Chapter Fifteen #3
Alexander could tell, by Gates’ expression, that there was indeed something between Gates and Kathalin.
He knew Gates well enough to know his moods and expressions, and he saw something in Gates’ features that told him what he needed to know.
Still, he wanted to hear the confirmation from Gates’ own lips.
He was starting to grow frustrated by the man’s evasive answers.
“Because I must know,” Alexander said, lowering his voice.
“Gates, I have known you for many years. You are my friend. I have seen you bed woman after woman with hardly an afterthought when all was said and done. Lord Linley showed up last week announcing that his daughter had borne your bastard, an allegation that I can only imagine is true considering you took the woman to your bed before we left for France. I know this because I was with you when we found her in the streets of Churchstoke, starving to death. You have never, since I have known you, shown any serious interest in any woman. I must know if your interest in Lady Kathalin is serious or if it is simply a passing fancy. Will you please tell me the truth?”
Gates wasn’t fully prepared to divulge the information, mostly because it was frightening and alien to him to realize that he was, indeed, actually in love with a woman.
It was the first time someone had asked him that question and the first time he’d truly given thought to it.
There was some embarrassment there, too, as if fearful he would not be believed given his reputation.
He didn’t want to be doubted or ridiculed.
But he knew Alexander and knew that that the man wouldn’t totally discount him, especially since he had sworn to tell him the truth.
The truth….
“She is not a passing fancy,” he finally said, quietly.
“You have asked me to be truthful with you and I shall. Alex, you know me – you know I would not say something unless I truly knew it, believed it, or felt it, and in this case I can tell you that Lady Kathalin is not a passing fancy. She has declared her love for me and I love her in return. I am not entirely sure how it happened, but it has. We were fighting each other one moment and adoring each other the next. You have asked for truth and I have given it to you. Now, will you tell me why you have asked?’
Alexander looked at Gates, a somewhat sickly expression on his face. “I see,” he murmured. “And… you are sure of this, Gates?”
“Very sure.”
“What do you intend to do about it? Do you intend to marry her?”
Gates nodded. “I was going to speak to Jasper today of it before the parade of potential bridegrooms arrive,” he said.
“Given what Jasper knows of me and my reputation, I am not entirely sure how receptive he will be, but it is my intention to ask for Kathalin’s hand and not give up until I have it. ”
Alexander was looking at him with a huge amount of sadness in his expression. In fact, his hand was over his heart, unconsciously, as if to hold in his sorrow.
“And if you do not receive his blessing?”
“I will deal with that if the time comes.”
Alexander held Gates’ gaze for a long, tense moment before exhaling in a long, harsh breath.
He nearly doubled over with it, bracing himself against his knees as he labored to catch his breath.
Gates watched him, trying not to feel too much fear.
Something was amiss with Alexander, something that had to do with his feelings for Kathalin, and he was increasingly concerned about Alexander’s reaction to it. Finally, he could stand it no longer.
“Alexander, in the name of God,” he said. “Why have you been asking about my feelings for Kathalin? I have asked you more than once and you have not answered me. What is amiss?”
Alexander stood up straight, looking at Gates with perhaps the most sorrowful expression Gates had ever seen. It seemed, when he spoke, that he was on the verge of tears.
“I did not know, Gates,” he said hoarsely. “I suspected that there was some interest between you two, but I did not realize the depths of it. Please forgive me. I did not realize you loved her.”
Gates took a few steps towards him, closing the gap between them. “Forgive you for what?” he hissed. “Alex, start making sense. What is going on?”
Alexander put out his hands and grasped Gates by the arms. “Jasper has made an offer of marriage to my parents,” he said, gazing into Gates’ stunned eyes. “A contract between me and Lady Kathalin. My parents have accepted.”
Gates stared at the man, hearing his words, understanding them, but not truly grasping what he was being told for several very long moments.
“You… you are betrothed to Kathalin?” he finally asked.
Alexander nodded, anguish on his face. “Aye,” he muttered.
“It is true that I think she is beautiful and it is true that even though I saw of your interest in her, I thought you were only looking for another conquest. But it soon began to occur to me that your interest went beyond a conquest. That is why I had to find you and ask you, Gates. I will refuse the contract now, of course, but you must tell Jasper your feelings for her and you must demand her hand. We must go to Jasper now, together, and do this. That way he will know that I relinquish my claim.”
Gates was starting to feel quite emotional about the situation.
The shock of the betrothal and the realization that Alexander was fully willing to relinquish any claim on Kathalin, a legal claim that would supersede anything Gates had to offer, had him reeling.
But it was then that he began to understand the depths of his friendship with Alexander, a man he had been viewing as a serious threat for the past few weeks when it came to Kathalin.
He had seen how the man had looked at her and he had been nearby when Alexander had spoken to her, at least for the most part.
Jealousy had filled his veins when it came to Alexander.
But now, seeing how Alexander was willing to sacrifice his right for the sake of Gates’ love for Kathalin, Gates was starting to feel like a monster.
“You would do that?” he asked, incredulous. “You would give up what was surely a very attractive offer because of me?”
Alexander nodded. “Aye,” he replied. “Gates, I could not marry the woman knowing you loved her. It would not be right.”
Gates lingered on the words, on the nobility of Alexander’s attitude. He was deeply stunned but also deeply touched. “But…,” he ventured, “I truly have no idea what to say to all of this. I am genuinely speechless.”
Alexander simply lifted his shoulders. “If the situation was reversed, could you marry the woman I loved?”
Gates shook his head. “Of course not,” he said.
“But I… I must admit something. I have seen you with Kathalin over the past few days and I have seen when you’ve spoken to her, and I will admit that my heart was full of jealousy.
I have never known such feelings before and they were difficult to stomach.
I feel like such a fool for having been jealous.
What you are doing now… this gesture of unselfishness…
it is the greatest sacrifice I have ever known.
But I must ask you a question, Alexander, for my own sake… are you sure you want to do this?”
“It would mean nothing to me knowing that I made you miserable. No bride, nor dowry, is worth that kind of anguish.”
“Then you are positive?”
“Absolutely.” Alexander eyed him a moment, trying to read his mood. “You are not angry with me? Or my parents?”
Gates shook his head. “Why should I be?” he asked. “None of this was done to spite me.”
Alexander sighed, with great relief. “Nay, it was not,” he said. “But I still thought you would take my head off for this. I was fully prepared to run for my life.”
Gates could see how shaken Alexander was. This situation had him reeling just as it had Gates reeling. To share such a thing with Alexander was a bonding moment almost as much as battle had been. Truly, they were brothers in many respects.
“I would never be angry with you about this,” he said.
“You did not invite this betrothal. We know that this entire coming celebration has been to entice unattached men to vie for Kathalin’s hand; Jasper has made no secret of his intentions.
Nay, Alex, I cannot blame you for anything. But does Kathalin know any of this?”
Alexander shook his head. “Jasper sent me to fetch her to meet my parents but instead I came to find you,” he said. “Jasper is expecting her in the hall.”
Gates’ attention moved towards the great hall situated on the south side of the fortress. “Are your parents still with him?”
“They were when last I saw them.”
Gates quickly considered the situation and his options.
“I do not want Kathalin to go into the hall just now, for obvious reasons,” he said.
“She is still in the garden. I will go and tell her to retreat to her chamber and then you will go to the hall and tell Jasper that I need his counsel. Bring him to me in the gatehouse, in my chamber there. We will speak with him then, in private and away from your parents. We must do it before he makes any announcements or arrangements.”
Alexander nodded as the two of them began heading in the direction of the hall.
“If I know my mother, she is already writing missives to relatives, inviting them to my wedding,” he said, eyeing Gates.
“She will be greatly disappointed, Gates. I am doing all of this at the risk of upsetting my mother, who has been known to become quite irate when provoked. You will have to stay away from her for a time when she finds out I refused this marriage for you.”
They reached the point in the bailey where Gates would split off and head for the garden. He paused, facing Alexander.
“Mayhap she will understand that you refused on the basis of true love,” he remarked, walking away, still facing Alexander, even as he headed for the garden gate behind him. “Not many men would do what you are doing. Surely she cannot become overly upset about that.”
Alexander lifted his eyebrows ominously. “You do not know my mother very well.”
“Then tell her I shall name my first daughter after her,” he said. “Mayhap that will soothe her.”
Alexander shook his head and turned for the hall. “It will not work,” he said. “She will only say that your daughter should have been her grandchild.”
Gates grinned as he came to a halt. “Mayhap,” he said, his expression becoming soft with gratitude. “Thank you, Alex. For this… for what you are about to do… you have my deepest thanks.”
Alexander, a normally arrogant man, seemed uncharacteristically reserved. “You would do it for me.”
“Aye, I would.”
Alexander simply smiled, as if that was good enough for him, and turned in the direction of the hall.
Gates watched him go for a moment before turning around and making haste for the walled garden.
He debated how much to tell Kathalin about the situation and opted, out of fairness to her, to tell her everything.
She needed to know what her father had done, and who Henry and Elreda de Lohr were, so she would not be blindsided by any comments or confusion regarding a broken betrothal.
It was only right she know the conflict she might be facing.
Nervous.
He felt nervous, edgy that Jasper had already betrothed Kathalin to his good friends and allies, the de Lohrs, and edgy that Jasper would not back down when confronted by him and by Alexander.
Jasper was a stubborn man and did not like to be questioned, and Gates was more than certain he was going to have an uphill battle convincing Jasper that he would make a fine husband for Kathalin.
Even without the de Lohr betrothal, the task was going to prove difficult.
Now, he had even more of an obstacle than simply his roguish reputation.
Your sins will find you out.
He wasn’t quite sure why he thought of those words at just that moment, but somehow, they seemed appropriate.
He’s spent most his adult life running from one sin to another, breaking hearts and leaving sadness in his wake.
Perhaps those sins were about to catch up to him when Jasper denied his suit for Kathalin, punishment from God for all of those years of being selfish.
He and God had never had a particularly good relationship, as he’d told Alexander, but it wasn’t as if he hated God or had no use for Him.
It was simply that he didn’t much care so he went through life doing as he pleased.
Now, that lack of faith and respect for living a pious and clean life was about to catch up to him. He just had a very bad feeling about all of it.
A bad feeling that his sins were about to find him out.
And punish him.