Chapter Sixteen #4
Gates’ heart sank. As he scratched his head, pondering a reply, Alexander interjected. “I will not marry her, my lord,” he said firmly. “Do not think that I will have her if you will not allow Gates to marry her.”
Jasper looked at Alexander. “Then if not you, I will find another,” he said coldly. “I offered the contract to the House of de Lohr because of my long affection for your parents, but if you refuse, I can just as easily find someone who will not.”
Alexander knew that was true. Jasper could very easily do that. He looked at the man, pain in his expression. “You would truly do that to Gates?” he asked, sounding incredulous. “A man you love like a son? You would take away the only thing he has ever loved?”
Jasper looked at Gates, who was hanging his head, staring at the floor.
“He knows why he cannot marry her,” Jasper said, his tone hoarse with emotion.
“It does not give me pleasure to deny him, for you are correct – I love him like a son. But I cannot let a man with such a reputation, with known bastards all over England, marry my daughter. It would shame the entire House of de Lara. I will therefore give you another chance, Alex. I will ask you one last time if you will fulfill the contract that your parents agreed upon. If you deny me, I will simply seek out any number of other young men to make the pact with. You are not special in that regard.”
The pain in the room was palpable. Anguish was bleeding from every pore in Gates’ body, filling the room like a fog.
Alexander looked at his friend, seeing the slumped shoulders and lowered head, and his sorrow knew no bounds.
He could hardly believe they had come to the end of this conversation and it had not gone in Gates’ favor.
He could not, would not, give up, but he wasn’t sure what more could be said.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked Gates. “Tell me what you want me to do and I shall do it.”
Gates was staring at the floor. He didn’t look up.
“Would it help if I begged, my lord?” he whispered to Jasper.
“With God as my witness, I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. I will beg if you will only allow me to marry Kathalin. I will swear an oath of allegiance to you forever. I will do whatever you want me to do… only let me marry the woman I love. Let me marry your daughter.”
He said it with such agony. Alexander, full of Gates’ agony, hung his head as well, and Jasper, still standing near the chair, gazed at his knight with the most pained of expressions.
“Lad,” he whispered. “I cannot.”
Gates suddenly whirled in his direction, falling to his knees and grabbing hold of Jasper’s fine robes. He buried his face in them, holding on to the man as if fearful a loosened grip would send him into the pits of hellish despair.
“Please,” he begged, his eyes closed tightly as he held on to Jasper’s robes. “Please, my lord, please. She is all to me and I am all to her. Please do not take this happiness away from us. Please grant us mercy and compassion and allow us our joy.”
Jasper was horrified by Gates’ actions; the strongest, most fearless man he had ever known was having the weakest moment of his life. Jasper reached down and tried to help him up, but Gates wouldn’t move.
“Gates, please,” he said with great emotion in his voice. “Please stand up. Please, lad… do not do this.”
Gates shook his head, unwilling to release him. “I beg you, my lord,” he whispered. “Do not separate me from the woman I love.”
Jasper was beside himself. He looked up at Alexander, silently begging the man to help him with Gates, but Alexander was watching the scene with tears in his eyes. When he noticed Jasper looking at him, he pointed to Gates.
“Can you not see what this means to him?” he demanded softly. “Look what he is willing to do in order to convince you of his sincerity.”
Receiving no help from Alexander, Jasper returned his focus to Gates.
“Rise, Gates, please,” he said. “I understand your passion on the matter. I understand your wants. But you must let me do what I believe is best. Would you truly be so selfish to marry my daughter, knowing how she will be ridiculed? Do you truly only think of yourself in this matter?”
Gates suddenly let his robes go and nearly toppled over backwards.
His emotions were reeling and so was he.
“All I know is that I love her,” he said.
“If that is selfish, then I am sorry, but I believe we can overcome anything at all. Why do you have so little faith in me with your daughter when you have trusted your entire empire to my sword? I do not understand.”
Free of Gates’ grasp, Jasper stumbled over to the door.
He simply couldn’t handle the conversation any longer because he was becoming consumed by guilt and confusion.
He had to get away from Gates and Alexander, who were turning his mind to mush and his heart to pulp.
All he knew was that he hurt as they did, as Gates did, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Wouldn’t do anything about it.
He held out a hand to Gates as if to stop the man any further argument.
“No more,” he demanded hoarsely. “I cannot discuss this anymore. Alexander, you will marry Kathalin and there will be no more discussion. I will tell your parents of this conversation. You will do what they tell you to do; therefore, you will marry my daughter. Gates, forgive me for denying you but I have given you my reasons. I am… sorry.”
With that, he bolted from the room and hurried to the stairs leading down to the gatehouse entry. Gates was still on his knees, watching Jasper flee, his entire body wracked with pain. Behind him, Alexander spoke softly.
“I will go after him,” he said, moving for the door. “I will make him change his mind, Gates. You will see.”
Gates rocked back on his heels, exhaling long and deep. He was utterly, completely drained, feeling only the sting of Jasper’s refusal. Not that he hadn’t expected it, but still, the reality of it was almost too much to bear.
“Nay,” he said to Alexander before the man could leave. “Give him time before you do… he will only become angry with you and mayhap even rescind his offer of marriage.”
Alexander peered strangely at him. “I have already refused to marry her,” he said. “He cannot make me marry Kathalin if I do not want to.”
Gates looked up at him and the man’s eyes were swimming in tears. Great tears of emotion glimmered in the weak light from the fire.
“Nay,” he said again, his voice hoarse with emotion.
“If he will not allow me to marry her, then I would be comforted knowing that she was married to you. You… you will be good to her, won’t you?
She is a great and wonderful lady, Alex.
If I cannot have her, then I am comforted knowing you will take care of her.
I could not bear it if she married another. ”
Alexander gazed at him with grief and bewilderment.
He didn’t even know what to say so, confused, he said nothing.
Without another word, he left Gates’ chamber, following the path that Jasper had taken out of the gatehouse.
As Alexander’s footfalls faded down the steps, Gates struggled to his feet and made his way over to the lancet window overlooking the entry.
A cold breeze blew in his face, spilling the tears over his face, but Gates didn’t even notice.
All he could think and feel, at the moment, was the pain of Jasper’s denial, but he knew this would not be the last conversation they had on the topic.
He was going to compose himself and go after Jasper once more, finding a reason to give the man that would make him change his mind.
Their skirmish had been fierce and they had retreated to recover and regroup, but the battle was not over as far as Gates was concerned.
Not over in the least.