upset.”
“Why?”
“The song.”
“He’s upset because of a song ?” Fallon asks incredulously.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
It’s an idiotic thing to say because Fallon was there that night. He knows what happened.
“Elizabeth, stop.”
“I just need to make sure he’s okay.”
Fallon plants himself directly in my path. The moonlight exposes the frustration on his face. “He doesn’t need you to babysit him. You’ve been hovering over him all fucking night.”
Getting irritated because he won’t move, I snap, “I wouldn’t have had to if everyone would stop glaring at him like he’s the devil incarnate.
What happened between Jayson and me is my business.
Mine. No one else’s. I don’t appreciate the cold shoulder he’s been getting from everyone.
For a bunch of adults, everyone has been behaving like fucking children. ”
Fallon’s brow arches at my mini-tirade. “Are you done?”
“He has no one else.”
“He has Julien.”
“But he needs me.”
Fallon somberly shakes his head, like he’s disappointed in me. Tenderly pushing my hair back over my shoulder, he quietly says, “You can’t save everyone, baby.”
Story of my goddamned life, but I can’t— I won’t —fail someone else I love. “I can try,” I reply and walk away, determined to prove him wrong.