Chapter Nine #3
“Then what do you call it?” she asked, her voice tremulous with emotion.
“I was five years old, Rosamund. You sent a five-year-old girl away with a soldier who kept pinching my arse. When that wasn’t enough, he would put his hands between my legs and laugh when I screamed.
He dropped me off at St. Milburga’s and the nuns took me in, soothed my tears, fed me, and taught me everything I know.
For the first few years, I prayed that you would come and take me home but when that did not happen, I prayed for a kind word from you.
But you never sent me a missive, not ever.
You ignored me for fourteen years and had de Wolfe not removed me from St. Milburga’s by force, I would have never come back to Hyssington, ever.
As far as I am concerned, I do not have parents. ”
A family reunion that should have been a joyous happenstance had become something cold and tense.
Jasper was so angry that his lips were white and it was only by Rosamund’s hand that he wasn’t grabbing Kathalin by the hair and dragging her downstairs where Gates and Alexander could throw her in the vault.
Insolence never went over well with him and, at that moment, he was struggling with his temper.
Rosamund knew this. Quietly, she indicated a cushioned chair near the hearth.
“Will you sit, Kathalin?” she asked politely. “I do not mean to be rude, but it is difficult for me to stand any length of time. Will you please sit so that we may continue the conversation?”
Kathalin had no intention of sitting. “Nay, I will not,” she said. “You may sit if you wish. I will converse with you from where I am standing.”
Rosamund went to the chair and sat down, heavily. She grunted a great deal, as if she were in pain, and her maid, who had been seated in the corner, ran over to help her adjust pillows behind her back. When the little maid scooted back into the shadows, Rosamund turned to Jasper.
“Leave us, please,” she said to her husband. “I will speak with Kathalin alone.”
Jasper was glad to leave. He didn’t like women and he certainly didn’t like their drama, so he left without another word.
If he’d remained, he knew he couldn’t have guaranteed his composure.
As Jasper fled the chamber, Kathalin remained in her spot by the door, unmoving. She watched her mother carefully.
“Now,” Rosamund said softly. “You feel abandoned. After you have explained your feelings to me, I can understand why you would feel that way. I am very sorry to hear it. It was not my intention to abandon you. But I… well, sending you to St. Milburga’s was necessary.”
Kathalin was unforgiving. “Why?”
Rosamond’s eyes turned to her. “Because you had to be removed from my presence.”
That was not a helpful answer. In fact, it only served to hurt and anger Kathalin more.
More exasperation bled forth as she threw up her hands in frustration.
“Then why did you ever have children if you found us so offensive?” she demanded.
“Moreover, why must you ruin my life by bringing me back here for your political games? I do not want to be a wife. I want to take my vows as a nun. Lord de Lara said he received my missive requesting such a thing so I know you must be aware of it, too. Why torture me by forcing me to do something I not wish to do?”
Rosamund fell silent a moment. When she finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper.
“It is not that I found my children offensive, my dear,” she said softly.
“It was because my health could not take the excitement. I am quite sure by your manner and your words that you do not care about my health, but I do not tell you this to gain sympathy. I tell you this for your understanding. I could not have children about. It only inflamed my condition. You said that your last memory of me is of me screaming at you… I will not deny it. I was in a good deal of pain. I had not yet learned to manage it.”
In spite of her anguish, Kathalin could feel her guard going down a bit at Rosamund’s softly uttered words.
Naturally, she was curious. It was an unexpected factor in the history of her resentment towards her parents, perhaps a reason behind everything.
Had she even been looking for a reason behind her parents’ abandonment?
It wasn’t something that had crossed her mind but now that Rosamund spoke of such things, Kathalin was lured towards the possibilities.
“What pain?” she asked. “What is your affliction?”
Rosamund looked at her, the bright blue eyes glimmering. It was a moment before she spoke. “St. Milburga’s is a healing order, is it not?”
Kathalin nodded. “It is,” she said. “But surely you knew that when you sent me there.”
“I did.”
Kathalin nodded, a confirmation of understanding. “I have been trained by the nuns in healing ways,” she said. “I learned a great deal from them. What is your ailment?”
Rosamund looked away, down at her lap as if contemplating a response. She reached out a wrapped hand, touching her arm through the fabric, perhaps considering what she should say.
“You must understand,” she murmured, “this is not common knowledge. I do not wish for anyone else to know.”
Kathalin’s curiosity grew. “I will swear to you that I will not tell a soul,” she said. “But you brought this up. You mentioned that you have an affliction. If you did not want me to know of it, you would not have mentioned it.”
She had a point. Rosamund sighed quietly before replying. “Will you come to me, please?” she asked politely. “Not too close.”
Driven by interest, Kathalin moved towards the woman, slowly, coming to within a couple of feet of her.
Not too close. As she watched, Rosamund unwrapped one of her hands, pulling off the pale fabric, and her flesh suddenly became exposed to the light.
Kathalin immediately saw the lesions, the discoloration, and the loss of two fingers.
They were stubby and rounded at the tip.
Deeply curious, she leaned forward to get a better look and as she noticed the particularly bad lesions on the palm of the hand, Rosamund whispered.
“I am a leper, my dear,” she said. “It was just starting to show itself when you were very young. I sent you and your brothers away so that you would not become infected with it.”
The hammer dropped and suddenly, Kathalin couldn’t breathe.
It was as if a thunderclap had deafened her, evaporated her senses, because all resentment and anger within her heart suddenly vanished.
Her jaw dropped as Rosamund quickly covered her hand again, tucking the appendage back into its cloth covering, but it couldn’t erase the memory of that horror from Kathalin’s mind.
It couldn’t erase what she had seen.
Everything, all of it, began to make sense to her now; Rosamund had been given a death sentence with this horrible affliction and she had children to protect.
Now, all Kathalin could see was an ailing woman who had made the ultimate sacrifice.
Dear God, was it really true? Had she spent all of those years resenting a woman who did not deserve it?
Distraught, she collapsed onto her knees before Rosamund.
“My God…,” she breathed. “Is it true?”
“It is.”
“But… did you know that Milburga is the patron saint of lepers?”
“I did, which is why I chose it to protect you.”
I chose it to protect you. Kathalin was stunned. It was too much information, overwhelming her, but also helping her to see the situation clearly for the first time. Now, things were starting to make some sense.
“Then… then you have had this condition for many years,” she said softly.
Rosamond nodded, her blue eyes moist. “Aye,” she said quietly.
“Many years. The finest doctors told me I had a dreaded disease and advised me to send my children away so they would not contract it. They advised Jasper to leave as well, or at the very least, take me to a home where I would be with others of my kind, but Jasper would not do it. He did not want rumors to get around that his wife was a leper, so I remain with him and he is a very unhappy man. Do not judge him too harshly, my dear. His life did not turn out as he had hoped, nor did mine.”
Kathalin was flabbergasted. Stunned, her head swimming, all she could do was stare up at her mother and feel more pity than she had ever felt in her life.
But along with the pity, she felt tremendous guilt, guilt for hating her parents for all of those years, guilt for believing they had not wanted her.
Abandoned her. Emitting a loud, harsh gasp, she hung her head.
“God’s Bones,” she said with understanding. “I can hardly believe this. You sent me away to protect me.”
“I did.”
Kathalin’s head came up, tears in her eyes. “If that is true, then why did you not send me any missives?” she wanted to know, struggling with her hurt and guilt. “For all of those years, you never once contacted me. I thought you had forgotten me. Why did you not send me any word?”
Rosamund’s brilliant eyes were laced with sorrow.
“Because I did not want you to remember me,” she said.
“I know it sounds foolish, Kathalin, but I wanted you to become accustomed to your new life and grow to love it, and forget about me. I wanted you to forget about ever coming home. Mayhap it was foolish, but I did not know what else to do.”
Kathalin couldn’t accept that explanation.
“Yet you have sent for me, now,” she said, rising to her feet and moving away, agitated.
“You have brought me home so that you may marry me off to an ally. That is not fair to me! I came to love St. Milburga’s as you had hoped, but now you want me back?
I am an adult, Rosamund. My life is at the priory and I want to go back! ”