Chapter 17 Caziya
“Why did I let y’all talk me into morning and afternoon mimosas?” My eyes blink slowly as I stare at the ceiling in my living room.
Jandra, Paula, and I lay on the floor, which I’m grateful has carpet; otherwise, this would be uncomfortable. The three of us have been sipping mimosas since our impromptu brunch a few hours ago.
“A little drinking with friends is never worth apologizing for. I see no issues here,” Jandra says.
“No issues other than we might need to retreat to your bed and configure space for three,” Paula adds.
Giggles escape my mouth, and I can’t determine why, nor can I cut off the unnecessary humor.
“Oh goodness. Looks like you went too heavy with the champagne, P,” Jandra says.
Paula is our bartender designate, and she is heavy-handed, which means the alcohol content in any drink she makes is always more than it should be.
Today has been a melancholy and out-of-sorts type of day for me.
But I love that my friends, without knowing, pulled up at my apartment to spend time with me.
My mood may be why the drinks have continued to flow even after the brunch has been eaten.
“Yes, she did. But pour me a refill because I’m out,” I say and hold up my empty flute as my girls laugh hysterically.
“I know that’s right, bestie,” Jandra teases.
My mind reels as a thought pops in, and I snort before another round of giggles echoes around the room.
“What the hell is so funny, girl?” Paula asks.
“I’m tipsy as hell, and I’m supposed to be going on another date with my man tonight,” I say.
“Wait, what? Why did you let us come over here and wreck you with drinks if you knew this?” Paula’s tone is high-pitched, and all I can do is giggle despite her concern.
I have nothing to say because I can’t tell them that I needed the drinks and their company to numb me from what I can’t yet identify.
“Okay. Perhaps we should all take a nap so you can be well-rested for later. I’m pretty sure Paula and I will blow a breathalyzer if we leave now. So sleeping off this tipsy is what all of us should do,” Jandra says.
“Or we can pour up another refill, and Caziya can tell us about her upcoming date? Where is your man taking you tonight, girl?” Paula asks.
My mind goes to Zakai, and a warm grin forms when his handsome face surfaces, along with the feeling of being in his arms. After several sexual experiences and countless nights with me sleeping on Zakai’s broad yet masculine chest, it’s safe to say that I’m addicted to the feel of him.
“We’re going to some type of party that requires me to get dolled up. Maybe y’all can help me pick something out to wear so I’m not overthinking my attire.”
My phone rings and cuts off my suggestion that they assist me in deciding which of the three formal dresses I recently bought to wear this evening.
Unlike most parties, the one that Zakai is taking me to doesn’t start until eight and isn’t over until one in the morning.
I pat the floor for my phone and grimace when Rosetta’s name flashes on the screen.
My stomach tightens and sours which prevents me from swiping to answer the call.
I sigh when the rings cease, but my relief is short-lived when they start back up a second later.
“Let me find out that man is impatient,” Paula jokes.
“It’s uh Ros-Rosetta.” I stutter. I take a deep breath and swipe the green icon to accept the call. “Hel-hello.”
Rosetta calls so infrequently that whenever it happens, it throws me and my body off guard. Maybe this is the reason I have been out of it since waking up today. God was preparing me for this mental hiccup.
“Well, hello, Arleta dear,” Rosetta greets in a high-flatulent tone that instantly grinds my gears and increases my blood pressure.
This bitch! Lord, please give me strength. Guard my heart. Safeguard my mind.
Rosetta is the only one who calls me by my middle name, and I hate it with a passion. I’m not sure where she got the name from, but I wish she had chosen something else.
“Hi, Rosetta,” I say in a dry tone and roll my eyes hard enough for them to get stuck.
My gaze lands on Jandra, who gives me a mean glare, and I sit up before sitting Indian style. Paula stands and takes my flute before she heads to the kitchen to refill my beverage, already understanding the assignment.
“I think I’m coming in for a visit, so you need to clear your schedule for like a week or two. I mean, nothing or no one is more important than me anyway.”
Wait, what the hell?
I pull the phone from my ear and turn it over a couple of times before placing it back against my ear.
“I’m sorry. Can-uh—can you say that again?”
“Oh, stop being dramatic, Arleta. You heard me. Don’t you think it’s time I grace you with my remarkable presence? I shed the weight you forced me to gain, got a booty lift, and am dating someone new. My life is perfect, so I guess I need to let you see how well it’s been treating me.”
My eyes sting with unshed tears, and my brain stalls as I process the offensive and dismissive words coming from Rosetta’s lips.
I have lost count of how many years it’s been since Rosetta has been to the city or shown any interest in seeing me.
Rosetta has prevented me from seeing her on FaceTime or any social media platforms, so I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a lineup, even if it required saving my life.
Air and static in my ears make it difficult for me to focus on the words that continue to spill from Rosetta’s mouth.
My stomach rolls, my heartbeat becomes sluggish, and tingles enter my chest, which makes my breathing challenging.
“Alright, Arleta. I’m glad you got a chance to hear my voice. I’ll text you when I arrive.” With that, the call disconnects, and tears slip from the corners of my eyes as my brain freezes.
“Damn it. I should have taken her fucking phone the minute she uttered that bitch’s name.” Jandra’s voice sounds far away, yet I’m unable to respond or react.
I rock back and forth with my arms around my body as a chime from my phone has me clutching it tight enough to break.
It’s rare that Rosetta will call and text me within minutes, but with her, anything is possible.
When a second chime sounds, I unclench my hand while I lift the phone with shaky hands.
Zakai. Two new texts from Zakai are at the top of my screen, and my chest tightens before I sigh and open them.
Zakai:
Hey, Ziya. This is me missing you.
I can’t wait to see you put that shit on tonight. I’ll be there at seven fifteen. I’ll see you then.
“I-I-I—” My words get caught in my throat as Zakai’s cheery words hit me like a missile in my chest.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I type a reply that I can’t help but also causes an ache in my chest.
Me:
I’m so sorry. I have to cancel for tonight. I’m sick.
The lie rolls off my fingers more easily than I would like, but there’s no way I can tell Zakai about what’s going on.
So it seems easier to tell him about a fake illness than the truth.
I have shared a few details with him about Rosetta and her decision not to raise me.
But I didn’t give him any of the gory and painstaking information that still buckles my legs and fractures the chambers in my heart.
Today’s phone call has memories flooding through my mind, and I feel like I’m in a time warp of hell.
A single chime causes my eyes to zoom in on the new message from Zakai.
Zakai:
What’s wrong? Do I need to bring you something to get you right? Don’t worry about the party. I’m more concerned about you.
More water falls from my eyes at the concern and quick reply from Zakai as he tries to determine how to aid in my recovery.
My heart aches, and an intense pain spreads across my chest, causing me to rub circles around the area.
I type another response as heaviness settles in my stomach, and it flips in a violent spasm.
Me:
No. I don’t want you to get infected because it would impact Zakiyah, and that’s a non-starter for me. I’ll be okay. I’m just going to try to sleep it off.
Once my fingers stop gliding over the keys, I exit the thread, put my phone on do not disturb, and silence my ringtone before I lock the screen.
A sob from the pit of my belly makes its way out of my mouth nearly shifting my posture from its intensity.
The heaviness in my chest, knots in my stomach, and the inability to fill my lungs have me in a chokehold.
“Okay. Okay,” Jandra says before I feel her arms wrap around me.
The urge to sleep, drink, or numb the emotions coursing through my body becomes weighty the longer Jandra holds me.
I feel bad about not going through with the date Zakai had planned.
But right now, all I’m capable of is endless tears.
To most people, the call from Rosetta may not seem like a big deal.
But for me, it reminds me of her lack of maternal bone or concern for the life she brought into this world.
To know that the person who should love me first and most is the one who dismisses me and treats me like an inconvenient pimple, hurts like hell.
That thought has me pull back from Jandra to make a request.
“Ca-can I use your phone?” My voice is low and hoarse thanks to my emotional display.
I don’t want to intercept Zakai’s reply or any other messages, so using Jandra’s phone is imperative, which will allow me to retreat into myself as I need.
“Of course.” Jandra stands and walks to the couch before she retrieves her phone.
With the years of friendship between Jandra and me, it’s easy for me to scroll through her contacts in search of a name that’s tied to me. Once I reach the desired person, I click the phone icon and put the phone to my ear.
“Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise. How are you, suga?”
“It’s me, Auntie,” I say on a broken cry that Aunt Emmy instantly responds to.
“What’s wrong, Bunny, and why are you calling from Jandra’s phone instead of yours?”
My breath hitches, and my lip trembles as I wipe my moist face while I take a couple of seconds to gather myself to answer. I take a breath and nod despite Aunt Emmy’s inability to see me.
“Um, I got a call from Rosetta not too long ago, and uh—I don’t know how to handle the things she continues to say. It’s like she purposely sets out to destroy me. I’m so tired, Auntie.” My words become stuck in my mind when Rosetta’s words resurface and sting harder than the initial spew allowed.
“Lord, have mercy. Father in the name—now God, I’ve been trying to show mercy, grace, and patience.
But if this hussy continues to hurt my baby, I’m gonna forget that vengeance is yours.
I know that you can repay better than I can.
But God, this loose neck, soulless trollop doesn’t know when to stop tap dancing on my nerves.
” Aunt Emmy might be speaking into the receiver, but from her words, I know she’s not talking to me directly.
I also know from the loud clanging in the background that Aunt Emmy’s patience might be on its last thread.
For the first time since the call with Rosetta ended, the tightness in my chest lets up a smidge.
It helps me to know that Aunt Emmy has been my advocate my entire life.
She’s the holy hood Auntie that will pray while putting her hands on a person.
She’s the rescue I’m grateful for having for thirty years.