Chapter 5
Same Day . . .
*Angel of mine*
My eyes peel open as I register the last line of the ringtone I have set for Kelvin, and reality slams into me as what happened last night replays in my foggy mind.
An acute sense of loss settles within my extremities at the knowledge of my relationship crumbling before it could advance to more.
After such a short time, I should be able to snap out of the sunken place Kelvin’s deceit sent me, but the truth is betrayal has no time limit on its effects.
Lifting from the pillow, I register the crumpled sheets, alerting me that I didn’t sleep alone last night.
The thought of Zakai sends a slight current of adrenaline through my body until a frown slides in place upon registering his absence.
Looking down at my wrinkled dress and the confirmation of my thongs digging in my ass tells me that Zakai didn’t take advantage of me.
But all pleasure and warmth leave my body when my eyes return to the empty spot where the evidence of Zakai’s body had been.
Turning to look at the nightstand beside me, where my phone is, the absence of a note evokes a sense of loss that surges through me like water streaming down a creek.
Zakai had been extremely gentle with me, and his care while preventing me from nursing my broken heart is something I didn’t plan for.
Knowing he left without so much as a goodbye has the misery from last night haunting me even more.
Unchecked moisture slips from the corners of my eyes as I wrap my arms around my upper body, giving in to the despair I’m experiencing.
The Band-Aid that Zakai temporarily put on is now being ripped off simply because of his absence.
Knowing that another man had easily walked out on me within twenty-four hours is too much to bear.
Something within my foggy brain prompts me to lean over and grab my phone to check the time and what day it is.
6:09 A.M. Thursday. “Crap, it’s still a workday.
Why the hell did I let that man convince me to book a hotel on a non-weekend day? ”
The simple answer is love had made me blind to everything but the opportunity to reacquaint with my man.
You mean, her man.
That harsh comment has me texting my supervisor to call off sick as the tears streaming down my face increase in frequency.
That reminder has me wanting to fall into a sinkhole until the pain is gone.
I have always believed that women who messed with married men were soulless piranhas, and now someone could easily put me in that same category.
My shoulders sag with heaviness, and my heart aches for unknowingly falling into a group I’ve always despised.
Me:
Good morning. I’m sick and won’t be in today.
Joyce:
Oh no. Alright, sweetie. Feel better. See you on Monday.
My supervisor, Joyce, is one of the best bosses I’ve ever worked for, so her reply isn’t surprising.
As a public inquiries assistant, I can work from home.
But after what I’ve been through overnight, I don’t feel up to forcing myself to focus on work.
Now that I’ve taken care of that, I go to another thread and send a message.
Me:
SOS, bitches! I need y’all today. I’ve called off work because some shit went down. *crying emoji*
Before I can exit the group message between Jandra, Paula, and me, my phone vibrates with an incoming call.
“This mothafucka got a lot of nerve.” Seeing Kelvin’s name flashing on my screen instantly boils my blood as my temple vein pulses and my lip curls.
Hitting ignore on the call, I lock my phone and set it down on the bed before heading to the bathroom to shower and attend to my morning routine.
After showering, I put the dress back on sans panties, and it’s no longer presentable due to the wrinkles, since I didn’t have a chance to retrieve my spinnanight bag last night.
“Had that goofy—” Boisterous laughter escapes my mouth, cutting off whatever I was about to say when Zakai’s name for Kelvin leaves my mouth. A light feeling in my chest is the fuel I need to effortlessly leave this hotel within twenty minutes.
“I got Hennessy, Stella Rose, Don Julio, and Grey Goose because I’m not sure what type of time we need to be on,” Jandra says when I open my door a few hours later.
“Mhm. I have the white cheddar popcorn, roasted cashews, Doritos, and ingredients to make some chicken nachos,” Paula tells me, stepping in after Jandra while holding up several grocery bags full of stuff.
All I can do is smile while taking breaths to prevent my lips from trembling and the unshed tears from falling. Knowing that, despite it being the last day of the work week, my girls dropped everything to come see about me increases my vulnerability.
“I see the mist in your eyes. Bring your ass in this kitchen so you can tell us what the hell is going on. If I need to call Landon to make sure we have bail money in the account, tell me now,” Jandra says.
“That part. What they don’t have, my man and I do. Tell us what’s going on. I was in the middle of enjoying that newly committed dick when your text came through,” Paula interjects.
Paula Greathouse and I have been friends since we met in the fifth grade. She recently got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, Jasper, leaving me as the only single person in our three-person circle of friends.
Leading the way to my kitchen, I sigh and mentally prepare myself to regurgitate the destruction of my relationship with Kelvin.
Marriage and family are two things I desire to have, and now I’m no closer to obtaining them than I was before entering into a courtship that has proven to be a waste of time.
Not to mention how low I have been feeling since arriving home after an encounter with two men who left me broken on the same night.
“Kelvin is married.” The three words tumble from my lips like vomit a second after I cross the threshold of the kitchen.
Silence bounces around the room, which I don’t acknowledge right away, since my focus is on the small rectangular box on the counter.
Thanks to the lotion and softness of the two-ply paper, my face isn’t red and blotchy from the constant wiping I’ve been doing on and off since my arrival at home.
Between pacing and crying, I have been in a constant state of torment that I’m unsure how to pull myself out of.
This isn’t how I saw things going between Kelvin and me.
Then, to catch a glimpse of Zakai’s tenderness, only for him to disappear without a trace, has me feeling extremely raw.
“Run that back one time for the one time.” Paula’s voice forces me to turn and face her and Jandra, whose expression is clouded with anger.
“What do you mean, Kelvin is married?” Jandra asks in a harsh tone that has me swallowing over the lump in my throat.
Trust me, I would shave off my head continuously for a year if I could remove my knowledge of that truth from the chambers of my heart.
I take a few minutes to run everything down from the time I arrived at the hotel bar until his wife interrupted what was planned to be a great night welcoming my man back home.
“Where does he live?” Jandra asks once I’m done talking.
“Where does his mammy live?” Paula asks simultaneously.
Those two questions have me wishing the floor would open and swallow me up as my response feels like acid exiting my mouth.
“Good questions.” I shrug, realizing for the first time that I have never been to Kelvin’s place of residence. Wow. I really was the other woman, huh? This shit is crazy.
“See, this is the problem. Too many women don’t ask enough damn questions for me. Fuck that Stella Rose. We’re drinking Henny because I need Henny-thing to happen by nightfall,” Jandra says, walking to the cabinet where I keep my array of shot glasses.
My chest pinches at Jandra’s statement of truth because I should have never let Kelvin woo me into not obtaining more information about him. For six months, I dated that man and haven’t once been to the place where he lays his head. How the hell did I allow myself to be so damn foolish?
“It’s cool. I can text my cousin Ramzi and have him pick that nigga up on suspicion of being a bitch ass mothafucka. Women all across the state of Ohio should be aware that his snaggletoothed ass lives here and to cross the street if they see him in public,” Paula adds.
“Hell, at this point, I might need to see if I can shoot my shot with Ramzi. Is he still single?”
Girl, you better sit your hot ass down somewhere. This present bullshit should have you putting your pussy in the freezer until it gets frostbitten.
“Trust me, you don’t want those problems. The single men down at RPD are nothing but hos, and I love you too much to set you up like that, friend,” Paula says.
Shrugging, I dismiss the information and take the full shot glass Jandra is extending toward me. “I thought we’re supposed to start off with single shots. This looks like a triple.”
“After last night, we need to forget everything. Drink up, bitch,” Jandra tells me, handing Paula a glass before tossing hers back without another word, prompting me to do the same.
Either I’m immune to liquor or I’m too wound up to care about its effects, because I don’t flinch or anything as it courses down my throat. In fact, I hope it has the ability to calm my mind and body, allowing me to sleep easily tonight.
“Now that we have our first three drinks in us, I can tell y’all about the sexual chocolate that stepped in to either rescue or pity me after Kelvin left.” A lopsided grin upturns my lips, and tingles enter my body at the thought of Zakai.
“Aw, shit. You should have led with that,” Jandra says.
For the next couple of minutes, I retell what happened between Zakai and me from the bar up to my checking out of the hotel this morning.
“Okay. How many damn Fuck It Buckets did you consume that you didn’t realize that man left you high and dry?” Paula asks, frowning.
“Too many, and for that, I’m kicking my own ass because that man was something to behold,” I say.
“I bet, since you’re smiling and shit,” Jandra says, smirking.
I didn’t realize my reaction to the thought of Zakai until my bestie points it out, but I can’t help it.
Zakai had been the respite I needed to push through Kelvin leaving with the woman he’s been married to for a decade.
Men ain’t shit, and knowing that men selfishly drag unsuspecting women into their mess is beyond trifling.
“Well damn, that switched quickly. Your mind went to bitch ass Kelvin, didn’t it?” Paula asks.
“Yes.” I sigh before rolling my eyes.
I feel like I’ve been hit by a wrecking ball with my emotions because one minute, I’m good, and the next I want to fall into an abyss.
I wish somehow we as women had the ability to ignore the stinging in our chest and the hole in our hearts like men seem to be capable of.
No one prepares you for heartache or heartbreak, and I think it should come in a pamphlet like I got when preparing for puberty.
That author felt it necessary to provide instructions and information on becoming a woman, so surely some heartbroken woman should have done the same.
Letting another woman go through without a method to overcome is just cruel and unusual punishment.
“I think I’m going to write a book,” I say, taking the full shot glass from Jandra without rebuttal.
“What?” Paula smirks.
Taking the shot, I slam the glass on the island before providing more details to my expectant friends who are watching me closely.
“Mhm. Women need instructions on how to overcome and even avoid getting their hearts broken. At the end of it, I’m going to encourage them to run the lame ass man down with a plow.”
“It’ll be a bestseller too. Do it, bestie. I’ll even add a foreword.” Jandra cosigns before clicking glasses with Paula as they take their next shot.
A light feeling settles within my extremities as the liquor takes shape within my body. This is the cheat code that many women need after dealing with the aftermath of a man’s bullshit. I’m happy that my girlfriends are here aiding me in my recovery like only they can.